Leech couldn’t help but grin.
“Fair enough, Shady. Fair enough.”
Nightmare left the temptation trial looking pleased with himself. Baal announced the results.
“Eighty-six direct kills and then the man committed suicide.”
Nightmare looked over at Shadow as he was mobbed by fans and held up one finger. He mouthed the words “number one” and then pounded his chest twice with his fist.
“The world’s ugliest gorilla. You still think you can beat him, right?”
“Don’t stress it, Leech. I got this.”
While Shadow wouldn’t admit it, he was nervous. There were some situations where he didn’t think he could pull off a kill count of anywhere near eighty-six. As Baal motioned for Shadow to enter the final trial, he hoped that he had something to work with when he entered the small room that would decide his fate.
CHAPTER 17
Shadow looked over the file again and again. Crazy John. This old man had done some terrible things in his life, but he was trying to make up for it. He had stopped being evil. No more killing. No more stealing. He even went to church on a regular basis. Shadow wasn’t sure he had an angle to work here. As he reached the end of the file, he saw the only thing that gave him any hope at all.
Unstable. Borderline insane. Extremely susceptible to crazy thoughts.
Shadow thought he could use that but John barely had any friends or acquaintances left. The most people he ever came in contact with was his small city’s church congregation on Sunday. Even if Shadow could pull it off, he still wouldn’t reach a kill count of eighty-six. There was nothing to do now but get the largest death count his situation would allow.
Shadow threw the file back on the table. Before he rang the buzzer, an unexpected wave of rage overcame him. He flipped the table the file sat on and then hit the file in the air. Papers flew everywhere. When he was able to return his breathing to normal, he rang the buzzer.
“You made a mess, Shadow.”
“Just open the goddamn door.”
There was a pause on the other end and then the door swung open. Shadow stepped into his simulated earth. Crazy John was sitting on his couch reading Dracula. Shadow remembered something vague in the file about John enjoying history and good stories. Sensing that he had little time to waste, Shadow decided to use it.
“You remember reading some stories about the ruler that Dracula is based on. That might be fun to look up.”
John’s head twitched nervously toward the ceiling.
“God? Is that you God?”
Shadow hit his palm against his forehead. He left it there as Crazy John continued.
“I’ll do whatever you say, God.”
Shadow waited as John grabbed his iPad.
“I don’t remember the guy’s name, God.”
Shadow realized that John had some ability to realize thoughts and ideas that weren’t his own. It was probably a leftover effect of working with demons in the past. He was many steps closer to Hell than most. At least he could now speak to him directly and he would likely listen since he thought that Shadow’s voice was the voice of God.
“Vlad. His name was Vlad.”
“I’m sorry, God, but what was his name again? I can’t quite hear you.”
Shadow started to grow impatient with Crazy John. Maybe talking to him directly wasn’t going to save much time after all.
“Vlad the mother fucking Impaler, you idiot.”
John pulled up Google on his iPad and searched for “Vlad the mother fucking Impaler.” Shadow looked over his shoulder and realized how stupid and crazy this man really was. He placed his hand on the hilt of his angel’s blade to help him calm down. He was seconds away from just killing John. As the light rushed in, he felt himself calm to the point where he could move things along again.
“No, John. Just Vlad the Impaler. Search for Vlad the Impaler.”
John deleted “mother fucking” from his search.
“Good, John. There’s a story I want you to find. Pull up one of the pages on Vlad the Impaler.”
John touched one of the links and brought up a page on Vlad mythology and legends.
“Ok. Now I want you to scroll down until I tell you to stop.”
John swiped down several times and arrived quickly at the bottom of the page. Despite his attempt to remain calm, Shadow almost unsheathed his blade and slit John’s throat. The angel’s blade helped him calm down once again.
“Ok now you need to scroll up. Slowly. I’ll tell you when to stop.”
John obeyed and started scrolling up the page slowly. Shadow found the story he was looking for and told him to stop.
“Read it.”
“Vlad Dracula realized that beggars, the poor, the sick, and the crippled were becoming more and more common throughout Wallachia. Claiming that no one in his kingdom should go hungry and unnoticed, Vlad invited them to a great feast in Tirgoviste. When they arrived at the great feast hall, they were treated like honored guests and they ate and drank as much as they wanted. Vlad appeared and was honored by his guests. The poor, the sick, and the afflicted all loved him. He posed a question to them. ‘How would you like to never be hungry again?’ They responded that they wanted it very much. As Vlad left, he ordered that the hall be sealed and set on fire. None of them escaped the fiery death.”
John looked up at the ceiling again.
“I don’t understand, God. What does it all mean?”
“I’ve chosen you for a mission, John. You are going to bring many souls to me.”
John looked watery-eyed and nodded his approval vigorously.
“Just tell me what you want me to do, God. I am your humble servant.”
John kneeled on the ground and bowed his head in front of Shadow. Shadow rolled his eyes.
“Here’s what you’re going to do, John. For the next several days you’re going to go out and purchase gasoline, rubbing alcohol, regular alcohol, and whatever other fire accelerants you can get your hands on.”
“I don’t have any money for that, God. I have plenty of alcohol, but that’s about it.”
Shadow checked his kitchen cabinets. John did have a lot of alcohol, but that was the extent of it. He was starting to wish Leech was here. His bookish style of nerd wisdom would probably come in handy in finding a useful combination of accelerants. As Shadow searched the kitchen, he found a bag full of money under the kitchen sink.
“John, you said you didn’t have any money. You have a bag full of money under the kitchen sink. Why did you lie to me?”
“I promised you that I would never use that money. It’s from when I was a bad man. I’m done with that life, God, I promise.”
“We’re just going to use this to get the fire accelerants we need. Then you can burn the rest of the money in the fire we set at the chapel. With all the souls you save, you’ll be burning away your sins with fire as well.”
John looked ecstatic.
“That’s beautiful, God! Then I can go to heaven!”
“Then you can go to heaven.”
Crazy John spent the next few days buying gasoline and alcohol and filling large barrels. The first time he loaded them up into the truck and drove them to the church, a few people from the neighborhood noticed what he was doing. John helping out around the church wasn’t an uncommon sight. He waved and most of them ignored him and went on with what they were doing. From that point on, Shadow told him to throw a tarp over the back of his truck and park behind the chapel. He didn’t want to have to talk his way out of any unnecessary situations and, while he could make John kill whoever confronted him, a couple of unintended deaths could end up costing him this entire plan.
On Sunday, Shadow convinced John to bring a gun with him which he tucked into the back of his belt. It was completely covered by his suit coat. He stood at the door and shook hands with everyone who entered and told them, “We’ll dine with God in heaven today.” Many of the people entering thought it was a bit odd b
ut they just smiled back at him or nodded. When the reverend entered the building, John shut the doors. Seventy-three people in attendance. Nightmare had him beat. Shadow hoped the fire would spread and take down neighboring areas, but he knew gasoline probably wasn’t a fast enough accelerant to hope for much.
“Now, John. Do it just like I told you.”
John sealed the doors from the outside and locked them tightly with chains. He rolled the barrels around the church and emptied their contents in a circle at its base. Finally, he lit a match and threw it. He repeated the process and started several fires at the base of the church and then stood on looking at his work. As the smoke detectors went off inside the church, people started to panic. By the time anyone inside realized what was happening, the flames were taller than the windows.
Shadow looked in on the small congregation. Many of them were screaming and pounding at the front door. The chain and lock on the outside were holding and the flames were getting hot enough that the people were backing away. Several older members of the congregation sat reading in their seats. It was a guaranteed death trap. All of them were going to die.
“Well done, John. They are on their way to heaven and so are you. Remember if the police show up, you can’t let them anywhere near here or it will ruin what we planned. You have to shoot at the police until they leave. Can you do that?”
“I’m starting to get the feeling that you’re not God.”
“Well it took you long enough, dumbass.”
As the police and fire department arrived, Shadow was pulled from the simulation.
“Seventy kills and then the man shot himself with his own gun.”
Leech smiled and hit him hard on the back.
“You’re still in first place, Shadow. Don’t worry. Eighty six to seventy would be a much bigger deal if you didn’t kick his ass in the death pit.”
“We lost in the labyrinth too. I don’t know if I’ll hold my place.”
Baal appeared in front of the crowd and raised his hands for silence.
“Now that all the final scores are in, I will consult with the other major demons and then I will announce the top ten.”
Leech turned back to Shadow after Baal left.
“So what happened?”
“I had a guy named Crazy John. Long story short, I had him seal up a church full of people and light it on fire. He realized I wasn’t God and then he shot himself instead of shooting at the police. I guess a few people even survived the burning church.”
“That’s still really good. That’s a lot better than I did. What did you use as a fire accelerant?”
“Gasoline and alcohol.”
“You know, you really should have used something with acetone in it. Nail polish remover, paint thinner, something like that.”
Shadow looked at Leech like he was going to hit him.
“I...I’m just trying to be helpful, Shadow.”
“Leech, you are the nerdiest little demon I’ve ever met. I just decided something.”
Leech looked afraid to ask what it was.
“The next time I pull off a crime like arson, I want you to be there to have my back. It may have been my brilliant master plan but I could have used thinking like that to maybe pull out a few more kills. I knew gasoline wasn’t going to make a fire large enough for it to spread much beyond the church.”
“What are you saying then, Shadow?”
“I’m saying you can finally make it up to me. I can get past what you did at the last trial. I need a friend. I need someone I can trust. I don’t need a minion who only follows me because he’s afraid of me. So when Baal offers you a minor demon spot, I want you to turn it down.”
Leech’s jaw fell open and he just stared at Shadow.
“I know I’ve explained to you how long my family has been waiting for an opportunity like this. I’m poised to take a minor demon spot right after the trials and you want me to turn it down?”
“Yes, I want you to turn it down.”
“Can I think about it?”
Shadow grabbed the hilt of his angel sword to remain calm. He wasn’t used to treating other demons as if their opinion mattered to him.
“You have until tomorrow, Leech. They’re going to announce the top ten and make the offer then. I hope you make the right decision.”
Shadow released his angel blade, turned, and started walking home as fast as he could to avoid going back and punching Leech in the face like he wanted to.
CHAPTER 18
Everyone gathered the next morning to hear Baal read out the top ten from the current batch of demons. While he expected the attention, he grinned slightly when all eyes turned to him without his request. A scroll was handed to him by one of his servants.
“I won’t waste time. We all know why we’re here. I’ll start off by saying that no one outside of the top ten is going to be recruited as a minor demon. Their service assignments will come to them after the announcement of the top ten.”
Baal read off spots ten through six to minor applause. When he got ready to announce fifth place, he looked out at the audience. He grinned as he saw Leech. He looked like a nervous wreck and his fingers were digging in to Shadow’s arm.
“Fifth place is Andras. No offer of a minor demon position but he has been recruited to work for a minor demon.”
Leech loosened his grip on Shadow’s arm and looked relieved.
“In fourth, we have Leech. Leech will receive an offer as a minor demon of coveting money in my department. Well done, Leech.”
Baal looked into the crowd to gauge Leech’s reaction. Shadow said something to him and Leech responded by nodding his head. Then they shook hands. Baal took a mental note to follow up on this later.
“In third place, we have Lilith. Lilith will receive an offer as a minor demon of seduction in Vixen’s department.”
Everyone turned to look at Lilith. She smiled and then shook her head.
“I’ll reject the position.”
Baal looked down at her from where he was standing.
“Excuse me?”
“I said denied. I won’t work for that bitch.”
“Be that as it may, little girl, you don’t interrupt me when I’m talking. Shut the hell up until I’m done. You can reject whatever the hell you want after that.”
Lilith curtsied in a feigned apology.
“As far as second place goes, we currently don’t have one. Shadow and Nightmare are tied. The major demons voted and three votes came in for Shadow. Nightmare also received three votes. I am consulting the Dragon as...”
A small demon ran up next to Baal and bowed. Baal motioned for him to get up. He whispered something in Baal’s ear.
“Well it looks like the Dragon has made a decision. The newly appointed trainer of the demons-in-training will be the tie-breaker in this situation.”
Baal pointed out into the crowd at Leech’s father, Malcontent. He motioned for him to join him. Malcontent took his place next to Baal.
Malcontent’s armor and weapons had clearly been upgraded since his recent promotion. He had two red short blades attached to his belt and his new red armor was clearly something he wasn’t entirely used to, as it took him a while to take his position next to Baal. Before Baal allowed him to speak, he wanted to clarify the situation.
“This does not mean that Malcontent is a major demon. He is merely a middle demon that reports to the Dragon so that we don’t have any more... misunderstandings... ever again when it comes to demons-in-training. That being said, cast your vote Malcontent.”
Malcontent looked out at Shadow and then at Nightmare.
“Shadow.”
Nightmare immediately started running at Malcontent. His eyes showed his pure bloodlust. Leech cut him off and swung his axe at his shins, tripping him. Nightmare was back up within seconds and he grabbed Leech by the throat and held him in the air. Shadow appeared next to Leech and pressed one of his blades to Nightmare’s throat.
“Drop him.
Now.”
Nightmare didn’t do as Shadow had requested, even with his life on the line. Baal grabbed Nightmare’s arm and twisted it back. Leech fell to the ground. Baal followed it up with a head butt and then he hit Nightmare so hard that he flew backwards and sailed through the air. Baal looked angrier than Nightmare had been.
“I want all of you to listen to me right now! None of you is to attack a demon that outranks you, ever again. If I ever have to break up another fight like this, I will kill everyone involved. This is the last warning you little minor pieces of shit will receive.”
Malcontent nodded slightly to communicate thanks to Baal. Baal waved at some smaller demons and pointed at Leech. They picked him up and set him back on his feet.
“Nightmare received a minor demon position from Lucian and Shadow received one from Cain. First and second place don’t change that because it was going to happen anyways. Everyone get back to work.”
As Baal turned to leave, Leech placed his hand on his shoulder.
“I want to talk to you about the position in your department.”
“I thought you would be a little more excited about it. There were only four offers made in this entire batch.”
“I was really excited. I’m going to have to turn it down though.”
Baal turned on Leech and looked like he was ready to crush him with his bare hands. Leech held up his hands in submission.
“I want to join your department, General. I just can’t join it yet.”
“Explain.”
“I’m going to work for Shadow and help him get promoted. Once that is done, I’ll gladly accept a spot in your department.”
“You expect me to leave a minor position unfilled while you help someone in Cain’s department?”
Shadow appeared next to Leech
“He doesn’t expect that, Baal. I do.”
“And what makes you think I care what you expect. I owe you nothing. I should kill you for talking to me like this.”
“My apologies, General. I want to form a team of demons that I trust. I don’t care what department they work in. If we are going to end the soul shortage in Hell, we need an elite team and Leech and I can do a lot more together than any other two demon team in this batch.”
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