by Meg Jolie
“Oh my gosh!” I squealed. “This is not ‘amazing’! This is freezing! You should’ve warned me!” My breaths came in sharp, little gasps. Caleb laughed as I hugged my arms to my body, futilely hoping they would warm me.
“I think it’s nice,” he said smugly.
“You would!” I shot back at him. Without thinking, I made a fist out of my hand and dragged my arm quickly across the water’s surface, causing a tidal wave that hit him directly in the face.
He sputtered at me and Tyler laughed from a few feet away. At least the current was slow. I didn’t need to worry about Tyler getting washed away, even though the water was to his chest near the middle of the river.
“I can’t believe you did that!” Caleb cried.
He lunged at me. I shrieked again as I tried to dive out of his way. I wasn’t quick enough and his fingers gripped me around the waist. His large hands tugged and I went under, laughing, sputtering and shrieking before I had to seal my mouth shut. He pulled me close to him in an effort to hold me beneath the surface. I struggled against his body but his grip on me didn’t budge.
It was only moments before he let me go. I broke through the surface laughing and feeling acclimated to the water temp. It was no longer freezing.
“He got you!” Tyler cried gleefully.
Caleb and I shared a look. Then we turned our gaze back to Ty. His smile dropped and he started to back up.
“What did you say?” I demanded as I pushed my way through the water.
“Nothing!” he sang gleefully. He let out a shriek of laughter as Caleb lunged at him next, carefully pulling him under as well. He barely dunked him, not wanting to scare him. When Tyler reemerged he was laughing so hard that Caleb and I couldn’t help but join in.
It had been ages since I’d heard Tyler laugh like that. My heart swelled with my own happiness, grateful to Caleb for making it happen. This day was just what Tyler and I both needed. I didn’t know how I was ever going to repay him.
Chapter FOUR
I was sure it had to be all in my head, but being on a college campus…it felt so grown-up. Even if it was just a good old state college. As I hurried along the web of sidewalks, I gave myself a pep talk: This really wasn’t so bad.
And it wasn’t. The sun was shining, which was a good thing. Each of my four classes was in a different building. I thought it would be nice to get a breath of fresh air in between. I was supposed to meet Riley outside of the student union.
I spotted her fidgeting impatiently as I moved with the flow of the crowed.
She was trying to look cool, trying to contain her smile, but I could tell how excited she was to be starting classes. I was too but neither of us wanted to look like over-eager freshman.
“Hey,” she said as I reached her side. “I got this for you in the Union.” She held out a cardboard cup wearing a cardboard sleeve.
I took it from her. The scent of flavored coffee washed over me. Cinnamon and vanilla…yum.
“Thanks.” I glanced around, noting just how many students were carrying mugs of some sort. Ah, so this was her effort to fit in. I took a sip as we started walking, thinking that this was something I could definitely see becoming a habit.
“I’ve heard that the Dr. Clayton can be a real prick,” she announced quietly as we hurried along. He taught Understanding Literature, our first class of the day. The only class we had together. “We don’t want to be late on the first day. I heard that if you get on his bad side, you’re screwed. And you never know what might set him off. But I do know he doesn’t tolerate people being late so we should really try to avoid that.”
I cringed. I was sure she wasn’t trying to be accusatory, but if we were late today, it would probably be my fault. Tyler had insisted on double checking everything in his backpack. I’d stayed behind to help him, afraid he’d miss the bus if I left him alone in the middle of excavating through his things.
“Sorry about that,” I muttered.
She shrugged as we pushed our way through the crowd clogging the hallways. We’d already walked around campus, checking out our rooms ahead of time so we knew exactly where we were going. Over-eager freshman? Yes. But at least we didn’t look as lost as some of the people we passed.
“It’s fine,” she assured me. “I think we’ll be right on time.”
We reached the room and joined the small crowd that was trickling in. The room was one of the smaller ones, not much bigger than our high school English class had been. It was also already quite full.
Riley looked at me over her shoulder and wrinkled her nose. It looked like we were going to be stuck in the front row. She didn’t look too happy about it but I tried to find the bright side. In the front, I’d have to pay attention.
I had a feeling I was going to need all the help I could get.
As soon as Dr. Clayton strode into the room, nose in the air, grim look on his face, I knew she was right. He looked like a hard-ass and he hadn’t even spoken yet. His arms were laden with papers that he dumped onto his desk.
He turned his back to us, without acknowledging anyone in the room, and began to scribble on the board. When the bell rang, peeling through the air, he twisted around to face his. He scowled at the stragglers darting into the room.
“You. Are. Late!” he barked. “Do not let it happen again.”
I glanced at Riley. She wore a smug I told you so look.
I knew from here on out, I was going to have to do a better job of getting out of the house on time. Mom was going to have to help Tyler with any last minute issues. That’s all there was to it.
By the end of the day, I realized the biggest difference between high school and college was obvious. The amount of homework I had was almost mind-boggling. I was taking four courses, which was pretty average, and I had hundreds of pages to be read. As the professors each went over their own syllabus, I realized I would have dozens of papers to write and a handful of projects to complete.
Broken down, maybe it wasn’t so bad. But to think about it all at once it was a bit overwhelming. Knowing I needed straight As, if I hoped to transfer, made it even more overwhelming.
I was also determined. I could do this.
***
Riley had invited me back to her dorm. She wanted to introduce me to her roommate and a few girls she’d met. I’d gone, but only for an hour. Then I’d headed home, hoping to get a good start on my class work.
Maybe I’d even manage to get a little bit ahead.
By the time Noah called, I was ready for a break.
“How did your first day go?” he asked.
“Good. You?”
“Good. But I’m already swamped,” he admitted.
“Same here,” I agreed. “So far, it’s mostly reading.”
“I’ve got a lot of reading for tonight too,” he said. “By the end of the week, I’ve got to start in on a group project. It’s for my Sociology class. I hate group work,” he complained. “The prof assigned our groups. And maybe I shouldn’t complain because it’s not like I knew anyone in class anyway, but you just know with group work, there’s always someone that doesn’t pull their weight.”
“I don’t have any group work. But I do have a presentation coming up.” I cringed. I hated speaking in front of people. Too bad, I supposed. Because I was pretty sure that was something I was just going to have to get used to.
“How’s your roommate?” I asked.
He groaned. “I’m actually out on the quad right now. Landon’s not too bad. I guess.
“You don’t sound very convincing,” I said. “Is he a partier?”
“Nah, kind of the opposite. I really shouldn’t complain but last night, he wanted lights out by ten. Then he was up at seven, flipping through his textbooks. He’s already laid down what he calls ground rules,” Noah grumbled.
“And those are?” I asked.
“No drinking in our dorm room. No girls. No friends over unless it’s a weekend. He wants lights out at a reasonable hour
every night. The problem is that his idea of reasonable and mine don’t quite mesh.” He let out a sigh.
“I’m sure he’ll lighten up once the year gets under way,” I tried to assure him.
“Yeah, I don’t know. I hope so,” Noah grumbled. “It should be me and you sharing a place. Not me and this putz.”
I was sure his words were meant to make me feel better, let me know that he missed me and wished I was there. They did. But they also made me feel guilty as well. I’d messed everything up by letting my grades slip the way I had.
I had to fix this. But it was going to take time.
“I miss you, baby,” he murmured into the phone.
“Miss you too. But it sounds like with the amount of schoolwork we both have, pretty soon we’ll both be so busy we won’t have time to miss each other.”
He laughed. “Not possible. No matter what else I’ve got going on, you’re always on my mind.”
I felt the same.
We talked for another half hour or so before cutting the call so we could both get back to our homework. I knew with the call fresh on my mind, I wasn’t going to be able to dive right back into my reading.
I decided to get up and stretch my legs. I headed down to the kitchen for a glass of water and maybe some watermelon.
Mom had her back to me as I walked in. I knew instantly that this situation could only go from bad to worse. Her movements were jerky, as if they took effort. For a moment I contemplated walking out, pretending I hadn’t seen anything.
That moment passed when the bottle she’d been holding, a bottle that had been blocked from my view by her body, crashed to the floor. It shattered, spraying broken glass and red wine across the white tile and cupboards.
Despite the racket she had caused, it seemed to take her a moment to realize what had happened. Her head slowly tilted downward and I realized just how far gone she was.
“Mom,” I stated flatly as she knelt down to the broken glass.
Before I could reach her, she’d grabbed a fistful. She hissed in pain as the broken glass sliced into her palm.
“Mom!” I cried this time as I hurried over to her.
She slumped against the countertop, looking at me with blurry eyes. Her hand opened and the fistful of glass she’d grabbed clattered to the floor. Blood began to flow from her palm. The sickening scent of merlot assaulted my senses. Maybe under other circumstances, I wouldn’t hate the smell so much. But the circumstances were what they were. It was a smell I associated with dozens of situations similar to this one.
“Emmmry..?” she slurred.
I wanted to be angry at her but I just couldn’t be. Not right then. I tugged the dishtowel off the handle of the stove and knelt down beside her. I gingerly took her hand in mine, careful not to step in the mess of liquid that was pooling around us.
I wrapped the towel around her hand. She blinked watery eyes at me.
She was going to cry, I realized as my heart pinched. I wanted to cry too. I just didn’t have that luxury. Not right then.
“Come on,” I said as I stood, pulling her to her feet.
She stumbled and I pulled her back, not wanting her to step in the liquid that now covered the floor.
“Let’s get this cleaned up,” I said. I wasn’t sure if she even heard me. Regardless, she let me guide her toward the bathroom. Once inside, I flipped the lid down and gently seated her on the toilet.
“Sorry…Emmmry,” she murmured.
I said nothing as I opened up the cabinet door beneath the bathroom sink. I rummaged around for our first aid kit. I pulled it out and placed it on the countertop.
“Baby…” Mom muttered this time.
I glanced at her and realized she was looking past me. With a twisting feeling in my gut, I glanced over my shoulder.
Ty was standing in the doorway. His hair was rumpled from sleep. A wrinkle from his pillow was embedded on one cheek. He squinted against the harsh lighting of the bathroom.
“Hey, you,” I said, trying to keep my tone light. “Shouldn’t you be in bed?” I moved so that I was blocking Mom from his view. Undoubtedly he’d already seen more than he needed to see.
“Something woke me up,” he said as he tried to peek around me.
“I know,” I said as I moved toward him. “A glass broke in the kitchen. Mom got a little cut. I’m just helping her get it cleaned up.”
He gazed up at me and even though I hadn’t technically lied, glass had broken, I felt like he could see right through what I was saying. Sadly, I was sure that he could.
“Is she okay?” he asked as he tried to maneuver around me.
“She’s fine.” This time, I reached out, placing a hand on his shoulder, hoping to guide him out of the bathroom. He had other plans. He ducked under my arm and darted toward Mom.
She forced a smile for him. It looked out of place on her tear-streaked face.
He swallowed hard as he frowned at her. With her seated, they were face to face. She was holding her injured hand in her other hand. Blood was seeping through the dishtowel and trickling down her arm. He eyed up the bloody mess warily then leveled his gaze on her again.
“Does it hurt?” he demanded.
I was pretty sure, hoping even, that he’d mistaken her tears to be tears over the cut.
She nodded as another tear dribbled down.
“It does hurt baby, it hurts a lot,” she said, forcing another brave smile.
In that moment, I was nearly overtaken by my fury. I knew that she wasn’t talking about the cut. She was talking about her loss. Our loss. A loss she should be helping us through. Not drowning her sorrows in.
Tyler turned to me, fear in his eyes. He was clearly asking me to do something.
I pushed down my frustration. It would be pointless to take it out on Mom anyway. She was too far gone to care…or even notice. But Tyler, he was all too aware.
“I need to fix Mom up. So how about if you go back on up to bed?” I could tell he was about to protest. “There’s not enough room in this tiny bathroom for the three of us. The sooner you scoot on out of here, the sooner I can help her. Okay?”
He gave me a small nod and I moved out of the way to make room for him to pass. I moved to Mom’s side preparing to pull the bloodied towel away. I realized Ty was still standing in the doorframe. His precious little face was etched with concern.
I wanted to drop Mom’s hand, let her take care of herself so I could go take care of my brother. I knew she wouldn’t. If anything, she’d probably just crumple into a ball on the bathroom floor.
I let out a sigh. “Now, Ty. Bed. I’ll check on you in a little bit.”
“Okay,” he whispered. He disappeared and I could hear his feet shuffling down the hallway.
“I’msorry,” Mom slurred. “Don’tknowwhathappened…”
“You got drunk,” I snapped. I kept my voice low, afraid Tyler would hear. I felt like I couldn’t protect him from much these days, but I’d do my damndest to protect him from this. “You had too much to drink. Just like always.”
I tended to her hand. The cut was deep and I wondered if I should bring her to the emergency room. It was possible she needed stitches. She obviously couldn’t drive herself. If I brought her, that would mean pulling Tyler out of bed. The emergency room was notoriously slow. We could be stuck there for hours, waiting. He needed sleep. He didn’t need to sit in some bright, scary place late at night.
With a sigh, I realized I was going to have to fix her up as well as I could. I washed it and bandaged it. In the morning, she could decide for herself what she needed to do. That could be her decision to make.
The entire time I worked, she mumbled incoherently to me. I stopped paying attention to what she was trying to say. Maybe she was apologizing. Maybe she was making excuses. It was entirely possible she wasn’t even talking to me at all.
When I was done, I tugged her to her feet. I slid one of her arms around my shoulders and I guided her up the stairs. By the time we were
halfway up, I regretted my decision. I should’ve just left her on the couch. While she wasn’t dead weight, she wasn’t nearly as much help as I needed her to be. She stumbled repeatedly but by some small miracle, we didn’t fall. That’s all I needed. Broken bones or a broken neck for both of us. What would happen to Tyler then?
Once we were at the top, I dragged her to her bedroom. With her bed in sight, she seemed to gain a small bit of cognizance. She stumbled toward it, collapsing in a heap on top of the sheets. As usual these days, the bed had been left unmade. I grudgingly followed her inside. She was asleep, or likely passed out, by the time I reached her side. I tugged the blankets up around her.
I was exhausted and tempted to go to bed myself. I knew I needed to check on my brother first. There was also a mess in the kitchen to deal with. Part of me was so very tempted to just leave that mess for her. But Tyler would be getting up early for school. Mom would probably be sleeping in late, nursing her hangover.
I didn’t want to expose him to that mess.
He’d already been exposed to enough.
I tiptoed into his room. I had hoped he’d be sleeping.
His small voice cut into the darkness.
“Is Mom okay?”
“Yeah,” I said as I settled onto the edge of his bed. “She’s fine. It was just a little cut.” That was just a little lie. “I got it all cleaned up. She’s all settled into bed. In fact, she’s sleeping already. You should be too.”
He reached out and grabbed my hand. “I can’t sleep. Will you stay with me?”
I had homework to finish, broken glass to pick up, a kitchen to scrub clean and another mess to clean up in the bathroom.
But his soft, pleading tone was hard to say no to.
“Sure,” I said as I gave him a nudge. He scooted over and I spread out next to him on top of the covers. “No talking though, got it?” He had a sneaky little habit of doing that, engaging me in conversation when he was supposed to be going to sleep.
“Got it,” he agreed sleepily.