“Living here just makes you fat, trust me. It doesn’t solve any problems with men. Or with best friends. That’s Sam, right? She’s the photographer?”
I nodded. Sam, Addi, Mandy, and I had been going to Bite Me! for our weekly girls’ night for a few weeks. One of Addi’s teacher friends brought cupcakes into school and Addi suggested it when Mandy needed a location to hide from Xander one night. We all fell in love with the place at first bite and decided we’d meet there every week.
Getting to know Charlie little by little had been a nice bonus. She was as sweet as her cupcakes, but she was usually stuck behind the counter while we hung out. She was always happy to see us, but it was hard to sit so close and not involve her in our conversations.
We all seemed to instinctively know Charlie would become one of our good friends. Addi was usually the first of our group there so she had gotten to know Charlie better than the rest of us, but we all liked her. I always found it easier to trust other women who were overweight like me, something about them not being as likely to be backstabbing bitches as the skinny ones I hung out with in high school. It was a huge mark in the plus column for Charlie, second only to her cupcakes.
“Yes, Sam is a photographer. And as cute as they come. She could be in front of the camera for how gorgeous she is.”
Lexi ran an appreciative eye over Sam’s casual look of fitted jean capris, a cheetah print short sleeved top, and her flowing chestnut colored hair. Her red rimmed glasses outlined her rich brown eyes and sent her from pretty to a smart girl fantasy.
As long as you liked a little extra meat on your bones.
Sam was the same size 20 as me, but I always envied how much better she wore it. When I looked at her, I saw a stunning woman who was always pulled together. In contrast, my mirror only showed a fat woman.
Some things just weren’t fair.
“I don’t know. She’s very pretty, but it isn’t like you’re horrible. You’ve got a great smile and a really friendly face. Just ask Charlie, I don’t usually talk to strangers, but you have one of those faces that makes me want to confess all my secrets. Plus, you’re just as attractive as your friend. But none of that really matters. What matters is your friend has only looked at her when she’s dragged his attention away from you. It’s clear he’s smitten,” Lexi told me, breaking through my pity party.
I glanced back over and caught Aidan watching me. He flashed me a brilliant smile before Sam managed to get his attention again and I noticed the light faded from his eyes just a bit when he looked at her. Maybe Lexi was right, maybe he wasn’t into Sam.
I turned back to my cupcake, just to keep my mouth busy. I never knew how to accept compliments and having a woman as confident and beautiful as Lexi tell me she liked me was almost as earth-shattering as if Aidan said I was his dream woman.
“Don’t look now, but your hottie is coming to get you,” Charlie whispered.
Reflex had me turning toward Aidan, watching him come closer with each deliberate step in my direction. His eyes were locked on mine and I saw a mixture of annoyance and desire in them. My breath swept from me as I realized both were for me, and I had no idea what to do about either.
When he reached me he pinned me between his arms, resting his hands on the counter at my back. He leaned into me and kissed my cheek then nuzzled against my ear. He whispered, “I came here to spend time with you, not your friends. They’re nice, but I’m here for you.”
A gasp escaped my lips, both from the closeness of his lips and the intimacy of his words. Maybe a little because he didn’t sound the least bit interested in Sam either.
Aidan backed away from me enough to look into my eyes, his own blazing, making my mouth dry. His hand reached around me and came back with my cinnamon roll cupcake, the one I’d just been eating. He took a big bite, leaving his own teeth marks right next to mine.
The cream cheese icing clung to his lips as he closed his eyes and ate the bite he’d taken. My tongue darted out to lick my own lips, wishing I could just lean in and lick the cream cheese from his, wondering what it would taste like on him. His pink tongue slid out and pulled the icing from his lips into his mouth and he moaned as though it was the best thing he’d ever had.
Chances were it was.
“I see why you come here. That's amazing,” he murmured, close enough to me that I could feel his breath on my face, the scent of cinnamon drifting over me.
“Charlie is the owner. She makes all these cupcakes. And that’s her friend Lexi,” I told him with a nod toward them. I risked a look at my friends and found both their jaws resting on the floor as they watched Aidan continue to devour my cupcake while keeping me pinning against him.
After two more bites my cupcake was gone. A part of me was annoyed that he never offered me another bite, but watching him eat it was well worth the price of the cupcake. Aidan licked the last of the icing from his fingers then finally turned to Charlie and Lexi. “It’s nice to meet you both. You’re amazing at this. How about two more of whatever I just ate so I can replace Claire’s and have another for myself?”
Charlie nodded, as baffled by the entire situation as I was, and went to get the two cupcakes Aidan requested. He turned his smile on Lexi. “Do you work here, too?”
Lexi shook her head. “I’m the Vice President of Lean Manufacturing at EAAC Pigments. Charlie and I took a management class together a few years ago. We hit it off and have been good friends since.”
Aidan nodded appreciatively and I gawked at Lexi. I had no idea she was so smart and powerful. Shit, VP? I was standing there talking to a VP and acting like we were old friends. I knew she had to think I was a fool.
“I don’t usually tell people what I do until they get to know me because they look at me like Claire is. I’m just a regular person who’s done well in my career because I’m not afraid to boss the men around,” she laughed politely. I worked to drop the panic from my face and knew she was right. I liked her. I couldn’t judge her just because she was smart. It wasn’t fair to her, or to me. I could always use another friend.
Charlie handed Aidan the box with two cupcakes in it and he handed her his credit card. Still pinned between by him I had choice but to appreciate the flex in his arm as he reached across the counter, his feet never moving from where he had me captive.
And I finally realized I wasn’t afraid.
The last time I was pinned by a man was the worst moment of my life. But being there with Aidan, I knew I trusted him more than I perhaps wanted to admit to even myself.
Four
Aidan pulled one of the new cupcakes from the box Charlie handed him and held it up before me. I looked at him, wondering if he really meant for me to take a bite or if he was simply trying to hand it to me.
I reached up for the cupcake but he shook his head at me, his eyes widening slightly when my tongue swiped across my lips. I leaned toward him and took a bite from the cupcake in his fingers. He smiled at me then put the cupcake to his own lips, taking the bite next to mine.
I nearly choked as he watched me and I watched him. I’d never experienced something so innocent that seemed so sensual and… hot. When he offered me the cupcake again my lips opened all on their own so I could take another bite. Aidan’s eyes widened when my lips closed over his finger and I worked to not bite him, but I knew that wasn’t what he was thinking.
He popped the last bite in his mouth, his eyes locked on mine as he sucked the finger that was just in my mouth. My panties dampened and my knees shook as I watched him. I’d never wanted a man to give me that sort of treatment but for some reason, I could imagine Aidan making me scream.
And boy, did I want him to try.
I’d thought for a while that something was wrong with me. Maybe I was broken and just couldn’t enjoy sex. Of course being raped as a teenager doesn’t help your excitement toward sex. That’s what my therapist always said.
But standing in a crowded bakery, my new friends watching Aidan feed me cupcakes, all
I could think about was how good he could make me feel. And how worth the risk he might be.
When Aidan pulled out the second cupcake he took the first bite. He held it to me without a word and I took a bite. He watched my lips as I chewed and my eyes drifted closed, enjoying the glorious flavors and the feel of the sexy man pressed against my body. I knew he was enjoying himself too, that or he had a gun in his pocket.
Aidan took another bite then held up the last of the cupcake to me. He cocked his eyebrow at me, daring me to take it. I knew what it meant. I knew what he wanted. I knew what I wanted.
I wanted to lick his fingers clean. And not just because they were covered in icing.
I closed my eyes, unable to look into his, and let my mouth fall open. His fingers drifted between my lips, preceded by the last bite of our cupcake. I wrapped my tongue around the bite and pulled it free from his fingers then ran my tongue over the pads of his fingers, wondering what he’d done to make them so rough, and sexy. I always loved a man who knew how to work with his hands.
I swirled my tongue around the tips of his finger and thumb, drawing every last bit of icing from him, then let my teeth close against the pads, nipping his skin. His soft moan tore through me and my eyes flashed open to meet his, full of need and pleasure. The same thing I’d see if I looked in a mirror.
Gently I pulled back from Aidan and he slid his fingers from my mouth. He looked down at my mouth as if he was trying to decide what to do. A small sound escaped either Charlie or Lexi and we both turned toward them.
Embarrassment flooded me when I took in the shocked looks on their faces. “Uh, excuse me a minute,” Aidan mumbled then took off for the bathroom at the back of the store.
Without him keeping me pressed into the counter I nearly fell over. I closed my eyes and tried to regain my equilibrium but I only saw Aidan’s soft brown eyes.
“I’m going to need to call Mike when I leave here,” Lexi murmured aloud, still watching me.
“Who’s Mike?” I asked, desperate to change the subject.
“Mike’s my friend… with benefits. We help each other relieve stress and tension and after watching the two of you and those cupcakes I’m feeling a whole lot of tension. I need to get some tonight, and he’s not going to have to work hard for it. Shit, the two of you almost burned a hole in my panties. I don’t know how you’re still standing there.”
“It wasn’t like that…” I tried to protest, but I knew it was. It was the sexiest thing I’d ever experienced. It was something that made me wonder what I’d been missing all this time, and gave me the desire to go after it.
To go after him.
“Yeah, it was exactly like that. I wish I had a Mike to call because I’m going to be frustrated for days after watching that. I thought you said you guys were just friends?” Charlie said. She wasn’t accusatory about it, just confused. No judgement, which I needed. She cared. It felt good.
“We were just friends. We have been for years. He’s been asking me out but I never thought he was serious.”
“Oh, he’s serious,” Lexi interrupted emphatically.
“I see that now. He told me this morning he would make his intentions more clear in the future.”
“He’s certainly making it clear,” Lexi teased.
I looked back toward the bathrooms and saw him coming out, a serious look in his eyes before he stared at his feet. When he finally looked up his eyes met mine and he smiled. A smile that told me I was the most important person in the room. That I was the one he wanted to look at. I was the one who made him grin like the happiest man on the planet.
“Yeah, it’s pretty clear,” I said to Lexi, not able to take my eyes off Aidan.
When Aidan reached my side he nuzzled into my ear again and kissed my racing pulse point. His easy affection was doing something to me, something that I didn’t know how to handle. Something that I knew I would like if I let him keep going.
Instead I dragged him and Lexi back to the table of my friends. I introduced Lexi around to everyone and she winked at me when she took the seat next to Sam. I smiled a secret smile but it was quickly erased when Aidan tugged me down onto his lap. “I’ll crush you,” I argued before I sat.
“You’ll crush me if you don’t sit, please. I can hold you, Claire.”
I gave in to his sweet words and gingerly sat on his legs. He turned me to the side so most of my weight was on his right leg and I was facing Mandy and Xander. Mandy raised her eyebrows at me and smiled, silently giving her approval of whatever was going on with Aidan.
Too bad I didn’t have a clue.
My friends talked around me, getting to know Lexi and talking about their worlds. Addi was finally off for the summer and was spending her days helping Sam with her photography and hanging out at the beach. Addi was telling Sam and Lexi about the eye candy she’d seen at the beach and they all agreed to go together one day.
I smiled at the scene around me. I was sitting on the lap of a very cute man, sharing an afternoon with my closest friends, and eating delicious cupcakes. I didn’t think it could get any better than that.
As the conversation continued around me I lost track of what everyone was saying. Aidan’s hand was drifting up and down along my spine, gently caressing me. He wasn’t touching my bare skin, but I felt his fingers all the way through to my bones. As they liquified and I melted in his arms, I knew I needed to go. I needed to get out.
Before I was too far in to stop whatever was going on.
I jumped up quickly, shocking everyone.
“I need to head home. I, uh, I’ll see you guys later,” I stammered, ready to run. Mandy shot me a concerned look before glaring at Aidan. I gave a small shake of my head so she knew he didn’t do anything wrong. Her gaze softened but she still looked worried. Before she could snag me I turned and bolted for the door, waving to Charlie as I walked out.
Once I was outside I took a deep breath. The panic I’d felt started to dissipate and I finally felt like I could think clearly, even though I was still confused as hell.
One minute I was perfectly happy sitting with Aidan, talking with my friends, enjoying the day. The next I was losing it simply because he was touching me.
My demons ran deep and I was obviously not over them. I didn’t know if I’d ever be over them, but I knew I wanted to be. I wanted to be like Sam and flirt with Aidan. I wanted to be like Lexi and enjoy sex. I wanted to be like Addi and appreciate men. I wanted to be like Mandy and let myself be loved.
I just didn’t know if I could do any of it.
I heard my name behind me before I turned the corner. Something told me Aidan would come after me. Even though I wasn’t playing a game with him, and never would, I was privately thrilled that he’d followed me.
My footsteps slowed as his sped up, running to catch up to me. When he reached my side he didn’t touch me, didn’t stop me, didn’t look at me. He just walked beside me in silence, giving me time to process.
Giving me a chance to remember he was my friend first, before whatever was going on between us.
As we walked back to my apartment our fingers bumped and our bodies touched. His hip glided against mine and my shoulder nudged his bicep. And eventually our fingers found one another’s and held on, weaving together like a complicated fabric.
At my door Aidan waited for me to unlock it and grab Brownie’s leash. We walked back down the stairs and over to the dog run, still hand in hand. Brownie waited while I unhooked his leash then tore off across the yard, finding a spot to relieve himself then seeking out his stick from earlier.
Aidan squeezed my fingers and I finally looked up at him. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have treated you that way and I apologize for making you uncomfortable,” he said, sorrow and regret in his eyes.
Baffled, I stared at him. He couldn’t possibly think I was mad at him, did he?
“I’m not mad at you. You know that right?”
Aidan’s eyes narrowed briefly then he looked away. He took h
is hand from mine and walked a few feet away. “Why did you leave? If it wasn’t because you were mad at me, what was it?”
I blew out a breath, unsure how to explain what I didn’t even understand. How could I make him see that what was happening was scaring me, because I didn’t trust myself to make smart decisions with him. I didn’t know how to handle myself and the feelings he was dragging out of me. I wanted him like I’d never wanted anyone in my life. Ever. And it scared the shit out of me.
“I don’t date. Like ever. I have very little experience with men and I don’t know how to do this. You seem so comfortable with everything and it’s a bit overwhelming for me.”
Aidan turned back to me and stepped closer. He lifted his big, strong hands to my face and cupped my cheeks more gently than I ever thought could be possible. His brown eyes stared into my green ones and he took a deep breath. For a second I thought he was going to kiss me. Even to the point where my tongue swept across my lips to prepare for his mouth on mine.
I realized with sudden clarity that I wanted him to kiss me. I hoped he would. My lips were tingling in anticipation of meeting his. When his lips parted my eyes drifted closed and I waited, my breath suspended in my lungs.
“I’m only comfortable because it’s you,” Aidan said. My eyes flashed open and his face was only inches from mine. His words washed over me with the breath from his lips and I smiled. “I’m not a serial dater. In fact I haven’t been out on many dates at all since I met you because I always compared other women to you. That isn’t fair and I don’t mean to sound like I’m laying all this on you. I just want you to understand that I’m not here because I’m trying to play you. I’m here because I genuinely like you.”
How was I supposed to respond to something like that? This man was someone I’d known for years, shared lunches and dinners with, he knew how I liked my coffee and I knew how he liked his, we picked on each other, complained about life and work, and I had no idea he was so sweet and romantic.
Lush & Lovely (Big & Beautiful Book 2) Page 3