Some Hearts

by Meg Jolie

  “I can’t help it. He got me thinking. Maybe I should just skip the whole frat guy scene. Like I said, go for a real man. I mean he has a job, right?”

  I narrowed my eyes suspiciously. “Yes, he’s the manager of Randall’s.”

  “The sporting goods store?”

  “Yes.”

  That appreciative hum started up again. She could be so single-minded sometimes. I never knew whether to feel amused or roll my eyes.

  “I hate to cut this short,” she finally said, “but as long as you’re sure you don’t want to come with, I better get off the phone. Casey just walked in and her arms are full of shopping bags. I think my opinion on a new outfit is going to be needed.”

  I laughed. “Okay. You have fun tonight. And if you need a ride or anything, just give me a call.”

  “Thanks, but we’ll be fine. The party is within walking distance of the dorms. So you have fun too and we’ll chat tomorrow.”

  I really had no interest in going to a demolition derby. Yet, I was even more desperate to avoid the frat party. When the offer had come up, I’d latched onto it. I wasn’t sure what the appropriate attire was for watching intentional car crashes but I settled on a pair of worn jeans, knee high black boots, and a simple but form fitting black t-shirt. I decided to pull my long hair up in a ponytail. It seemed like tonight would be all about casual.

  When the doorbell rang half an hour later, I decided I was as ready as I was going to get.

  ***

  To my surprise, several hours later, I found that I was having a great time. The demolition derby was being held at the county fair a few towns over. We’d walked through the fair first, even taking the time to go on a few rides. I was surprised when Tyler begged to walk through the animal barns. I hadn’t thought that would be something he was interested in. Turned out, I was wrong about that too. He was fascinated by the horses, a little disgusted by the cows, and completely enamored with the baby goats. So much so that he insisted he was going to have goats one day.

  I found that unlikely but decided to let the boy dream.

  Caleb had insisted on buying us dinner. If malts, cheese curds and cotton candy could be called dinner. I had almost protested, wanting to point out that Tyler really should have a decent meal. Then I’d realized that at the fair, there really wasn’t any such thing anyway. So why spoil the boys’ fun?

  The stands were brimming with people. At first, I had thought the idea of cars crashing into each other over and over until only one car was left running seemed absurd. But that was before I heard my brother laughing hysterically at the drivers’ antics. In no time, I was laughing, clapping and cheering along with everyone else.

  The cars moved at a slower pace than I’d expected. I decided that only made sense. They had to keep the drivers safe. It was almost comical, the way some of them just putted along, their impacts not amounting to anything while others got a running start.

  When it was over, we joined the flow of people spilling out of the stands. The fair was in full swing. The lights of the rides lit up the night, the smell of artery-clogging foods filled the air. Screams floated down to us from some of the larger rides and Tyler looked at them in awe.

  He turned to me and I knew what he was going to ask before he even said it.

  I shook my head. “We need to head home. We’ve got a little bit of a drive ahead of us. Besides, you got to go on plenty of rides earlier.”

  He opened his mouth, clearly ready to protest but Caleb clapped a hand down on his shoulder. “You heard your sister. You probably want to listen to her or she might not let you come with me next time I ask to take you somewhere.”

  Tyler’s shoulders rose and fell in an exaggerated sigh. “Fine.”

  I had expected him to put up more of an argument. Instead, he yawned hugely and I realized he was probably too tired to put up too much of a fuss. He took off toward the truck, rehashing his favorite parts of the night with Caleb. When we reached the truck, he crawled into the backseat. I’d been smart enough to call shotgun first.

  We weren’t even out to the main highway when I glanced back to find him sound asleep in the backseat of Caleb’s truck. I turned back around with a satisfied smile on my face.

  “I know he had fun tonight, how about you?” Caleb asked.

  “I have to admit, I wasn’t sure what to expect. It really didn’t sound that appealing to me. But yeah, I had a great time.”

  He laughed at that. “Why in the hell did you agree to go?”

  “Because Ty asked me to.”

  He played around with the radio until he found a classic rock station. I smiled because Evan had enjoyed classic rock too.

  “You’re a good sister. You know that, right?” he asked as he shot a glance my way.

  I groaned. “Well, in all honesty, I didn’t go tonight just because Ty asked me. I was kind of looking for an excuse not to go to a party.”

  “Ah!” he exclaimed. “The truth comes out. I feel so used!” He clapped a hand over his heart.

  I reached over and smacked his shoulder and he laughed.

  “Not in the partying mood, huh?” he asked, his tone turning a little more serious.

  “Not in the mood to hang out with a group of single girls who are on the lookout for single guys. Especially not at a party where everyone is wasted and almost everyone is acting stupid,” I explained.

  He nodded. “Yeah, I suppose not. Must kind of suck that Noah’s so far away.”

  “Sure does,” I agreed. I wondered if now would be a good time to fish for information about whether or not he had a girlfriend. I was trying to decide the best way to slide into that conversation when he reached over and put his hand on the volume dial.

  “Do you mind?” he asked. “I love this song.”

  “Not at all.”

  He looked at me and grinned as he began to belt out the lyrics along with the radio. I wasn’t familiar with the song but I enjoyed listening to him sing along. Song after song, he seemed to know all the words. He kept the volume cranked up the entire ride home. That worked for me. I wasn’t good at forcing conversation. With Tyler sleeping, I didn’t want to be responsible for keeping the conversation going. I wondered if Caleb felt the same way.

  He finally turned down the volume as he turned onto our road. I took off my seatbelt and half crawled over the seat so that I could shake Tyler awake.

  “Hey, bud!” I said. “It’s time to wake up!”

  He blinked up at me in the darkness. “I’ve been awake,” he irritably mumbled.

  I knew better than to argue with a tired child. Even the sweetest kid could become belligerent when pulled out of a deep sleep.

  “We’re almost home, Ty!” Caleb said.

  My brother mumbled something unintelligible as I collapsed back into my seat.

  “Thanks so much for tonight,” I told Caleb. “Thanks for letting me tag along. Again.”

  “Yeah, no problem. I had a good time too. If you ever need an excuse to get out of another fun night with your friends, feel free to use me anytime.” I swung my gaze to him and he winked. “Sorry, I couldn’t resist.”

  He pulled into our driveway and parked. I was surprised when he got out of the truck and walked up to the door with us. It was dark out but the living room light was blazing. I was irritated when I reached for the doorknob only to find it locked. Mom was home but maybe she hadn’t heard us drive up. I fumbled around in my purse, finally finding my key ring.

  The cool air seemed to have jolted my brother out of his sleepy state.

  “That was so much fun!” Tyler exclaimed as he bounced around on the porch next to me. “Can we go again?”

  Caleb laughed. “You know they won’t be back until next year, so I can’t make any promises. But I’ll definitely keep it in mind. Okay?”

  Tyler looked a little disappointed but he agreed anyway. “I think I want to drive one of those when I grow up. Do you think I can?”

  Caleb nodded as I stuck my key in
the lock. “I’m sure you could,” he said. “If you decide that’s something you really want to do. But who knows. You might change your mind by then. Maybe you’ll find something more interesting.”

  “Like what?” Tyler wondered. He sounded perplexed.

  “Girls,” Caleb answered.

  “No.” Tyler shook his head decisively.

  Caleb gave him a teasing nudge. “You’ll be changing your mind one of these days. You just wait and see.”

  “Nope,” Tyler argued. “That’s not going to happen.”

  I was smiling as I pushed the front door open. That smile quickly collapsed into a scowl.

  My nose wrinkled reflexively as we walked into the foyer. I recognized the rancid smell immediately. Vomit was pretty impossible to ignore. I felt fury well up within me. She couldn’t behave herself for one night?

  I realized with a sinking heart that of course she couldn’t. I’d taken Tyler off her hands. It was like giving her free reign to drink herself into oblivion. These revelations only took seconds. I was the first one in the door and I grabbed Tyler’s shoulder, nudging him in while trying to block Caleb’s way.

  He looked confused for a second, not sure what to make of my rudeness. Then his nose wrinkled. I knew that he knew.

  That didn’t mean I was going to let him in.

  “Thanks for tonight,” I said. “Ty had a great time. I did too. But he needs to get to bed. So, uh, we’ll see you later?”

  Caleb wasn’t having it.

  His expression hardened as he pushed his way past me. I scampered after him.

  “Caleb!”

  He stopped in the arched doorway that led into the living room. He turned back to me with a sympathetic look on his face. I filled the space that his body didn’t, knowing that between the two of us we were blocking Tyler’s view. Mom was sprawled out on the couch. Two bottles of wine, rested on the coffee table. I wondered if she’d even bothered with a glass. I couldn’t see whatever mess she’d made from here.

  I felt my irritation flare when I realized Caleb was trying to gauge my reaction.

  “It’s fine!” I just wanted him to go. No one wants a witness to their humiliation. I wasn’t just embarrassed for myself, that this was my life. That this was, yet again, another mess I was going to have to clean up. But I was embarrassed for my mom as well.

  If she was in her right frame of mind, she’d be humiliated.

  “No, Emory,” he said, his voice low, “this is not fine.”

  “Okay, you’re right. It’s not. But I’ll take care of it.”

  “I’ll help.”

  I shook my head. The best way he could help, was to leave. I could see by his determined expression that wasn’t going to happen.

  “Fine,” I growled. I glanced at Tyler who was silently watching us with a confused, worried expression. “Would you take Ty upstairs? He can get himself ready for bed. Would you just be sure he brushes his teeth? And then maybe read him a story to take his mind off things?”

  I knew from experience that it could take my brother awhile to pick out a book. That would tie Caleb up long enough for me to finish with the mess in the living room.

  “Yeah,” he said. “That’s fine.”

  I thought maybe he wanted to argue. With Ty standing there, he really couldn’t.

  And truly, I did want to get my brother upstairs, out of the way. Caleb seemed to realize that.

  “Up we go!” Caleb said as he settled a hand on Tyler’s shoulder and nudged him toward the staircase. “So what book do you want me to read to you?”

  “Do you mean I have to pick just one?” Tyler asked.

  I squeezed my eyes shut but only for a second. Then I headed to the utility room in search of a pair of rubber gloves, rags and other cleaning supplies. I tried not to think about facing Caleb when I was done. I was silently cursing him for being such a gentleman. Would it have killed him to not walk us to the door?

  It was too late to do anything about it now.

  He wanted to push his way in? Well, Caleb, welcome to my life.

  Chapter SEVEN

  “You don’t need to stay,” I grumbled. “We’re not your problem. I know you feel this…this obligation because of Evan. But me, Ty, Mom…we’re not your responsibility.”

  I was standing at the bathroom sink, scrubbing my hands yet again. I should’ve closed the door because I’d felt him following me down the hallway. Now his large body was blocking my way out. I turned away from him to dry my hands on a towel.

  He sighed as he grabbed me by the shoulders and spun me around. “I know that. Maybe some of this has to do with Evan, but not all of it. I mean, I don’t feel obligated. I care about you guys. Okay?”

  I felt my lip trembling. All I could do was nod.

  “Why don’t we go outside? We can talk for a couple of minutes.”

  Talking was the last thing I wanted to do but he wasn’t going to take ‘no’ for an answer. I followed him through the house. The night air felt cool and soothing. The backyard was dark and I found that soothing as well. I made my way to the porch swing and settled onto it.

  “You don’t have to lie or pretend with me,” Caleb said quietly. He sat down next to me and the swing groaned under the added weight.

  Sitting out here, on the back deck, in the dark, it made things a little easier.

  He’d taken Ty upstairs and gotten him settled into bed.

  I’d cleaned up Mom’s mess and wiped off her face. I’d hated every second of it. Not just the mess, but the humiliation of knowing that Caleb had seen everything. He hadn’t said a word when he’d come back downstairs. Instead, he managed to hoist Mom off the couch, into his arms. He’d carried her upstairs and I’d followed silently behind him. He settled her onto her bed. She had barely stirred. I’d covered her with a blanket and quietly thanked him as we walked out of the room.

  I’d assumed he would leave.

  I should’ve known better.

  I wasn’t going to lie to him. But if I had my way, I wouldn’t tell him anything at all. Apparently, I was not about to have my way.

  “I know your mom has a drinking problem. That she’s had one for awhile.”

  It wasn’t a question. Still, I wanted to deny it. I could tell by his tone it would do no good so I continued to sit in silence.

  “Evan told me,” he stated flatly. “I didn’t realize it was this bad.”

  I let out a derisive laugh.

  “You wanna talk about it?” he asked.

  “Not really,” I said. I stared off into the backyard. It was a cloudless night. The yard was dark. So dark I could barely make out the outlines of the trees scattered throughout.

  “Well, I wish you would,” he said. “I’m worried about you.”

  I turned to face him. “Worried?”

  “Yeah,” he admitted. “Worried. I see how you take care of Ty. I didn’t realize you take care of your mom too. You shouldn’t have to do that. That shouldn’t be on you.”

  I shook my head. “If I don’t, who will?”

  “That’s not what I meant,” he scolded. “And I think you know it. She’s the mom. She should be taking care of you. And she should especially still be taking care of Ty.”

  “She takes care of him,” I argued. I was met with silence so I continued my protest. “She does. She’s not like this all the time.”

  “Emory, you’re barely eighteen. This should not be on you.”

  “That’s not true. I’m almost nineteen. I’ll be nineteen in a few months.”

  “That’s not the point and you know it. Evan told me she started drinking after your dad left.”

  I didn’t deny it. What was the point? If my brother had trusted him with this secret, then why shouldn’t I?

  “She was getting better,” I told him. “After Dad, I mean.”

  “Evan had a talk with her,” Caleb said.

  I turned to him, narrowing my eyes. I hadn’t been aware of that. “What?”

  In the darkness
, I could barely make out his motions but I saw him nod. “Yeah. After he moved out. He told her to knock it the hell off. That she needed to get some help or something but that she needed to get over it. She needed to step up and be a mom.”

  My head swung back around, my gaze unfocused as I looked out into the yard. That made sense. For a while, she had been better. I told Caleb so. “But then, she got worse again. After Evan…”

  I faded off, not able and not needing to say the words.

  “Yeah,” he said quietly, “after seeing her tonight, I kinda figured. You really need to talk to someone about this.”

  “No.” My answer was immediate and definite.

  “Em—”

  “No!” I said again.

  This time, I bounced up from the porch swing. I went to stand at the railing. I heard the swing creak again as it was relieved of Caleb’s weight. He came to stand beside me. His elbows rested against mine.

  “I can’t,” I said as I shook my head. “I’ll talk to her. I will. Even lately, she was doing better. It’s just the last few weeks,” I admitted.

  He didn’t say anything, probably thinking that over. I knew I was right when he finally spoke. He’d come to the same conclusion that I had.

  “Do you think it’s because the anniversary is coming up?”

  I blew out a painful breath. The one year anniversary of Evan’s accident was closing in on us, suffocating us.

  “Yeah, I do.” I scraped a hand over my face, a small moan escaped. I felt Caleb’s hand cautiously settle onto my back. When he started rubbing it in small circles, comfort washed over me. “She doesn’t drink when it’s just her and Tyler. I thought if I went away to school, it might be better for everyone. She’d have Tyler to concentrate on.”

  “Do you really believe that?” he asked.

  “I don’t know,” I whispered. Maybe I had wanted to believe it so I’d let myself. Maybe there was a reason I hadn’t gotten accepted to Hudson. Maybe it was fate’s way of intervening, of being sure that Tyler had someone here to watch over him.

  “Riley’s your cousin right? Your moms are sisters. Can’t you talk to Riley’s mom?”

  I shook my head. “Mom and Aunt Aubrey had a falling out years ago. They barely speak. If I went to Aubrey behind Mom’s back, she’d probably never forgive me.”