“Ax, I still care about you.”
“It’s not enough.”
I hang my head, tortured, conflicted, writhing in inner pain. It seems wrong to feel like this, when he’s the one with legitimate dibs on those kind of emotions.
“You can’t force what you don’t feel anymore. I’m trying to wrap my head around that, but, in the meantime, I can’t be around you, Sadie. It’s too painful.”
My heart is heavy as I nod in understanding. I have to, at least, give him that much. And if he genuinely wants to leave, then I can’t stop him. But I’m fearful for his safety. I have to speak to Izzy, because I can’t let him leave by himself. I need to understand if she meant what she said yesterday and if there’s some way of stopping him from returning home. I don’t trust Griselda not to follow through on her threat.
Ax can’t go back to Torc. Not now, not ever.
He walks back up the beach, his shoulders rigid and his gait stiff and unnatural. Sinking to my knees on the sand, I watch his retreating figure, feeling very much like the villain of the piece. I don’t know how long I sit like that in the dark, but, all of a sudden, Logan is there, scooping me up without a word and carrying me back to bed.
Breakfast is a horrifically awkward affair. Logan hasn’t asked me what transpired between Ax and me last night, and I respect him for that. But it has driven a little gap between us all the same. Ax won’t even look at me, and he purposefully sits at the opposite end of the table to Logan and me. The others fill the vacant seats in between, trying their best to keep the conversation flowing, but the strain has affected everyone. I hate that my personal life has become so public and that it’s the source of discord within the group.
However, I don’t believe there’s anything I can do to resolve the situation. It’s pretty much irresolvable. With time, I hope we can at least resume our friendship, and, for now, I’ll give him a wide berth as he’s requested. Having reflected on it overnight, I refuse to feel guilty for following my heart, for being honest with myself and the people I care about. And while my intentions are honorable with regards to both boys, I have to respect how they both feel, no matter whether I like it or not.
This is the last time I’m going to wallow in grief and guilt and despair. I care for Ax, and I’m sorry that he’s hurting, but I won’t apologize for making the decision I’ve made. Or for acting normally around him.
I can’t tread on eggshells.
I will always be here for him, and I will always care about his welfare. And that is nothing to feel guilty about. I can only hope that, in time, he’ll find someone else to share his life with. Because he deserves a happy ever after.
It’s amazing how much lighter I feel once I accept that self-assessment.
A formidable-looking young man, dressed in a red guard’s uniform, steps into the room and approaches Logan. “The king has requested your presence, Crown Prince.” He bows as Logan rises in his seat. “And your mistress too.”
Fern half-chokes on her coffee, and I fight the curve of my lips. I pretty much had the same gag reflex the first time I heard the term too.
“Don’t wander off,” Logan addresses the rest of our table. “We’ll find you after the meeting, and we can decide collectively what we are going to do.”
We join hands as we follow the guard from the breakfast room to the king’s chambers.
The guard ushers us into the room before shutting the door behind us. King Coryn rises from his desk and walks to greet us. He is much taller and younger looking in person. He extends his hand and I shake it. “It is such an honor to meet you, Sadie. Granted, I wish it were under more pleasant circumstances. I hope you had an enjoyable evening.”
“We did indeed. And the honor is all mine. Thank you for looking after our friends.”
He beams at me like a proud father. Logan tightens his grip on my other hand, and I sense the hostility overpowering his body as if it were my own limbs churning with years of pent-up anger and frustration. I rub soothing circles across the back of his hand. “Hear him out.”
“I don’t know if I can, Sadie. All I see when I look at him is my mother’s dying hours. I didn’t think it would be this hard.”
“You should hear what he has to say. This might give you some closure.”
“So, it is true. You are Eterno connected?” The king says, startling us both. “That is wonderful. Wonderful.”
“Why would you care about that? Or about me, for that matter?” Logan says, narrowing his eyes suspiciously.
“I’ve much to tell you, Logan. Please sit.” He motions to two chairs in front of his desk. I practically push Logan into the seat. The king sits opposite us. Straining forward, he folds his hands neatly on top of the desk. Bothersome lines crease his brow. “I’m not sure how to start. What, if anything, do you know of me?”
Logan sits rigidly straight in the soft-backed chair. “I know you were having a sordid affair with my mother and my father killed her for it.”
Okay. Wow. Way to just put it out there. It’s not Logan’s usual diplomatic style. Then again, when it comes to personal matters, the heart has a natural tendency to rule the head.
The king ages about twenty years in front of me. Emotion builds at the back of his eyes as his entire face crumples in pain. Straightaway, I see this for what it is.
This man is in agony.
This is a man who has suffered tremendous loss.
A loss that he’s never recovered from.
His demeanor is that of a man who has lost his true love and part of himself at the same time. I’m suddenly really intrigued to hear his side of the story. “You loved her?” It’s not actually a question.
“More than I’ve ever loved anyone.” His words are thick with emotion, and they resonate with sincerity. He totally means it.
Logan’s shell-shocked look meets mine. It’s clear he doesn’t know what to say or think. I encourage the king to continue with a subtle nod of my head.
“What do you know of the history between Narik and Torc?” he asks Logan.
Logan’s voice is sketchy as he speaks. “Historically, arranged marriages were the norm between the Narik Royal Family and Tor leadership. But that was in the past. And what does that have to do with my mother?”
“It’s a complicated story. I’ll try to explain as best I can, but I need to start by putting it in context. My grandmother was the last Tor to marry into our lineage. She produced five children, the eldest of whom was my father. My father married a Narik lady from a very distinguished family, and she bore him three sons. I’m the eldest and was therefore the first in line to ascend the throne.” He clenches his fists until his knuckles blanch white.
“I married young. A sweet Narik girl called Ashanti. She was killed by one of my enemies four years after we were married, leaving me a young, widowed king with a baby son.” He exhales loudly as he stands, crossing the room to fix a drink.
“I need something strong for this. It’s not easy to resurrect these memories,” he explains with his back to us. “Can I get either of you something?”
We both politely decline.
He picks up the story again when he is reseated. Unbuttoning the top button of his shirt, he leans back in his chair. “It was a particularly volatile period in the galaxy, and my father, in his errant wisdom, deemed a political marriage to be the most opportune pairing at that time. I couldn’t stomach the thought of remarrying, but it was unheard of for any Narik king to rule without a queen by his side. I didn’t get much of a say.”
He puts down his drink to rub his temples. “My father lined up some potential suitors, and I was introduced to them at a Gala Event here on Narik.” He takes a long slug of his drink, draining the entire glass. Logan squirms uncomfortably in his seat. “That was the night I met Tayla—your mother. It was love at first sight, for both of us.” His face lights up. “I’d never felt like that before, not even with my sweet, dear Ashanti.”
Logan briefly squeezes his eyes c
losed. Air whooshes out of his mouth as he asks, “So what happened next?”
The king leans forward again. “I told my father of my choice the next day, and he put in the request for your mother’s hand in marriage. Shinks, I was in agony as I waited for the official reply. Tayla and I were inseparable during the weeks she remained on Narik. And when she returned to Saven, we remained in daily—practically hourly—contact. She was as uninformed as I was, but we knew we were meant to be together. That destiny demanded it.”
Logan’s brows knit together. “What exactly are you saying?”
“Tayla and I were like you and Sadie. We shared an Eterno connection.”
Logan jumps up out of his chair, startling me. “You lie! No one has Eterno bonded in Saven for many, many years!”
“Eterno bonded, yes, but I am telling you the truth. Your mother and I were fated for one another. She was my Eterno in the same way Sadie is yours.”
Logan starts pacing the floor. His anguished look slices through me, and I act instinctively, crossing the room and wrapping my arms around him. His head falls on my shoulder as he leans against me. I hug him to me as he gradually tries to get his head around it. After a couple of minutes, I nudge his chin up and guide him back to his seat. “Let’s hear the rest of it.”
Logan pulls me into his lap, and I go readily, circling my arms around his neck. He must be all over the place if he’s acting so unprofessionally in front of the king. But King Coryn doesn’t appear to mind. If anything, I’d say the look on his face is the royal seal of approval. “Can you tell us the rest?” I ask. “I’m assuming you didn’t Eterno bond with Logan’s mother?”
The pained look returns to his face, and I regret my ill choice of words. “I didn’t mean to be insensitive. Only that this is hard for Logan, and it’s better to rip the Band-Aid off in one go.”
“I’m not sure I follow,” the king admits, “but there is no need to apologize. Can you imagine how hard it would be for you, knowing Logan is your soul mate, the other half of your very existence, and being denied the chance to connect with him in the way intended?”
“Actually, I can.” There have been enough occasions recently where I believed that to be the case. “I don’t know how you coped.”
He gets up and walks around so he is closer to us, propping his butt against the edge of the desk. “I haven’t, and that is an honest answer. If it hadn’t been for my son …” He looks off into space.
“Are you okay?” he asks Logan a moment later. There’s a genuine concerned edge to his voice. Tentatively, he places a hand on his shoulder. “Do you want me to continue?”
Logan nods his head, and I kiss the side of his temple.
“Tayla’s father denied the Narik request because the request had come in from Adjani, your father, in the intervening period. Tayla would never be permitted to wed a Narik king where the Saven king sought her hand in marriage. There was nothing we could do. Tayla appealed to her father, informed him about the Eterno connection, but he scoffed at the notion of it.”
He rubs a hand across the back of his neck as he goes to fix himself another drink. He walks back over and sits in the chair beside us. “Sorry,” he says, raising the glass. “I don’t normally drink much, but I can’t get through this without it.”
“It’s okay.” I speak for both of us. “You don’t need to explain.”
“How was the Eterno connection possible?” Logan asks. “I don’t understand.”
“My father was the product of a Tor-Narik marriage, and his mother was the product of a Tor-Saven pairing. I told you it was complicated,” he says, noticing our puzzled expressions. “Essentially, my genetic makeup is a mix of Tor, Saven, and Narik DNA. That’s how I connected with your mother, much the same way it’s worked for you two. And speaking of which,” he says, sitting up a little straighter in his chair. “I need to come clean about something.”
Logan and I share hesitant looks.
“Are you aware of your true identity, Sadie?”
All the tiny hairs lift on the back of my neck as he addresses me. “Yes,” I confirm cautiously.
“Good. At least that’s one less thing I have to explain. So, I presume you’ve been informed that Griselda injected you with a hybrid Tor-Saven DNA strain?” He lifts a brow at me.
I gulp nervously. “I’m aware of that fact.”
He leans forward in his chair. “Then you most likely know that it wasn’t Griselda’s initial intention.”
I nod as I silently spur him on. Rip the Band-Aid off, please.
“I’m the one who switched out the sample. I’m the reason you have Saven DNA in your system.”
CHAPTER 10
I stare at him slack-jawed. Blinking furiously, I try to make sense of it, but I can’t. Logan asks the question before I can form the words myself. “Why interfere? And how did you even know about her? Or what Griselda was planning?”
“I need to backtrack a little to explain,” the king says.
We both give him a “get on with it” look.
“Tayla and I kept in contact. We couldn’t help it.” He takes a furious swig of his drink. “She was a mess, falling apart at the thought that we couldn’t be together. She didn’t want to marry Adjani.” Logan flinches, and the king notices. “I’m sorry, Logan. Some of this is bound to be unpleasant, but I need to speak the truth.”
Logan’s jaw throbs but he nods.
“She wasn’t happy about it, but she did her duty. Before your parents’ wedding ceremony, she told me she couldn’t remain in contact with me anymore. It was too painful for her. For both of us.” He pinches the bridge of his nose with his free hand. “I didn’t see her for almost two years. Our paths finally crossed at a Gala Ball on a neighboring planet, and it was as if the years of separation melted away.” His face softens as he loses himself in the recollection. “We couldn’t stay away from one another, even if we had tried. We couldn’t keep our hands off each other.”
Logan growls. “That is my mother you are talking about. I don’t want to hear that!”
He doesn’t apologize, but he doesn’t elaborate further either. “We conducted a secret affair from that point on. We generally only met up at the Heir’s Summit, but on a few occasions, your mother managed to sneak in a few visits, and she brought you and your brother here. Do you remember that?”
“It’s a little hazy, but yes.”
“As the years passed, your mother became suspicious that your father knew about the affair. But, if he did, he didn’t intervene. That last time we were together—at the Heir’s Summit—your mother told me she believed your father had hired a special investigator to follow her. She also told me that she couldn’t continue to live a lie. That it wasn’t fair on any of us, especially your father. So we made plans. I was going to abdicate my throne in favor of my younger brother, and we were going to flee the solar system with the three of you.”
Logan wilts in my arms, and all manner of emotions are displayed on his face.
“That was the last time I held her in my arms.” Tears glisten in the king’s eyes.
I well up automatically. He loved her so much! It’s so dreadfully tragic, and my heart can’t help relating and responding.
“She made me make a promise that last day,” he continues in a strangled voice. “I promised that if anything happened to her, I’d look out for her sons. That I’d do my best to protect them, to look after their interests. I have tried to honor that request to the best of my ability.”
The king pauses as he scrutinizes Logan. Logan’s glazed look worries me, but we still haven’t heard it all. The king looks to me for guidance. I nod at him, urging him to continue, as I embrace Logan more tightly.
“After your mother was denied to me, I was matched with Griselda.” We both stiffen at that admission. “She was only fourteen then, and it was deemed necessary to wait a few years before confirming the marriage. Once I started a relationship with your mother, I knew I couldn’t marry Griselda. Wa
tching how Tayla struggled with the guilt, I didn’t want to involve anyone else. I knew there would never be anyone for me but Tayla. She was—is—the only love of my life.” He stares off into space for a few seconds.
“Anyway, my father had passed by this stage, and we were close to perfecting our security software, so I extracted myself from the marriage contract with Griselda, believing it to be the right thing for all parties. I thought I could protect Narik from any possible retaliation.”
Bringing the glass to his lips, he swallows the rest of the liquid. “But I completely underestimated Griselda. While her father was furious, it wasn’t a patch on how she reacted. Of course, she bade her time, choosing the perfect moment to reveal the true extent of her rage and hurt. After Tayla died, she paid me a visit. She took great delight in telling me exactly how your father had killed her and how much she had suffered.”
He looks away, as Logan does. The air is thick with grief and sorrow.
Clearing his throat, he forces himself to continue. “Griselda swore I would pay for all the ways in which we had slighted her. Told me she wasn’t finished with me yet. She followed through on her threat, killing my son a few years later.”
Logan’s head picks up. “What? We were told Kyrn was killed in battle.”
“I concocted that lie to avoid an all-out war with the Tor. That is what Griselda wanted, and I refused to give in to her. I didn’t want my people to pay the price for my actions. I let Griselda believe she had broken me beyond repair. She very nearly did.” He reviews his empty glass with a tired look in his eyes. “She told me, in minute detail, how she had kidnapped and tortured Kyrn, how she had abused and debased him. She sent me a recording of her tossing his battered body out into space. I couldn’t even bring my son home to give him a proper burial.”
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