by Aileen Erin
I knew what I had to do.
“We stay the course,” I said to Lorne.
“Yes. I agree, but we meet up now. You stay there and we’ll complete the journey together. I’m not walking into a trap without you.” His tone dared me to say no and see the level of fit he’d throw.
But I wasn’t going to say no. I was just glad he was done being stupid about playing martyr. “Good because this being apart thing is completely iced. I hate it.” I turned to Roan. “Ask Tyan to send his pilot our coordinates.” I was sure Lorne knew where I was, but I wanted to be sure since we’d made all those extra jumps.
“Done,” Roan said.
“Go back to Sel’Ani, Rysden,” Lorne said. “Be prepared for an attack there. They’re going to want to retaliate, and we know that SpaceTech doesn’t do just one thing.”
“They do three,” I said. “Always three-pronged. It’s their favorite. They’re going to have a force on Earth, waiting for us to come. They’re going to have a plan for the meeting with the alliance. And they’re going to be poised to attack us at home.”
My father considered for a moment. “But you won’t go to Earth. Not without me.”
I couldn’t make that promise. “Not yet. First, we’re going to do what we planned. We’re going to try to rally the allies, and we’re going to find out about the lucole. There’s just too much we don’t know about their new favorite weapon.”
Lorne let out a low hmmm, as if something was bothering him.
“What?” I asked.
“Nothing.”
I gave him a look.
Lorne sighed. “You’re going to get the wrong idea from this, but I just find it very interesting that your ex got through to us right at this point. Today. Now.”
That had me pausing. “What?”
Lorne pressed his lips together and shook his head. “I know how this is going to sound, but we haven’t heard from Declan or Ahiga in weeks. And right at this moment, right after we run into Cheztkena, we find out information from your Crew on Earth? It’s too convenient. It’s almost as if SpaceTech planned it. Like they’re trying to lure you back to Earth.”
“Could that be the trap?” Rysden asked. “Maybe this is exactly what Cheztkena was talking about.”
“Cheztkena wasn’t very specific about what the trap might be, and SpaceTech always has three plans. But even if this was part of their plan, this wouldn’t be all of their plan.” That was absurd. “It was probably just a coincidence.” As I said that, I wasn’t sure I believed it. “We don’t know that Haden finally getting through to us has anything to do with Cheztkena’s warning.”
I didn’t think Haden was a good leader for the Crew, but I didn’t think he was a traitor to the people who’d kept him alive for the last decade of his life. My father didn’t know Haden. He didn’t know Haden’s past. He didn’t understand how unlikely it would’ve been for Haden to outright betray the Crew like that.
I started to argue, but my father held up a hand. “There’s no point discussing it right now,” my father said. “It doesn’t change anything. We have our plan, and this conversation with your friend from Earth isn’t changing it. Correct?”
“Yes, that’s correct.”
My father was right. It didn’t matter if it was coincidence or planned that we heard from Haden now because we were going to Telnon regardless of what we’d learned. Haden’s information didn’t change our course. I didn’t believe that it was designed to influence me, but even if it had been, it didn’t work.
“How long before you get here?” I asked Lorne.
Lorne turned to his pilot, and then back to the screen. “Three hours.”
“Good.”
“We’ll take a more direct route from your location to Telnon. It’ll have us arriving fourteen hours before we stated.”
“Arriving way before expected is a fantastic idea.” I nodded. “Okay. We have a plan.” I looked at Lorne. “See you soon.”
“Thank the Goddess,” I heard Fynea’s voice from behind Lorne. “I cannot take his moping anymore.”
I laughed and gave the nod to cut the call and turned to Roan. “I know you want to go to Earth.”
“I really, really do.” His smile was gone, and I could see the need in his eyes. He wanted to already be there, and I more than got it. I felt it, too.
“But I don’t think now is the time.”
“I don’t think so either, but babe, it’s going to happen. I can feel it. We’re going to need to be there.”
“I feel it, too.”
“When the time comes, you won’t be alone. You’ll have an army.” Eshrin motioned to the door. “You already have one right out there.”
That made me feel better about going back there, but still, it was going to be hard.
And yet, it was hard to wait when I knew there was a revolution happening and my face was rallying them.
That wasn’t something I ever thought I’d see. Not in a million years.
But I’d seen it, and now I wondered how long it’d be before I ended up back on Earth.
First, Telnon. Then we needed a plan. Because SpaceTech had a plan. They had a big plan. Running around dealing with threats wasn’t a plan, and that’s what we’d been doing.
Not anymore. That was changing now.
This visit to Telnon wasn’t just for our allies anymore. It was for us to plan and coordinate our attack.
For the first time in forever, I knew I could help. I’d felt so out of my element among the Aunare, but seeing what was happening on Earth changed my perspective in a massive way.
For the first time, I thought I might actually be a decent High Queen to the Aunare. I might even actually be good at this job.
For the first time in a long time I had a mission other than surviving.
I was going to win this war.
That was my mission.
That was my destiny.
And I wasn’t going to quit. Not ever.
Chapter Twenty-Two
LORNE
It didn’t take long for my fleet to reach hers, and still, it felt like an eternity. I wanted to be with her instantly. Unfortunately, travel across that much space took time even with our ability to jump across wide swaths of space. Not a lot of time, but enough.
I was pacing back and forth on the observation deck of the large docking bay, waiting for Amihanna’s transport ship to come aboard with her guards. Fynea made fun of me for my frantic pacing, and I knew I was being insane. It should’ve been humiliating, but the tension among my guards was ramping up. They’d been growing more nervous by the day, and for good reason. They knew what would happen if I lost control.
Being away from her meant I was on edge. Being on edge was bad. Dangerous. Deadly.
I didn’t like that about myself. I was the Aunare High King, but I was far from perfect. Light-years away from perfect.
It was a good thing to know what my weaknesses were. I’d agreed to this form of travel because that was what procedure decreed, but I’d be hard pressed to do it again.
Fynea muttered something in Aunare that I didn’t quite catch, and I knew it had to have been insulting to me.
I turned to her. “I’m doing the best I can—”
“No, you’re really not,” Fynea said, sounding more than a little annoyed with me.
My guards lining the walls stepped forward, ready to help her if I lost it.
Goddess. What was wrong with me? My own guards were afraid I would lash out at my closest friend because she was annoyed with me? This wasn’t normal.
I dropped my chin to my chest and closed my eyes. This had to stop. I was moments away from gaining my balance back. I held up a hand, fingers spread wide, telling everyone that I was okay. I wasn’t going to lose control.
“Look. Here she comes, Lorne.” Fynea pointed to the docking bay. “You can calm down now.”
I quickly moved to the window.
The small transport ship approached our dock, and f
or the first time in days, I could finally breathe again.
Her ship landed, and as soon as the warship airlock was sealed again, her transport ship’s door opened.
Now. It was time to go. The panel next to the door turned blue to allow entry. I pressed my hand against it, and the glass door slid open. I took the stairs down and started walking across the bay just as the first person stepped out.
Eshrin.
With Amihanna and Roan following close behind.
There she was, and I could finally breathe again. The frantic panic eased just enough to let me breathe.
It might not be healthy to have someone be your whole world, but she was mine. It only took seconds of being together again for me to realize that I could do the job everyone needed me to do. I could fight this war, rule these people, but I could only do that if I had what I needed. Her.
I’d refused the throne for years. I could’ve challenged my father and won, but I didn’t let myself. I knew Jesmesha said I wouldn’t be able to withstand the political pressure and responsibility of the position if I didn’t have her. I trusted our High Priestess implicitly and part of me understood and remembered how vital Amihanna had been to my life. I thought I got how right Jesmesha was when I saw Amihanna again, but I didn’t.
I didn’t truly understand how vital she was to me until I watched her ship take off two and a half days ago.
Even on days when I didn’t get much time alone with Amihanna, she balanced me. Just being next to her while she slept was enough. A simple brush of her arm against mine as we passed each other during the day helped me stay centered. I hadn’t even noticed how much we were around each other until she was gone.
Never again.
Amihanna looked at Roan and laughed at something he said, and I started walking faster.
Eshrin said something without turning to her, and she peeked around him to grin at me.
“You’re so obsessed with me,” she said with another laugh.
“I am.” And now I was home again. “Marry me.”
She held up her hand with the ring. “I already said yes.”
I stopped in front of her. “Right now. Marry me.” Because it was the only way I could make sure she didn’t ever leave me again.
Fynea let out a screech. I felt her coming for me, so I darted forward, jumping behind Amihanna.
Fynea held out a finger. “No. No. You cannot do this to me. I’ve moved everything up just as you asked, and it’s already not enough time.” Fynea stared at me for a second, and then looked at Amihanna. “Please tell me you retained your sanity during the two days you were apart.” Then she gave her a worried look. “You’re thinner. It’s only been days. Are you sick?”
I spun Amihanna around and looked at her, truly looked at her.
Goddess take it all. I’d been so happy to see her that I hadn’t noticed at first, but Fynea was right. She was absolutely right.
My skin lit and I knew—I knew—this was why I’d been panicking for days. The separation had been bad, but it didn’t make sense how little control I had. Every part of me screamed that I needed to be at her side.
“You… Did this just happen?” I ran my thumb gently over the dark circles under her eyes. “We talked every day. I saw your face only a few hours ago. I don’t understand.”
She shook her head. “I just…” She glanced at Roan.
“Tell him.” Roan didn’t sound happy with her.
I glanced between them. I’d never seen him mad at her before. They joked around a lot, but never fought. “What? Tell me right now.” Because I was panicking, and unless I was mistaken, her shoulders felt bonier, thinner, more fragile than they had two and a half days ago.
Amihanna was looking everywhere but at me. “I used filters to hide.”
I was going to be sick. “You lied?” I wanted to shake her, but I was too scared I’d hurt her. “You told me you were fine, but you clearly aren’t fine. You lied.”
She looked around at everyone, but if she was searching for an escape, she wasn’t going to get it. Amihanna wasn’t going anywhere until I had some answers. “I honestly didn’t mean to lie, but you were so upset and not handling the separation well. I thought this—” she waved her hand across her face “—would make it worse.”
“You’re damned right it would’ve. I would’ve come to you immediately. I would never let you suffer alone.” I took a breath. I was hurt that she’d hidden this from me, but she’d been trying to help me. That eased a tiny, minuscule bit of the hurt. The rest…
“I tried to get her to eat as much as she could stomach, but she’s had some trouble keeping food down.”
I glanced at Roan, thankful for the explanation.
“I offered to sleep in her room with her, but she kept refusing.” He stared at Amihanna as if he didn’t know what was wrong. He had to know what was wrong. “The jumps seemed to hurt—”
“I know,” I said, looking back at Amihanna—who still wasn’t looking at me. “It’s harder on Aunare with a lot of power, which she has plenty. But that doesn’t explain this.” I dropped my hands from her shoulders and took a step back to look at her fully.
And now I was totally and truly worried. I needed to get her in a pod. She’d fight me on it, but if I could get some food into her, then the healing would go better.
I cupped her face. “Some food and sleep will help.”
She smiled up at me. “I’m fine. Honestly. Audrey came and did some scans. I lost a few pounds and a little sleep, but she said I was okay. I’m sure I’ll be fine once we get to Telnon.”
If she truly believed that, she hadn’t looked in a mirror. I’d seen her look much, much worse. I’d seen her nearly die. But her coloring was pale, the circles under her eyes almost looked like bruises, and she was back to being so, so skinny. I wasn’t sure how it’d happened so quickly. It didn’t make sense.
I’d find an answer. The chief medical officer would figure out what was wrong or I could have Audrey transferred back to this ship. The lab was now part of our joint convoy.
But even as I stared at Amihanna, my constant panic finally made sense. I wasn’t going crazy. I wasn’t weak. My shalshasa was in trouble, and I’d ignored my instincts because of protocol.
Goddess take it.
I needed to keep a closer eye on her. I never should’ve let her to travel alone. I wouldn’t make that mistake again. “You’re drained, exhausted, and you’ve lost weight.”
“I’m exhausted, but I could still take you down in a match,” she said the words, but she didn’t believe them enough to make me believe them.
I wished she had.
I wrapped my arms around her, pulling her close to me. She leaned heavily on me, and I bent down to rest my cheek on the top of her head. “We have a few hours before we reach Telnon.” I straightened and pulled away just enough to lead her back to my on-ship suite. “Let’s get you some food and then rest before we get there. Maybe just a little bit in a healing pod—”
She pinched my side. “Not happening. Not again. Only way to get me in one of those is when I’m unconscious.”
“Fair enough.” Then I guessed I’d wait until she was asleep to take her to the pod. She owed me that much after lying.
Filters. Unbelievable.
It didn’t take us long to get back to my suite on the ship. I was pretty sure she was asleep before she hit the bed. I wanted to wake her up—she needed food—but she needed the pod more. I’d wait until she was truly asleep and then transfer her.
She mumbled a little as I settled beside her, and she moved closer until her head rested on my chest and one of her legs was thrown over, and the other, under mine. She let out a sigh, and I felt something deep inside my soul shudder and sigh with her.
This. This was why I didn’t want to be apart. Not because we couldn’t be apart if we had to, but this damage to her had been unnecessary.
Another mistake.
Another idiotic mistake.
I wished
I could stop making them, but they seemed to be a part of my life now. Even when I was trying my best to make the right choices, I still made the wrong ones.
But things would be different. I knew I kept telling myself that I was going to do better, but I kept failing.
And now I was wondering if we should be going to this meeting at all. Should we be going to Earth instead? That’s what Amihanna had been preparing for, and it’s where I knew we’d end up eventually. I just wasn’t sure when. The timing needed to be right, especially with the verification that lucole weapons were on the ground. I couldn’t risk Amihanna getting shot again. I wasn’t sure she’d survive it a second time.
I didn’t want to admit it to Amihanna—I was sure she’d misread it as jealousy because it partly was—but I agreed with Rysden. It was interesting that Haden chose that moment to contact Amihanna. It was so much of a coincidence that I had a hard time believing any of what he’d said. But I also wanted to murder that man on the screen.
He’d seen her tattoo.
He’d seen her tattoo.
It wasn’t rational or fair of me to hate him so much. I knew she hadn’t really been with anyone aside from me, which meant I shouldn’t ask Amihanna for more details about their relationship. He didn’t matter. But I desperately wanted to ask.
I wished I could find Declan. He could tell me if we should trust this man. But if what Amihanna’s friend had said was true, then Declan was in trouble at best. Dead, at worst.
I wasn’t sure if I believed that. The connection that Declan and I had should’ve alerted me if something dire had happened to him, but I hadn’t been paying attention and it was broken. I hadn’t realized. I hadn’t been paying attention. I’d been beyond livid with him ever since I realized he’d found Amihanna and hadn’t told me. That he’d allowed her to be thrown in jail. That he’d allowed her to be sent to a prison camp where she’d been tortured via a faulty suit on a volcano planet and almost died.
That was a betrayal that I wasn’t sure I’d ever get over.
There was so much I’d done wrong, and I wanted to start doing the right things. I knew I was on the right path. I’d declared war. I’d finally gotten our allies to meet. I’d gotten Amihanna to agree to marry me.