“Your uncle is certain someone inside the company is selling information, but that’s not why I’m here. You have to come back to Denver with me.”
“I can’t go until after the shipment, in two weeks.”
“He won’t be alive if you wait that long.” Lucas paused in the act of taking a sip from his coffee, his eyes locked with Harry’s.
“He’s dying then?” he asked simply.
“Yes, and he knows it. You’re all he has, and even though I know he would never tell you this, he would rather lose that gold shipment than die without seeing you again. I know he’s been hard on you, but he loves you.”
“Hell, he’s been hard on everybody his whole life,” Lucas said, trying to control the emotion that threatened to choke the words in his throat. “If he hadn’t been tough on me too, I’d have thought he didn’t like me.” They sat in silence for several moments, Lucas remembering the man whose larger-than-life personality had shaped the years of his youth and early maturity.
“How much longer does he have?”
“We ought to leave with the first stage in the morning.”
“I’ll leave at daylight on horseback. I have an extra mount if you want to come with me.”
The older man smiled. There’s nothing about me that lends itself to being astride a horse.”
There are times when I wonder how you ever managed to survive out here, or why you even tried.”
“Your uncle is the only one who could have gotten me out here or pulled me through. Now if you have no objection, I’m going to make use of that bed Mrs. Simpson offered me.” He paused and studied Lucas with added concentration. “Did you mean what you said earlier, about asking her to be your wife?”
“Yes, but she hasn’t agreed yet.”
“A widow, mmmh. Does she know who you are?”
“She’s not a widow, and she doesn’t know who I am,” Anderson’s eyebrows rose in question, and Lucas chuckled. “Her fiancé died before they could be married. She knew the company wouldn’t allow her to take over the station in her own name, so she came out here, told everyone she was married, and that her husband would follow in a few days.”
“Rather enterprising young woman. Quite nice-looking too. I think your uncle would approve.” Lucas gave a shout of laughter.
“They’d fight like dogs for the first five years and end up being crazy about each other.” He suddenly sobered. “At least they would if they could have had the chance.” He stood up abruptly and emptied his coffee cup in the sink. “I’ll see you in the morning. I’ve got things to do before I go to bed.”
But Lucas paused on the porch steps. He had known his uncle was dying, but now he realized he had never faced the reality of his death. Somehow he had always assumed it would be sometime, but never now. He supposed it was because Max Barrow was the only relative he had left in the world. Oh, he supposed there were some kinfolk left in Texas—his mother had brothers and sisters after all—but he didn’t know them and they might as well not exist for all he felt a part of them. Carrie was the only family he had left now.
He started toward the cabin. It was odd that even though she had not yet agreed to marry him, he already thought of her as part of his family. And he was right about Uncle Max. He would not approve of Carrie and her newfangled ideas about female independence. He was a firm believer in the superiority of men, and just as firm a believer that a woman’s one and only place was in the home. Maybe it was because he’d been familiar with so many whores and saloon floozies, but Uncle Max would not compromise on what he saw as the rightful sphere for a proper lady.
When Harry told him his uncle was dying, Lucas thought briefly of taking Carrie to Denver with him, but he had just as quickly cast it aside. Neither of them was likely to sit quietly and keep his opinion to himself, especially his uncle. And once Uncle Max had had his say, Carrie was bound to let him know that she thought, and then the fat would be in the fire. It would end with Lucas having to take sides, and that was something he could not do. As sad as it was, the two most important people in his life could never meet.
His step quickened when he saw Carrie waiting for him on the porch.
“Bad news?” she asked apprehensively. She had known from the beginning it would be.
“My uncle is dying. I have to leave for Denver first thing in the morning.”
“When will you be back?” What she wanted to ask was would he be back.
“I don’t know. Harry says Uncle Max can’t last more than two weeks.”
“Two weeks!” Carrie hadn’t meant to sound so upset: it just popped out of her mouth.
“I don’t know, but I will have to stay until …” Lucas left the sentence unfinished.
“I understand,” Carrie said, forcing a smile on her face in an attempt to banish the feeling of dismay. “It’s just that I didn’t expect it. You never told me anything about your uncle.”
“I didn’t realize his illness was so serious until Harry told me.”
“Who is Harry anyway?” Carrie asked, remembering her irritation of the day. “The way he acted, you’d think he was the personal assistant to the owner of some big company.”
“That’s just his way,” Lucas said evasively. “No one could ever figure out why he left St. Louis.”
“Someone else escaping his murky past?” Lucas laughed so loud Carrie had to hush him. “Be quiet, or you’ll wake Katie.”
Then let’s move away from the door,” Lucas said, ushering Carrie down the steps and toward his cabin.
“If you’re leaving at dawn, you ought to get to bed,” Carrie said, making a halfhearted attempt to stop at the bottom of the steps. Her whole being was tense and overwrought because of Lucas’s presence and his going away. She didn’t know how long it might be before she saw him again, and her body stiffened in protest.
“Not before I get an answer from you, young woman,” Lucas said, making sure that Carrie kept moving toward his cabin.
“You haven’t asked me properly,” Carrie retorted, and stopped again in the middle of the path. “How dare you ask me to marry you by telling your Mr. Anderson that you had already asked me to marry you?”
“What was I supposed to do, tell him to go outside and wait?” Lucas said, starting Carrie moving again. Just the feel of her in the circle of his arm was enraging his senses, making them wildly impatient to have all of her to himself.
“You didn’t have to tell him anything,” Carrie said, aware that Lucas was irresistibly maneuvering her toward his cabin, and knowing too that she wasn’t offering much resistance. “Besides, I told you I hadn’t made up my mind.”
“But that was yesterday.”
“Do you think I am some sort of weather vane that I can change my mind so quickly?” Lucas tightened his circle of his arms and Carrie almost lost the thread of their conversation.
“I don’t want you to change, just make up your mind,” Lucas said, drawing her body against his so that they touched from shoulder to hip to thigh as they continued along the path under the brilliant moonlight.
“I don’t think we should do anything until you come back from Denver,” Carrie said, aware that she was at last squarely facing the expectation that she would spend her future with Lucas, aware that with him so close it seemed impossible to do anything else. “Your uncle’s death may change everything.”
“Nothing will change my love for you,” Lucas said, and Carrie felt her heart swell with happiness. “When Harry told me Uncle Max was dying, the first thing I thought about was taking you to Denver to meet him.”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Carrie began, suddenly terribly nervous.
“Neither do I. He wouldn’t understand you. Hell, I don’t understand you half the time, even after you explain what you mean, and I love you.”
“I told you before, loving me is not enough.”
“Maybe not, but the more I love you, the more I want to understand. I want you to be my wife, and I don’t want to sp
end the rest of my life with someone I don’t understand.”
Carrie leaned against Lucas as they walked, aware of the feel of his thigh against hers, of his hand curving just under her bosom. The nearness of his body excited her, and she was startled to find the thought that he would always be near equally thrilling. Rather in awe of what was happening to her, she wondered if Lucas could have such a profound effect on her already, what might happen in the long years ahead?
The prospect made her shiver with anticipation, a feeling that Lucas took to be anticipation of a different nature. The long days he had spent away from her had whetted and teased his appetite for her company, but the feel of her body in his arms had roused his physical desire to a warlike pitch, and he felt as though he would explode if he had to restrain himself much longer.
Carrie had never seen such a brilliant night. The sky seemed to be filled with stars which shone uncommonly bright in the clear, thin air of the Rocky Mountains. The moonlight bathed the hills in a shimmering pale glow and turned everything into a glittering, almost magical fairyland that transported Carrie from the world of ordinary mortals into a realm occupied by Lucas and herself alone, a realm completely removed from the mundane considerations that made ordinary living so difficult, a realm where two people could think of nothing but what they meant to each other.
Suddenly Carrie felt almost overwhelmed by her love for this man who walked at her side, this man who struggled against a lifetime of experiences to understand her, this man whose love and devotion had not wavered no matter how much she struggled against him. And she knew without asking that no matter what she did, he would always be there, waiting for her to stop fighting her past, longing to hold her in his arms, wanting her by his side forever. Why had she ever doubted that he embodied everything she longed for? Why was she perversely running away from the very thing she most wanted to run toward? Was her relentless struggle to achieve her independence going to condemn her to a lonely and solitary future?
“Hold me, Lucas,” she pleaded, suddenly turning to him and putting both her arms around him. “Hold me tight.”
“What’s wrong?” Lucas asked, more than willing to enfold her in his arms but unable to understand the hard edge of alarm in her voice.
“I’m afraid.”
“What of?”
“Myself.”
“That doesn’t make any sense.”
“I’m afraid of what I might do that I can’t help, that I’ll do something I don’t want to do. My daddy used to say I was my own worst enemy, and I never understood what he meant until now.”
“Listen to me,” Lucas said, pausing on the path only a few yards from his cabin, gripping her shoulders, and turning her to face him. “All you need is time to sort things out in your mind, and you’ll have plenty of it while I’m in Denver. In the meantime, I want you to concentrate on me. Don’t think about the future and don’t think about the past. Just think about how much I love you and how much I’m going to miss you while I’m away. I never knew it could be so hard to leave you, but if my uncle weren’t dying right now, there’s nothing this side of heaven that would get me to go to Denver.”
Carrie slipped out of his grasp and into his embrace. “I don’t want you to leave either. It seems you just got back from going after those mustangs, and I never thought I could miss anybody so much in my life. It’s going to be worse this time.”
It’s going to be better,” Lucas said, guiding her up the steps and into the cabin as he talked. “You’re going to marry me as soon as it can be arranged, so you can pass the time planning your wedding, deciding what kind of dress you want, and designing a house big enough for at least six children. Do you realize I haven’t lived in a real house since I was six?” Lucas said, ignoring Carrie’s strangled protest at the mention of six children.
“You can spend your time thinking about houses and children,” Carrie said as Lucas pulled her back when she would have lighted the single lantern suspended from the center of the ceiling. “I’m going to spend my time thinking about one stubborn, ruthless, rather wonderful wrangler. I want to know if I will be just as contented to stand in his arms in the dark as I am now.”
“Ask yourself whether you’ll be just as anxious to wake up with his face on the pillow next to yours. Because that’s just about all I can think of now. Having you in my arms, your body against mine, is driving me crazy.”
“Is there an antidote?” Carrie asked, her voice sinking into a whisper.
“Only one,” Lucas replied, and his lips sank to hers in a hot, hungry kiss. “But I’ve got to see you,” he said, pulling her into the bedroom and taking down the small lantern that hung from the ceiling. “I will always want to see you when I make love to you.” The lamp was quickly lighted. “Do you know what your hair looks like in the light?”
“No,” Carrie whispered, her lips nuzzling his neck, her whole body pressed tightly against his.
“I saw a forest fire at night once, the flames leaping brilliantly against the black of night, their light creating an aura around them. That’s what your hair reminds me of, tongues of dancing flame.”
“What about the rest of me?” Carrie said, urging him to continue. “I’m more than a head of hair, you know?’
“Oh, I know,” Lucas answered, and his body moved against hers meaningfully. “I could spend hours describing you. I have spent hours thinking about you every day.”
“I can think of better ways to spend the time,” Carrie said, and standing on her tiptoes, pulled his head down until his lips touched hers in a tender kiss which increased in intensity as it lasted longer and longer. Lucas’s hands moved over her back, down her sides, and then upward to cover her breasts. Carrie’s whole body shivered in anticipation and she pressed herself ever more firmly against the hardness of him.
Carrie pulled away enough so she could unbutton Lucas’s shirt and run her hands through the slight covering of soft hair on his chest. Then she pulled his shirt out of his pants and slid her hands across the bare skin of his back. Lucas’s hands slipped from her breasts to her buttocks and pressed her hard against him, driving a moan from deep in his throat.
“I want you,” he muttered finally. “By God, I want you so much it hurts.” With swift, numble fingers, he undid the buttons and the back of her dress and dropped that garment to the floor. While Carrie struggled to rid him of his shirt, he unlaced her petticoat and she was left standing in her shift. That was soon gotten rid of. “You’re beautiful, you know,” Lucas said, gazing at her in wonder. “You’re the most beautiful sight in the whole world.” The buckle of his belt dug deep into her soft flesh as he pressed her against him once more, covering her face, neck, and shoulders with an avalanche of torrid kisses. Then sweeping her up in his arms, he gently lowered her to the bed.
“If you’re thinking of joining me,” Carrie said, provocatively making room for him, “you’re going to have to do something about that belt. It nearly disemboweled me.”
“Gladly,” Lucas returned with a grin that had too much hunger, too much need in it, to have any room left for humor. He stifled a sigh of relief as he undressed and lowered his body on to the bed next to her.
“I thought of this moment at least once every minute for the last week,” Lucas said as he buried his face in her bosom. It drove me so crazy I almost came back without the mustangs.”
“Don’t talk anymore,” Carrie whispered, desire making her voice husky. “Just make love to me. Make me believe you will love me forever as much as you love me tonight.”
Lucas did not need a second invitation. He cupped Carrie’s firm breasts with his hands and then tortured their ruby nipples, first with his fingertips and then with his hot, moist tongue. When her body began to writhe under his touch, his right hand relinquished its hold on Carrie’s left breast to his fevered lips and snaked down her side, over the mound between her legs, and into her silken heat. Carrie’s body arched convulsively at the invasion, then responded to his expert stro
king by growing ever more impatient to gain relief from the gnawing need that was building within her.
“Please,” she murmured as her own burgeoning desire began to block out her consciousness of everything else. When Lucas ignored her pleas, she roughly drew his body down to press against her sensitive breasts, and throwing her limbs around him, she attempted to draw him within her body. Almost at once, she felt Lucas’s manhood thrust between her legs and she opened her body to receive him, shuddering with relief and heightened tension as he sank deep within her.
Immediately Lucas moved into a smooth, even rhythm and in minutes Carrie’s whole body was screaming for release. Higher and higher, faster and faster Lucas drove her until she thought she would cry out.
Then Lucas seemed to stiffen and his movements became less smooth and controlled. Carrie could hear his breath begin to rasp in his throat, could sense the tensing of his body as he was held ever more firmly in the jaws of his own raging desire. Responding to his body, Carrie, too, tensed, awaiting the explosion that would bring with it fulfillment. No longer attempting to control the pace of their love-making, Lucas drove deep into Carrie’s body, barely conscious of anything beyond his own blissful torment. His muscles gathered and bunched, and with one final powerful thrust, he flung himself at Carrie and the built-up tension burst all about them, causing their bodies to lock together until their limbs were as tightly entwined as their souls.
Chapter 19
It had been the longest week of Carrie’s life. His horse saddled and ready to go, Lucas had awakened her just before he left. “I didn’t dare wake you earlier,” he had admitted as he took her into his arms, “or I might not have been able to tear myself away.” He had kissed her swiftly while she was still asleep and was gone before she was awake.
The last seven days had taught her what loneliness was. Stages had come and gone, meals had been prepared and dishes washed, and decisions had been made and orders given, but she moved through her daily routine hardly aware of what she did. Jake and Katie made sure that one of them was with her most of the time. Even Found came by to check on her. Several times each day she would look up from what she was doing to find his big brown eyes staring at her, wide with curiosity. His was an open gaze, but somehow those soft, innocent eyes made her feel that Found understood and sympathized with her loneliness. She guessed Katie and Jake understood too. All of them were alone. The only family they had was each other, and Lucas’s absence seemed to pull them closer together.
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