by Anna Black
I asked about all the wine I had drunk after getting negative results and having what I believed at the time was my cycle. The doctor said the baby should be fine, and my husband and I went home with huge smiles on our faces.
Chapter Forty
Andrea
I sat in my rocker, rocking my three-month-old baby girl. She was perfect, and although I was happy to have a new addition to my family, I missed my other kids terribly. I had seen them only a few times since that night Jeremiah attacked me in his office, and that was because Kelly and I were thick as thieves now. She helped me to see them. She was now driving, and she brought them by whenever she could. Behind Jeremiah’s back, of course. Lena, J.J., Kelly, and I had a code of silence. We kept it our secret.
I put little Quintana down when Q alerted me that Kelly was downstairs. I went down, surprised to see her. She was upset. It wasn’t anything new, so I fixed her a strawberry smoothie to turn her frown upside down. I made one for myself, and since my breast milk was too weak for my baby and she was on formula, I added a double shot of vodka to my smoothie. Kelly was there to vent about Jeremiah again, and I always needed something strong when we spoke about that snake. I was glad to have Q, my remedy and my prescription for the side effects of my first marriage.
“I hate him, Mom,” Kelly said. She was no longer calling me Mama Ann. Her real mom had broken her heart three weeks ago, when Kelly had asked if she could come back to live with her. She had told Kelly no and then had informed her that she was getting married and was leaving the state. Not happy at all with her gay father, Kelly had driven to my house first after getting that news and had cried her eyes out, begging me to take them away from Jeremiah.
“Don’t say that, Kel. You know that isn’t true.”
“It is true. We sit in church, and I watch him put on this performance, like he is so holy, when I see Brother Franklin creeping out of our house at the crack of dawn. Do you know Dad told me that he and Brother Franklin are only praying when he is over? He said that brothers in Christ can sometimes be closer than a husband and a wife, like David and Jonathan in the Bible.”
“Yeah, well, he is lying. King David and Jonathan shared a brotherly love and bond that had nothing to do with sex or anything against Christ. Your dad is just twisting the Word of God to justify his behavior.”
“I know, and he needs to be shut down, Ma. The church needs to know who he really is. There have been countless rumors, whispers, and allegations, and they have paid off everyone who has accused him of sexual harassment or inappropriate conduct and have just swept things under the rug, like it was nothing. Sometimes, I feel like they want to ignore the obvious. Some church folk want to believe in a fairy tale and not the truth.”
“Kelly, baby, I told you that God will take care of him.”
“I know, but I wish that God would move now. I don’t want a gay father!” Her eyes welled up. “And we want to live with you. I miss out on everything, because I’m either at the church or babysitting or cooking or cleaning or helping with homework. And I’m not even looking forward to the summer, because Dad has already decided we are all going to Bible camp. I don’t want to go home, Ma. I mean, I love Lena and J.J., but we had a mom who took care of us and Dad took you away. I hate him for that. I miss your blueberry pancakes in the morning.” She started to cry.
I got up and wrapped my motherly arms around my baby. I’d had Kelly since she was a small child, and we’d had our differences back in the day, when her mother used to put foolishness in her head about me, but her visits to her mom had become sporadic over the years, she and I had grown closer. She’d rebel—all teenagers did—but all in all, I knew that she loved me and that she was thankful I was her mom.
“Baby, please don’t cry. I know you want God to pull him off of his throne, and so do I, but your father is powerful and has a lot of people on his team. We are no match for him. Being the head pastor of a mega church kinda makes him untouchable. I’ve tried to expose him, but with no proof and with none of his alleged victims actually pursuing an investigation, there is absolutely nothing we can do. Brother Franklin must be in love with him to carry on such an evil affair, and they just throw money at those who try to challenge him. Only God can tear him down.”
She cried even harder. “If it wasn’t for Lena and J.J., I’d run away,” she sobbed. She was hurting, and my hands were tied.
“I know, baby, but all we can do is pray. I miss you guys so much, more than words can say. I miss taking care of you all and seeing your beautiful faces every day. I’d give anything to have you guys right here. We just have to pray, Kelly. All we have is our God. I know I was wrong for having an affair while I was married to your father, but I’ve repented, and my conscience is clear. God knows how bad I want you guys back.”
She just cried. After a few moments, she wiped her eyes. “I have to go and get Lena and J.J. from Mrs. Morrison,” she said. “I was supposed to be in band practice, but I had to come and talk to you. Dad is going to Memphis next week for a weeklong revival, so as soon as school is over, we will come over.”
“How about we forward the calls to your cell and you guys stay here? I will make sure Lena and J.J. get to school on time. That way, you will have some time to hang with your friends, and I will cook blueberry pancakes every morning and make dinner every night. I only have one more month to be off. A week with you guys would be great.”
“I know, Mom, but Dad has asked Mother Pearl to stay with us.”
“Well, I’ll have a chat with Mother Pearl, Kel, and I promise you will be with me, even if I have to come and stay there.”
“You promise?” she asked, with hope in her eyes.
“I promise.”
She stood to leave. I packed up the fried chicken, mac and cheese, greens, potato salad, and sweet potatoes I had prepared that afternoon for dinner. Oh, well. It was for my kids. There was nothing left for me and Q, so I picked up the phone and ordered carryout. I hadn’t expected Kelly to stop by, but I’d rather the kids eat a home-cooked meal versus some restaurant food, like they had been eating.
After Kelly left, Quentin came into the kitchen. “Baby, I’m starving. Bring on the food.” He sat down at the table, rubbing his hands together.
“It will be here in forty-five minutes,” I said.
“Huh? Where is the food you cooked? I walked in earlier to the aroma of home cooking. Where is it?”
“I gave the food I cooked to Kelly. The kids don’t get home-cooked meals often, so I sent what I cooked home with her.”
He looked disappointed. “Seriously?”
“Yes, baby, and I promise I will cook tomorrow. I just couldn’t send my child home to order another pizza.”
He sighed. “It’s fine, baby. I understand. I wish we were all under one roof and could have dinner together. I’m sorry, baby. I know you miss them. I know you want them back, and I know it’s hard to be away for them.”
“Harder than you know. I’d feel much better if Jeremiah was at least at home, looking after them. He’s putting the burden on Kelly, and she is a mess, Q. I just want to go and get them.” I looked down. “By the way, next week they will be here, or I have to go there. Jeremiah is going to Memphis for a week, and I want to take advantage of the time I can spend with them.”
“Baby, is that a good idea? I mean, if Jeremiah finds out, it will ruin your custody case.”
“Q, I know. I just pray he doesn’t. He is asking Mother Pearl to look after my kids. Baby, Mother Pearl is older than dirt. She’s sweet, but she can’t take care of my kids.”
“I don’t know, Drea. I don’t want you violating any laws. I mean, we have Quin now, and you can’t get in any trouble with the law.”
Frustrated, I yelled, “Don’t you think I know that, Q? I love my baby, you, and my new life, but I am not whole without those kids. You’ve met them only on a few occasions, and you haven’t spent enough time with them to bond. My kids are my everything, Q. As an adult, you will be al
l right. Quin will always be all right, because we will be together forever, but I still have Kelly, Lena, and J.J. I love them, Q, and I miss my babies. I miss my babies.” I began to cry. He came around the counter to hold me. “You don’t know my kids. You haven’t had a chance to fall in love with them.” I sobbed.
He held me tighter. “You’re right, baby, I don’t know them well, but I know you, and I love you. I love what you love. I want what you want. They are a part of you, and I love them through you. I understand, baby, more than you know. I hate whatever makes you hurt, and I know not having them hurts. However you want to do it when Jeremiah goes out of town, I’ve got your back. Even if it causes trouble, I’m on your side.”
I appreciated my husband for having my back. And I was grateful that he was willing to go out on a limb for me.
* * *
I thought all was lost when it came to Jeremiah getting his comeuppance, until the following Sunday, right before Jeremiah’s departure for Memphis. I was in the kitchen, preparing a big dinner. I was expecting the kids to come over as soon as he left.
Q ran into the kitchen. “Baby, turn on the news,” he said, looking around for the remote to the kitchen TV.
“Why, babe? What’s going on?”
He grinned. “They got him. They got his ass.”
He found the remote and turned the television to the local news channel. The caption on the TV screen read PASTOR JEREMIAH YOUNG EXPOSED BY A VIDEO OF HIM AND HIS GAY LOVER IN A UNCOMPROMISING POSITION. A clip with blurred-out body parts was shown, but it was clearly of Jeremiah and Franklin in his bedroom, doing the unthinkable. How that footage had been captured and then leaked to the press had me puzzled. Kelly was the only one who could have pulled this off.
“I gotta go to the house,” I blurted.
“I’m going with you,” my husband declared.
We rushed up and got the baby and headed to my old house. Reporters were everywhere, and I was grateful I still had the garage-door opener in my car. I pulled inside the garage and quickly shut the garage door, leaving the loud, aggressive reporters in the driveway and on the lawn. Once I got inside the house, I told the kids to run and pack a bag. Once they were ready, I loaded them in the car, and we got the hell out of there.
The next afternoon, Jeremiah texted me and asked me to meet him at the house.
With my kids safe and sound, I agreed, and after some convincing, Q allowed me to leave alone and meet Jeremiah.
Chapter Forty-one
Josephina
Although I thought house hunting wasn’t necessary, since my daughter had been laid to rest, my fiancé thought it was what we needed. He’d said that we didn’t have to live in a hotel, that we needed our own space, so I’d agreed to go and look.
After we saw three houses, I was ready to go home, but I stuck it out. I was glad I did. House number four was it. It had five bedrooms, four baths, a finished basement, a beautiful deck, gorgeous landscaping, and a pool. Swimming was something Angelica loved, and I didn’t want to leave the hotel, because of the pool. She was a human fish. She spent a lot of time in the pool when the weather was warm. But even if the house came without a pool, it was perfect. It had been remodeled and upgraded with all the modern touches I desired. And the kitchen . . . Oh, my Lord, the kitchen was fantastic.
Jay and I hung around, looking at each room for the third time, talking about all the meals we’d prepare in the kitchen together. We decided right then and there that we wanted to make an offer.
“Jay, I love this house, but my name cannot go on it. I’ve destroyed my credit, babe, and if you attempt to run my Social Security number, it will ruin our chances.” I confessed this because I didn’t want any secrets.
“Josie, I’m buying me and my family a house. I’ve never asked about your financial status, because I can take on the responsibility of a family. I don’t care if you save your checks or quit your job. We can get your credit back on track, so I’m not worried. As far as food, shelter, clothing, and utilities are concerned, I will take care of that. You can shop for you and Angelica with your checks, as far as I’m concerned. I will managed the house.”
“It’s just so much to ask, Jay, and I feel funny. I know I shouldn’t, but I’ve never had a man take care of me. I have twenty grand left over from Ana’s policy. It’s yours. I’d be happy to give it all to you for a down payment for this house.”
He chuckled. “Baby, you set that aside. I don’t need it. I’m not a millionaire, but I’m okay. If you want this house, just say it.”
I hesitated and looked around. The house was perfect. Master on the main floor, a guest suite and bathroom, and a loft area upstairs, a finished basement, a pool, and Angelica’s bedroom would be bigger than my master at the hotel.
I smiled. “I want this house, baby. I love this house. It is perfect. I can’t wait to cook in this gorgeous kitchen.”
“Well, it’s yours,” he said.
He went outside to speak with the Realtor. The house was listed at 420 grand, and he put in an offer for four hundred, with all closing costs included. Two days later we got a counteroffer of 405, closing costs included. We accepted.
“Baby, we got a house!” I screamed.
He shared in my excitement. “We got a house. Now we need to head downtown and change your last name.”
I froze. “Huh? Now? You want to get married now? I want a wedding, Jay. I went to city hall with José.”
“We can have a wedding, a fabulous one at the house, if you’d like, but I don’t want to move into our home being just your fiancé.”
I let out a deep breath. “I don’t want to go not being your wife, either, so let’s do it.”
We went to get a marriage license and found out that we had to wait twenty-four hours after we submitted the initial paperwork. I was sort of glad, because I really wanted Angelica to be there. The next day, we took her out of school and went to exchange vows.
Once married, we went to Sammie’s to celebrate. I shared my good news with Sam, and she shared hers with me. I was married to the man of my dreams, I was moving into my first house, and the side effects of José and Ana seemed like a distant memory.
Chapter Forty-two
Andrea
I pulled up to the house and was grateful the reporters were gone. Still, I was sure there was someone out there taking his or her job a little too seriously, lurking in the bushes, so I used my garage-door opener and drove into the garage. I gave less than a nickel for what Jeremiah had to say, but I did hope to hear him say I could have my kids. I got out of the car and went inside. The house was still—no movement, no sounds—so I walked slowly into the family room.
“Jeremiah?” I called out. I heard nothing. All four of his vehicles were there, and I knew he hadn’t asked me over only to be gone. “Jeremiah?” I called out again, a little louder. This time, I heard his voice.
“In here,” he called from his bedroom.
I headed in that direction and stopped at his open doorway. Nervous and shaking, I stood there. My mouth was dry, and I wished I had stopped for water before I went to his room.
“You wanted to talk to me?” I said nervously, my hands trembling. I was in no mood to fight, and I prayed for God to protect me, because Jeremiah liked putting his hands on me. I knew he was in a bad place, and I prayed he wouldn’t beat my ass or choke the life out of me.
“Yeah.” He sniffled. He was sitting on his bed. “I wanted to settle up.”
Confused, I said, “Jeremiah, what are you talking about? You don’t owe me a thing.”
“I do,” he said and scratched his head with a gun.
Stunned at the sight of it, I said, “Jeremiah, please put that away. You know I’m terrified of guns.” I didn’t know what his state of mind was, and I feared he wanted to kill me. Tears formed in my eyes. “Please, Jeremiah, don’t hurt me,” I begged. “I have four kids to raise. Don’t do this to me. I can’t leave my babies.”
“Relax, Ann!” he yelled. �
��I’m not going to hurt you. Our children need you. I would never do that to them.” He got up and paced. “I’m fucked up right now, Ann. I can’t bounce back from this. There isn’t a number amount that I can write on a check to make thousands of members not see what they saw. My baby, my firstborn, betrayed me. She set her fancy little gadget—which you bought her, I might add—to record me and Franklin doing our business. She exposed her father, Ann!” he roared.
“Jeremiah, please put that gun away. We can get through this. All is not lost. God forgives. You know that. This gun thing is not how He wants us to handle things,” I whispered.
“I won’t put the gun away. God has a special place in hell reserved for my soul. You were a good wife, a good woman, but I couldn’t love you the way Christ loves the church. Even though I know you wanted to, you never turned me on.”
He continued to pace. “I lay with you and fucked you only because that was what I was supposed to do. I’ve never been attracted to you, Ann, and I detested making love to you. Touching your body, sucking your tits, made my stomach turn. Yes, a nut felt good. I mean, I see why Quentin loves you. Your pussy was good. But I fucked you while thinking about a man’s asshole, darling. When you gave me head, I used to imagine you were Denzel or Morris, you know, those niggas you and the girls at the salon blush over.
“I’ve been gay since I was fourteen, Ann, but I had to be a preacher’s kid, had to follow in my righteous father’s footsteps. I tried to suppress these feelings, but I’m bound for hell either way.” He sniffled and put the gun to his head.
I slid down onto my knees. “Jeremiah, you still have me and our children. If you lose everything, we will still love you and will be here for you. Don’t do this. Hell is your home if you take your life. As a man of God, you know this. But if you repent and ask our Savior to help you, He will. God is not ready to toss your soul into the pit, but if you pull that trigger, you leave Him no choice. You can be forgiven for this, Jeremiah, God is a good and long-suffering God. You have been evil to me, but I forgive you, Jeremiah. Baby, I forgive you. I will be by your side every step of the way. Don’t let Satan trip you up. You’ve always preached that, Jeremiah, so you’ve got to believe it.”