by Kyle Andrews
After three days in the Campus, Collin offered to have someone take Dor back home. Of course, he'd warned her about going. He told her that the authorities weren't likely to just forget about her escape. He wanted her to know that she wasn't a prisoner with Freedom, but he also didn't hide the fact that she really had no choice in being there. And she got it. At least, she seemed to. She didn't speak enough for him to know for sure, but she was still there days after he made that offer, and she was still alive.
Collin couldn't help but imagine what this girl was feeling. She hadn't come to Freedom like most people, slowly realizing the truth over time. She'd been grabbed off of the street and forced to choose between authorities who wanted to lock her away, and group of people that she'd always been taught to fear. She was just trying to survive, but Collin wanted more for her. He wanted her to understand that everything that the authorities had ever promised her was a lie. He wanted her to see the truth.
As he sat there, trying to figure out how to explain such a large and intimidating concept to a child, an old children's story popped into his head. It was something that seemed to fit the situation, if only in some vague way.
“Did you ever hear the story of Hansel and Gretel?” he asked Dor.
The girl shook her head. It didn't surprise him, since most fairy tales were strictly monitored. When the public library did make them available, they were edited beyond use. After joining Freedom, he had come across a collection of hand-written copies of the classic stories, which had most likely been written from someone's memory, long before he was born. He read as many as he could, admiring the strange and somewhat twisted ways in which the authors of those stories decided to deliver their moral lessons. The thing about those stories was that they stuck with a person, and so the lesson stuck with that person as well.
He started telling Dor the story. The poor man and his wife who decided to leave his two children in the woods to die, because they couldn't afford to feed the entire family. The first time they tried it, Hansel used stones from their garden to lead the way home, much to the dismay of his step-mother. So, the second time they tried to leave the kids in the woods, the woman nailed the window shut so that Hansel couldn't sneak out and collect stones. Instead, he tried using breadcrumbs, but the birds ate them and Hansel and Gretel were lost in the woods for days.
Dor was watching Collin as though he were a TV as he told this story, which he found amusing. He continued, telling her about how the two children were desperate when they came across a house in the woods, made of bread and candy. When he got to that part, Dor looked a little puzzled.
“I know,” Collin told her. “It's completely impractical. But that's how the story goes.”
So, he went on and told her how the kids started eating and eating, ripping off chunks of the house and stuffing their bellies, believing that this was the answer to all of their wishes. But there was a witch who lived in the house, who preyed upon the wishes of children like Hansel and Gretel. She locked Hansel in a cage and tried to fatten him up, because when the time came and he was nice and plump, that witch planned to eat him.
“Which is apparently what witches do,” he told Dor with a shrug. “The witch told Gretel to fire up the oven. Gretel played dumb and told the woman that she couldn't do it, so the witch pushed her aside and showed her how it was done. When the witch was close to the oven, Gretel pushed her inside and locked the door. The witch burned to death.”
Wrapping up his story, Collin added, “Then the kids looted her place and went home fat and rich.”
When he was done telling Dor the story, she was looking at him as though he were insane. She had no idea why he was telling her this story or what she was supposed to take from it, and she'd never even been taught how to look for the meaning of the story.
“There's a lesson in there somewhere,” Collin told her, smiling at the look on her face.
Dor thought about it for a moment and then asked, “Are you the witch?”
“No,” Collin replied, perhaps a bit too defensively. “The authorities are the witch.”
She gave him a doubtful look and then fell silent for a moment, thinking the story over. Then she looked at him again and said, “Tell me another one.”
20
Years earlier, Uly told Justin that when he first got involved with Freedom, he became paranoid. He thought that he would be discovered and arrested. He thought that even though he followed all of the proper procedures for entering the Garden, he would be followed back to the base and get everyone else arrested.
He told Justin that he suddenly had something important in his life. Something that was his responsibility to protect. His secret. As time passed, he grew more accustomed to being a member of Freedom. The secret became the norm and his paranoia over being discovered began to subside.
Walking back to the Garden for the first time since Libby's death, Justin remembered Uly's story. He wondered if maybe Uly should have remained paranoid, but it wouldn't have done any good. Who could have expected that random DNA scan to be Uly's downfall?
Justin had spent days being the subject of whispers at school. People were watching him. Willa had been determined to expose him. People were waiting for a chance to point their finger at him and speak his name to HAND, all so that they could get some hollow words of praise from a politician who they all loved and admired. A politician who couldn't have cared less about them.
When he decided that it was time to go back to the Garden, Justin was absolutely paranoid. He wasn't going to give those people their opportunity to turn him in, but he also wasn't about to sacrifice the life that he'd built for himself in the Garden. He wasn't going to run and hide in his government-provided apartment, eating cans of processed chemicals with a touch of artificial food flavoring in them. He wasn't going to turn his back on the cause, and he certainly wasn't going to abandon his dog.
For some reason, Ammo was the one thing that he wanted to see the most when he got back to the Garden. He just wanted to wrap his arms around that big lovable beast and hold onto him for as long as Ammo would tolerate.
Comfort was the thing that Ammo was best at. The dog was about as useful for defense as an old dirty rag, but when things got hard, Ammo was always there. He could sense when Justin was upset and he would walk to wherever Justin was sitting and put his head in Justin's lap. If Justin were standing, he'd walk over and lean against Justin, tongue hanging out and big brown eyes looking up as he waited for some attention.
The dog didn't know anything about Freedom or the system. He didn't know anything about the fight that was going on around him. All he knew was that he was Justin's best friend, and all he wanted in the world was to do that job well. Justin didn't have to think about trusting him. He didn't have to worry what Ammo would think of him at any given moment. There was no worry of letting Ammo down. All Ammo expected from Justin was a belly rub.
Everyone else in the Garden was great. They were kind people. They were loyal to the cause. They were Justin's friends. But every human being expects something from the people they know. Even if they never said it out loud, Justin felt it. When he saw those people, he felt as though he owed them something. He wasn't sure what he owed them exactly, and he was more than willing to give whatever he could. There was no resentment toward those people, but his relationship with Ammo didn't have that burden.
He circled the block where his apartment was located five times, keeping an eye on his surroundings and making sure that he wasn't being followed before he finally moved toward the Garden. Uly used to do this when he first started out in Freedom.
Once he was in the neighborhood that led to the Garden, Justin looked from face to face, at all of the junkies and thugs who happened to roam the area from time to time. Whether any of them knew about the Garden, Justin didn't know. They weren't the types of people who wanted HAND in their faces, otherwise they wouldn't be spending their time in that part of town.
Justin looked for anyone who didn't
seem to belong. Anyone who looked a little too polished, or a little too well fed. Anyone who didn't look as though they'd be at home with a needle sticking out of their arm.
He walked through several of the abandoned buildings in that part of town, upstairs and downstairs, listening closely for any footsteps behind him. Your run of the mill mugging wouldn't have been completely unexpected, but nobody bothered with Justin that day. Maybe he had a look in his eye that warned them to back off, because he was a raw nerve, and even he wasn't sure how he would have responded to a mugger.
Finally, when he was convinced that the coast was clear, Justin made his way through the abandoned bank and toward the Garden.
He was nervous. It didn't feel as though he were going home. It felt as though he were walking into the unknown. He didn't know what to expect when he got there. He wasn't sure whether he would be welcomed with open arms or if people would blame him for allowing Libby to be killed. She was important. She had a library of information inside of her. She was essential to the future of the cause. He should have protected her, but he didn't. People had to blame him for allowing her to die.
When he went through the secret entrance, he was met with a sorrowful expression from Wally, who was standing watch by the entrance.
Wally opened his mouth when he saw Justin, as though he wanted to say something, but no words came out. He just shut his mouth once again and shook his head.
Justin nodded his understanding. There were no words that could sum up this situation or express the emotions behind it. He'd spent nearly a week trying to figure out exactly how he felt about all of it and he still couldn't put his finger on it. Half the time he just wanted to sit in a dark room. The other half, he wanted to charge City Hall with all sorts of weaponry that he didn't even have access to. He eventually decided that neither would be a winning strategy.
In the tunnels that led to the Garden, Justin saw familiar faces here and there. They looked at him and nodded a quick hello before turning away and getting back to whatever it was that they had to do. Either they were incredibly busy or they didn't want to make small-talk. Either way was just fine with Justin.
When he entered the Garden, he didn't stop to see who was watching him. He kept his head down and tried not to slow down too much. Oddly enough, it was the same tactic that he'd used to make sure that he wasn't being followed on his way into the Garden.
“Justin!” Rose called from the other side of the lobby, killing any chance of him making his way through the place without being noticed.
He closed his eyes as he stopped walking. Without looking, he could feel every eye in the place turning toward him and he didn't want to see it.
Rose rushed to his side and wrapped her arm around his. They started walking, with Rose leading.
“How are you holding up?” she asked him, sounding neither overly sympathetic nor uncaring.
“I'm fine.”
“Fine fine? Or just, like... you're fine?”
“Those are all the same word.”
“But they don't mean the same thing,” Rose insisted. She was trying to be a good friend, but Justin wasn't sure what his role in this conversation was supposed to be, so he didn't respond.
“Look,” Rose said, “I know that things are rough right now. They actually kinda suck. And by that, I mean that they really damn suck. I just want you to know that you have a friend to talk to if you need it.”
“I appreciate it.”
“Now that that's out of the way, you should probably go see Amanda. She's locked up in this place and I'm trying to convince her that she's not a prisoner, but if we're being completely honest, I'm pretty sure she fits the definition. But it might make things better if she sees a friendly face. Which is you.”
Justin looked over at Rose and his expression must have been less than enthusiastic because Rose cringed and said, “Okay, you need to work on your friendly face.”
“I'm really tired, Rose. I just want to see Ammo and relax for a while.”
“Ammo. Right.”
The way she said those words made Justin think that something was wrong. He stopped walking and said, “You have been feeding him, right?”
“Yeah. Me and a couple of the kids have been taking care of him, when we can find him. Which hasn't been often.”
“What do you mean?” Justin asked. Ammo enjoyed attention. He was always with someone, even when Justin wasn't there.
“I mean, he comes for food and walks when he really has to but then he wanders off.”
“Wanders where?”
Rose shrugged and said, “I've looked. I just can't find him.”
Justin suddenly felt more annoyed than he had all week, which was saying something. The one thing that he thought he could rely on without fail when he returned to the Garden was suddenly becoming another crisis that he would need to deal with.
“Thanks, Rose. I'll find him.”
“And Amanda?”
Justin closed his eyes as tightly as he could and rubbed his forehead with his hand. Why he ever thought this would help relieve his stress, he didn't know. It didn't. So he opened his eyes and took a deep breath before saying, “I'll deal with it.”
“Great,” Rose smiled. “And Aaron wanted to see you whenever you showed up too. So you might want to touch base with him.”
Justin's left eye started to twitch. He was certain that it would be incredibly noticeable to Rose, but she didn't seem to spot it.
With a nod, Justin said, “I will go and see Aaron after I take care of Ammo. Then I'll go see Amanda.”
“Great.”
“Anything else?”
“Nope. I just want to make sure that you're really okay and you're not just faking it.”
“I'm fine. I've lost friends before.”
Rose didn't respond. She just nodded and turned to walk away.
Before she could get very far, Justin said, “Hey Rose?”
She stopped and turned back.
“Are you okay?” he asked.
Something washed over her face. Not quite any one expression, but a look of heaviness. If he had to guess, he would have said that something was going on with her. He would have said that she needed to talk and he would have pushed the matter a little bit.
But Rose shook her head just slightly and told him, “Right as rain.”
She turned away and started walking once again, giving him no time to figure out what was bothering her. He made a note in his head to check up on her before he left, but he had other things to deal with, so he let her leave.
Justin turned his attention to finding Ammo before Aaron heard that he was back and insisted on speaking with him.
There were some spots in the Garden that Ammo usually loved. Justin started with the flower room. The place was lined from wall to wall with flowers, growing in pots that were close enough to the ground for Ammo to lie down next to, surrounding himself with as close an approximation as possible to a field outside. Justin assumed that Ammo liked the smell of the place. Every once in a while, he would hop into one of the boxes that was full of grass and start rolling around like a crazy dog. The kids loved it. The gardeners loved it much less.
But Ammo wasn't in the flower room, so Justin moved on to the next spot on his list. It was one of the classrooms where young children were taught. These were the kids whom the authorities never knew about. Kids with parents who had been in Freedom since before their children were born, so they were never entered into the system. They were blessed with that certain amount of freedom, but cursed by their inability to ever be a part of the outside world. Even the corrupted world had something to offer. Walking down the crowded street on a snowy day, feeling the breeze on your face. Sitting on a bench, watching the people walk past and hearing bits and pieces of their conversations.
To those kids, nobody in the Garden was a stranger. Fresh air was a rarity. Ammo was a ray of sunshine for them. They loved to play with him, and the dog was remarkably tolerant of their squi
shing his face and climbing all over him.
But Ammo wasn't there either.
He wasn't in the basement, looking for scraps of food from the cooks. He wasn't sitting by the front entrance, waiting to go for a walk. He wasn't circling around anyone's legs because it was close to feeding time.
Each time Ammo wasn't in one of his spots, Justin grew just a little bit more nervous. Something wasn't right. The dog wasn't behaving like himself. Was he sick? Would this be yet another name that Justin would have to add to the list of dead friends?
His stomach was tying itself in knots. At every turn, he expected to find Ammo slumped on the floor, not breathing. Or maybe one of the kids would tell him that they let Ammo outside through one of the back entrances and he never came back. There were too many ways to lose a friend and the more time went by, the more Justin prepared himself for that inevitable moment when the reality of the situation would be thrown at him.
He'd checked everywhere that he could think of and Ammo was nowhere to be found. Justin had even seen Aaron at one point and he probably should have gone to see the man in charge of the Garden, but he turned away. He didn't want to deal with those issues yet. He had to find his dog.
Finally, Justin found himself walking down every hallway that he could find, looking through each door that he came across, searching blindly. He wasn't paying attention to where he was going, he just walked.
When he finally stopped and took a look at what was around him, he realized that he was in a place where he really didn't want to be. It was one of the residential hallways, where those who lived inside of the Garden had whatever small amount of space had been granted to them.
It was where Libby lived for the last month of her life.
Justin could see the door to her room, just down the hallway. It was open, just enough for a dog to slip in and out of. It was a place where Ammo had spent some time, and Justin knew that he had to check that room, but he couldn't bring himself to move.