Rose

by Sydney Landon

  She shifts again, and I try not to think about the last woman who shared my bed. It’s been so long since I’ve let anyone past the wall I’ve built around me. I have sex when the need is there, but I don’t have relationships. Luc and I were actually a lot alike before he met Lia. I knew he was a goner even before he did. She was the one he couldn’t walk away from. I know because I’ve had that before, and it’s damn hard to deal with when it’s jerked away. Luc was strong enough to take a leap of faith—but I am not. I will be her friend and help her in any way that I can—but that’s all I have to give her.

  When a snore loud enough to do a man proud fills the room, I can’t hold my laughter back. It’s the comic relief I desperately need. She does it again, and I marvel that such a tiny thing can make such a loud noise. Dear God, this woman may need sinus surgery along with everything else.

  Apparently, my shaking body is enough to disturb her, and she jerks awake with an adorable snort. I watch her with a grin on my face while her eyes scan the room in confusion and then come to rest on me. “Wh—what?” Before I can fill her in, I see it all coming back to her. Her look of puzzlement gives way to embarrassment as her face turns a deep shade of red. “Crap, I’d really hoped it was just a dream,” she mumbles as she drops her head.

  “That’s not exactly what a man likes to hear when he wakes up in bed with a woman,” I tease, trying to put her at ease.

  Never one to back down from a joke, she fires right back, “I seriously doubt a man would take a woman he’d found carving herself like a Jack-o-Lantern in his bathroom to bed at the end of the evening unless he was into some strange shit.”

  I’m strangely relieved she is able to make light of the previous night. I’d been afraid that things between us would be at the very least strained in the light of day. “I’m a lawyer, sweetheart. I’ve seen a lot and heard even more. Not much can shock me at this point. Were you working on the eyes or the mouth last night when I walked in?”

  A giggle escapes her as she shifts from my chest and falls onto her back. Her hands come up and cover her face as she continues to laugh. “You’re sick, Mr. Decker. Has anyone ever told you that? You shouldn’t make fun of the fucked up.”

  I nod my head in agreement. “I’ve been told that a few times, but my mother never got around to teaching me manners.” My stomach growls as I finish my sentence. I turn to study her, thinking she looks more gorgeous than any woman has a right to after an evening of hell. “I’m starving. How about I lock up all of my knives and whip us up something to eat?”

  She looks over to see me smirking and raises her delicate finger in the air to flip me off. “Go fix me something to eat before I smother you with this pillow,” she threatens as she pats the fluffy mound next to her.

  “Your wish is my command.” I get to my feet and wink before walking toward the kitchen. I stop off at the bathroom in the hall and take care of business before washing my face and hands. A quick look in the mirror shows the usual morning stubble of hair on my jawline, but I don’t usually worry about that on the weekends. My profession calls for me to wear suits more often than not, so I value what little time I can relax and be casual.

  As I gather up the ingredients to make eggs and bacon, I marvel at how relaxed I feel. I hadn’t expected that this morning. I figured, at best, things would be tense and uncomfortable while we both tried to ignore the elephant in the room. I certainly never imagined I’d be making jokes about sharp objects. I wasn’t sure when I began with the teasing if it was the best way to go and part of me was afraid she would either start crying or leave in a pissed-off rage. I was so fucking relieved to hear that giggle. Such beautiful music to my ears. If I’m to help her at all, I think we need to establish that kind of ease between us. I want her to feel as if she can talk to me about anything without things getting too intense for her to handle. As Matt said, if she thinks I’m judging her, then she’ll shut me out. And I’m not sure she has anywhere else to turn.

  I am plating our meal when she comes into the kitchen. Her hair is a jumble of waves around her shoulders, and she’s still wearing my shirt—a fact my cock notices almost immediately. I keep my front turned toward the stove as I try to talk the evil bastard back into a relaxed state. My body has been hyper aware of Rose from the moment we met. The things I’ve imagined doing to her would either shock or thrill her—possibly both. At this moment, I’m grateful for my loose lounge pants as they give some camouflage to my wayward dick.

  I set her food before her, and she gives me a shy smile. “Thanks. This looks great.”

  “I’m good at everything I do, sweetheart,” I joke before thinking better of it. If I plan to keep this just friendship, it would probably be better to stop throwing out the sexual innuendos. That seems impossible around her, though. I blurt them out without thought.

  “Prove it,” she tosses right back, and despite my resolve, I grin approvingly. As usual, I’m powerless to resist this woman when she turns on the charm. It’s hard for me to reconcile the woman of this morning with the one of only hours before. If Matt is correct, and she’s been cutting for years, then she has probably become very good at hiding it from the world behind her normal bubbly demeanor.

  “I wouldn’t want to be the cause of you popping your stitches. Matt would kick both of our asses if that happened,” I add lightly as I lift a slice of bacon to my mouth.

  We eat in silence for a while before she suddenly asks, “So what’s his story—Matt’s? How did you first meet?”

  I feel a pang of what feels almost like jealousy at her interest in Matt as well as a trickle of unease at the question. Matt and I have a history together and to tell her how we met would be to reveal more than I intend to. Therefore, I keep my answer vague as I say, “We’ve moved in similar circles.” Then I decide to change the subject. “So it looks as if we need to do some shopping today. When I got up, I washed the outfit you were wearing last night, so as soon as it’s dry, we can head out. Unless you plan to try to work things out with your father today?”

  A shudder runs through her as she shakes her head. “No, I don’t want anything to do with him after what he did to me. If I go crawling back now, then he’s got me. I’ll have to cave to all of his demands, and I might as well be signing my life over at that point because I’ll never get back out again.” Then she drops her head in her hands and I hear a sniffle. “But I have no idea what I’m going to do. I hardly have any money, no clothing, or other necessities. Lia won’t be back ’til tomorrow evening, and I’m not calling and worrying her.”

  I put a hand on her arm, gently pulling it away from her face. She looks so despondent; it breaks my heart. I should have at least let her finish breakfast before forcing her to talk. “Honey, you don’t need to worry about any of that. You’ll stay with me until you have everything figured out. For however long you need to. We’ll get you some clothing today and whatever else you need.” She opens her mouth as if to protest, but I hold a hand up and stop her. “I know that things have been complicated between us for lack of a better word and a big part of that is my fault. At the very least, we are friends, and I hope that you can forgive me for disappearing from your life. We both, it seems, have things going on that we’re dealing with, and I deeply regret that I wasn’t there when maybe you needed someone.”

  “Lia doesn’t know anything about the cutting,” she blurts out unexpectedly. “I’m asking you to please not tell her.”

  I’m not really surprised at her revelation. Matt had indicated last night that Rose likely hadn’t told anyone her secret. “I would never share anything that you didn’t want me to. You don’t even need to ask. You two are so close, though, so out of curiosity, why haven’t you talked to her? Both she and Lucian have had their shares of issues, so you know she’s the last person who would judge you.”

  She shakes my hand off and gets to her feet. I watch as she paces the kitchen for a few moments before looking at me. “I don’t want her to know how weak I am. You
know what she’s been through. My God, she was abused, and then slept in a car after she left home. She found a way to put herself through college and graduate with honors. She’s the strongest person I’ve ever known. I may tease her, but truthfully, I’m in awe of her. Her opinion is so important. I couldn’t bear it if she thought less of me. Right now, I’m just not ready to take that risk.”

  I would like to argue with her, but I don’t want to drive a wedge between us. Right now, regardless of how either of us feels about it, I’m all she has in the way of support. I know Lia would do anything for her friend, but it’s up to Rose as to how much she wants her to know. “It’s your decision,” I begin, “and I’ll leave it at that. But for today, let’s get dressed and beat the crowds to the mall. We should be able to find enough to get you by there, right?”

  I’m not sure if it’s my imagination, but I think I see her wince before she nods. “That’s fine. And I’ll pay you back as soon as I get my first paycheck.”

  I roll my eyes at her. “I’m not worried about that. Let me get your clothes.” She’s standing in the hallway waiting as I return with her garments from the dryer. “The pants aren’t in the best shape, but hopefully, they’ll get you by until we can replace them.”

  She takes them from my hands and buries her face in their warmth, reminding me of a child. There are so many facets to this woman. I wonder if I’ll ever see them all. I’m entranced by her, which is not only dangerous, it’s damn near irrational. The last thing she needs is a man with issues of his own. She needs stability, and I can only offer her that in the financial form. Emotionally, I’m as fucked up as she is. She turns toward the guest room, then stops and looks at me over her shoulder. “Thanks, Max. I don’t know where I’d be today without you rescuing me last night.” Without waiting for my reply, she shuts the door softly behind her. I have to fight the urge to follow her. She seems fine, but it will be a while before I forget the sight that greeted me when I stepped into that bathroom and saw the blood. I may have been able to joke about it this morning, but it’s something that will haunt me for years to come.

  * * *

  I deliberately keep my thoughts blank as I shower and then dry my hair. I dress in my clothing from the previous night—and then I see them. There are holes in my slacks. Both knees were damaged when I fell. I can’t go out like this. What if someone sees me? I’m a disgrace—a complete mess. I’m frozen in place, on the verge of freaking out, when I hear a voice nearby. “Ready to go, sweetheart?” He moves over to stand in my line of vision as if knowing I need him. “You look beautiful and you’ll be the envy of every teenage girl at the mall with those ripped up pants. Very retro, Ms. Madden.”

  I stare at him, slowly coming out of the trace I’d fallen into. I glance down at my clothing, before looking at him once again. He’s grinning as if we share some kind of inside joke. At that moment, I understand that he knows. On some level, he gets how hard it is for me to leave the house looking anything less than perfect. It’s been drummed into me my whole life. My only purpose as far as my parents were concerned was to look and act the part of a Madden. I’m like some brainwashed cult member who is trying to learn to think for herself. I clear my throat before saying, “Yes, well, haters gonna hate. Bring your wallet, Mr. Decker. I think I’m going to inflict some serious damage on it.”

  He gives me a lazy grin that does crazy things to my body. “I have you covered, babe.” He waves an arm toward the doorway, adding, “After you, honey.” I wonder if he has any idea what the endearments that he uses do to me? Even though I know he means nothing by them, I still feel special; like maybe, in some small way, I do matter. Right now, I need to pretend he feels more than pity for me.

  5

  Max

  The ride to the mall is light and easy. The conversation flows and Rose seems happy and relaxed. I’m not sure what was going through her mind before we left, but I could feel the anxiety coming off her in waves when I walked into the guest room to see if she was ready to leave. She was standing only inches away, but her mind was somewhere else entirely. Sensing she might be overwhelmed by the new wardrobe, I’d done the only thing I could think of. I’d stepped in front of her and diverted her attention. Luckily, it had worked, and she appeared fine now.

  When we walk through the double doors of the shopping complex, we both freeze in place. I’m not what you’d call a window shopper. Hell, I can’t remember the last time I’ve been somewhere like this. My suits are custom made, and my casual clothing comes from what I’d classify as a men’s store. They sell a little of everything, but you’re unlikely to bump elbows with a bunch of teenagers while you’re there. The scene before me looks like barely controlled chaos. I have a feeling that if one false move is made, the place will erupt into pandemonium. A glance at Rose tells me she possibly has similar fears. She obviously isn’t a chain-store woman either, but we have no choice but to make the best of it. Fuck, I’m a lawyer who handles billion-dollar mergers while sipping coffee; this is nothing. Don’t look like a pussy here. Man up.

  Giving her a bright and what I hope is a relaxed smile, I take her hand in mine, not sure which of us needs it the most. “All right, sweetheart. Let’s go get you some clothes. Where should we go first?”

  Her head swivels, taking in the area around us. She looks scared out of her mind. Shit. I thought this kind of thing was second nature to a woman, but I’d have to be with the one who is just as clueless as I am. “I—okay, let me think,” she stutters as she takes a step forward. Then she throws me under the bus by pushing me forward. “I’m with you so just pick one.” Well, hell.

  I straighten my shoulders as if I’m going to war, and we’re off. When I spot a store with women’s dresses in the window, I think I’ve hit the jackpot. “This looks good.” I point at a nearby grouping of chairs and say, “How about you check it out while I wait out here?”

  She looks horrified at my suggestion. Her eyes widen as she gapes at me. “You want me to go in there alone?” I feel as if I’ve just suggested she enter the gates of hell.

  I have no idea why I feel the need to apologize, but I do it anyway. “I’m sorry, sweetheart. I thought that maybe you’d be more comfortable without me.”

  Then I see the fire I’m so accustomed to burning in her eyes as she gives me a tug. “Oh no, Decker, you’re not getting out of this. I know you’re paying, but you’re also shopping. I don’t have a freaking inkling as to how to do this shit.”

  “Don’t you do this with Lia?” I ask. “Isn’t it something you’re born knowing how to do?” I know that last line was a mistake when she glares at me.

  “I may have a vagina,” she snaps, “but that doesn’t mean I’m some mall groupie.” Then she lowers her voice, sounding achingly vulnerable. “I’m never done this before, Max. I’ve had someone else picking out my clothing since the day I was born. My parents didn’t trust that I wouldn’t embarrass them.” She pulls on the tailored shirt that she’s wearing as tears glisten in her eyes. “I don’t know how to be anything other than this. Yes, I’ve shopped with Lia before, but that’s different. We were buying things for her. Do you know how I dress myself each day?” When I shake my head, she continues. “I have a notebook telling me which pieces to wear together. With every new wardrobe, I get specific instructions so I don’t screw it up. It’s like fucking designer Garanimals for adults!”

  Her face is red, and she looks like a powder keg on the verge of exploding. I think carefully of a reply before I finally settle on, “What in the hell is a Garanimal?”

  In an instant, she loses her defensive stance and bursts into laughter. “Oh my God, that’s all you got from that whole spiel? Garanimals are children’s clothing that come with little tags that make them easy to match up. And before you can ask how I know that, Lia suggested I buy some for Lara instead of the Valentino baby collection that I’d been planning to get.”

  I wave my hand around me as I say, “So you have been somewhere like this before.”


  She rolls her eyes. “It’s called online shopping, counselor. Something that we should have considered before putting ourselves through this.”

  It’s downright pathetic how little it takes to turn me on. Her calling me “counselor,” has me imagining myself bending her over the witness stand while I go balls deep inside her wet heat. My cock is rock hard at the visual, and I attempt to nonchalantly put my hands in the pockets of my jeans, to create some camouflage. “Should we—um, give this a try?” I ask in a voice that sounds unusually high.

  Almost as if she has a direct line to my thoughts, her eyes drop to my crotch and her cheeks flush. Any other woman would pretend not to notice, but not my Rose. She’s not your anything; get that into both of your heads. “What’s with the wood?”

  I look away, feeling like a schoolboy who has just been busted. “You didn’t just say that,” I groan.

  She shrugs her shoulders. “Answer the question, counselor. I mean I know all about the whole waking up with a stiffie, but shouldn’t that be over by now? I didn’t notice it at the house.” She wrinkles her nose and gives me a wary look. “You’re not one of those guys who gets turned on by the feeling of women’s clothing, are you? It’s not going to get you out of shopping with me, but you’ll need to carry a shirt or something in front of you to hide that thing. Geez, why did I never know this about you? All this time, I thought you were so straight-laced. We definitely can’t buy lingerie if you’re getting a boner from looking at a dress through the display window.”