Perfect everything.
And Merry wasn’t. No way could she compete against that. Furthermore, she wasn’t going to try. If that model was the kind of woman Jayson wanted, the kind he was most attracted to, then this wasn’t meant to be. That just wasn’t her. Nor did she ever want to be.
Walking at a clipped pace out of the hotel, Merry couldn’t get away from the party fast enough. The cold air hit her as she made her way down the street, her hands buried deep in her pockets.
Gradually, disappointment slowed her steps and she caught her breath. She bit into her lower lip, struggling to hold back the disappointment. She’d wanted this night to turn out so much better than it had.
Tears blurred her eyes and she quickly blinked them back. No way was she going to cry over him. She might not be competition for this supermodel, but she had nothing to be ashamed about.
“Merry.”
She heard her name and recognized Jayson’s voice. Choosing to ignore him, she picked up her pace and walked faster until she was practically trotting.
“Merry,” he said again, his voice strong and unrelenting.
He sounded breathless, as if he’d jogged the entire way from the hotel. If he knew her better, he’d know it was best to leave her alone until she was ready to talk, and she was no way near ready.
Within a matter of seconds, he raced up alongside her. “We need to talk this out.”
“Now isn’t a good time.”
“It’s as good as any,” he argued. “I want to know why you didn’t tell me who you were earlier.” His tight features demanded an explanation.
She didn’t answer, which only seemed to frustrate him further.
“You had the perfect opportunity any number of times.”
Her mouth remained closed and tight. She refused to look at him, staring down at the sidewalk instead.
“You played me.”
That was too much. “I played you?” she cried. “It was circumstances, not something I planned deliberately. Think what you want, but you’re completely off base. How could I have possibly known it was you until…never mind. It isn’t important. Like I said, believe what you want.”
“You’re the one who refused to meet me.”
She glared at him, unable to hold back any longer. “And you wonder why? You came across as arrogant and rude at work. I tried to cut ties, but you wouldn’t let me. You were the one who said please.”
“Please?” he demanded. “When did I say that?”
“You didn’t say it. You typed it and…and then I gave in. My bad. Isn’t that what you said? I knew then, and I should have listened to my gut because it would hurt a whole lot less now if I had.”
“Did your coworkers know you were playing me for an idiot? Was the entire company aware of your game?”
“Oh right. I told everyone,” she said sarcastically. “I blabbed it to anyone who was willing to listen. Couldn’t wait to make you a laughingstock. That’s so like me.”
His gaze narrowed into thin slits. “Did you, Merry? Did you purposely try to embarrass me?”
She could tell by his look that he wasn’t sure if he should believe her or not.
She didn’t want him to think she had set out to humiliate him. Hanging her head, she briefly closed her eyes. “No…no one knew.”
He exhaled a harsh breath. “Thank you for that.”
The fight left her as quickly as the anger came. “I’m sorry, Jay, sorrier than you know. I’m not the woman you want.” If he’d been looking for someone like that beauty queen, then it would never be her. “I think it would be best if we forget about this whole fiasco.”
He exhaled a deep breath, glanced toward the sky, and then slowly nodded.
Her heart felt like it was going to break in half. She had no one to blame but herself. She’d known the moment she saw him sitting in Starbucks holding that bouquet of daisies that they were all wrong for each other.
“I guess there’s nothing more to say, then,” she murmured.
He nodded. “I am curious about one thing.”
She looked up at him, struggling to hide the pain pounding in her chest. “What?”
“This.” He caught her by her shoulders and brought his mouth down to hers. His lips were cold against her own. Catching her by surprise, she wasn’t sure what was happening and why he would want to kiss her, especially now that she was ready to walk away entirely and be done with this entire mess.
Once the shock left her, she found herself opening to him. Rising on the tips of her toes, her arms circled his neck and she gave herself over to this kiss. He tasted wonderful, a mixture of champagne and desire. His kiss was everything she remembered.
And so much more.
She wasn’t sure how long they continued to kiss. Not until someone shouted a catcall in their direction did they stop. He pushed her away and stared at her for several seconds. Neither of them seemed capable of speech.
Merry raised her fingertips to her lips while keeping his gaze, holding on to the wonder of his kiss, although that was impossible. “Do you have your answer?”
He nodded.
And with that, he turned his back to her and walked away.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Jayson
Jayson couldn’t get away fast enough. As he headed down the street, he mused that it would have been far better if he hadn’t kissed Merry again. But he had and now his head and his heart were filled with the taste of her. All it had done was create a craving for more.
Her contract had ended, so he wouldn’t see her at the office again, which was good, as that would have been awkward. For all intents and purposes, she was out of his life. It was better that way.
Instead of returning to the Christmas party, Jayson headed home, discouraged and depressed. He’d had high hopes for Merry and him. High hopes that had come crashing down with the speed of a misfired rocket.
The doorman greeted him with a smile, which quickly faded when he saw the look on Jayson’s face. Not wanting to ruin anyone else’s evening, Jayson raised his hand, acknowledging the other man. It was then that he noticed the homeless man sitting at the corner.
The doorman’s gaze followed Jayson’s. “I’ve notified the authorities and he leaves, but then the next day he’s back.”
Jayson walked over to the man, who looked up at him with determination. “I ain’t moving. You can call the cops if you want, but this is a public sidewalk.”
Jayson didn’t argue. “You have a name?”
“What do you want to know for?”
“I’m Jayson.”
“You were with that girl who gave me the chocolate cake?”
Jayson nodded. “That’s me.” Reaching inside his three-quarter-length raincoat, he pulled out his wallet and removed a hundred-dollar bill. “Merry Christmas,” he said.
The homeless man looked at him like he was dreaming. “You sure you want me to have that?”
“I’m sure.”
“Name’s Billy.”
“Merry Christmas, Billy.” He headed into the building where it was warm and beautifully decorated for the holidays with lights and a large Christmas tree. Merry and bright.
“Merry Christmas, Jayson,” Billy called after him.
Peter, the doorman, stared at him like he didn’t recognize Jayson, but he didn’t say anything.
Jayson rode the elevator to his condo. The inside was cold and dark by contrast. He had no decorations. No holiday display of any kind. It felt stark and bare. His life felt the same.
As was his habit, he walked over to the wine rack and poured himself a glass of wine. He left the lights off and sagged down onto his sofa, staring into the night with the festive lights below. It’d started to snow and he glanced at his wrist, checking the time. Thirty-five minutes after the hour. Merry would be on the bus. He could see her sitting by the window, looking out at the falling snow. He wondered what her thoughts were or if she was as disheartened and disappointed as he was.
&nb
sp; What a major debacle their relationship had turned out to be. To think he’d known Merry all along. He should have figured it out. How unbelievably dense he’d been. She’d practically told him outright who she was. The comment about the woman he was looking to meet being right in front of him, and later how HR had misspelled her first name. What a dunce!
Reaching for his phone, he pushed the button that would connect him with Cooper. His cousin answered on the second ring, and Jayson could hear festive music in the background.
“Hey, did your long-lost love finally show?”
“Yeah.”
The teasing quality immediately left Cooper’s voice. “What happened?”
“Where are you?” Jayson asked instead.
“Doesn’t matter.”
“Cooper!”
“I’m with Maddy and her family. Now tell me what happened, and it doesn’t sound like it was good, if what I’m hearing in your voice is any indication.”
Jayson had no intention of denying it. “Remember how I told you she said she knew me?”
“Yeah, so?”
“So, to make a long story short, Merry is Mary.”
“Say that again.”
Jayson had hoped his cousin would catch on right away. “M-A-R-Y and M-E-R-R-Y are one and the same.”
“Merry and Mary are the same person?” Cooper exhaled as he took in the significance of what Jayson had said. “Wow, bet that was a shocker.”
“It was. I should have guessed sooner. I blew it, Cooper. Blew it big-time. Saw someone else and thought it was her. It wasn’t. Mary was trying to tell me she was M-E-R-R-Y but I was distracted by someone else who I thought was Merry. When I realized what she’d been trying to tell me, I got angry, thinking she played me for a fool.”
“Did she?”
“Don’t know. In retrospect, I doubt that she did.”
“You like her? Both Merry and Mary?”
He wasn’t sure how to answer. “I don’t know what to think. Thought it was best to end it, walk away. She suggested it and I agreed, but I did something utterly stupid.”
“What?”
“I kissed her.”
His words were met with silence and then, “How was it?”
“On a scale of one to ten, it was about a hundred.”
Jayson knew the minute he’d walked away how badly he wanted Merry. The background music faded slightly, which told Jayson his cousin had walked out of the room. He didn’t want to disrupt his cousin’s holiday celebration. “Listen, Cooper, you’re in the middle of a party. I’ll catch up with you later.”
“Don’t be a fool, Jay. If you care about this woman, then do something about it.”
“Right.” The problem was he didn’t know where to start. Merry wanted nothing more to do with him. The entire situation was a disaster. His initial reaction was to end it all, but the choice had been hers. At this point, he could only do so much, and he felt like he had to abide by her wishes.
Cooper continued talking, offering Jayson friendly advice, most of which faded into silence, lost on him. When he didn’t respond, his cousin suggested Jayson sleep on it and call him in the morning and they’d talk some more.
Jayson agreed but suspected there would be no sleep on his part. It felt like a lead weight had landed on his chest, paralyzing him.
After a second glass of wine, Jayson grew sleepy. He rarely drank more than two glasses. It was only nine-thirty, too early to go to bed. Leaning his head back against the couch, he closed his eyes. That was a mistake, because the minute he did, Merry’s image took shape in his mind, her fingertips pressed to her lips, looking up at him with eyes that made him want to do nothing more than kiss her again and again.
He couldn’t have bungled the situation any worse. How could he have mistaken the event planner for Merry when the beautiful woman he’d fallen in love with stood right in front of him? His initial reaction was to assume Merry had played him for a fool. He was a fool, all right, one of his own making.
Thinking she might have had a change of heart, he felt a surge of energy and stepped into his home office and logged on to his computer. His heart swelled when he saw there was a message from her. He immediately clicked on it.
You hurt my sister.
Patrick.
I don’t like you anymore, and neither does she.
Reading this was only torturing himself. Anyone with half a brain would disconnect and leave matters as they were. Not Jayson. He was looking for punishment and so he continued to read.
Merry is in her room and she won’t talk to me or my mom and dad.
After spilling his guts to his cousin, he wasn’t in the mood to talk much, either.
You ruined my sister’s Christmas, and she’s a good person. Why would you do that? Why would you hurt her feelings? I liked you and Mom liked you, too, and even my dad liked you. We were all happy that she was going to meet you and then she came home and wouldn’t talk to anyone. What did you do? What did you say? Tell me, because Merry won’t say anything.
His heart sank as he struggled with how to make this right and realized it wasn’t possible. The best he could do was wait until after the holidays and find a way to build a bridge.
This is going to be the worst Christmas ever. Merry is sad and now Mom thinks we did the wrong thing and it’s all your fault. I hope you have a crummy Christmas. Patrick.
Jayson could guarantee that he was going to have a miserable Christmas. It had never bothered him before. Christmas had no real meaning for him. It never had. The best he could do was have dinner with his uncle and they would discuss business. A restaurant meal.
Heaving a sigh, he closed his laptop and headed into his room for a shower. It felt as if he carried the weight of the world on his shoulders.
Merry Christmas. His would be without the Merry for sure.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Merry
Merry spent a sleepless night. When she emerged from her bedroom on the morning of Christmas Eve, she saw the worried look her parents sent her way. Patrick, too.
“Are you ready to tell us what happened when you finally met Jayson?” her mother asked, her face tender and concerned.
Pouring herself a cup of coffee, Merry debated how much to say. After her first sip, she managed to offer those she loved most a reassuring smile. “The meeting between Jay and me didn’t go as well as I’d hoped.” That said it all and so much more. She’d rather not go into lengthy explanations. As much as possible, she wanted to put last evening out of her mind.
“From your reaction when you arrived home last night, that was pretty much our assumption,” her mother surmised.
Merry realized she would need to explain a bit more. “Jayson…was upset and thought I’d played him for a fool.”
“Oh Merry,” her mother whispered sympathetically. “Surely you told him that was never the case.”
“I tried, but I don’t think he believed me.”
“Did you give Jayson the cookies we baked?” Patrick asked and reached for his hot cocoa.
She nodded. “I left them on his desk at the office.”
“Take them back.”
“Patrick,” their mother chastised, “they were a gift. We’d never take them back.” She returned her attention to Merry. “Now tell us about your last day at the office.”
“It was great. Lauren and Kylie brought in a cake and we celebrated together. I’m going to miss them.”
“If you’re not working for Jayson, it will make all this easier,” her mother commented.
“I thought of that, too. It would be agony to see him every day.” It went without saying that Jayson would have no desire to see her.
“I hate to see you upset,” her mother said. “I know this meeting was a big disappointment. I feel bad. Your brother and I were the ones who involved you in all this. I hope you know our intentions were good.”
“Mom, please.” Merry walked over to where her mother sat at the kitchen table and wrapped her
arms around Robin’s shoulders and kissed her temple. “I wouldn’t have missed this for the world. Jay will always hold a tender spot in my heart. I don’t have a single regret.”
“You don’t hate him?” Patrick demanded.
“I could never hate Jay,” she said, and remembered the beautiful kiss they’d shared. She would always remember his kisses.
“But he hurt your feelings,” Patrick said, interrupting her thoughts.
“I’m disappointed, yes, but I think Jay was genuinely disappointed, too. It happens that way sometimes. I should have known better than to involve my heart, but like I said, I don’t regret a single minute. I’m grateful because Jay helped me to appreciate how blessed I am with all of you.” Jay had never known the love of a close-knit family the way she had; he’d never experienced a real Christmas.
“Do you think he liked you, too?” Patrick asked next.
That question required some thought. After all the nights spent online, opening their lives and their hearts to each other, she had to believe that he did hold some tender feelings for her. He couldn’t have faked that. Nor could she. “In his own way, I believe he liked Merry. It was the other woman who confuses him.”
“What other woman?” Patrick wanted to know, cocking his head to one side to understand.
“The Mary who worked in his office.”
“But that’s you.” Patrick shook his head as if that would help him understand.
“I know. It’s rather confusing.”
“Is Jay confused?” Patrick asked.
“I don’t think Jay is, but Jayson definitely is.”
Patrick looked at her long and hard and she could almost see the wheels in his mind spinning. “But isn’t Jay Jayson?”
She nodded rather than go into a lengthy explanation. “Like I said, it’s a big muddled mess to him, to me, and to just about everyone else.”
“It’s Christmas Eve,” her mother reminded them all. “No sad faces are allowed. I have a turkey in the refrigerator and we’re going to stuff that bird and cook him into the finest Christmas dinner we’ve ever had.”
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