Devan stared at him, before breaking out in the most amazing grin. “You’ve done plenty. I haven’t slept that well in months. Thank you.”
“It’s the least I can do.”
Devan gave him a kiss as he took off, grabbing what he needed. “Good luck tonight. I’ll be watching!”
With nothing else to do, Eli went to the gym. He limited his training to weights and cardio. He’d been at it for about an hour when Stephan arrived. His hackles immediately went up as he watched him come closer.
“That’s what I like to see. My champ working hard. Slept well I hope. We need you looking pretty for the cameras tonight.”
“What do you want?”
“Checking up on my investment.” Stephan reached out and turned Eli’s head to the side, revealing his neck. “A hickey? How old are you?”
“Fuck off.”
Stephan let him go. “Lucky for you, people will think it’s a bruise.”
Eli dropped his weights. “I don’t know what I did to piss you off, but you need to back off. I’ve damn near killed myself for you. Lied about my personal life for years so we could get to this stage. You’re the one who’s been pushing for this so badly.”
“You wanted this career and were willing to do anything to get to the top. Don’t pretend otherwise. And you can get down off your high horse while you’re at it. You love this every bit as much as I do. You want it, want the applause, probably get off on beating the crap out of someone like Caulfield.” Stephan leaned in closer. “Frankly, I don’t care who you fuck. You can have a whole house full of boys, and I wouldn’t bat an eye. But when your sex life interferes with your ability to win, then I’m going to put an end to it.”
Eli had to force his body to relax. “Had you simply let Devan speak to me three years ago, I would have been divorced and probably wouldn’t have seen him again. You’re blaming us for this, but it’s all on you.”
Stephan’s face went red. “You think you’re something special? That the MMA world will never see the likes of another Eli McGovern? You’re not. Another cog that we spin up and push into the cage. When you break, I’ll simply find another one. I have three more kids as hungry to win, with as much talent, ready to go. The swipe of a pen on a contract, and you’ll be replaced. Then what will you do?”
The blood that had been pounding through Eli’s body instantly pooled in his stomach.
Stephan nodded. “That’s right. Nothing. You’ll be a nobody.” He moved right into Eli’s personal space, until his face was mere inches away. “Stay away from your ex. Because God help you, if you break even a clause of your contract, I’ll make your life a living hell. Not only will you never fight again, the stories about you that will hit the media will paint your ex in a not-so-wonderful light. I wonder how long he’ll keep his job if there are questions about his character?”
“You can’t do that.”
Stephan shrugged. “Maybe not. But are you willing to take the chance? Are you willing to see how far I’ll go?”
Eli had never once felt intimidated by another man before, but in that moment, he had no doubt that Stephan would live up to what he said.
“Now, I’ll leave you to train. We want you at your sternest. I have no doubt Caulfield is going to do everything he can to push your buttons. Verbally, you can chirp at each other all you want, but I don’t want you doing anything that will get you suspended.”
Eli waited until Stephan was gone before he turned and leaned against the wall. What the hell was he going to do? The fight was too close, and the media attention now too bright. It wasn’t as though the fighters had a union to go to for help. He only needed to show up to the interview, answer some questions, and keep his head down until the fight was over. Then he’d see about getting rid of Stephan.
By the time Devan got back to Eli’s place, he was exhausted. The blood drive was officially over now, but the number of donors who’d come in during a last-minute push had kept them all hopping. Matthew had been in a good mood at least, babbling away on their way back. Devan had used Eli’s car, which had made getting around a bit easier.
The house was empty and far too quiet when he opened the door. This wasn’t his home, but he couldn’t help thinking it would be a great place to raise a family. There was a small yard in the back, something that they didn’t have at the apartment. Not to mention space for when Matthew got old enough to start running around. Places to play and to hide.
Not that he hated his apartment. The thought of having to keep up a house, pay for upkeep while looking after Matthew alone and working full-time? Yeah, that wasn’t something he could handle.
“Okay, buddy. Let’s get you fed so Daddy can watch Eli on television.”
When he found a frozen pasta dish as part of the groceries Max had brought, Devan smiled before tossing it in the oven. It would take a while to heat up, but it was one less thing he’d have to worry about.
The interview was going to be on TSN at seven o’clock, which gave Devan a little time to get changed and ready. Everything had been different from the moment they’d learned that Devan was Matthew’s father. Instead of pulling away the way Devan had imagined Eli might, they’d made love in a way that Devan didn’t remember ever having done in the past.
His body still tingled at the thought of Eli touching him, holding him. The girls at work had commented on the change in his mood. He wasn’t about to admit to them what had happened; too many of his coworkers remembered the fallout of when Eli had walked away. He kept his joy to himself, along with his secret hopes that maybe there was a chance that Eli would be able to find a way to stay in Toronto after the fight. They could start over, with eyes wide and honesty between them as their number-one priority. Maybe he and Matthew could move into the house here with Eli. Eli could babysit when he wasn’t training, and Devan could cover the mortgage, if there was one. It would be perfect.
It might be too much to ask, but Devan was nothing if not optimistic.
Supper wasn’t quite finished heating through by the time seven o’clock rolled around, so Devan grabbed a snack to tide him over. Matthew was in his playpen, sucking on Mr. Fuzzy’s ear and watching the television.
“Okay, buddy. Time to see Eli in full-on fighter mode. Well, I guess not full-on. I doubt they’ll be beating the crap out of one another tonight.” At least, he hoped not.
He had the television muted, not caring about most of what was being said. He’d never quite understood the appeal of watching the fights and everything that went on around them, probably because he’d seen the aftereffects of what Eli had gone through.
After the preamble appeared to be over, Devan turned the sound on in time to hear the commentators finishing up.
“. . . last week’s viral video. The Dragon certainly had some fire in him that night, and we can only imagine it will carry over to Saturday’s match.”
That damn video again. Maybe if it hadn’t gotten so much publicity, Eli wouldn’t feel the extra pressure to perform. They showed the clip, grainy and jerky from a cell phone. No doubt the person was moving around to try to get a better angle. Devan couldn’t help but cringe half a second before Eli got kicked and fell to the ground. “I don’t know how he does that, baby.”
Matthew hit Mr. Fuzzy with his toy truck.
“Don’t you start getting any ideas. You’re my sweet boy, and there’ll be no fighting. Ever.”
When the video had finished, Eli and Caulfield had taken their seats behind the table, along with a number of other fighters that were a part of the under-card matches. While they weren’t the main event, the video had certainly drawn its fair share of interest from the media, with most of the questions seemingly directed at either Eli or Caulfield.
A reporter off camera asked a question. “This is for McGovern. With your fight being a last-minute addition to the ticket, do you feel the effects of not having a long training period will hurt your chances?”
Eli snorted and leaned in close to the mic. �
�I like my chances as much as I did the first time we met. Hell, I could wipe the floor with him with a broken arm.”
Caulfield leaned back in his chair and laughed. “Based on what I’ve heard you’ve been doing, you should be worried.”
The reporters started asking questions over one another, until Devan was finally able to hear one clearly. “What does he mean? What have you been doing? Have you been trying new training techniques?”
Eli had tensed, his gaze slipping over to someone off stage. “I’ve been doing repairs on my house and training at the gym. I’m not thinking of opening up a home-repair business, if that’s what you mean.”
“Home repair. Is that what they’re calling it these days?” Caulfield laughed again. “I heard you were busy in the bedroom. Didn’t think that meant crack filling the ceiling.”
Devan felt as though he were the one getting insulted. Did Caulfield know about him? Eli had said that it was his manager who’d been the one checking up on him, but Caulfield must have also had some suspicions about Eli. Why else bring something like that up?
Shit, was he going to out Eli on television?
Devan’s heart pounded, and his appetite vanished. Eli looked pissed off, but Devan knew how to read him better than most. There was fear simmering beneath the surface of his brave exterior.
Eli pushed away from the table, standing up so fast that the fighter sitting beside him barely had time to react. Caulfield must have anticipated the response and reacted in kind, his chair falling to the floor behind him. The speaker who’d been directing questions from the media quickly got between them as Eli and Caulfield glared at one another.
“Keep the hell out of my personal life.” Eli bit the words off, as though each one were a verbal punch.
“Scared I’m going to steal your little bit on the side, McGovern?” Caulfield puffed out his chest and flexed his arms. “Maybe show them what a real man is like.”
Devan sucked in a breath. “Ah shit.”
Matthew banged his toy truck against the side of his playpen.
“Sorry, buddy. I know that’s a bad word. But shit.”
For a moment, Devan was fairly certain Eli was going to beat the crap out of Caulfield right there and then. Instead he reached over the man foolish enough to stand between them and pointed hard at Caulfield.
“I’ve spent the last month working my ass off so I can kick yours in the ring. There’s no one, not now, not ever, who would distract me from that cause. I’m my own man.”
“That’s not what I heard. You’ve gone all soft. You’re playing with babies.”
Eli’s face went red. “The only person I’ve got on my mind is you. You’re going down, you ass. And I’ll continue to put you down every time you show your meat head anywhere near me.”
Caulfield’s grin was nasty. “So you’re not fucking some hot piece of ass in Toronto? Can’t imagine why else you’d be at that shitty gym otherwise.”
“I’m single.” Eli turned to the camera and leaned over the table. “Hear that, ladies? I’m single, and I’m hot for you. Once I kick this guy’s ass, I’ll be looking for some fun.” And then he winked.
The words might as well have been knives, they cut Devan so deep. Was it this morning that Eli had let him sleep in, changed and fed Matthew as if he were his own? Had they not had sex, made love less than twenty-four hours earlier? Had it only been a few minutes ago that he’d been planning out his life with Eli once again?
God, he was such a fucking idiot.
He knew this was an act. But as much as Devan might dream of the day when Eli could stand up and declare to the world that they were a couple, it wasn’t going to happen. It probably never would. Eli was going to have to stay in the closet until the day he walked away from fighting.
That meant years of hiding, of denying who they were. Matthew wouldn’t be able to treat Eli like anyone other than Devan’s friend. Or, worse, would have to grow up lying about their relationship.
It didn’t matter that he cared for Eli; Devan couldn’t deny who he was as a person. If Eli’s hands were tied, then maybe things weren’t going to work out.
The timer went off in the kitchen, telling him that his supper was ready. Without thinking, he turned the rest of the interview off and went to take it out of the oven.
Eli was emotionally exhausted by the time he got back to the house. Stephan had paraded him around after the press conference was over, arranging some one-on-one time for additional media interviews. Between all of the publicity he was getting and the training he needed to finish before fight day, he wasn’t going to have five minutes alone.
At least he knew that at the end of the day, he’d be able to come home and see Devan and Matthew. At least for a little while.
That had been something that he couldn’t get out of his mind since Caulfield had called him on it tonight. He’d said he was single, and until a month ago, that had been God’s honest truth. He didn’t know exactly what was going on between them, didn’t know if he was a good enough man, strong enough to be the person Devan and Matthew deserved.
Maybe he was. Maybe being a fighter in the ring had taught him what he needed to know about being a good husband and father, to know when to fight for something, when to concede, when to listen to others and take their advice.
These were all things that he could talk to Devan about once the fight was out of the way. Because as much as he liked to think that he could take on the whole world at once, Eli knew that if he tried, he’d be the one on the mat.
The lights were off when he opened the door. Strange, he’d expected Devan to be up, even if Matthew was asleep. He flicked on the living room lights, and his gaze snapped to Devan sitting on the couch.
“What are you doing here in the dark?”
Devan swallowed but didn’t make eye contact. “I saw your interview.”
“I couldn’t believe how much of an asshole Caulfield was.” The entire time he’d been on air, Stephan had been off to the side watching him. You’d think he’d be used to being under a microscope by now, but it still made his skin crawl. “He was trying to get me mad so I’d punch him.”
“I’m sure it would have been good for ratings.”
Devan sounded as though he’d learned of a family death. “Are you okay?”
“No. I’m really not.”
Eli crossed the room and sat down beside him on the couch. “Tell me.”
“No.”
“Why not?”
“Because I don’t want to be one more thing adding stress on you right now.” He sighed and finally looked up at Eli. It was clear from his red-rimmed eyes that he’d been crying. “I’ll be taking Matthew back to the apartment first thing in the morning.”
“What?” Eli pulled back, his hands balling into fists. “Why?”
“I thought I was okay with this, being forced to hide so that it wouldn’t hurt your career. I don’t want that to happen. But when you said that there was no one in your life . . . I realized that I can’t be invisible. I refuse to be.”
“What the hell are you talking about?” Invisible? Jesus, he was the furthest thing from that as far as Eli was concerned.
“I think it was the whole ‘no one in my life, not now, not ever’ part that got me.” Devan’s laugh was sad. “And then you asked for women to come look you up. Jesus, there’s being in the closet, and then there’s that bullshit.”
Eli remembered the words, how pissed he’d been when he’d said them. “I wasn’t about to play his game. I had to go on the attack.”
“You made it so we didn’t exist. You promised me that you’d say there was someone special. I know you can’t be out, but you didn’t have to say that you were alone. To make us a lie.”
But he hadn’t, not really. They might be starting to get back together, but nothing officially had happened. God, they were technically divorced. But Eli hadn’t considered how his words would have sounded to Devan, how, given their history, he would have felt. �
��I’m sorry.”
“No, I’m the one who’s sorry. I’ve done it again: tried to force you into a life that you didn’t want.” Devan got up and looked around the room as though he didn’t know where to go. “I’m going to sleep. I’ll call Meg tomorrow to come over first thing in the morning with her car to take me back to the apartment.”
Every last bit of energy bled from Eli’s body. “Don’t do this.”
“I have to. We’re always going to be second in your life. I get it, I do. You’ve worked hard to get where you are professionally. You have contracts and obligations that you have to live up to.” Devan looked away for a moment, swallowing hard. “I have my son. He’s what I always wanted in life. A family. Someone to love unconditionally. I can’t have that with you and I can’t compete with your job. And I don’t want you to grow to resent me every time you have to dodge a question about your sexuality.”
“I wouldn’t.”
“You would. You still haven’t come to terms with so many things in your life. Sooner or later, we’d start fighting again, and we’d be right back to where we were three years ago. Only this time, Matthew will also suffer. I can’t let that happen.”
“Dev, please.”
Devan shook his head. “Good-bye, Eli.”
He went to the spare room and shut the door.
Eli couldn’t think, could barely breathe as the cold reality of his situation sunk in. Despite how hard he’d tried, walking this tightrope between his public persona and his personal life, he’d fallen off once more.
His mom had told him once that he was a difficult person to love. That had stuck with him throughout his life, had colored every relationship he’d ever had. Devan was the first person who’d proved his mother wrong. He’d cared about Eli, loved him. And Eli had done everything in his power to push him away.
The light that always sprung to life when he was with Devan snuffed out, leaving him feeling cold. Eli slowly got to his feet and, with one last look toward the spare room, walked upstairs to his empty bedroom.
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