He stepped up to her and stopped, smiling as he gazed into her eyes. She closed them momentarily as the scent of his distinct cologne reached her. She breathed in carefully. His smell was another highlight of seeing Grant. Whatever scent he wore, she associated it with him, and she liked it.
“To what do I owe the pleasure?” she asked and mentally gave herself a shake. She really was too tired for a visit. And with her defenses down, and as good as he was looking and smelling, no telling what she’d get herself into.
“How about dinner? I know you’ve been working like crazy and the last thing you probably want to think about is a healthy dinner for Caroline. So how about if I take you both out?”
Alyssa let her lips curve into a smile. “You missed Caroline. She’s spending the night with a friend.” Did she detect a look of interest in his eyes and the raising of his eyebrows? Or was she imagining it? “And honestly I was just conjuring up the energy for Chinese takeout from the corner. You’re right – I’m wiped.”
He nodded. “I’m sorry I missed Caroline. But Chinese sounds good. Why don’t you give me your order, and I’ll run down there for both of us, and I’ll bring it back here. All right?”
She hesitated. “I’m afraid I wouldn’t be very good company tonight, Grant.”
He shook his head. “You don’t have to be. I’m partially the reason you’re so tired, so the least I can do is make sure you’re nourished.” He reached out and pushed a lock of her hair out of her eye. “Let me take care of you.”
Her breath hitched. His last words were spoken in almost a whisper. It was tempting, more than tempting to let this man take care of her. Give in to her attraction to him and really give it a go. See what could come of this chemistry between them. It was obvious he felt it, too.
“Okay. You’re on, thank you. I’ll take the shrimp and vegetables.”
He flashed a beautiful, white smile. “Be back in a few.”
She watched him leave, then turned back into her apartment and closed the door. She went to her bedroom and slipped out of the worn, comfy clothes she had on. Standing at the door of her closet, she gazed in, wondering what she was doing.
Hold on. Time to get back in control of her hormones. This was not the man to start an ill-advised romance with. Why should she care what she looked like? She wasn’t trying to impress him. And she definitely shouldn’t try to lead him on.
She dressed again in her jeans and sweatshirt, but added her bra to the mix. She pushed a brush through her hair, applied a swipe of powder to her face and brushed her teeth. The buzzer rang and she raced out to push it.
As soon as Grant entered the apartment, the food’s aroma followed him. “That smells delicious.” Alyssa gestured to the table and breezed into the kitchen for plates and silverware. She busied herself with setting the table and dishing food onto plates. When they were both eating, the silence that was so welcome before, now seemed a little too quiet. “I got the billboard designs to the printer this morning after you left. They said they should be ready by …”
Her voice trailed off when he raised a hand in a “stop” gesture. “No business talk tonight.”
She stared at him a moment, eyebrows raised. Then she looked back at her plate, amused. “Okay. No business.” She raised her fork to her mouth, savoring the seasoned shrimp. She looked up and saw he was watching her. “I hope Caroline’s having fun with Bethany. I’m sure they are. The two of them are like long-lost soul mates …”
Again, the hand.
“What?” Annoyed, she protested, “That wasn’t work.”
He chuckled. “I know, and you know I adore Caroline. But let’s try something different. No work talk tonight, and nothing about Caroline, either.”
She made a disgusted sound. “That leaves us with nothing to talk about. My whole life revolves around Caroline and work.”
He nodded. “Exactly. Dig deeper. Tell me something else about yourself, other than those two off-limit topics.”
She frowned and stabbed at a pea pod. “Like what?”
“Anything you want.”
She sighed. She was really too tired to put this much effort into a conversation tonight.
“Why don’t you tell me about a vacation you’ve had that you enjoyed?”
She shook her head. “I can’t remember the last vacation I had. I really don’t do vacations. Business trips, occasionally, with a side trip to an amusement park when Caroline’s along, but pure vacation for no other purpose than to relax? Huh uh.”
He studied her and then dropped his eyes to his plate. “I’m with you there. My last vacation was with my wife in Hawaii.”
She looked up at him. Of course, they both knew what a disaster that trip was.
“Let’s try again. Let’s see – favorite concert you’ve attended?”
She stared into space, thinking, then shook her head and shrugged. “Coming up empty.”
He laughed. “You don’t get out much, do you?”
“I guess not. And it’s not that funny.” She raised an eyebrow at him and poked his hand with her fork.
He shook his head. “I’m not laughing at you, exactly. As I watch you struggle with the answers, I realize that I’m no better myself. Other than a Springsteen concert in my college days, I’m not much of a concert goer either.”
They ate in comfortable quiet. When they finished, Alyssa took the plates to the kitchen and threw away the trash. She returned to the living room. Grant had moved to the couch and was surfing through the channels on her TV with the remote.
She paused. The sight of a man sitting on her couch watching TV was foreign to her. Although she’d occasionally dated in Chicago, she never allowed the relationship to progress to that point. Her dates always involved meeting the man at a restaurant or theater, spending the evening with him and then going home by her own transportation, on her own terms. Inviting him in never happened. She didn’t want Caroline to get attached, for one thing. And for another, her space was her space, and she’d never felt strongly enough about the men she’d dated to want the intrusion.
But Grant was different. She hung back for a moment and watched him, trying to soak in this unusual sight. While she watched him, he looked up and noticed. He instantly switched off the set. “I’m sorry. I was just passing time and wondering if anything good was on.”
He patted the couch cushion next to him. She walked into the room and sat. It was casual and comfortable when he lifted his arm and draped it over the back of the couch. If she would lean into him a little, she’d be in his arms.
She refrained from doing so. Didn’t seem prudent.
“So,” he said, picking up an old conversation thread, “no vacations. No concerts. Anything else you can tell me about yourself?”
She shook her head. “Why?”
He smiled. “Call me crazy, but my goal is to learn more about you tonight. One personal thing. Come on. Just one?”
“Will you reciprocate?”
“Absolutely.”
She searched her mind for a topic. There wasn’t much to go with. She lived a simple but busy life. She raised her daughter and worked very hard at her career. That left very little time for a social life. All that remained were the personal facts about her circumstances that she kept very private.
But if nothing else, Grant had proven that he was trustworthy. She and Caroline both seemed to be crazy about him, so … why not?
“I was married once, briefly. It ended when I figured out that it was a mistake to begin with. We wanted different things, and had no business getting married. It was short and fun, but definitely over.” Had she ever revealed this particular fact to anyone in the last ten years? No, she hadn’t. It felt sort of good to get it out in the open.
He nodded. “I’m sorry to hear that. Divorce must’ve been very painful.”
She shrugged. “Not really. I mainly was upset with myself for getting into a marriage with the wrong man in the first place. My parents always had high expect
ations for me, and for most of my life, I’ve met them. I was in the middle of college, and although I thrived there, the pressure was beginning to get to me. Bradley was in one of my classes and worked nights as a bartender. He convinced me to try to relax. Life’s too short, you know? I started visiting him at nights at the bar, and before you know it, we started a relationship.”
Grant ran a finger down her arm, making her breath catch in her throat. “I can certainly see why he fell for you.”
“But I had no business falling for him. Part of it was rebellion, maybe, from my parents’ tight rein. I was tired of working so hard. But whatever the reason, I strayed from the path and ended up making a huge mistake.”
“Did your parents help you through it?”
She considered that. “Not really. They were shocked to hear that I’d done something so spontaneous – so irresponsible.” She looked at him. “It wasn’t your traditional church wedding with the white gown. It was a run-away-to-Vegas-to-get-hitched type thing. More than a little alcohol was involved. Not what they expected from their perfect little goal-oriented, high-results daughter.”
“Did an Elvis impersonator officiate?”
She laughed. “No, but for forty extra bucks we could’ve had one sing to us. We passed.”
He reached over and brushed her face with the back of his fingers. Despite herself, the contact made her shiver. “I have to say, it does seem like a departure for you.”
She nodded. “Totally. I had no business doing it, but something about Bradley made me want to be a little more like him – easy-going, peaceful, slow-paced.” She shook her head. “But then I came to my senses. That just wasn’t me.”
“So you split up.”
“Yeah. He wasn’t particularly surprised, but he was devastated. And I really regret that. He was a nice guy, we just weren’t meant to be together.” She turned to him and shrugged. “Your turn.”
He reached his arms up over his head and stretched. When he was done, he scooted forward on the couch and leaned his head against the back of it. “Well, I suppose since you opened up about your marriage, I have something to tell you about mine.”
She shook her head. “That’s okay, Grant. I know how painful that is for you. You can skip it.”
He turned his head toward her. “I want to tell you this. I told you my wife died in Hawaii in a car accident.”
Alyssa nodded.
“What I don’t think I told you was, she was carrying our child at the time.”
Alyssa gasped and brought a hand up to her lips.
“So I lost both wife and child that day.”
She sat in silence, watching him. “I’m so sorry, Grant.”
He nodded. “It was tough,” he said simply. “And I don’t want to get into the whole thing, and put a damper on our nice evening here. The only reason I mention it is this.” He sat up, turned to face her, and took her hands in his. “I really wanted that child. I was ready to be a dad, and wanted it very, very much.”
Alyssa blinked. Why was he telling her this? She had no idea. But one thing was certain, he was being very honest with her. No wonder he was so good with Caroline. No wonder he came around a lot and offered to help with her. Maybe he saw her daughter as somewhat of a substitute for his own.
And if that were true, how did she feel about that?
She nodded. “I know what you mean about desperately wanting a child. In fact, I did too. I was ready to be a mother. I knew I could provide a loving childhood for someone, and I knew I needed to open my heart up to a child. But after the disaster of my marriage, I wasn’t ready for another committed relationship with a man. Nor did I think I could wait until Mr. Right came along before I had my family.”
“Did you consider adoption?”
“Yes, I did. I weighed my options thoroughly and carefully before making my decision.”
He smiled. “Doesn’t surprise me.”
“Ultimately, I decided to visit a donation clinic – you know, a sperm bank. I reviewed the profiles of the donors, picked one, then I went through in vitro fertilization. It wasn’t pretty, and it wasn’t easy. It didn’t even happen the first time. But that’s not unusual. The second time, it worked. I was pregnant.”
“And alone.”
“Yeah. But that was okay. I was so thrilled to be pregnant that it didn’t matter. And ever since Caroline was born, I haven’t been alone.”
He watched her expression, then scooted closer to her. “Caroline’s very lucky to have you.”
He was extremely close, so close, in fact, that she was having trouble concentrating. “I’m the lucky one,” she whispered, just before he captured her lips with his. He reached up and caressed the area behind her ear, then pulled her closer to him. She breathed him in and closed her eyes, soaking in the myriad of sensations he let loose in her.
His kiss grew urgent and she reclined on the couch. He followed, covering her with his hard and persistent body. The kiss created warmth between their lips that unleashed a delicious desire through her whole body.
“Alyssa,” he murmured against her mouth and she felt a burst of need and wanting in her heart. There was something about this man that made her want him more than anyone since Bradley. But their compatibility was so much more in line.
This man was like her in so many ways. Drive, ambition, desire for parenthood. And Caroline and he were crazy about each other.
She groaned and clawed at his shirt, releasing the buttons that had stoked her attention earlier. He made a growling sound deep in his throat and while maintaining his contact on her lips, he reached to the buttons and helped her undo them. The last few stubbornly held and she pulled her mouth away from his and slipped out from under his body.
He made a confused sort of sound and sat up. She settled herself into his lap, facing him, legs straddling him as she put her full concentration on removing his shirt. The last button finished, she pushed the shirt back with a flourish, and then grinded to a motionless silence as she stared at the majesty of his bare chest.
The man obviously worked out. There were nooks and crannies chiseled into his torso that had to be the result of a disciplined program at a gym. She leaned down and brushed first her cheek, then her lips over his naked chest. He groaned and let his head drop back. She made sweeps of her lips over him, then returned to plant a random trail of kisses. She lapped at his right nipple and he made a moaning sound and arched his back, taking her for a little ride and leaving her thrilled at the sound.
She traveled her lips slowly to his other nipple but decided that her lips weren’t enough. She yearned to touch that masculine display of muscled chest with her fingers. She released his shirt fabric that had been holding his arms and hands captive, and made contact with his skin with the pads of her fingers. A shiver escaped him along with a quick, “Oh.” Now, she sucked on his chest as her ardor increased, and she followed her lips’ movements with brushing sweeps of her hands over his skin.
His hands no longer captured, he shucked the shirt off his arms and whipped it aside. He brought his hands under her rear end and with encircled arms, lifted her up and came to his feet. She gasped and held on, her arms tight around his neck. “God, I want you,” he murmured and lay her down on the couch, then came down beside her. He devoured her mouth with his, his need evident, his passion urgent. With his right hand, he fumbled with her sweatshirt till he found the bottom band and thrust his hand underneath to discover her soft skin.
His massages across her stomach while they kissed left her with a delicious passion. His hand sizzled on her skin and yet, the unfamiliarity of it made her shiver. Suddenly, he ended the kiss, reached for her hand and pulled her to a sitting position. With a swoop, he lifted the shirt over her head and threw it on the floor to join his own. Panting, he stilled a moment and soaked her in with his eyes. She could see his pupils darkening and marveled at the lift and fall of his chest as he breathed.
He lifted a hand and brushed his knuckles over her bra and
then down over her abdomen and side. He flipped his hand and traced the line of her cleavage with his trembling fingertips. Then he met eyes with her. With a wordless question in his expression, she knew he was giving her the power to stop it right then and there. She knew he wouldn’t go any further than she was comfortable with. She locked gazes with him while his fingers still lingered.
Options raced through her mind, but she knew they were at a point of no return. If she followed her mounting desire, they would cross the line into intimacy, never to go back to this crazy relationship they had right now. Professional colleagues becoming friends, with an ever present undertone of longing and attraction. Once they crossed this chasm, they could never go back.
She hesitated only a second more before she reached behind her and unfastened her bra, letting it flitter away from her body, landing on the couch. She heard his sharp intake of breath.
“God, you’re beautiful.” He whispered it reverently, causing a string of passion to travel to her very core. He leaned in close and took her breast in his mouth, sucking, licking and kissing till she thought she would scream. She brought her hands to his head, ran her fingers through his hair, and then down to his cheek so she could feel the stubbly sensation of his face with her fingertips.
“Grant,” she said, and immediately he pulled away from her breast, looking into her eyes with a question in his own.
She laughed softly. “I just wanted to say your name. See how it felt to say it while we were ...”
He smiled, and went back to her breast. He applied pressure to her shoulders till she returned to a lying position and when she was completely prone, he covered her body with his own, holding himself over her with an arm supporting his full weight. She ran her hands over his bare torso, exploring the front, back and sides of him, trying to memorize every inch of this man’s luscious form. As he revered her breasts with his mouth and tongue, the waistband and zipper of his jeans rubbed against her leg and she realized with a soft gasp that he was fully erect.
Hidden Agenda Page 13