by Various
Standing up on the coffee table, Froggy bent forward to bang on the drum. “Africa!”
“Yes, that’s right,” she said. “Did you know Mommy’s family came from Africa a long, long time ago?”
“Africa! Africa! Bongo, bongo, bongo drum!” Froggy he danced and played.
The joy in his face made her smile so wide her jaw hurt. She launched herself at him and took him in her arms with all the love she possessed. “Is this a good Christmas?”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah!” he cried, kissing her cheek. Rob came close to get his hug and kiss. Judging by the look on his face, she’d guess this was one of Rob’s favourite Christmases too. He was convinced simple was best.
“I have gifts to give you, if I’m not intruding,” Kaz said, collecting wrapping paper from the floor.
“Oh, I’ll take those big pieces,” Rob offered. “We try to reuse everything we can.”
“You shouldn’t have bought us anything,” Josie told to Kaz. She meant it, too. They ended up with so much stuff over the holiday season just because everybody felt obliged to get them a little something. As it turned out, that was not the case with Kaz. She’d vastly underestimated his gift-giving abilities.
“Rob and Froggy’s gifts I made yesterday,” he said, handing a paper box to Froggy. Inside was a whole extended family of brightly coloured origami frogs. “Look at this. If you press on their bums, they hop.” When he demonstrated, Froggy went absolutely wild.
“What a great gift,” Rob said, lifting a few frogs onto the bongo drum. Froggy got a kick out of that too. “We’re really strong believers in homemade gifts. They’re so much more meaningful than plastic stuff.”
“I know what you mean,” Kaz said, opening his laptop for Rob to have a look. “That’s why I decided to make you something too.”
“No way, man!”
“Yeah way, man,” Kaz teased, opening up a website. Rob Klimptow Illustrations. “Remember when we were having pizza the other night, how you were telling me you’d love your own website to showcase your art? Well, here is!”
Rob was visibly astounded. He’d gone into speechless mode. “No way.”
“It’s no big deal. All I’ve done so far is the template, which can all be changed if you want, but as soon as you take some digital photos of your work, we can upload them and turn this into the site of your dreams.”
Seeing that Rob was at a total loss for words, Josie said, “That looks great, doesn’t it babe?”
“It just…” Rob stammered. He grabbed Kaz’s shoulders and squeezed them. “I can’t believe anyone would do something like this for me.”
Kaz blushed a bit. “Really, it was nothing. It’s super, super easy to throw a website like this together. And the best part is there are no hosting fees or anything to worry about.”
When Rob threw himself at Kaz to give the guy a heartfelt hug, Froggy quickly followed suit, and Josie rushed to get his precious computer off his lap.
“Did you open yours yet?” he asked her from under the assault of affection.
“Oh, no,” she replied. She’d put the box down to watch Froggy open his origami frogs. When she cracked open the hinges on her wooden box, she found inside a beautiful necklace made of mauve-coloured freshwater pearls. “Oh, Kaz, this is gorgeous.”
“That I don’t claim to have made,” he said as she fitted the pearls around her neck. She couldn’t believe he remembered her favourite colour from back then. “I actually bought that from Shelley. You know, to stay on good terms. She makes jewellery, and I didn’t want to pick up random department store crap for your family.”
He stood up, glowing, when she went over to give him a hug. “These are beautiful gifts. Thank you so much.”
Just as he said, “I wanted to show you all how much I appreciate your hospitality,” the front door burst open.
Chapter Ten
In walked a group of people Kaz hadn’t seen since he and Josie were an item.
“Merry Christmas! Where’s my little grandson got to?”
“Mamma!” Froggy shrieked, running over to Winnie. She picked him up and twirled him around in the air.
“Merry Christmas, Mom,” Josie said. “Kaz you remember my mom, Winnie.” Glancing behind her, she said to her sister and nephew, “And Vivian and Nathan, take your boots off and come on in, you two. Do you remember my boyfriend Kaz?”
“Now you got a husband and a boyfriend?” Nathan teased. “That must keep you busy, Auntie Josie.”
“My boyfriend from high school,” she clarified, shooting a smile at Rob. He’d turned away from her to talk to her mom, so she gave the smile to Kaz instead.
There was so much family in the room, and none of it his. Kaz wasn’t sure if he should hide behind the couch, retreat to the kitchen, or try to blend in. “I can’t believe this is the same Nathan. I remember you when you weren’t much bigger than Froggy!” Hearing the words that had just passed through his lips, Kaz covered his forehead with his hand. “Sorry, I’m starting to sound like an old man, aren’t I?”
“Aren’t you an old man?” Nathan quipped, taking a seat on the sofa.
“Nathan, mind your manners,” Vivian scolded her son. She looked Kaz up and down, and he couldn’t believe this was the same Vivian.
Vivian the drop-out, the stereotype, the bad girl. She seemed so well put together now, in an embroidered silk brocade top and elegant black pants. He felt embarrassed to still be wearing pyjamas, even though Josie, Rob, and Froggy were still in theirs too. Sure, Vivian had always been pretty, but the beauty she shared with Josie had always been hidden under layers of cheap make-up and clothing. Now her beauty was the first thing he saw. There was no need to dig for it anymore.
“Are you sure you’re the same boy our Josie went with in high school?” Vivian asked, extending her hand to shake his.
“Yup, same guy, just a few years older.”
Once she had his hand in hers, she seemed to change her mind. She gave him a big hug instead. “I just don’t believe it. I remember you as a science geek.”
Nathan laughed from the sofa, smacking his knee.
“I was a science geek.”
“Maybe you ought to go sit down next my son so some’ll rub off on him,” she chuckled.
“Hey Vivian,” Rob called across the room, where he and Winnie were admiring the new drum. “Ask Kaz to show you the website he made me. It’s great.”
“You’re not a web designer,” Vivian said, smacking him on the shoulder. “I’m doing graphic design now. Isn’t that far out!”
“Are you really? That’s great.”
“Show him your card, mom,” Nathan offered. “You should see her work, man. My mom gets some serious respect.”
Kaz took one look at Vivian’s business card and laughed. “You’re Slippery When Wet Designs? I’m Thundershore! This is unbelievable.” He looked around for someone to tell, but everyone else was busy banging on the bongo, so he said to Nathan, “We chat online, like, every day.”
“I can’t believe it’s you,” she said, giving him another hug. “Nathan, he’s Thundershore. How about that!”
“That’s crazy,” her son said, getting up from the sofa to shake his hand. “I really respect your designs, man. My mom talks about you all the time.”
“I wondered why you hadn’t been online much,” Vivian went on. She held the sleeves of his pyjama top and wouldn’t let go. “It’s because you’ve been right here at my little baby sister’s house. That’s just incredible.”
“Yeah, I know,” Kaz admitted, looking over at Froggy as he unwrapped his grandma gifts. “I’ve really missed chatting.”
“Me too.”
“Me too,” Nathan imitated, speaking in falsetto and fluttering his eyelashes.
Vivian shook her head, smiling at her son. “Show us this website Rob was talking about.”
“Oh, it’s nothing,” he replied, sitting down with the two of them and opening up his laptop. “I should be asking you for help, Sl
ip. Sorry, Vivian. I’ll have to get in the habit of calling you by your real name now.”
* * * *
From across the room, Josie watched Kaz with her big sister and her eldest nephew as they brainstormed design possibilities. With smiles that wide it was a wonder their faces didn’t crack.
As she pressed her fingers against her cool coffee mug, she decided her bitterness was nothing more than hunger pains. She’d feel better once she’d eaten something. Really, it was wonderful that Kaz seemed to be hitting it off with Vivian. They’d both been unlucky in love. If they could be happy together, she’d be happy too.
Christmas dinner turned into even more of a whirlwind, but she should hardly have been surprised. Family events were like that. There was so much activity it was impossible to keep track of what everyone was up to.
Adrianna prepared a gorgeous meal that spoke even to the demanding palates of her husband and Kaz, though Kaz would likely have been content with beans on toast as long as he was sitting at Vivian’s side. Why am I getting so worked up about this? She ought to be over the moon for the pair. There was something tremendously serendipitous about meeting someone in one context, and then finding them again in another. It was the Fates screaming, “Didn’t you get it the first time, dummy? You’re supposed to be together!”
As she sliced her perfectly moist turkey and topped it off with cranberry sauce and almond stuffing, she watched Vivian set her hand on Kaz’s. She chewed so hard she could feel her teeth grinding together. So, why am I watching if it just gets me upset?
Josie turned her head to watch Froggy and cousin Ben, but Rob caught her eye first. It was embarrassing. He could obviously see her upset; he was good with stuff like that. She didn’t want to feel jealous. It was Christmas; she should feel jolly.
“Did your wife go into a coma?” Adrianna’s husband asked hers.
“Huh? What’s that?” Josie replied. “What did I do?”
Rob smiled meekly. “Adrianna just asked if Froggy could stay overnight with Ben.”
“You want to spend your Christmas night at Auntie Adrianna’s, not at home with Mommy?”
“Yeah,” Froggy cheered, standing up on his chair. “Stay here with cousin Ben.”
“Come on, sit down on your bum,” Rob instructed. That was the last thing she heard clearly before the cacophony of dinner noises took over. She could feel hot tears welling in her eyes, and she didn’t want to cry but that didn’t seem to matter. Pushing back her chair, she swept out of the kitchen and down to the front door. She slipped into her snow boots and winter coat, and went outside.
Josie wasn’t sure where to go once she’d stepped out onto the porch, so she brushed some snow off the patio swing and sat down. It was nice to be able to see stars, even if it was only seven in the evening. Winter had its pros and cons. She tried only to see the pros: the freshness in the air, the reflection of dark blue skies on pristine snow, Christmas…
When she heard the screen door squeal, she knew it was Rob. She didn’t need to look. He’d come armed with a blanket, as it turned out. When he sat down beside her and spread it over their legs, she leaned her head on his shoulder and sighed. “Nobody needs me anymore.”
He chuckled. “Try everybody needs you always.”
“Kaz has Vivian, Froggy has Ben…”
“And you have me,” he said, kissing her hair.
“That’s true,” she said, reflecting on everything she might get out of the moment. “Why won’t you tell me about what you did?”
“What I did when?”
“I don’t know,” she said. “In high school I guess. Whatever you wouldn’t tell me the other day.”
She could feel his body stiffen next to hers. “Do we really have to go down this road? Do we both have to be upset? It’s Christmas.”
“So make it my Christmas present,” she begged. Recalling the yellow zucchini, she lied, “You know everything about me. I hate thinking there’s something you’re hiding.”
“It was Faisal,” he said, almost before she’d finished speaking. “It was Faisal.”
“Was he at our wedding?”
“Yeah, we were really good close friends when we were kids,” Rob began, pulling her in close. Rob was always so warm. He was the perfect man to sit next to on a crisp winter’s evening. “When you hit puberty, you know, you have all these hormones and you do things sometimes that you’re ashamed of later on.”
“Rob,” she interrupted. “What, you got each other off? So what? There’s nothing to be ashamed of there.”
“I know,” Rob replied, taking a long pause. “It wasn’t that. I mean, yeah we did, and I guess I found it thrilling and necessary and shameful all at once. We were young, you know.”
“I know.” Zucchini.
“There became almost a ritual to the whole thing. We depended on each other, in a sense. And then one day Faisal came out with this statement that he…”
After a moment of suspense, she asked, “He had a girlfriend?”
“No, he was in love with me,” Rob said. He seemed to laugh and moan at once. It was a haunting sound.
“Oh,” Josie replied. She thought that was the sweetest thing she’d ever heard, but Rob didn’t seem to agree. “Sex is like that, I think. We think we can get off with just anybody and it doesn’t have to mean anything, but, you know, it does mean something. Every time.”
“I was so angry,” Rob went on. “I chewed him out: this is not love, I am not a faggot, get your filthy hands off me. He begged. He said how much courage it had taken him to tell me. His parents would disown him if they found out, but he would make any sacrifice for me. And I had these images of his father coming after me with a machete, like, You are the boy who corrupted my son! You must die! Faisal pleaded with me and I got so angry I punched him in the face. It hurt like hell.”
“Oh, sweety,” she consoled, hugging him around his waist. “We all make mistakes growing up. We all do these things.”
“I know, but Faisal…” He stopped, and when he sniffled she knew he was holding back tears. “He tried to kill himself after that. I wouldn’t talk to him, wouldn’t look at him. I had no sympathy. He was this smart, smart guy and he ended up staying an extra year at school because of the trauma and it was all because of me.”
“Oh, Rob,” she cried, hugging him tight just to keep him in one piece. What was she so concerned about? She’d done stupid things in life, but nothing that generated the kind of remorse Rob had hidden all through the years. “You never told me any of this.”
“I thought you’d hate me.”
“I could never hate you,” she said, kissing his cheek. “I love you for sharing.”
“But don’t you think I’m in total denial, or something? Don’t you think…”
“I’ve always been of that school of thought that says there are as many sexualities as there are individuals,” Josie began. “We all have our attractions, we all have our crushes, and some of us are lucky enough to have life-long crushes on the people we marry. That’s how I feel about you. I love you, I like you, and I have a huge crush on you that won’t seem to go away.”
Rob smiled at that. “Yeah, I know what you mean. So you don’t hate me for the way I acted when I was young?”
“I didn’t even know you then,” she said, kissing his cold nose. “I love you for who you are now, and the respect you show me and our child.”
She was about to suggest they head back inside when Rob asked, “What do we do about Kaz?”
Her heart sank a little at the mention of his name. “What do you mean?”
“Well, you just said sex always means something even when we convince ourselves it doesn’t. What do you think is going to happen for us if we let Kaz ride off into the sunset without any closure?”
“Ride off on Vivian, you mean?” she nearly spat. She took a deep breath to keep her emotions in check.
“See what I mean?”
“You’re right,” she agreed. No use denying it
. With a deep breath, she said, “Well, Froggy’s staying with Adrianna tonight. How about you and I bring Kaz home with us and have some good adults-only type closure?”
With a deep chuckle, Rob kissed her lips and their breath mingled like smoke on the cool breeze.
Chapter Eleven
Rob pushed back the coffee table and unfolded a fleece throw on the carpet while Josie lit candles all around the room. Kaz turned the Christmas tree lights on and the house lights off. The fireplace was gas, but it was better than nothing. It added to the room’s sexual ambiance.