by Aileen Erin
We had the time. We should’ve prepared more, but I’d seen an opportunity and taken it. And people got hurt.
Mostly me.
That didn’t take into account all the destroyed stalls and the inventory that went with them. I’d talked to Lorne about creating a fund to help out every merchant and restaurant in Ra’mi, but he said it was already taken care of. Still, some of those artisans must be so upset. Who knew how long it was going to take before the market was open and running like normal again.
I’d made mistakes, but I had to let go of the regrets.
I couldn’t change anything in the past, but I could be prepared today. I could do a better job today.
Doing better meant keeping my team informed of what I was thinking. If I was running somewhere, I’d be taking my team with me. I was their leader, but it was their duty to protect me. Their job was to make sure something like the market mission didn’t happen, and I hadn’t helped them at all with that. So, I had to make a change.
I had to start thinking like a leader. The first step was communication. If I needed to be prepared, so did they.
So, we’d all take our bags, just in case.
Just in case.
One by one, I saw that they’d read the message. Some responded, some checked the box to say it was done, but there was one that I didn’t hear from. I scanned through and realized it was Ginu. Typical. I could almost hear his grunt, but I was sure when I saw him that he’d have his go-bag.
My guards asked no questions. They just did what I asked. It was nice and yet disarming to have that level of obedience. It made sense, but I didn’t feel worthy. Especially after the market mission.
I didn’t feel worthy to lead my guards.
I didn’t feel worthy of becoming who I was supposed to become. It felt too big and too much.
But I hoped that feeling stayed because if it left, then that meant I wasn’t feeling that weight and responsibility anymore. It would be a sign that I’d lost sight of what was important.
I wasn’t the important one. Everyone else was. It was my honor to lead them.
I just hoped wherever I led, it was good.
The weight of my go-bag on my back was comforting. Everything was going to be okay because I would keep working and fighting until I made it okay.
I gripped the straps at my shoulders and turned to leave the massive walk-in closet.
Lorne grabbed the top of my backpack, jerking me to a stop. “Amihanna?”
I’d been avoiding looking at him, but now I did. His skin was bright and his eyes were wide, and I wasn’t sure if he was disappointed or scared or confused.
“It’s going to be okay,” I said automatically because I wanted him to feel better even if I wasn’t totally sure that it was the truth. I wasn’t Jesmesha, and I certainly wasn’t God. I couldn’t predict the future.
“You can’t lie to me like that. Everything isn’t okay if you’ve got that backpack.” He crossed his arms as he stared down at me. “What’s going on in that head of yours?”
“Nothing and everything.” If I could’ve let go of the backpack, I would’ve. But I couldn’t, no matter how much Lorne wanted me to. “My gut keeps screaming that I’m going to need this bag—” I tugged on the straps. “—and that I’m going to go back to Earth sooner than I thought. I can’t ignore that feeling.” That was the truth. “We’re at war now, and we have no idea what SpaceTech is planning or what could go wrong. We’re prepared, and I hope it’s going to be okay.” I took a breath, squeezing the straps in my hands a little tighter. “I’m going to work really hard to make it okay.”
Lorne grabbed the straps of my backpack just below where my hands were gripping it and tugged me closer. “You swear to me that you have no plans to run away—” he said the words coldly as he leaned down, leveling his eyes with mine. “—or do anything stupid that would risk your life.”
He was angry. I got that well enough from his tone, but there was more than just anger in his eyes. There was complete and utter fear that was driving the anger.
I didn’t want him to be afraid.
“The stupid part I can’t promise. But the plans to run away?” I touched his cheek. “I’m not running. I don’t ever want to run from you. But I just… I need this bag. Something in my gut is telling me that this is going to go badly, and I have to do what I can to protect myself.” I silently begged him to understand or to pretend to understand even if he didn’t. This was something that I needed, and I couldn’t put it back just to save his feelings. The need was that big.
He was still staring at me quietly.
“I told my guards.” Maybe knowing that if something happened, I wasn’t going to try to escape alone would help him calm down. “They’re grabbing the bags that Roan got for them.”
He let go of the backpack straps and closed his eyes for a moment. In that time, his glow lessened just a little. “Good. That’s a little better. Thank you.”
“I’m trying to think of myself as part of a unit—as leader of a unit—but it’s hard to shift to that sometimes. I understand why we have to try to make our allies hear us, and I completely agree that we need more information about the lucole weapons. But I think this is going to be much more dangerous than what my father believes.” I let go of the straps at my shoulders. “I can’t afford to be wrong.”
His glow flared up for a second before dying back down. “Amihanna.” There was worry in his tone when he said my name.
“Everything is fine.” I almost believed it that time. I was exhausted, and that was probably all this was. Maybe I needed another cup of cold wyso. “Haven’t I proven time and time again that I’m pretty damned hard to kill?”
“You’ve almost died in front of me too many times now for me to believe that fully. It’s been too close too many times.”
I waved that away. “Close only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades.”
He huffed a laugh. “What does that even mean?”
“I’m not sure really, but Tyler said it once and it got you to laugh. So, I’d say it’s a win.”
He wiped a hand down his face. “Damn the Goddess for this.”
I hissed. “That sounds like something you really shouldn’t be saying right now.”
“Why? How much worse could things get?”
Oh man. He was just asking for it now. “If there’s one thing that I’ve learned in life, it’s that it can always get worse. Better not tempt God. Or the devil.” Because that was just dumb.
There was a soft chime, alerting us that someone was at our door. I glanced at my wrist unit to see Roan and Fynea standing outside. “I guess we’re taking too long.”
Lorne grabbed my wrist before I could press the button to open the doors.
I turned to him. “What?”
“I’m sorry we don’t have more time. I feel this panic and it’s like I’m forgetting something important. Only I’m not. I don’t like us being separated. I never liked the first few days on the odd times we had to be apart as kids, but then the last time everything went wrong, awful, and—”
“And it’s not going to happen again. We’re better, stronger, and I’m older. Plus, I have a whole team to keep me safe. I know I did before, but this team feels different. Maybe I’m just older but—”
“They are different. You had security before. These are royal guards. Only you and I have them. You should’ve had them before. We were betrothed, but I made sure of it this time. You need the best, and you have that now.”
I didn’t like to think about the team from Earth, but I guess that made sense. “See. I’m protected and stronger than ever. Don’t worry. I’ll be fine, and then we can have a nice reunion in a few days.” I winked at him—hoping it helped him as much as his winks helped me—and then clicked the button to open the door. “We’re back here,” I yelled.
Roan took one look at me, Lorne, and the go-bag and cursed. “Damn it, Am. I thought it was just me.” He had a backpack on, but I hadn’t m
essaged him. Just my guards. Which had been a big oversight. If I was going to run, there was no way Roan would stay behind.
“I feel like I’m missing something.” Fynea was still standing in the doorway to our bedroom, looking between the three of us.
“Nothing big. My bestie and I seem to agree that we’re walking into a trap.” I reached a hand to Lorne. “But we’re going to be smart and safe.”
Lorne took my face in his hands and bent down to kiss me. It was soft and sweet and full of so much love that for a second every part of my soul hummed. I pulled him closer, forgetting for a blissful second that we weren’t alone. Until Roan started gagging.
“The maturity of your friend leaves something to be desired,” Lorne said against my lips.
“Ignore him.”
Lorne gave me one last press of lips. “I don’t want to go, Amihanna. I want to stay here and get married. I’m tired of just being engaged.”
He was tired of just being engaged? “It’s only been a few weeks really.”
“It’s been more than a few weeks. Fynea?” Lorne said without looking away from me.
“Yes, your majesty?”
“Hurry up on the wedding planning.”
Fynea sputtered. “You didn’t have the formal public ceremony when you claimed the throne. You have to have a very formal, traditional, public wedding. The Aunare—”
“Then you’ve got two weeks to plan a very formal, traditional, public wedding. We should be back by then.”
“Two weeks?” The outrage in Fynea’s voice made me laugh. She took a breath. “Your majesty.” Her tone was equal parts outrage and forced calm. “I couldn’t possibly—”
Lorne looked at her. “Two. Weeks.”
“Lorne.” Fynea dropped the formality and went straight to pleading. “My dear friend. Please. You know I love you and would do anything for you, but have a heart. You’re asking for the impossible. It will take months and—”
“Two weeks,” he nearly sang the words, and then turned back to me. “That sound okay?”
I felt the ring on my finger and waited for the weight of it and everything to swamp me, but that didn’t happen.
In fact, I didn’t feel anything aside from the flutter of excitement. “I’d say the words and do whatever needed to be done right now. So—”
Fynea made a garbled sound, and I couldn’t stop the evil laugh that slipped free. I almost apologized for it, but that would’ve been a lie. I tried to stay away from lies unless it was unavoidable.
I turned to Roan. “All right. Let’s get this stupid thing over with so that we can start making real plans for how we’re going to bring SpaceTech down.”
“That’s what I like to hear.” Roan rubbed his hands together. “But for the record, I’m never calling you ‘your majesty’ or any of that shit. Even when you become a queen. That’s a hard pass for me.”
Lorne started laughing.
“Fynea’s your best friend, Lorne.” Roan crossed his arms, looking especially serious for him. “How weird is it that she just keeps calling you your majesty over and over and over again. I mean, come on. It’s weird, right?” He was getting riled up about this.
I started cracking up. “For sure.”
“I’m just letting everyone know now, so that it’s on the record for after the wedding.” Roan held up his hands in surrender. “I don’t want to be executed or thrown in jail for disrespect. I’m not one for those formal titles. I can’t do it.”
“Fair enough,” Lorne said.
Eshrin and Ashino were talking softly when we stepped into the hallway, but that dropped off as soon as they saw us.
All of my guards were in black fighting pants and a blue shirt with a blue di Aetes fighting raven, wings out, claws reaching to grab its prey. Lorne’s guards were dressed the same except his were wearing red shirts with his firedrake. Most of the Aunare had longer hair, but all of them had it pulled back, away from their faces. Their faksano were hanging at their hips, another weapon on the back, and I was sure there were even more hidden—as if they needed anything more than their bodies to destroy most enemies. They’d shown up ready to fight.
The hallway seemed to grow impossibly long, and with each step, it felt like the pressure of everything to come was that much stronger, harder, and even more treacherous.
When we reached the doors, the guards went outside first. We took a short shuttle ride to the massive launchpad to the south of my father’s estate.
When I got out of the shuttle, I stumbled my first step.
“Are you okay?” Lorne asked.
“Yes. I just…” I took a breath. “That’s a lot of ships.”
I’d never seen so many in one place before. There had to be hundreds of smaller fighter ships lined up, ready to take off to be the protectors of the three massive warships as we travelled for four days. But it was the maybe fifty or so medium-size ships that I wasn’t expecting.
“This isn’t even touching how many we have. Many of them are stored at the base just an hour from here, but your father—being who he is—likes to have space to have some ships close by.”
“This is more than some,” I muttered. Lorne started to walk, and I kept pace beside him.
Cameras flew toward me so fast that I had to hold myself back from destroying them.
I didn’t know why they took me by surprise. Of course they’d be here.
I felt something press into my hand, and glanced down to see Roan slipping a translator into it.
I thought for a second about what I’d say if I had to make some sort of a speech, but I didn’t have anything to say. Not right now. Not anything helpful.
My father was already standing in front of a group of reporters, answering their questions. My mother was beside him. I hadn’t had a chance to really talk to her much over the last few days, and I knew I needed to make time in my schedule for her.
There would be time later. I’d make time.
I went straight to her and hugged her tight. “Are you going with him?”
“No.”
“Good.” That was really good. I didn’t need to worry about her getting into danger again.
She pulled back a bit. “We’ve been through so much together, and I don’t feel right sending you off alone.”
I saw the sadness in her eyes, but also the pride. The first made me worry about her, and the second made me uncomfortable. I wasn’t sure what to say. “Had to happen sometime.” It didn’t feel like enough, but it was all I had right then.
My mother frowned at me, and I deserved it. “Maybe that’s true, but I’d like to think that we got through everything together.”
“We did. We absolutely did.” I hoped she knew that. “I couldn’t have survived without you.” I looked into her brown eyes and thanked God I had a mother to show me what true strength and perseverance looked like. “I love you, Mom.”
“Te quiero mucho, reina de mi corazón.” She brushed a kiss on my cheek. “Stay safe. Stay watchful. Stay—”
“Stay alive.” It was something she used to say to me when I’d go somewhere without her as a kid. Only this goodbye was harder.
We’d been apart when I was arrested and sent to Abaddon, but that was the only major time we’d spent away from each other. Even when she worked odd jobs on Earth, I usually went with her. It was safer for both of us that way. We’d been together for so long, but things were changing.
I wasn’t a unit with my mother anymore.
I was a unit with my fiancé.
It felt like a big step, and from the tear that she let slip free, I knew she felt it, too.
We didn’t say anything else. There was nothing to say. We both knew.
So, I stepped away from her, and looked at Lorne.
The reporters were asking questions and there were too many people watching for a proper goodbye. It was a rushed hug, and a barely there kiss, and then I was hustled toward my warship with Roan and the rest of my guards.
I tug
ged the straps on my shoulders a little tighter, the one last thing that I had left that made me feel safe.
My go-bag was probably more a like safety blanket than anything essential.
I probably wouldn’t need it.
Maybe.
Hopefully.
I looked at Eshrin and saw my doubts mirrored in his eyes.
Son of a spacebat.
Chapter Seventeen
LORNE
When everything was chaos and uncertain, that was when I need the most control and when it was the hardest to find. I watched through the vidscreen as Amihanna’s ship took off, as well as the six support ships and a solid one hundred defense fighter ships—ten squads. All would travel with her warship. She’d be okay.
I hoped that the Goddess would be kind to us. I hoped I hadn’t already tempted the fates as Amihanna feared.
“Your majesty?”
I wanted to be there with her. I wanted—
“Lorne?” Fynea said my name, and I turned to her.
The tall, blonde warrior had been a dear friend my whole life. When we were younger, Fynea had been one of the potential matches for me, but then Amihanna was born and became my betrothed. I was pretty sure both of us were relieved at the shift in our relationship. Friendship suited us much better for a lot of reasons.
As we got older, Fynea found a passion in becoming a royal guard, but she’d been injured a few years ago and decided to step down from that position permanently. Somehow I’d convinced her to become my head assistant, and I was beyond grateful to have someone I could trust helping me. Especially these days.
I waited for her to ask me whatever she was going to ask, but Fynea was currently scanning her tablet, not paying attention to the hustle around the ship as the crew prepared to take off.
“Yes, Fynea? You needed something?”
She held up a finger, meaning she needed a moment and I sighed. This happened a lot.