“I’m going to the cafeteria to get something to eat,” mom says as she stands smoothing her black skirt. I don’t want mom to be alone so I follow behind, even though I can’t tell if she wants me to join her. She’s extremely hard to read.
We walk down a few floors to the now busy cafeteria. I glance at my phone to see it’s dinnertime. I grab a Caesar salad and bottle of water before joining mom at a small table.
“It shouldn’t be much longer until someone comes to tell us he’s okay.” I try to say it as strong as she would, but I hear my voice waver with my delivery. She doesn’t say anything more.
We sit in silence for what feels like eternity, but it can only be minutes, as we eat our salads until mom says, “Thank you for asking them to look into this further.”
Looking up from my salad I see she’s still eyeing hers. She doesn’t meet my eyes, but I think she just said the nicest thing she’s ever said to me.
“No problem,” I try not to make this a big deal.
We keep eating until mom’s phone goes off. She snatches it up in an instant, “Hello?”
I see the worry back in her eyes as she listens to the person on the other end until she ends the call. She doesn’t say a word, but she’s only on the line a few seconds.
“Mom?”
“Dr. Dixon wants to speak to us in dad’s room.”
“That’s all he said?”
“That’s it. Why didn’t he say everything went well or mention the surgery at all?” Mom looks at me with pleading eyes; I’ve never seen her look so worried, so childlike.
I shrug my shoulders and say, “I don’t know. Let’s go.”
Usually they don’t say anything over the phone when … it’s bad news. My stomach drops. I don’t want to jump ahead of myself. We walk side-by-side to the elevator and cram ourselves inside with another family. They seem extremely happy and when they get off on the maternity ward floor I know why.
They’re welcoming a new member of their family.
I feel a tear slip from my eye, but I wipe it off before it’s noticeable.
Dr. Dixon is in the hallway outside of dad’s room talking to a nurse we haven’t seen before. When he spots us his face is neutral, not giving anything away. I pity him for what I know he’s about to do.
“Mrs. and Miss Bellisano,” he says as he nods his head at us, “we tried everything that we could. Your husband went into cardiac arrest during his procedure. His heart stopped and we could not revive him. I’m so sorry.”
“No!” mom screams before cupping her hands over her face to sob. She makes a noise I’ve never heard before, a primal animal noise. The sound you’d make when your true love is ripped away from your life. The tears don’t stop.
“I’m sorry, let the staff know if there is anything you need,” Dr. Dixon says again before leaving us to grieve alone.
I haven’t spoken to my dad in years … and now I’ll never be able to again.
I’ll never hear his voice.
I’ll never get to ask him a question. To answer one of his.
I’ll never get to hug him.
I’ll never get to have a family dinner.
Or lunch. Or breakfast.
Or goddamn anything.
I look at my mom who continues to sob; she’s the only family I have left. Wrapping my arms around her, I let her sob into my embrace. The tears don’t seem to leave my eyes.
Shock. Numb.
The door swings open and we pull apart from our embrace. The bitchy nurse from earlier stares at us a little stunned. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t know anyone was in here.”
She leaves the room as quickly as she threw herself into it.
Mom pulls her shoulders back and holds her head high despite her puffy eyes and says, “Come on, we need to make arrangements.”
If I didn’t work in a hospital myself, I would be thrown by how quickly she’s tried to change her feelings. But it’s quite normal to go through many stages of shock, denial, and grief.
We walk down the hall back to the elevator of doom when another nurse stops us. I’m standing here, but I have absolutely no idea what she’s saying to mom. My head spins in a million different directions.
The elevator dings and for some reason I glance in its direction. Luke.
The man who left me is here, in this very hospital, walking out of the elevator towards me.
I run. No, I sprint down the hall and throw myself into his open arms. It’s then I finally cry. The tears fall from my eyes like a waterfall as I collapse into his strong arms. He holds me tight and keeps me upright in his embrace.
“I’m so sorry, Ariana,” he whispers into my ear.
My sobs subside when I realize I’m standing in the middle of a hospital causing a scene. I pull myself out of his grasp and wipe at my eyes, mimicking what I just saw my mom do just minutes ago.
Mom. I turn around and see she’s walking towards us.
“No one special, huh? I see the last thing you said to your dad was a lie,” she says as she brushes past us and steps into the elevator. Staring straight into her cold eyes as the doors close in front of her face, I can’t believe she just said that to me.
But what she said was the truth.
“Hey,” Luke says as he grabs my arm, forcing me to look at him. “Breathe. In, out.” He kisses my forehand before taking my hand in his, guiding us towards the elevator. I melt into his side, letting him put me in a red Prius rental car. If I wasn’t feeling like a crazy person I’d make a joke about the fact that this manly man CEO is driving a tiny hybrid, but I don’t even have it in me.
I’ve got nothing left in me.
Chapter twenty-seven
In silence we drive until we reach a Marriott not too far from the hospital, and Luke parks the car. Everything else is a blur—how I got up the stairs, into the room, and inside a shower with the hottest water streaming across my body. Looking down at my hands holding a bar of orange soap, I watch it slip from my hands to crash on the ground.
“Fuck … fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!” I scream, slamming my fist into the wall. I can’t tell the difference between my own tears and the water from the showerhead. Neither stops flowing down my face. Just as my legs feel like giving out in utter defeat, I’m caught.
Luke stands in the shower in all his clothes to hold me up. Now I know it’s tears streaming as I sob.
“I can’t do this. I’m not strong enough for this,” I cry out.
Luke scoops me up and carries me to the bed. I stare at the ugly white stucco ceiling trying to catch my breath. I think I’m hyperventilating. No, I’m a doctor; I know I’m hyperventilating. I hear the water shut off before Luke comes out of the bathroom holding a fluffy white towel. He gently rubs the towel over my wet body, drying me off. He’s gentle and patient. Tears must be trickling down my face again because Luke takes an extra second to wipe my cheeks.
“How did you know I was here?” I ask, my voice hoarse from all the crying.
Luke lays next to me on the bed, still in his wet clothes. He stares up at the ceiling too. “I went to your apartment to see you and Serena told me.”
“Why did you go to my apartment? You made it clear you didn’t want me in your life anymore.”
He’s silent for a minute too long, but I don’t have the energy to fight with him or plead my case—my case for wanting a fucking explanation for why he threw me out of his car and cut off all connection without a single word. The first time I decided to trust a man since I was raped and he leaves me. I already felt unworthy; this was just a confirmation.
“I’d like to tell you about what happened to my parents, if that’s okay with you.”
“Oh, now you want to open up and share with me? On the same day my dad died.” As soon as the bitchy words leave my lips I wish I could take them back. They are poisonous and I don’t mean them. I do want to know what happened to his parents.
“I’ve never told this to anyone before,” Luke says, ignoring my asshole remark.
; He lost his parents when he was 14 and he’s never spoken about it? I thought I was depressing, since I only told a few close friends part of my story. But telling absolutely no one is worse. How lonely. His heart must be heavy, carrying around whatever he’s about to share with me.
“Tell me, please.” I can’t bring myself to look at him yet, but I do want to hear what he’s been through. I’ve wanted this for so long—I’ll take it however it comes.
He takes a deep breath. “My dad used to beat the shit out of my mom.”
He pauses and I let out a small gasp. Trying to stay quiet, I keep all the questions swirling around in my head to myself … for now. Suddenly, I have a flashback to when he reacted in the car to the little boy and his mom who I knew were getting abused. That could have been him. Little Luke.
“My dad was an alcoholic. He’d come home and blame my mom for everything wrong in his life. That’s how it all started. A drunken punch here, a slap across the face there.
“Then as I got older, it got much worse. He started accusing her of having affairs with random men we’d never heard of, and she’d reassure him each time she had no idea what he was talking about. He was an extremely nasty, jealous man.”
“Did he hit you too?” I know the answer—I’ve seen his scars but I need to know for sure. The thought of someone laying a hand on young Luke makes my blood boil.
He chuckles at my concern. “We all got hit, except for Lisa, until one day he lost it on her too.”
A man who hits his kids and his wife is the ultimate coward. He’s supposed to protect them.
Luke takes a few minutes to collect his thoughts. “Two days before my fifteenth birthday, my dad came home and interrupted what would have been a nice family dinner. Mom had all three of us kids at the table talking about our days and dad stumbles in. A big fight broke out and then dad left the room. I thought it was over with and he’d go sleep it off somewhere. I was so fucking wrong. Dad came back into the kitchen holding a nine millimeter.”
I gasp in shock and slip my hand into Luke’s.
“Mom makes us kids go to our rooms, which isn’t anything out of the usual. She could calm him down much better if we weren’t around bickering at him. Just the sight of us—me especially—would enrage him. So, we all went into Lisa’s room and then I heard a blood curdling scream.”
Luke grips my hand a little tighter. I’m not even sure he’s aware he’s doing it.
“I run out of my bedroom and into the kitchen. Dad has his disgusting hands wrapped around my mom’s throat; he is choking her to death. I see her face turning purple. I run at them, knocking my dad over and I beat the shit out of him. I pretty much space out from that moment until I hear the first shot. Everything snaps into focus and is crystal clear after that.”
My heart is breaking for where this story is going—for this young boy and his beautiful siblings who have been nothing but kind to me. I roll over onto my side to stare at Luke’s profile; he’s still looking at the ceiling with no emotion reflected in his hazel eyes. I can see he just wants to get this off his chest. It’s a story I can’t believe he’s never told to another soul.
“He shot her.” A tear slides down Luke’s cheek; he wipes it away just as fast as it falls. “He shot her in the head right there in front of me. I watched her instantly take her last breath,” Luke pauses, “and then he turned the gun on himself and took his own life. That fucking bastard. That fucking coward. Out of rage and jealousy he took the one person who truly loved us away. His cowardice took away our angel.”
“Oh my god. Luke,” is all I can say as I cuddle up next to him embracing him in the biggest hug I can give. I kiss his cheek and squeeze him tight to me.
He has battles too.
“You are nothing like your father.”
He finally turns to me and it’s then I see the pain in his eyes. “You’re wrong. You don’t see it, I’m just like him.”
“What are you talking about? You have one of the biggest hearts out of everyone I know. You wouldn’t hurt anyone.”
“No, Ariana. At the club when I saw Drake kissing you I became a different person. I saw red. I wanted to murder him for putting his hands on you. And I wanted to scream at you for letting another man touch you. I was engulfed in jealousy. Don’t you see? I’m just fucking like him. I can’t be with anyone because you never know what I could do.”
I curl myself into Luke’s side, laying my head on his chest to listen to his heart’s fast beat.
“Luke, you are nothing like your father. Absolutely nothing like him. I don’t know how to say that any other way.”
I wish I could make him see himself how I do.
“You don’t know that. You don’t really know me.”
“How can you say that? Yes, I do know that and yes I do know you.” I sit myself upright to stare at Luke. I really look at him and marvel at his handsomeness. Placing my hand on his strong chest I feel a tiny scar, which has a completely different meaning for me now.
He’s a fighter. Something extremely tragic, that many people would use as an excuse to give up on life, hasn’t broken him down. Luke has done just the opposite. To anyone meeting Luke today, you’d see a man who is thriving as the CEO of the largest vodka company in the world.
“You are an amazing man. Just the way you act with your brother and sister is something to admire. You protect them, take care of them, honor them, and you love them. It’s obvious; your heart is full of love. Don’t compare yourself to someone like … that.”
“Someone like that is in my DNA. That jealousy runs in my blood.” Luke rubs at his eyes with his fists before sitting up next to me. “You can believe what you want, but I know the truth about myself.”
“Well, I know what I know.”
He smirks and says, “You’re goddamn stubborn.”
“Damn straight. That seems to be the only thing you’re right about.” I lean in, kissing him.
I’ve missed this. I’ve missed him. I want to talk about everything that’s happened—all the stupid things I did to distract myself from missing him—in the time we’ve been apart, but right now my brain doesn’t care about all of that.
All I want to do is kiss him. Luke kisses me but I can tell he’s holding back. “Are you sure you’re okay? Today has got to be a tough day for you,” he says, pulling back to stare at me. “We can wait.”
“No, I don’t want to wait.” I pull him towards me by his shirt. “Please. I really need you right now.”
And that’s all it takes; he kisses me back. It’s no holding back. I slowly bite his bottom lip as my hand trails up from his chest to wrap around his head. As I run my fingers through his thick hair, he moans into my mouth.
His fingers move to the towel he wrapped me up in earlier, which he’s now slowly undoing. I feel a breeze as the towel drops to the bed, leaving me exposed. I’m not cold for long—my body heats up as Luke leans in to suck on my nipple. He rolls his tongue around it before squeezing it between his teeth. He moves from one to the other, taking his time to give both equal attention. Dropping my hands to the bed I cling to the sheets; this is absolutely delightful.
“Lean back Ariana,” Luke commands. As I lean back, lowering my head on the pillow, he lowers himself down my body to hover his face between my thighs. “The view from here is nice.”
I laugh, watching him check out my breasts. I never thought I’d be the woman who cares what a man thinks about her, but I truly find it sexy that he finds me sexy. I don’t have much time to think about that though, as Luke dips his head down to run his tongue back and forth across my sensitive bud. My body quivers as he twirls his skillful tongue around and around. He alternates between licks and sucks in just the right way to send electric waves through my body.
Then an intense ravenous desire rips through me, urging me to return the favor and give him this pleasure.
“Luke, stop,” I moan. Luke looks up at me to make sure everything is okay. I have him pushed back on the bed w
ith me straddling his hips in what seems like a flash.
“How the hell did you just maneuver that?” he laughs at my ninja-like skills.
Kissing him from his chest to his erect manhood, which I lick after happily greeting it. Slipping his cock in between my breasts, I rub it up and down until I see a dribble of pre-ejaculation come out of the tip. I lean down to suck him into my mouth while Luke hisses out in pleasure.
I deep throat his cock while my hands massage his heavy balls. Hearing a low growl from Luke encourages me to keep going. I bob my head up and down as I continue twirling my tongue around his cock.
He must be getting close to climax—he’s got to be—but before I can confirm that, he pulls his cock out of my wanting mouth and flips me over on the bed. I’m laying on my side as he maneuvers his body in-between my legs. One of my legs is under his body and the other draped over his torso; he slowly teases my wet clit by rubbing his cock up and down it.
Fuck, that’s divine. I claw my nails into his bicep and start rocking myself into his cock.
Put it in already, man.
He reads my mind. For a split second everything stands still. His hazel eyes reflect the understanding that must shine from my greys.
I take his cock into my hand and slide it gently into my sex.
“I love you,” Luke says with his eyes still on me.
He loves me. This man is the only man who has ever shown me true love and I love him back. Hell yes I do.
“I love you too,” I whisper before leaning in to kiss him, which takes him deeper inside my body. He must hit something magical inside because I moan out.
“Oh you like that?” Gone is the loving look in Luke’s eyes, replaced with the naughty confident one.
“I love that too,” I wink before trying to grind on him, but in this position he’s going to be the one who has to work. He holds on to my leg for support before he rocks his hips into me over and over again.
“Oh my god. Don’t ever stop doing that,” I whimper out, feeling sweat pool over my body. I squeeze Luke’s bicep even harder before I slam my eyes shut as an orgasm rocks through my core. Luke pumps inside of me a few more times before he stops to pull me close to his shaking chest.
The Power of Salvation Page 22