“What? Why did you get a new job?” Jamie asked.
Chase smiled at her, trying to calm her down. “Things just weren’t working out at the other one. I didn’t want you to worry so I didn’t tell you. But everything’s going to be okay. I think this will be a great job. The salary is better and the benefits are good. We’ll be okay.”
There was something in Chase’s voice that caught my attention, but I couldn’t put my finger on what it was. He didn’t sound like himself, but when I saw the fury in my sister’s eyes I knew he was just reacting to her anger.
“We need to go talk in the other room,” Jamie said, never one to air her dirty laundry in front of others. We all murmured as they left the room. I wondered why Jamie was so upset. I’d never known her to care where Chase worked, but maybe it was more than that. Maybe everything happening at once was too much for her.
A few minutes later they came back in. Both were smiling so I knew Chase had managed to soothe whatever feathers he’d ruffled. Jamie caught my eye and I winked at her. She blushed which made me wonder exactly what Chase said to convince her everything would be fine about him changing jobs.
I ate my dinner and knew I couldn’t tell them about READ. Everyone was asking about Chase’s new job and Jamie’s pregnancy. I couldn’t take that all away from them by talking about buying READ. Sure, it was my dream, but it wasn’t happening immediately. I had time to tell them.
Or… Maybe I could just let them find out at the party. Pam and George wanted them all there, especially since they were going to announce I was taking over. If I let them be surprised it would make for a fun day. Mom knew, but she wouldn’t tell anyone. I knew that.
Especially if I told her I was going to surprise the rest of them at the party.
Twenty
Connor and I started talking more on the phone. We had almost an hour every morning when he was off and I was getting ready for work. It was tight to see each other, but it worked for chatting. He’d started calling me on his way home from work and we talked until I got to READ. When I told him Tuesday morning about my girls’ night out he asked about all my friends. I gave him the rundown on everyone and confused him quickly. Then he baffled me when he asked if he could meet them one day.
Eeek!
I swear I floated into Bite Me! that night, barely realizing I was at the table before I was sitting down.
“Uh, oh. Riley’s a goner,” Charlie teased as she set cupcakes in front of me. “Another one bites the dust.”
I waved my hand as though to disagree with her, but she was right. I was completely hooked on Connor and there wasn’t a damn thing I could do about it.
“Wide eyes, glowing skin, oblivious to the world, permanent smile… Yep, she’s done,” Mandy agreed.
Wow, I didn’t even notice she was there already. They were right. I was a goner.
“It’s not that bad, guys. And I’m not oblivious.”
“Oh, yeah?” Mandy challenged. “Did you see me before I spoke?” My burning cheeks gave her the answer she was looking for. “Did you notice the truck you stepped out in front of when crossing the parking lot?”
“What truck?” I blurted, confirming her suspicions.
“What about the hottie who held the door for you?”
“Who?”
The table erupted in laughter, at my expense. Shit, it was worse than I’d thought. I had completely lost it because of Connor. I was oblivious to everything around me. There was no telling what I’d missed at work, or in the real world. Connor, and his never-ending skills, had consumed me. How had one night of endless and mind-blowing sex overtaken my entire life?
“Damn. What am I going to do?” I asked, half to myself and half to those around me who’d been through it before. I had no experience with what was happening to me. I hadn’t ever forgotten about everything to think about a guy, to daydream about a single encounter that left me wanting more constantly. I’d even gotten up early that morning so I could listen to him on the radio. His voice worked me into such a frenzy I had to take care of myself in the shower so I could go into work and focus.
Or at least I thought I could focus. Their revelation made me wonder if I’d been distracted all day. No, that wasn’t true. I knew was distracted all day. And it was all Connor’s fault.
“Well, the first thing you’re going to do it tell us all about it,” Addi said with a quirk of an eyebrow. She leaned in, the others following suit, as though I was about to share some juicy secret. I guess, in a way, I was. I’d only known them a few months and I certainly had never shared details about my sex life, mostly because it was dormant in the time I’d known them.
Did I want them to know what was going on with Connor? Was it crossing some sort of line to ‘kiss and tell’ with my girlfriends? Or was it expected?
“You guys really don’t want to hear about all that, do you?”
A resounding “YES” filled my ears, making me jump back. They all laughed, whether at my reaction or theirs it didn’t matter. Everyone wanted to know what happened with Connor and I found myself the center of everyone’s undivided attention.
“Okay, well I told you the first date was pretty horrible. The second date was as opposite from that as you could get.”
I told them about dinner at Soup’s On, meeting Pauley and picking out books, then cuddling on my couch. I stopped there, unsure how much further to go and got seven pairs of raised eyebrows and disbelieving faces.
“And then what happened,” Sam prodded. “You wouldn’t be floating on a cloud if that’s all.”
I felt the heat climb up my cheeks and their smiles confirmed that they saw it too. I was so busted.
“We’ve all been there. And for the old married ones of the group, it’s nice to experience new love all over again.”
“I’m not in love with him,” I declared adamantly. There was no way in hell I was in love with Connor. We’d gone out on two dates and slept together, well, that number was a bit higher, but still, it was only one night. I was not in love with him.
“Okay, we believe you,” Addi said placatingly as she patted my arm. The other married women laughed, and I rolled my eyes. They thought they were so smart, but they were wrong. I wasn’t in love with Connor. It was too soon. Besides, I had too much going on with READ to fall in love. Right?
Right?
Dammit.
Wrong.
I was headed that way. It was pathetic. One night and I was a smitten schoolgirl falling in love with the guy I idolized in high school. He would think I was crazy. I couldn't tell him. Hell, no. Connor couldn't know. He would ditch me so fast my head would spin, and I'd be even worse off than I was already. Connor didn't love me. He was with me for... Something.
"Uh, oh, ladies. She's having the freak out moment," Lexi said in a teasing voice that I didn't find funny at all.
"It's a bad one too. Look at her eyes, she's losing it. Quick, Carrie, shove a cupcake down her throat."
"Why do I have to do that?" Carrie argued with Addi.
"You've known her the longest. She's least likely to slap you," Mandy declared.
"I'm not gonna slap anyone."
"Okay, the first thing you need to remember about this moment is that you have no idea what he's thinking so when you start freaking out that he's not feeling the same way, you don't know that," Sam said, suddenly serious.
"Oh, yeah I do. He wouldn't fall in love after one night no matter how great the sex was. I'm an idiot. Dammit, why didn't you guys let me go on my oblivious way not knowing I was falling for him. Now I'm going to overanalyze everything and worry constantly that he's going to dump me, or figure out I'm in love with him."
I was freaking out. Bad. Like Carrie at the prom bad. Okay, maybe not that bad. I wasn't going homicidal, but I was having a panic attack. Connor was not going to find out.
"Sam, you can't tell Brady. They're friends and he can't say anything to Connor. He'll run so fast he'll be in California before I even know he's
gone."
"Riles, you have no idea how he's feeling. Didn't I just tell you that? When I started freaking out about falling for Brady he was already long gone. He told me he fell for me on sight, not weeks later like I did. He already has his freak out by the time I had mine. Connor might be going through the same thing you are right now."
I shook my head. Sam didn't know Connor, not like I did. Connor was a guy who liked his freedom, not a guy who wanted to be tied down.
"Xander was the same way. By the time we actually met in person he was on his way to being in love, just like I was. We were going crazy about the same thing at the same time but didn't let the other know because we both felt it was too early to feel the way we did. One night doesn't mean you can't be in love with him. You said you adored him in high school, this is just a continuation of that. He might need some time to catch up, or he might be there. It doesn't matter. Have fun now, worry about the future later."
"Mike was like Brady. He was hooked before I was. He wanted something serious before I was ready, but it didn't matter that he loved me first, we love each other equally."
"Aidan too. He tried to get me to go out with him for over a year before I finally agreed. I brought him here and Sam hit on him. Only when I was so upset seeing Sam flirting with him did I admit that I liked him, at all. It took me a while before love was part of my thoughts, but yeah, our first night together, it hit me too."
"We all know I was a bitch to Joey. He flirted with me on our first day. I refused to get involved with him unless it was casual. Then I dated other guys and kept denying his request for dates, even though I was sleeping with him.” I gasped, not knowing Addi was such a hypocrite. I liked Joey even more hearing that. "I know, I was horrible. Thankfully I had these wonderful women around to tell me how stupid I was being. And Joey was a great guy who could overlook the fact that I was crazy."
Everyone laughed at Addi's admission. Listening to them all tell me about falling in love, and the guys’ experiences, made me feel worse, not better. Okay, I got it, I didn't know for sure what Connor was thinking, but I was pretty certain it wasn't love.
"Have you been enjoying your cupcakes and muffins?" Charlie asked, too innocently. Yeah, Connor was bringing me breakfast every morning. I'd told him I wasn't a morning person so he dropped it off then left, without seeing me, but he brought me breakfast. Every day.
"What cupcakes and muffins? We always love everything you make, you know that," Mandy answered for me.
Charlie's face turned positively evil as she sold me out. "Connor comes by here every morning and buys Riley's favorites then drops them off at her house. So far one day last week but yesterday and today, and when he left this morning he said he'd see me tomorrow."
"Aww!"
"That's so sweet!"
"If you don't want him I'll take him!"
Everyone laughed at Carrie's challenge. She knew I wanted him, more than was normal at that point. I had to admit the truth.
"I'm terrified. I've never felt this way about a guy before. Yes, it feels like I'm falling in love with him, at least if falling in love means when I think about him the butterflies in my stomach make me want to puke, my head gets fuzzier than a bunny, and my heart races faster than if I'd just run a mile, but even with all that I want to see him more than I want my next breath."
"Yep."
"That's it!"
"Exactly."
"You're in love!"
Sam rested her hand on my arm, and I turned to look at her. "It's terrifying, I know. After my ex, letting Brady in was insanely hard, even though I fell for him quickly. When he rejected me, after his dad died, I was crushed. I knew I loved him and would never stop when I put his happiness ahead of my own. It was hard, yes, and it all worked out, but when I thought I'd lost him, I just wanted him to be okay. I think at some point you love someone so much that you care more about him than you do yourself. It's hard to feel that way, but know this... If you're the only one in love right now, Connor is an idiot. If he's bringing you breakfast every day, and not trying to get sex in return, he's not just a good guy. I'm guessing he's as smitten as you are, but he might not realize it yet. Give him some time, and enjoy what you have before that pressure of figuring everything out afterward swamps you."
"Oh, God, I agree," Addi added. "Once Joey said he loved me I drove myself nuts wondering if he would propose, if he loved me as much as I loved him, if he was going to find someone else, if he was going to ask me to move in with him, since I was living with Sam but at Joey’s every day. It made me nuts!"
"Yeah, it did!" Sam teased. "She was miserable to live with."
"But it all worked out. Don't make yourself crazy. Have lots more of that hot sex and get to know him better. It'll all work out."
Twenty-One
By the weekend I felt like a drug addict in need of a fix. It’d been a week since I’d seen Connor, and I was missing him. A lot.
He invited me over to his house for dinner and a sleepover, clothing optional. He didn’t have to work the next morning, but he didn’t say anything about plans for the day. I didn’t want to make him feel like I wasn’t ever going to leave so I had Carrie on stand-by for lunch in case I needed to pretend I had something going on.
After work I packed a small bag and followed the directions on my phone to Connor’s condo. He said it was a new building on the north side of town. A lot of changes were happening in Winterville, like everywhere else. My sleepy little town was turning into every other suburb, an extension of the city where you couldn’t tell where one began and the other ended.
Winterville had a few towns between it and Buffalo, but driving from one to the next was seamless. In the winter it was even worse as snow covered every flat surface for miles without discretion. Of course it also made everything that much more beautiful.
I was still mulling over the discussion I’d had with my friends as I drove to Connor’s. Being away from him for a week, even though we talked, was harder than I thought. Whenever we talked he would tell me he couldn’t wait to see me again, but he never actually said he missed me. Was there a difference? I missed him. I ached to see him again, and not just between my legs, but everywhere, especially my heart.
I thought falling in love with someone would be easy. You both suddenly can’t live without each other and it’s as blissful as the end of a Disney movie. Except that wasn’t what was happening with me. For me, I was making myself crazy wondering what he was thinking and how he felt.
Yes, he brought me cupcakes and muffins every morning. It was sweet. He didn’t stick around to see me, only texting me when he was gone, but I sort of wished he would. Of course I’d be late for work if he did, dragging him upstairs and having my way with him, but it’d be worth it.
Oh, God, I was so screwed.
When I finally pulled up in front of the building my phone directed me to I had a minor panic attack. The complex stood ten to fifteen stories in the air, all glass, concrete, and metal. Modern didn’t even begin to describe it. The place looked like an architect’s dream, beauty in the simplicity.
To me it just looked cold. There wasn’t anything that set it off from the starkness, no warmth like wood or even color. It reminded me of the restaurant, Kobe, where I felt so out of place. Sitting outside, looking up at the condo Connor called home, I wondered all over again why he was with me.
The contrast between the two of us was as obvious as our homes. He was all flash and beauty, I was all comfort and softness. Connor defined success and power, or at least he gave that impression. I defined a pushover and a doormat. Not that I thought I was either of those things, not really, but I came across that way at times.
Lead sunk in my belly and made me want to run. I wasn’t cut out to be Connor Lee’s girlfriend. Not even close. He was fancy parties and modern condos. I was casual nights on the couch and old homes near family.
We didn’t mix.
Knowing I owed him an explanation to his face, I pushed out of m
y ancient car, parked next to his brand new one. I left my bag in the car, knowing taking it upstairs just so I could turn right around and leave was ridiculous, and would make it harder to say goodbye.
The lobby of the building, yes it had a lobby, was even more impressive than the outside. Fireplaces burned at both ends of the space with uncomfortable looking furniture settled in front. The leather appeared stiff and unused, which wasn’t a surprise given that it was white and had metal arms that would not be comfortable to lean against. I never knew who would buy a couch like that, but apparently I had my answer.
Elevators were at the far end of the area with a man stationed in front. A desk to the side, like a hotel, had two people standing behind it, both lost in whatever work they were doing on their computer. Deciding not to bother them, I headed toward the elevator, knowing I was going that way anyway.
“Who are you here to see, miss?” the elevator man asked.
“Um, Connor Lee?” I said, knowing the words sounded like a question.
The man nodded once and opened the elevator for me. “You’re on his list,” he said after I gave him my name. “Turn right when you get off the elevator to unit 309. I’ll tell Mr. Lee you’re here. Have a good evening.”
Stunned, and feeling even more out of place, I stepped onto the elevator. The doors slid closed in front of me and whisked me up to Connor’s floor. Tan carpet lined the hallway and linen wallpaper covered the walls. The gap between the doors told me just how big each condo was, bigger than my house. When I got to Connor’s door it was propped open with music and delicious smells wafting toward me.
I pushed inside, assuming Connor opened the door for me, and found myself inside a condo that couldn’t be mistaken for anything other than a bachelor pad. Black and white photos of sports scenes decorated the walls and led me to the kitchen and living room, both of which merged into one huge space. The kitchen had black counters, dark cabinets, and stainless steel appliances. Two pans sat on the stovetop with an opened beer was next to them.
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