The doctor nodded. “Good. I’ll be by later tonight just to check in. We’ll have the results of the tests by then.”
“Can she have visitors?” Dan asked.
“Sure. You may want to limit them to two at a time for now, at least,” Dr. Pilkington said. “She’s still quite tired.”
“Of course.”
The doctor smiled and walked away.
“Would you like to see her?” Dan asked Graham.
“Are you kidding?”
They walked into Lacey’s room, where Sarah was peeling the paper wrapper off a Popsicle.
“Mr. Graham!” Lacey shouted.
“Hey, sweet pea.” Graham’s voice cracked. “I hear you’re feeling a lot better.”
“I get Popsicles,” Lacey announced.
“No fair,” Graham said. “I want one too.”
“It’s grape.” Lacey grinned.
“My favorite,” Graham said.
“Mine too,” Dan added.
“If you ask nice,” Lacey said, “maybe they’ll let you have some too.” A few licks later, she had sticky purple cheeks.
AN hour later, Dan and Graham ate lunch in the cafeteria while Dan’s parents kept Lacey company. “Her room’s starting to look like a toy store with all the stuffed animals.”
“Who’d have thought my parents would buy out the gift shop as a way to blow off steam?” Dan joked. “She doesn’t want any of them except yours, though.”
“Shopping’s a good way to get your mind off things,” Graham admitted. “Who knew Toys“R”Us is open until ten?”
“You haven’t been home, have you?”
Graham shrugged. “There’s nothing there I need right now.”
“Thank you… for everything you’ve done these past few days. For me, for Lacey….”
“It was nothing.”
“That’s not true, but I won’t argue the point.”
Graham laughed. “Thank you, Counselor.”
“You done?” Dan gestured to Graham’s empty plate, and Graham nodded. “My weather app says it’s about seventy outside. There’s a little courtyard near the main entrance. Mind taking a little walk with me?”
“Sure.”
“Good.” Dan deposited their trays by the exit and led Graham down the hallway. A few minutes later, they stepped out into the warm December sunshine.
“I love the South. I don’t think I could ever live up North. Where else can you have days like this right after Thanksgiving?”
“Mom says they got two inches of snow this past weekend,” Dan said as they settled onto a bench at the far end of the garden.
“The mountains don’t count. But I can’t say I miss the white stuff.”
Dan rubbed his mouth and willed the tension from his shoulders. “Can we talk about what happened before all this?”
“Of course. I’m only glad you’re still talking to me, after what I did.”
“I was angry,” Dan explained. “But I overreacted.” He inhaled slowly and reminded himself that he owed Graham the same kind of honesty he had shown him.
“You were right when you said I wanted to take Phil’s case because I felt guilty. The thing is, I remember that day… on the field. And I hated myself for it. I still do,” he added and sighed. “I still think you’re wrong about taking the case. But the way I reacted… I’m sorry. I was wrong.”
“I don’t know what to say,” Graham said after a brief pause. “Except thank you. And I’m sorry too. After you left, I realized that even though I hadn’t wanted to get revenge for what happened, for a split second, it felt good. What you said about hating yourself? That goes for me too. Maybe we can talk about the case later.”
“Thanks. I’d like that. There’s something else you need to know,” Dan said. “That day fifteen years ago? I found something that I never had a chance to return.”
Graham eyed him warily but remained silent.
“I’ve made a lot of mistakes in my life,” Dan continued. “But there’s one I regret more than anything. And I need to tell you before I lose my nerve.”
“Okay.” Graham frowned, and Dan wondered if he knew what was coming.
His hand shook as he reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out the dog-eared piece of notebook paper. He unfolded it gently, careful not to tear it at the folds where it had already started to separate.
He didn’t dare look at Graham. Instead he focused on the note and read:
“Danny—
“I’ve watched the way you move. It’s like watching the wind, the way your body glides over the field and turns so easily it’s like you’re flying. I want to fly too. I want to be someone else so maybe you’ll notice me.
“I’ve seen your kindness when you think no one’s looking. I’ve seen the way you’re always there when your friends need you. I’ve seen how you’re uncomfortable when someone tells you you’re great. I want to be the person others count on too.
“I probably won’t ever get up the courage to tell you this, but all these things make me want to be stronger. Watching you gives me hope that I can be something more than I am now. Watching you makes me believe in so much more.
“—Jimmy”
“You…. You….” Graham frowned, his jaw tensing.
“I found this.” Dan took a long breath. “That day. I went back onto the field. I think I was hoping you’d still be there, even though I knew you wouldn’t be. I wanted to apologize. I needed to tell you how sorry I was that I didn’t—” Dan sucked in another long breath as tears pricked the corners of his eyes. “—I didn’t stand up for you. I let them push you around. I was as bad as they were, not saying anything.”
“You were afraid.”
“I was weak.” Dan wouldn’t allow himself the luxury of an excuse. Especially knowing what he knew now.
Graham’s expression softened and he sighed. “That was a lifetime ago.”
“Maybe.” Dan dry-scrubbed his face. “But instead of finding you, I found your note. I wanted to give it back, but I didn’t know how. You’d written it for me, but I knew you never intended for me to read it.”
Graham pressed his lips together, but he didn’t seem angry. If anything, he looked relieved.
“That summer, it really weighed on me. So I decided I’d give it back to you somehow. Tell you how sorry I was. What an asshole I was. Maybe even tell you the truth about me. But you left.”
“Shit. All these years, I thought…,” Graham said. “Until I saw you that day at the office and I realized you’d probably been in the closet then. I think I hated you. No, that’s not right. I hated that I’d fallen in love with you.”
“That letter,” Dan said. “It was….”
“A love letter.” Graham laughed and shook his head. “A childish love letter that I carried around with me like a good luck charm. A letter I didn’t have the guts to give you.”
Dan blinked back tears. “That letter saved me,” he said, steeling himself for what he needed to say.
“Saved you?”
Dan nodded. “I spent most of my life pretending to be something I wasn’t. The jock. The straight guy. The cool kid. I bought into it. That was the man I was supposed to be. And when I blew out my knee… I had nothing. At least that’s what I thought.”
He held up the note and smiled. “I remember pulling this out and reading it. I probably hadn’t looked at it in a year, maybe even longer. And I realized there was someone who’d seen through the bullshit. And that someone thought the me underneath all the crap was decent and good.”
“Dan, I don’t know what to say….”
“You don’t need to say anything.” Dan offered Graham the note.
“Keep it,” Graham said. Tears filled his eyes, but he was smiling. “I wrote it for you, and I meant all of it.”
Chapter Thirty-Four
One year later
GRAHAM rounded the turn at the twenty-five-mile mark and glanced at Dan, who grinned back at him. In the late morning sunshi
ne, his blue eyes were the color of the ocean. His curly hair was plastered to his sweaty skin, and the light made the beads of sweat on his brow sparkle.
“Almost there.” Graham wiped the sweat from his eyes.
“How’re you holding up?” Dan asked, his words ringing with challenge.
“Better than you,” Graham quipped, although he knew they were equally exhausted.
“Last I checked, you’re the old man.”
“Four months older.” Graham shook his head and laughed. “And with age….”
“Comes snark.” Dan winked and picked up the pace.
“Shit.” Graham’s thighs burned. He glanced at his watch and saw that they’d slowed down the last mile. He was so tired, he’d forgotten to keep an eye on their pace. Graham thought he was ready for an Ironman, but he knew he wouldn’t have made it this far without Dan at his side.
They’d ridden their motorcycles from Terri’s beach house to the race, having towed them from Raleigh behind what Graham affectionately referred to as Dan’s “uncool daddy car.” As they drove to the coast, Dan reminded Graham that his Ducati was much cooler than his Harley. This, of course, ended with them arguing over whether Americans or Italians made better bikes. Lacey put an end to the argument by announcing that both were “boring” and begging Graham to turn on Radio Disney. They all ended up singing to “Funky As a Diaper.”
Graham’s chest tightened with the memory. “Thanks,” he said.
“You agree?”
Graham chuckled. “I’ll own the snark. But thanks for kicking my ass and finally getting me here.” He only partly meant the race.
Dan brushed the back of his hand against Graham’s.
“Daddy! Graham!” came the familiar voice from the crowd as they approached the finish line. “You can do it!”
Dan and Graham waved to Lacey and Dan’s parents. A moment later Lacey began to skip toward the inflatable arch at the end of the course, then stopped abruptly before making a face and squirming. Jane waved her over, and they disappeared into one of the blue portable toilets. Graham chuckled. Potty stop. Even in kindergarten, Lacey tended to forget sometimes. It wasn’t a question of lack of control, but Lacey’s need to be part of everything and enjoy everything that made her forget the less interesting, more practical things.
“She’ll be able to outrun me in a few years,” Dan said.
“She can outrun us both right now. Especially when she’s headed for the bathroom.”
The salty breeze off the water ruffled Graham’s hair. He sighed at the thought of the hot tub on Terri’s balcony. After the race, Dan’s parents were taking Lacey home and Graham and Dan would have the week to themselves. Not that Graham minded having Lacey around—he’d fallen in love with her as surely as he had Dan—but they’d never had so much time alone.
“You need a break from familial bliss,” Terri had said as she handed Graham the keys to her place three days before. “Besides, the Parkers obviously adore their granddaughter, and Lacey loves how they spoil her.”
“Hold hands as we cross the finish line?” Dan asked.
“Totally geeky.” And totally wonderful.
“Do I have a deal?”
“No matter what you say, you’re ten times more romantic than I am.” Bullshit, but Dan didn’t seem to mind. Graham had moved in with Dan and Lacey five months before. He still kept the apartment downtown so he and Dan had a place to crash when they had to work late, but he’d come to think of Dan’s place as home. Playing house, it turned out, was definitely up his alley.
“I seem to recall you bought me a dozen roses for my birthday,” Dan pointed out.
“What about the cake you made for mine?” Graham smiled at the memory of the lopsided cake with the hole on the top where Lacey “accidentally” stuck her finger while she and Dan were icing it.
“I’m a lousy baker, so it doesn’t count.”
Graham snagged a cup of water from one of the volunteers, took a sip, then emptied the rest onto his head.
“Sprint?” Dan asked.
“You’re going to kill me.”
Graham took Dan’s offered hand. “I’ll scrape you off the pavement after we’re done.”
Graham nodded and they took off, laughing. Five minutes later, they stumbled through the gate, walked over to the grass where the volunteers had set up tents with food and drink, and promptly collapsed onto the ground,
“You did it!” Lacey tumbled on top of them, then made a face and said, “You’re gross and stinky.”
“Congratulations,” Jane said. Graham thought she looked a bit uncomfortable, but the sun was pretty high and it was pretty warm. “We’d give you both hugs, but I think Lacey’s right.” She imitated Lacey’s expression and she and Lacey both said, “Ewww!”
“Great job,” Dan’s dad said.
Graham thought he saw Jane wink at Dan. “We should get Lacey something to eat. Meet you at the parking lot in about an hour?”
“Sure.” Dan kissed Lacey. “At least you don’t have to ride back to the beach with us in the car.” They’d load up their bikes and gear and follow behind on their motorcycles.
Lacey nodded and held her nose, then got to her feet and waved as she and Dan’s parents headed for the food trucks.
Dan grinned at Graham. “Well? How’s it feel to finish your first Ironman?”
“Ask me tomorrow.”
“I’ve got an extra tube of Tiger Balm.”
“Only if you’re going to rub it all over me.” Graham pressed his thigh against Dan’s.
“Deal.”
“But seriously,” Graham said, “I feel pretty damn good. Thanks for kicking my ass.”
“Any time.” Dan met Graham’s gaze, then looked quickly away.
Strange. Dan rarely seemed uncomfortable, let alone with him. “You okay?” Graham pushed away the familiar insecurity. Dan wasn’t going anywhere. At least, that’s what Graham told himself.
“Yeah.”
Those blue eyes again! Warm. Loving. Graham reached for Dan’s hand, but instead Dan sat up. He seemed to hesitate, then reached into the tiny pocket of this tri top and retrieved something that he palmed too quickly for Graham to make out.
“Graham,” he said, “when I met you, I had no clue what a wild ride I was in for.” He smiled and seemed to steady himself. Graham had never seen him this nervous, even in court. “But I’m not willing to leave things as they are.”
Graham swallowed hard and reminded himself that things between them had been going well. Dan seemed genuinely happy, and for his part, he’d gotten to the point where he couldn’t imagine not being with Dan.
“I thought about doing this at Terri and Beth’s wedding. Hell, she practically begged me to.” His warm smile did quick work of Graham’s fear. “I told her you weren’t a fan of big gatherings and if I did it in front of a huge crowd, you’d probably shoot me. Besides, I couldn’t think of a better way to celebrate the race.”
“Dan, I’m not sure I—”
Dan reached out his hand, which shook slightly, and opened it to reveal two rings. “Graham Swann,” Dan said, his voice thick with emotion, “you’ve been a great colleague. You’ve been my friend and you’ve been there when I needed someone to lean on. You’ve been a father to Lacey. You’ve inspired me to take chances… to stay true to who I am. I want you in my life forever. Marry me?”
Graham blinked back tears. It was as though all his self-control had gone on a long vacation. Which probably isn’t a bad thing. His throat constricted and he coughed. He tried to speak, but the only thing he could manage was a half-croaked “Yes.”
Graham swallowed hard and took Dan’s hands, lifting him up. “Yes.” He couldn’t manage to say anything else. “Yes, I will.”
Dan slipped the white gold ring on Graham’s finger. “You were beautiful when I first met you back then. You’re beautiful now.”
Graham took the second ring and put it on Dan. “I love you,” he whispered. Two words he’d never
imagined he’d say to anyone.
Dan gave Graham one of those smiles full of love and compassion that made his arms and chest ache. In that moment, Graham realized who he was looking at. This wasn’t Danny, the kid he’d crushed on in high school, who’d hidden himself from everyone. This was Dan Parker, the fully realized man. A man who’d been born the same day as Graham Swann—the day that had haunted Graham for fifteen years. Out of the ashes of the worst day of his life, something had arisen. Tiny. Fragile. Barely perceptible. But it had grown, and nurtured by Dan’s love, that day had led to today. The best day of his life.
SHIRA ANTHONY was a professional opera singer in her last incarnation, performing roles in such operas as Tosca, Pagliacci, and La Traviata, among others. You can hear Shira sing an aria from a live performance of Puccini’s Tosca by clicking here: “Vissi d’arte” (http://www.shiraanthony.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/06/tosca-visse-darte-exceprt1.mp3)
Shira’s given up TV for evenings spent with her laptop, and she never goes anywhere without a pile of unread M/M romance on her Kindle. When she’s not writing, she is usually in a courtroom trying to make the world safer for children. Her favorite place to write is at the Carolina coast aboard Land’s Zen, a 35’ catamaran sailboat, with her favorite sexy captain at the wheel.
Whether contemporary romance, high fantasy shifters, or time-traveling vampires, Shira writes what she loves and never writes a story without a HEA. Her Mermen of Ea trilogy book Into the Wind was named one of the best books of 2014 by both Scattered Thoughts and Rogue Words and Hearts on Fire Reviews, and was a finalist in the 2014 Goodreads M/M Romance Member’s Choice Awards. Her Blue Notes series of classical-music-themed gay romances was named one of Scattered Thoughts and Rogue Words’ best series of 2012, and the most recent book in the series, Dissonance, was named one of the best books of 2014 by Hearts on Fire Reviews. Her book A Solitary Man, coauthored with Aisling Mancy, won a 2016 Rainbow Award Honorable Mention for Best Gay Mystery/Thriller.
Shira can be found on:
Facebook: www.facebook.com/shira.anthony
Goodreads: www.goodreads.com/author/show/4641776.Shira_Anthony
Swann's Revenge Page 17