“Any time.”
Vanessa walked around Ty, allowing him to close the door, and saw Mia’s eyes on her. “Thanks for coming. I know that we haven’t talked, but I really want to fix this, Mia.”
“Okay, I’m having a beer.” Ty opened the refrigerator. “You ladies want one?”
“I’ll take one, thanks,” Vanessa said.
“Yeah, I guess I could use one.” Mia finally spoke.
“Three beers coming up,” Ty said. His small apartment had the living room and kitchen together, so while he was retrieving beers, Vanessa continued.
“I need to talk to you two.” Vanessa sat in the chair across from the couch where Mia was perched. “I need to talk to you because you’re my best friends.”
Ty handed each of them a beer before sitting down. “Well, we are here.” He looked at Mia. “Right, Mia?”
Mia only nodded and took a sip of beer. “Mia,” Vanessa said as Mia looked at the bottle in her hand. “Mia, look at me.” After a moment, Mia did as she was asked. “You are my best friend, and I know that lately I haven’t acted like it, but I need to tell you something—and I need to know that I can trust you.”
Mia huffed. “You have always been able to trust me. You’re the one who forgot that, not me.”
“Sometimes, Mia, you talk when you shouldn’t, and I love you even with that flaw, but this can’t be one of those times. I know that you want to think I should have trusted you already, but I need to know that you’re in my corner here and that anything I say…” She looked at Ty as well. “Is in complete confidence.”
“Whatever you need to say,” he answered, “we are in your corner, Vanessa. Anything that you say to us, is between us.”
Vanessa and Ty looked at Mia. She sighed. “If you think that I would break your trust, then you are wrong. That may be somewhat both of our faults, but I would never do anything that would hurt you. You have to know that.”
Vanessa smiled. “And I do. I never thought for a moment that you would do anything intentionally. This is just something big, and it would be hard for anyone.” She took a steadying breath. “What I’m about to tell you, though, can’t even be drunk party talk. Do you two understand?” They nodded. “The reason that I didn’t call you during my birthday weekend was because…” Vanessa stopped and looked at their expectant faces. She decided that she just needed to blurt it out. “Lochlan flew me to Indianapolis where she was performing.”
You could have heard a pin drop in the room. Mia and Ty were sitting there, mouths open. “Um, what?” Mia said.
Vanessa almost laughed. “We’ve been talking since the night that you and I went to the benefit for the Smokeys.”
“And you didn’t tell me?” Mia didn’t sound hurt, mostly just confused.
“I couldn’t say anything to you.”
“Wait, so you are saying that Lochlan is—”
“Gay?” Vanessa said, and Mia and Ty nodded instantaneously. “Yes.”
“I knew it!” Ty yelled and threw his hands in the air in victory.
“Wait,” Mia said. “So, she is gay, and she flew you to her concert?”
“She did.”
Ty’s eyes widened. “Oh my God. Our little Vanessa has bedded Lochlan fucking Paige.”
Mia whipped her head toward Vanessa, mouth agape. “Are you…? Have you…?”
Vanessa didn’t answer. “After the concert, she flew us to Los Angeles—to her home.”
“Oh my God, she is.” Ty fell over and laughed, then immediately sat back up. “Is she good? She looks like she would be good.”
“God, Ty,” Mia blurted out before turning back to Vanessa. “However, those are valid points.”
“This isn’t about sex.”
“Honey, everything is about sex,” Ty said, and Mia gave him a high five.
“Anyway, we spent the weekend in LA, where yes, sex was had.” They started to speak, but Vanessa raised her hand. “Let me finish.” They sat back and settled in to listen to the story. “She took me shopping and took me to see all the sights in LA. Then that evening she surprised me with an evening out.”
When Vanessa waited a moment as she thought about that night, Ty interrupted her thoughts. “Woman! Tell us where she took you.”
Vanessa pushed a couple of buttons on her phone, then handed it over to them. “This was her surprise.”
As Mia took the phone, they both gasped at the photo of Lochlan, Vanessa, and Brinley. “Shut the fuck up!” Ty spouted. “You met Brinley!”
“I did. She was very nice. She and Lochlan are friends.”
“Of course they are.” Mia squealed and looked at the phone. “I woulda fucked Lochlan too, after that.”
“Right! No wondered you slept with her.” Ty kept looking at the picture. “I am the epitome of gay, but I would screw her too if she took me to meet Brinley.” He touched the screen and appeared to zoom in. “Damn, Vanessa, Lochlan is really gorgeous.”
Vanessa smiled at the compliment and took a minute before she said the rest. “I’ve been seeing Lochlan since. I have met up with her twice on the road, and I was in Nashville all this week.” They both just looked at her like she had grown two extra heads. Tears came to her eyes, “Guys, I am in way over my head here and I don’t know what to do. She is very much in the closet and I am not.” She began to play with her hands. “I’m over here trying to decide if I want to be the one who ruins Lochlan Paige’s otherwise flawless career.”
“You aren’t just sleeping with her, are you?” Mia asked.
“She had a girlfriend before me who was out. Lochlan couldn’t commit to her when she asked, and Loc watched her walk away. What if she still can’t commit to a woman?”
“Maybe she will,” Mia added. “Maybe if—”
“I was with her all week, Mia. Lochlan hasn’t changed since Mac. You can still see that fear. Hell, you can feel it, as her body seemed to tense anytime someone even looked at us.”
“Excuse me.” Mia threw her hand in the air as if waiting to be called on. “Did you just say Mac?”
Vanessa felt guilty. “No.” She looked at her friends who obviously did not believe her. “God, Mia, I’m doing exactly what I accused you of. Opening my mouth and things just falling out.”
“Lochlan Paige was with MacKenzie Daveys?” Mia gasped. “Let me pray to the lesbian gods that is true.”
Ty fanned himself. “Lord, the thoughts of that has put impure visions in my otherwise virginal mind.”
“Hey, don’t think about my girlfriend with Mac.”
“Then you should have never told me that that hotness ever existed,” Ty said.
“Can we get back on track, please?” Mia said. “You just called her your girlfriend, Vanessa.”
Vanessa smiled. “I really like her. But if she watched someone like MacKenzie Daveys walk away, what hope do I have?”
“Apparently, she didn’t care about Mac, which doesn’t seem to be the case with you.”
“Except there were two times this week that I could feel her fear. I could literally see the wheels in her mind spinning and feel her panic. She is that same scared person that let Mac go.”
“You can’t sit around and wait for that to happen.”
“I know, Mia, but I’m already in so deep that I don’t know how I would stand it if she pulled back.”
“Have you talked to her about this?” Ty asked.
“We did…some. I told her to promise me that if she started to feel that way again, to please just tell me, but then there were these guys that almost saw her kiss me and she totally freaked out.”
“No matter what you do, you can’t change how she’s going to act when the time comes. That is solely up to her.”
As much as Vanessa wanted more reassurance from her friends, she knew Ty was right. Loc would have to make these choices, and there wasn’t anything more she could do.
✥ ✥ ✥
Lochlan was awake early, sipping her coffee in a hotel in Phoenix. It had
been a peaceful morning so far. She had FaceTimed with Vanessa earlier the day before, but when she kept talking about things that had to be done today, Vanessa told her to focus on her work and call back later. She was about to start a three-month run of West Coast shows that included several guest appearances on different talk shows while she was near LA. She was going over emails when Jamie, who didn’t wait for an invitation, came pushing her way into the room.
“Good morning?” Lochlan said.
Jamie took a deep breath as if trying to calm herself. “Who did you tell?”
“What?”
“Don’t what me, Loc? Did you tell someone?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Jamie handed Lochlan the tablet she was holding. Lochlan looked at the tweet from an online gossip magazine with the title Is country music’s sweetheart finding love—with a woman? She looked back at Jamie. “Come on, Jamie, they have linked me to everyone. In today’s world, it was bound to be a woman at some point.” Lochlan looked back at her laptop again.
“Are you kidding me right now?” Jamie stood next to Lochlan. “We aren’t through.” Jamie laid the tablet on Lochlan’s keyboard and swiped her finger as several tweets came into view that suggested similar things. “They are calling me, Loc.” Lochlan took the tablet and looked over the tweets. “Who knows?”
“Jamie, this is crazy. No one has said anything. We’ve only told a handful of people—people who would never do this.” She handed the tablet back. “She spent that week in Nashville nearly a month ago. Maybe someone saw us there.” She went back to her laptop and tried like hell to act unaffected. “You know how people are. If they see someone with me, I am dating them. Apparently, that now includes women.”
“But Vanessa isn’t named, Loc. There are no pictures of her. If someone thought you being seen in Nashville with a woman was a big deal, they would have pictures, but they don’t. It seems a lot like someone is protecting her.” Jamie’s eyes bored into her. “Who knows, Loc?”
“Just Mac. I went to talk to her a few weeks ago about things.”
“What kind of things?”
“Just stuff.” Lochlan huffed and walked around the room. “My conversation with Mac has nothing to do with this.”
“Assuming I believe that, who else have you told?”
Lochlan thought. “Vanessa’s brother Chris knows.” Jamie threw her head back in frustration. “The extent of what he knows, I’m not sure, but he knows.”
“Anyone else?” As Lochlan thought for a beat, Jamie persisted. “This didn’t come from your camp, Loc. They’re leaving her out of the spotlight for a reason. Someone is deliberately not mentioning her by name. Who else knows?”
“I don’t know,” Lochlan said in irritation. “That’s all I know about. That’s all that she’s told me.”
“Get her on the phone.”
“No. I’m not going to let you interrogate my girlfriend over this.”
“We have to get a handle on this now. You’re about to do fifteen shows in the next few months. We need to know what’s happening.”
Lochlan groaned. “All right. I’ll call her, but not with you here. Just give me a minute with her alone.”
“You’ve got five minutes, Loc, and I will be back,” Jamie said as she left the room.
Lochlan took a deep breath and hit the button to video chat with Vanessa on the computer. When Vanessa answered, she smiled at Lochlan. “All done?”
“Not really.” She paused. “I need to talk to you about something.”
“What?” A look of concern crossed Vanessa’s face. “You okay?”
“Have you told anyone—about us I mean? Have you told anyone else recently?”
“I told Chris, you know that.”
“Yeah, I know him, but did you tell anyone else?”
“The day I came home from Nashville, I spent the evening with Mia and Ty.”
“So, you told them?”
“We talked about this, Loc.” Something in Lochlan’s tone made Vanessa suddenly defensive.
“We did. You also said that Mia wasn’t the best at keeping things to herself.”
“You told me that I could tell her.”
“So, you did?”
“What’s this about?”
“Several of the gossip sites are saying there’s a woman that I am, I believe the words some used were, ‘cozying up to.’” Lochlan saw just the briefest flash of uncertainty on Vanessa’s face. “It doesn’t seem to be anyone on my end because they aren’t mentioning your name at all. It makes it appear like someone is protecting you in this situation.”
“They wouldn’t, Loc.”
“Chris has known for a long time, Vanessa. Nothing has come from that, so I doubt that it’s him. It’s been three weeks since you told your friends and suddenly this came out.”
“Maybe it was someone you told.”
“Like I said, this looks like it came from someone that isn’t tied to me. They’re not giving your name.”
“Have you told anyone?”
Lochlan could see Vanessa was starting to get upset. “Vanessa—”
“No, Loc, who have you told?”
“No one but Jamie and Mac.”
“Mac?”
“I talked to Mac, yes.”
“Why? To tell her that you’re ready to take the big plunge? Or that you’ve decided you can’t do this?” Vanessa spat.
“No.” Now Lochlan was angry as well. “I went to see Mac because—”
“You went to see her?” Lochlan obviously didn’t answer the question quick enough. “You’ve been in the Midwest, Loc. You haven’t been anywhere near LA.” Lochlan remained quiet. “So, you flew all the way to LA to see your ex-girlfriend.”
Lochlan snapped at that. “I didn’t go and see Mac because of that. I went—”
“Yeah, I’m really curious as to why you would be talking to Mac.”
“I just needed to talk to her about us.”
“Look, it doesn’t matter, does it? You’re convinced that Mac didn’t tell anyone, that it was my friends.”
“Mac could have outed me a million times, Vanessa, but she never has. She has a good relationship now and has no reason to.”
“But Mia and Ty do?”
“This is new, Vanessa. They are new. Please try to understand where I’m coming from here. It doesn’t look good.” She watched Vanessa lower her head. “What?” Vanessa shook her head and Lochlan needed to know what was going through her mind. “Just say whatever it is.”
“You went to see Mac because you think that you’re going to do it again, didn’t you?”
Lochlan just stared at the screen.
“You went to ask her if she thought you would repeat what happened with her, didn’t you?” Vanessa let out a breath that was laced with pain. “Answer me, Loc.”
Lochlan looked at the screen. “I would hope that I’d do better this time.”
“But you don’t know that, do you?”
“I know that it’s different with you. It doesn’t feel the same as the situation that Mac and I were in.”
“I can see the panic that you’re trying like hell to hide all over your face right now.”
“Just tell Mia and Ty to be careful. Jamie will fix this on our end.”
Vanessa laughed through a tear. “Jamie can’t fix this, Loc. She can’t make you be okay with who you are. She can’t make other people accept the fact that you’re gay. You have to be able to shoulder this or you will never live a normal life.”
“My life hasn’t been normal for nearly nine years. My life will never be normal, no matter who is or isn’t in it.”
Another tear ran down Vanessa’s cheek, and Lochlan looked away again. “You have to figure this out, Lochlan. No one can do it for you. Jamie can’t, I can’t, and neither can Mac. You have to decide what you want and what is the most important to you.”
“I’ll do better this time.”
“You keep saying that, but I�
��m not sure, and the truth is, neither are you.” Vanessa wiped her eyes and breathed in deeply. “There is dread all over you, Loc. You aren’t ready.”
“Yes, I am!” Lochlan said angrily.
“You aren’t! Look at you!”
“Look, let’s just not talk about it anymore. Just tell Mia and Ty to be careful.”
“Loc—”
“Vanessa, I’m trying here.”
“I know you are. And I know that you’re scared. I thought that maybe you could, but when those guys saw us in Nashville, I knew that I would be no different than Mac.”
“You are!”
“Maybe we should just take a minute and—”
“No!” Lochlan said firmly. She felt her chin quiver. “No.”
“Loc, you have to be ready for this. There’s already so much that’s happening between us. I feel so much for you, but I can’t keep going if this is something that you can’t do.”
“No!”
“Loc—” Vanessa stopped speaking when there was a knock at Lochlan’s door.
“Give me a minute!” Lochlan yelled at the door. She turned back to the computer. “Don’t do this.”
“Go deal with your stuff, Lochlan.”
“I am dealing with you.”
“You have fires to put out, and you need to do that, apparently.”
“I just need you to tell them—”
“To be careful, yeah, I got it.” Vanessa sighed. “This wasn’t them, Loc. I stand by Mia and Ty.”
“You said once that—”
“I stand by them,” Vanessa said firmly. “Go do your stuff, Loc.”
Lochlan sniffed back the tears. “I’ll call you later. Okay?”
“Loc, you need to deal with whatever you have to. You can call me when that’s done.”
“Vanessa, please—”
“You need to take care of you and your career right now. If I ever had any doubt about how much you value your career, the fact that you’re sitting here about to make the same mistake all over again is proof that you love it. More than anything—or anyone—else.”
Lochlan tried her best to steady her breathing and keep her emotions in check. “This isn’t like Mac. It’s so much more than it ever was with her.” Lochlan’s tear-filled eyes looked at the screen. “You have to know that you aren’t like Mac.”
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