"But to do that, I would require sustained contact with her for a full day and night," Parry protested. "You know that, Jolie! Healing magic of that type cannot be hastily accomplished."
"Yes. We must remain for another day," she said. "I have started the process, and you have given her of your substance. Remain long enough to keep it active, and she is well repaid."
"But I must return to the monastery!"
"You are too fatigued still to fly."
She was right. He was as yet only partially restored. He could not yet undertake that journey, lest he fall and die on the way.
Jolie released the girl, who tried out her talent for finding wood. She fashioned an ice ball and stared into it, then moved purposefully through the trees while Parry followed. In moments she had found an excellent cache of sticks, exclaiming with pleasure. It worked!
Parry helped her carry the wood back to the hut. This would keep them warm another day, and there was more where that came from. Then they went to the nearest market, a league's trudge down the rivershore. The girl had only the coin the Mongol rider had given her, but she was determined to spend it wisely. She turned down the first preferred deal, and the second, finally accepting one for bread, and carried her prize away. The proprietor shook his head, evidently feeling bested. This gift, too, was working. That night she came to him again in the darkness, sharing the quilt. He did not argue; it was obvious that the girl was satisfied with the deal she had made, and did not mind this part of it. She had evidently had some experience before. Perhaps she was accustomed to rougher handling, and appreciated his gentleness and obvious delight, despite the knowledge that it was really Jolie he was embracing. But he did concentrate on the curing of her malady, which was not difficult to treat at this stage, and by morning he knew she was free of it. He had, indeed, rendered a suitable return service.
Next day his strength had recovered, and he knew he could fly back to France. He bid silent farewell to the family and stepped outside. He changed to the duck form, and the girl collected the clothes. She smiled as he spread his wings, evidently in response to Jolie's leave-taking; then Parry was up and away, and Jolie hovering with him.
Now the realization he had suppressed for two days burst upon him: he had violated his oath of celibacy! Technically, celibacy meant the state of being unmarried, but in practice it meant abstinence from carnal relations. For two days he had become married again, and made love to his wife. He had forfeited his right to be a friar. "I shall have to leave the Order," he thought to Jolie. "I am undone!"
Jolie was unpenitent. "I have always loved you, Parry. Now that I know how easy it is to love you physically, I want to do it again. Leave the Order, and be with me! I will find a young girl to—"
"But I must remain to fight evil!"
"You have foiled Lucifer's dire plan. Now at last you can relax."
"But the Order has become my life!"
"It never was my life, Parry! I supported you because I love you, but now that your work is done—"
"My work is not done! Lucifer must be constantly fought!"
"But there are other ways to fight him, are there not?"
"Not as effective as this! Oh, why did I give in to the wiles of the flesh!"
She gazed at him, then turned away as she faded.
"Jolie!" he cried, stricken. "Come back! I didn't mean—"
But she was gone. He had hurt her feelings, and she would not return until she chose.
It took him longer to return than it had to make the outbound flight. He tired faster, and had to land often to rest and forage. But it gave him time to ponder, and when he finally reached the monastery he knew what he had to do.
He had to confess his sin before the head friar and beg absolution.
But at first, when he was back, he just had to recuperate from his arduous excursion. He rested and ate and slept for several days.
Jolie returned. "I am sorry," she said. "I see now that I was wrong. I should not have tempted you into sin."
That made him argue the other side of it. "You are my wife!" he protested. "Nothing you could lead me to could be wrong!"
"No, you are correct. The situation changed when I died, and I had no right to return to the flesh after all these years, knowing that—"
"You borrowed a living body so that you could enable me to complete my mission! Without you I could not have done it! There can be no fault in you for that!"
"But after it was done, and the messenger went on, I had no right to—"
"You knew I was exhausted to the point of collapse, and would die in the snow if not given warmth and food and rest. You acted to save me, not to hurt me!"
"But during the night, possessed of a living young body, I should not have come to you."
With that he had to agree. "You should not have, Jolie. But there was no way you could have tempted me, had I not been willing, even eager. The sin was mine!"
"It was ours," she said.
"Ours," he agreed.
"Yet such is my depravity, I cannot hate what we did. I love you so much, Parry, and want to be with you—"
"You are with me always, Jolie."
"I'm the flesh," she finished.
"And I want you—in the flesh." Now it was out. Not only had he sinned, he knew he would do it again if given the opportunity.
"What will happen now?"
"I must leave the Order," he said. "I thought I could make confession and beg absolution, but now I know I cannot do that, for the sin remains with me. I can no longer be a Dominican friar."
"But the good work you are doing—the foiling of Lucifer's mischief—who will do that if you do not?"
Parry put his head in his hands. "No one, I fear! No other friar has made the same study of evil that I have! How ironic that I should fall prey to evil myself!"
"The evil of loving me."
"No!" But there was truth in it. He was a friar; he had no business loving a woman. "Jolie, you are my conscience. What would you have me do?"
"I am not your conscience!" she flared. "I am your wife who has led you into sin!"
"What would you have me do?" he repeated grimly.
She paced the air, distraught. "There is sin in what I did with you, and would do again. But there is evil in letting Lucifer plot without hindrance. I think the sin must be tolerated for the sake of the good you can do in your present office."
They hashed it over, but could come to no better conclusion than that. The great good ends justified the means of keeping silent about one small sin.
So Parry made no report, knowing that he had compromised his honor as a Dominican friar. He knew the doctrine of ends and means was fallacious, but hoped that in this case it was justified.
Indeed, as the weeks and months passed, it seemed so, for the Mongol juggernaut halted, and finally reversed. The message of the Great Khan's death had gotten through, and Europe was saved from Lucifer's scourge.
But neither his doubt nor his renewed passion for Jolie's living flesh faded. Parry knew he could not remain in this hypocritical existence. He had to find some means to resolve his savage internal conflict.
But what means?
Chapter 7 - LILAH
In the spring of 1242 Parry was taking a walk out around the monastery grounds. He sought, as always, to reconcile the evil he found in himself with the good work he was doing. He had continued to deal with heretics, garnering their conversions when others had failed. Why was he unable to resolve the sin on his own conscience?
"Because you do not wish to, Parry."
He jumped. There beside him was the figure of an attractive young woman. He had not seen her at all; indeed, there should be none here, not even a nun. He stared at her.
She smiled back. She wore the long flowing hair, bound back by no more than a fillet, and the single long dress of the ordinary unmarried girl. But she was hardly ordinary! Her hair had the luster of gold, and her eyes seemed golden too, glowing like tiny disks of the sun, and
the contours of her body thrust against the silken cloth of her garment, making of it a statuesque configuration. She reminded him somewhat of Jolie, as she had been in the day of her mortal beauty. But this woman was more than that, physically; she was like Venus clothed.
He fought past his amazement. "There can be no woman here!" he exclaimed.
"Really?" she asked, her lips quirking with amusement. "What of your ghostly lover?"
"Who are you?" he demanded.
"I am Lilah, sent to corrupt you."
He had expected some sort of evasion; this brought him up short again. "You are a—a sending of Lucifer?"
"That is true, Parry."
Could it be? Certainly that would explain her sudden appearance, and the way she knew his private name, never voiced in the monastery. Still—
"Lucifer works by deception," he said. "If you are from him, you should not tell me so!"
"Lucifer is the Father of Lies," she agreed. "But the truest lies have the semblance of truth. We underlings are not permitted to lie freely; that is the province of the Master. Thus I will always speak the truth to you, though you may not always wish to hear it."
"I don't believe you!"
"You will, in time."
"A problem, Brother?"
Parry turned guiltily. Another friar was approaching. How would he explain the woman?
But the other gave no sign of seeing the woman. "I saw you pause and gesture as if disturbed. Indigestion?"
"I thought I saw something," Parry said lamely.
"You are equivocating," Lilah remarked. "You do not think you see something; you do see a demoness, here where we are not supposed to be able to intrude."
She had him dead to rights.
The other friar looked around. "I see nothing out of order. What was its nature?"
"Evil."
The other man's brow furrowed. "Evil? Here? Surely you are mistaken, Brother."
"I must be," Parry agreed.
"Now you are lying," Lilah said.
She had scored again. "That is, I saw a figure of a woman, an evil figure," Parry said. "A—a demoness."
The other friar looked at him with concern. "I fear you have a problem, Brother."
"I fear I do," Parry agreed.
"But the cross will banish the vision." The friar brought out his silver cross.
"Yes," Parry agreed, relieved. He brought out his own and swept it through the region where Lilah stood. She vanished without a sound.
"Gone now?" the other inquired.
"Gone," Parry agreed. "I thank you, Brother."
"We are all troubled on occasion by doubts and bad memories," the other said. "But our Lord Jesus is proof against them all."
"Yes!" Parry agreed fervently. He walked with the other back to the buildings. But he remained in doubt, knowing that his own doubts and bad notions had not been abolished by his faith in Jesus. The fault, he knew, was not in Jesus but in himself; his faith was flawed.
When he was alone in his chamber, Jolie appeared. "Oh, that was horrible!" she exclaimed. "I couldn't come out while she was with you!"
"You saw the—the apparition?" he asked, startled.
"Lilah the demoness. Of course. The aura of Hell surrounded her. Oh, Parry, what does she want with you?"
"She said she was sent to corrupt me."
"She can't corrupt you! You are a good man, and a Dominican friar. You are proof against evil."
"Not necessarily," Lilah said, appearing. In that instant, Jolie faded.
Parry fetched out his cross. "Begone, demoness!" he cried, thrusting it at her. Lilah vanished.
Jolie reappeared. "What an infernal creature!" she exclaimed. "I cannot co-exist with her!"
"The cross banishes her," Parry said. "I will use it until she gives up this harassment."
"But why should she come for you now?" Then she reconsidered. "The scourge! Lucifer has ascertained your part in foiling that!"
"You've got it, ghost," Lilah agreed, her appearance causing Jolie's disappearance.
"Begone!" Parry cried, jabbing the cross at her. She clicked out of sight.
Jolie reappeared. "You foiled Lucifer, and now he is angry. He has sent his minion to wreak vengeance on you."
"He can't touch me, or you," Parry said. "We are secure in the bosom of Jesus."
"That's what you think, hypocrite!" Lilah exclaimed.
Parry lifted the cross. The demoness retreated to the farthest comer of the chamber.
"No, don't drive her out yet," Jolie said, reappearing translucently. "Find out how she thinks she can do it."
Parry looked from one to the other. "You can co-exist after all?"
"She is fundamentally good; I am fundamentally evil," Lilah said. "We co-exist; we are merely unable to be close to each other."
"Then what of me?" he asked.
"You are mortal."
"That makes a difference?"
"That makes the difference. Good and evil co-exist in all mortals. It is the struggle between the two that makes mortality what it is. Mortality is the battleground. You know that, Parry; you have studied evil more than any other living man."
Parry nodded. He did know it; he just had not been thinking coherently. "How is it that you are able to come here, to the order dedicated to the eradication of evil?"
"Dedicated to the eradication of heresy." Lilah said. "The distinction is significant."
She was entirely too sharp! "To corrupt me," he continued. "How can you hope to do that?"
"Because you have planted the seed of evil in yourself. I am here to make it grow. Without that seed, I would be powerless against you. The corruption had to start within yourself."
"What corruption?" Jolie demanded.
The demoness eyed her knowingly. "You should know, pretty spirit! You started it."
"The loving!" Jolie cried, stricken.
"The sex," Lilah said. "To love is holy, if it is of a good person or good cause. But to tempt a man into sinful sex—"
"Oh!" Jolie's exclamation was pure anguish as she faded out.
"She could not have done it had I not cooperated!" Parry said. "She is good; she meant no harm!"
"True, Parry," Lilah said, advancing. "She is good; she meant no harm. In addition, she is beyond adjustment of her balance; it was set at the time of her death. But you are mortal; you knew it was sinful, yet you did it, and did it with sinful joy. Two nights, each a multiple effort." She glanced sidelong at him. "A surprising performance, considering your mortal age. And then—"
"Enough!" he cried, lifting the cross.
"Do you use the cross to banish the truth?" Lilah asked as she retreated.
Parry turned, found his bed, and sat down on it, hard. It was the truth. He had done wrong, knowingly.
The demoness advanced again, unchallenged. "But it was not the sin that made the opening, for the mortal flesh is ever weak. Had you succumbed, and repented, and confessed, and done proper penance, you would have been absolved, and this too you well know. The opening was made by your decision to conceal your weakness. When, knowingly, you failed to seek absolution, you practiced deliberate deception. And that, my dear mortal, provided my Lord Lucifer His wedge against your soul."
Her truths were hammering at his mind. He had done it; he had practiced deceit, which was a lie. That lie had put him into the power of the Lord of Lies.
"I must seek absolution now," he said.
"And give up all you have gained, discrediting yourself, your monastery, and indeed the Dominican Order?" the demoness asked derisively. "I think not."
"Better that than the lie!" he cried.
"And that is another lie," Lilah said.
Again, she was devastatingly accurate! He knew he could not do that to his work or his order. He could not throw away thirty years of his campaign against evil, at a single stroke discrediting everything. He was locked into his lie, because of the enormous cost of its expiation.
"Lucifer is having his way with me," Pa
rry said brokenly.
"You flatter yourself, mortal," Lilah said. "Lucifer has not yet begun to have His way with you. This is only the opening. Have you any notion how angry He is with you?"
Parry recovered a portion of his humor. "I daresay you will inform me, demoness."
"After the scourge failed, my Lord made a thorough investigation. He discovered that not only had an obscure Dominican friar almost single-handedly foiled His greatest ploy, that same friar had wreaked mischief throughout his career. Right here, virtually under Lucifer's nose, this friar had plotted with angelic cunning, and sown a harvest of good that very nearly canceled my Lord's activities of the past half century. Lord Bofort, the heretics, the conversion of His wolves and bats—thirty years of mischief. One lone friar! My Lord has not before been this angry in this same half century. All the fires of Hell were enhanced for several infernal nights. That is why He deliberated long, pondering suitable retribution against this insolent mortal. That is why He finally decided on the worst of all the routes available. The one that was appropriate for this case."
She leaned forward, so as to speak almost in his ear. "That is why He sent me to corrupt you."
Parry glanced up at her—and found his nose almost in a cleavage such as he had not imagined in thirty years. Lilah's outfit had changed; she now wore a tight bodice open at the top.
"Get away from me, harlot!" he exclaimed, almost spitting into that awesome channel.
"Make me, mortal!" she taunted him.
He jerked the cross up, aiming for the center of her body. But she was gone.
Jolie reappeared. "Oh, Parry, what have I done!" she wailed.
"You did nothing blameworthy," he snapped, "I committed the sin!"
"But I enabled it! Oh, Parry, I wanted you so much! I knew it was wrong, but—"
"It was not wrong of itself. We are married. But my decision to cover it up, to go on as if it hadn't happened—Oh, Jolie, I made a sin of what had been natural! What a price I must now pay!"
"But what can she do, actually?" Jolie asked, taking faint heart. "No one else can see her or hear her, and your cross banishes her; if you just don't listen to her—"
"That's right, ghost-girl," Lilah said, reappearing across the room. "Just don't listen to me—or look at me—and you cannot be corrupted. Your lie only opened the way; it did not complete the course."
For Love of Evil Page 13