“Sure,” he replied, running his fingers through his disheveled hair.
“One night when I was working late, I drove past the Odyssey Club. While I was waiting for the light to change, someone who looked like you went inside the club. Was it you, Jake? I need to know if drinking and nightclubs are a part of your life.”
He stared directly into her eyes for a moment and then looked down at the floor. Slowly he raised his eyes back to meet hers. “The truth is that I do enjoy going to nightclubs occasionally and yes, I do drink—sometimes at clubs, sometimes at home. Not on a daily basis, mind you. Usually, just on weekends or nights when I don’t have to get up for work the next day. And I do drink to excess.”
“Frequently?” she asked.
“When I drink, it’s usually to excess. I’d rather lie to you, but I know if you did a little checking, it wouldn’t be difficult to find out anything I’m telling you. And I know you’d think less of me if I lied about it,” he honestly answered.
“Can you stop?” she asked.
“You mean quit drinking completely? I doubt it. I’ve never tried—never had any desire or any reason to ever try and quit.”
“I see,” she quietly replied as a sick feeling began to develop in the pit of her stomach.
“Does this conversation mean that our trip is off for tomorrow?” he asked.
“I’m afraid so,” she replied, wanting with all her heart to say she would still go with him, that one more date couldn’t matter. But she knew it would. She knew she was falling in love with him, but she couldn’t allow that to happen.
“Claire, I care about you, more than you probably realize. And you have no idea what a positive influence you’ve been in my life. Please don’t do this,” he pleaded.
“I’m sorry, Jake. Unfortunately, we moved a step beyond friendship before I asked you the basic questions that I should have asked when we first met. I take the blame for this, and if it gives you any comfort at all, this is painful for me, also,” she told him.
“It doesn’t make it any easier at all,” he said rising from the chair. “I’m not going to promise that I’ll be able to leave you alone, but I’ll try,” he said. “Good-bye, Claire,” he said, walking out the door, his arm raised in the air with the familiar key ring hanging from his fingers.
“Good-bye, Jake,” she whispered, feeling a sadness wash over her.
“Dear Father,” she prayed, “help me be strong. Show me Your will; reveal Yourself to Jake and convince him to seek You.”
It was a short petition, but one of the most heartfelt she had ever prayed.
TWELVE
“Jake got orders for Germany,” Claire said to Gloria as she walked into the office on a Monday morning some four months later.
“How’d you find out?” Gloria asked. “You two still spending time on the telephone?”
“He called last night and told me he’d be leaving in a couple days. I guess he’s known for a couple of months, but he didn’t say anything,” she replied.
“I don’t understand you, Claire. You won’t see the guy, but you keep talking to him on the phone.”
“He says it helps keep him from going out and drinking if he can talk to me. I realize that he may hang up the phone and go to some bar as soon as we’re through talking, but at least it gives me an opportunity to help in some small way. I really do care about him. Had things been different, I think he’s the guy who could have convinced me it would be possible to remarry without jeopardizing Michelle’s welfare.”
“I’m really sorry. Maybe it’ll be easier once he’s away from here,” Gloria said, giving her a hug. “You been dating Lyle?”
“You sure know how to switch gears in a hurry,” Claire said, laughing at the question.
“Well, have you?”
“We’ve had a couple dates.”
“Well, what do you think? Any possibilities there?”
“You never give up, do you?” Claire said, shaking her head. “He reminds me a lot of Glenn. He’s so serious, and a lot of the qualities that make him a really good lawyer don’t transfer all that well into a personal relationship.”
“Such as?” Gloria persisted.
“He’s a perfectionist. Everything has to run according to an exacting schedule. That’s great stuff in a courtroom, but it doesn’t produce a spontaneous evening of relaxation,” Claire explained.
“Have you taken him along when you go to Michelle’s?”
“No. In fact, I turned down several dates with him because I had already made plans to go see Michelle. He never asked to go along, and I never invited him. Somehow, I think he would have been uncomfortable.”
“That’s not fair, Claire. How can you make that kind of judgment?”
“I know it’s not fair, but I don’t have to worry about it now.”
“What does that mean?”
“I told him I thought it would be better if we quit seeing each other socially. We really don’t click. It wasn’t just me; he realized it too. I didn’t want to begin feeling uncomfortable coming to work, and that possibility existed if we continued to try and pursue something that just wasn’t there,” Claire said.
“You should have dated him at least a while longer. You need a social life of some kind,” Gloria replied.
“It wouldn’t have been fair to lead him on, Gloria. Besides, my life was just fine before you introduced me to Jake,” Claire rebutted.
“So does that mean it isn’t all right now?” Gloria asked.
“It’s different. I’m not as satisfied, not as content with living out my life alone, yet I don’t want to settle for something or someone who will only lead to disaster,” she explained.
“Speaking of disaster, has Dave told you that Rutherford Insurance has hired him as their workers’ compensation defense attorney for the entire state? I don’t see how we’re going to handle that without some additional help around here,” Gloria declared.
“Lyle mentioned something about it, but I didn’t realize it had gone through. He said they might hire another attorney or even a law clerk to help out,” Claire informed her.
“I was thinking more along the line of another secretary! Not another attorney who will produce more work for us,” she retorted.
“If it starts to get overwhelming, tell them you need help,” Claire advised.
❧
Jake glanced around the apartment one last time. It had been practically empty for the past two weeks when the movers had appeared to pack the belongings that he could not carry with him. Those items, known as “hold baggage,” were shipped separately. With any luck, that shipment would reach Germany before he did, although experience had taught him that it was usually delivered anywhere from three weeks to three months after signing in at a new duty assignment.
His schedule during the past few weeks had been regimented by an attempt to complete the list of activities necessary to clear one duty assignment and leave for another. Since receiving his movement orders to the U. S. Army Aviation Maintenance Support, located at Coleman Barracks in Mannheim, Germany, he had begun the out-processing regimen he’d been through so many times before.
Now, a day before he was to leave, he’d gone through Finance and received his records and travel pay; he’d been to the Personnel Office, where he received copies of the records relating to his military history. Next, he had been through the Troop Medical Clinic, where he had been poked, prodded, and finally approved as medically fit for overseas duty. His flight arrangements had been completed through the Transportation Unit, and two days earlier he had picked up the airline tickets that, to his relief, were on a commercial airline rather than military transport.
He locked the apartment door and walked downstairs to the first floor. After knocking on the door that boasted a sign indicating the “Manager,” he patiently waited until the door swung open.
“Right on time, Sergeant Lindsey,” the landlady said, checking her wristwatch. “That’s what I like about renti
ng to GIs—they know how to be on time,” she said, holding out her hand.
“You check the apartment?” Jake asked as he handed her the key.
“Sure did. Got your deposit refund check right here,” she said, handing him the draft. “You’ve been a good tenant. If you get orders to come back, just write me a letter, and I’ll try and hold an apartment for you,” she said.
“I’ll do that,” he replied.
Thoughts of leaving had plagued him all week. He had always looked forward to new assignments and moving on—shaking the dust off his feet. But this time was different. Although Claire had held true to her word and had not dated him any further, their long telephone conversations had caused him to reflect upon his future and his goals in life.
Claire was stable. She knew what she believed and held fast to it. He admired her straightforward explanations and willingness to share her beliefs, but he had not yet been able to find God. Not that he didn’t occasionally search, especially when he was feeling particularly remorseful after a night of heavy drinking.
“It’s a gift,” Claire had told him when he asked how she was so assured of her salvation. “You’re trying to make it too difficult, Jake,” she had said. “All you need to do is believe that Jesus Christ is the Son of God, that He died for your sins, rose from the dead, and is coming again. Then just ask Him to be your Lord and Savior, and repent of your sins.”
It sounded simple enough, but Claire didn’t know what he was really like—only God did. Jake had wanted to tell her that salvation was easy for someone like her—what was there for God to forgive? A few small mistakes here and there. But, for someone with his past, God surely had something else in mind, some payment that had to be made before receiving His gift. He wasn’t ready to make any payments—or give up his drinking.
Jake walked outside and unlocked the door of the light blue Plymouth sedan he’d rented as a means of transportation during his last week in the States. It was a poor substitute for the sporty Datsun, but cheaper than paying a taxi. A young lieutenant had purchased his “Z,” as Jake affectionately referred to the vehicle, and had insisted upon taking possession earlier in the week.
Unable to stop himself, he turned the car and headed toward Claire’s house. He was sure that she wouldn’t be home, but somehow he couldn’t resist the impulse to drive by just one last time. The house looked deserted, and Claire was obviously at work. Instead of heading toward post, he aimlessly drove through town and then onto the nearby interstate highway, his mind replaying the past months since he’d met Claire and Michelle.
He hadn’t intended to come here, but subconsciously he must have been thinking about it. Because now here he was, sitting in front of the beige ranch-style house he had visited with Claire on several occasions—Michelle’s house. He wasn’t sure what time the girls came home from the day center, but he could see lights in the house. With the venetian blinds partially opened, he could even make out the figure of someone moving around.
Hesitantly he got out of the car, walked to the front door, and rang the doorbell. A few moments later, the door swung open.
“Well, it’s been a while since we’ve seen you come calling,” Sandra said in her cheerful tone of voice. “Get on in here; we’re letting all the warm air out,” she instructed, pulling him into the house. “Claire out there somewhere?”
“No, I’m alone,” he replied. “I’m heading for Germany tomorrow and just wanted to stop and say good-bye to Michelle,” he explained. “Is that okay? Since I’m alone, I mean,” he asked, not sure what rules there might be about visiting any of the children.
“Why, sure it’s okay. I’m sure Claire would be just thrilled to know you took the time to come over and see Shelly before you left. We’re just getting ready to eat supper. You want a cup of coffee or a soda?” she offered, leading him into the dining room where the girls were seated around the table waiting to be fed.
“Coffee would be great,” Jake answered, seating himself beside Michelle.
“You want to try and feed Michelle while I feed Beth?” Sandra asked, bringing along a dinner plate with his cup of coffee.
“I’ve never fed her. I’m not sure I’d know how,” he replied, recalling the trip to the Village Inn.
“Just lift the spoon to her mouth, and she’ll do the rest,” Sandra nonchalantly replied, beginning to feed Beth.
Jake picked up the spoon, dipped it into the puréed food, and scooped up a spoonful. Lifting it toward Michelle, he was pleasantly surprised to find that her mouth was already open, anxiously awaiting the bite. By the time he had finished, Jake’s sense of accomplishment was almost equal to what he’d felt the first time he’d scored a three-pointer during a high school basketball game. He felt like cheering! Michelle had eaten and she hadn’t even thrown up.
“Looks like you did okay,” Sandra said, eyeing the empty plate. “Most people aren’t too good feeding and helping out with these kids. But you seem to do just fine. Claire’s lucky she found you. How soon you coming back from overseas?” the woman inquired.
“It’s a three-year assignment,” he answered, offering nothing further before downing the cup of lukewarm coffee. “I’d probably better get going. Tomorrow’s going to be a long day. Thanks for allowing me to stop in and visit,” he said, rising from the chair. Reaching out, he tousled Michelle’s short brown hair and impulsively leaned down and quickly kissed her cheek.
“Listen, now, you be sure and get yourself over here when you’re home on leave,” she said, walking Jake to the front door.
“Thanks, Sandra. I’ll do that. Bye, Michelle,” he called out, though he knew there would be no response.
Maybe that’s what Claire meant when she said visiting Michelle was like a respite from the world, he thought, realizing that the visit had done much more for him than for Michelle. It is like a peaceful oasis.
❧
“Had any mail lately?” Gloria asked as Claire swiveled around from her desk and picked up an expandable file folder from the floor.
“The usual bills and advertisements,” Claire replied. “How about you?”
“Oh, stop it, Claire!” Gloria said, giving her friend a chuckle. “You know what I’m asking. Have you heard from Jake?”
“I think I’ve had the few letters I’m going to get.”
“Why don’t you write again? What could it hurt? After all, he must care about you and Michelle. I still can’t get over his going to see her before he left. And without you! You have to admit there’s something special about a guy who would do that,” Gloria persuasively argued.
“I agree that he’s a nice guy and it was extremely kind of him to visit Michelle. I told him that when I wrote. But I also told him I wouldn’t participate in a one-way correspondence. He’s not written further, and I don’t intend to write again until I receive another letter. Besides, we’re worlds apart in our beliefs. I don’t think Jake is willing to change, and I know I’m not! So I’ve just got to believe that God is at work in this. And at this point, I’d say God isn’t leaning toward a relationship between Jake and me,” Claire replied, giving her friend a consoling smile.
“Did you ever think that maybe you expect too much in a man?” Gloria inquired.
“Well, look who’s talking, Miss Never-Been-Married. Aren’t you the girl who’s always telling me you’re not tying the knot until Mr. Perfect arrives on the scene?” Claire questioned with a giggle.
“We’re not talking about me, Claire. You just quit changing the subject—this is about you. I’m trying to be serious. How many guys do you think are going to be willing to take on the responsibility you’ve got with Michelle?”
Claire’s face quickly lost all traces of humor. “I’m going to be serious too, Gloria. That child is mine, and I don’t need or expect anybody else to take on that responsibility. I’m not looking for a husband, and I’m certainly not looking for a surrogate father for Michelle. We’re doing just fine the way we are. Maybe this is a subject we sho
uld consider closed before it affects our friendship.”
The impact of Claire’s statement was obvious. Gloria’s usual bronze complexion had faded several shades, and her lips were quivering while tears threatened to spill over and run down her cheeks at any moment.
“I would never intentionally do anything to jeopardize our friendship, Claire. It’s because I care about you so much that I push. I’ll never mention the subject again, I promise. Please accept my apology,” she said, her words difficult to understand amid the sniffles and intermittent sobs.
“Of course I accept your apology,” Claire said, embracing her friend. “And I’m sorry I was so harsh. I didn’t intend to make you cry. Well—maybe just a little,” she said, causing both of them to laugh.
THIRTEEN
Gloria’s observation that Rutherford Insurance would monopolize various resources of the small law firm proved to be true. The Rutherford account soon became a major part of the law practice, and because Dave didn’t like to be away from his family, Claire was thrust into the position of traveling throughout the state to investigate claims. On most occasions, she also filled the role of office representative at the bimonthly executive meetings held at the Rutherford Insurance headquarters in Kansas City. For the first several months she had accompanied Dave, but soon it became evident that Claire was the one with the statistical information the company wanted. After that, Claire attended the meetings while Dave spent his time appearing at court hearings and depositions. She was enjoying the challenge of being involved in a new aspect of their thriving law practice, although the time away from home was also beginning to place an unwanted burden upon her.
It was a cold mid-February day, and the wind had picked up just as she was leaving the house. The clouds were an ominous gray that threatened to dump snow showers upon them at any moment. Pulling on her calf-length tan leather coat, Claire tucked a heavy scarf and her unlined leather dress gloves into her briefcase. The gloves looked good, but they didn’t give her the warmth she would need today.
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