She was propped up against several pillows, with her golden hair spilling down her back and across her shoulders. "What choice have I? I told you about the bargain I made with Julian, and make no mistake about it, Nicodemus, Julian will hold me to that bargain."
He leveled a long searching glance at her. "He is a man, Lavender. Of course he has a title, but he is still a man like any other. He's a proud devil, and you can bet he will never forget that you challenged him to a duel."
"I had to, Nicodemus. He would have killed you, and you know it."
"Maybe . . . Have you thought of remaining here, Lavender?"
She shook her head, her eyes big, blue, and misty. "No, that was not part of our bargain. Julian wants the baby, he does not want me."
"Have you asked him if you could stay?"
She raised her proud head and met his eyes. "No, and I never will."
"I am told that you have not yet seen the child, Lavender."
"I do not understand why I have not been allowed to see him. I have asked to see the baby, but no one will bring him to me. Perhaps I will not be allowed to see him at all." Tears wet her cheeks and she brushed them angrily away. "I will be glad to see the last of England. I do not like it here."
"Have you told the duke that you are leaving?"
"No, there is no need. He will be expecting me to leave."
Nicodemus moved across the room and stood over Lavender. "I will leave for London in two days' time, so I can make all our arrangements for the sea voyage home. By the time I return you should be recovered enough to travel, or perhaps you will have changed your mind about leaving."
"I will not change my mind, but why can you not leave for London tomorrow, Nicodemus?"
"Because I can't go until I have made certain that Brainard has had a proper burial."
Lavender shivered when she remembered how Brainard had died. There was sorrow in her heart for the man he once had been. "Brainard would have hated to be buried on English soil. If he was nothing else, he was loyal to his country."
"So much so, Lavender, that it warped his thinking." Again Nicodemus searched her face. "Think carefully. Are you certain that you want to return to Williamsburg? You will be leaving a lot behind."
She studied the bandages on her hands and then plucked at the lace on the sleeve of her gown. "1 am certain, Nicodemus. Nothing will happen to change my mind. I want to see Aunt Amelia and Chandler. I want to go home."
He reached out and clasped her hand. "It surely pains me to see the unhappiness in your eyes, Lavender. I wish I could do something to make you feel better."
She smiled and patted his hand. "I have survived difficulties before, and I suspect I shall do so again." She looked into his face and spoke hesitantly. "Nicodemus, tell no one where you are going and what you are about. I do not want anyone to know what my plans are."
"I will tell no one." He turned away and walked to the door. With his hand on the doorknob, he turned back to her. "If you want my advice, you will insist on seeing that baby at least once before we leave." He wrenched the door open and left without waiting for her to answer.
Lavender awoke from a nap, and stretched her arms over her head. She had the feeling that she was not alone, and she glanced up to find Julian standing over her.
"1 did not mean to startle you," he said, pulling up a chair and sitting next to her.
She looked into his eyes, wondering why he had come. Did he want to remind her that her time here was limited? "I would really rather you would knock before you entered my bedroom, Julian," she said with some of her old spirit returning.
He said nothing, but continued to stare at her.
"Did you want something?" she asked, feeling uncomfortable under his close scrutiny.
"I have been told by the doctor that you will be completely recovered from the birth of the baby within a month."
"I do not anticipate that it will take that long."
He shrugged his broad shoulders. "If I know you, Lavender, you will be on your feet much sooner."
She blinked. Was he trying to rush her recovery so he could be rid of her all the sooner. "You need not be concerned, Julian, I heal quickly."
His eyes moved over her face, and he saw the wounds where she had been cut by the glass, and he noticed that her hands were still bandaged. She looked so small and helpless, but he knew inside her there beat a fierce heart which any man would be proud to claim as his own. "I understand that you have been asking to see the baby?"
"I do not find that such an unreasonable request, Julian." She toyed with the bandage on her hand, wishing he would leave, yet wanting him to stay. "I just want to see for myself that the child is all right."
He was watchful. "May I inquire as to why you think you have a right to see my son?"
She felt a lump in her throat, aching to hold her baby, and knowing Julian was playing with her, trying to hurt her. But why? Had he not already taken more than a woman should be asked to give? She had the feeling she must guard her feelings, lest Julian use the baby to destroy her. "You are right, Julian. He is not my son, he belongs to you."
"You need have no concern for his welfare. I have engaged a wet nurse and a nanny to look after him, so you can be satisfied that he is getting the best of care."
"Have you given him a name?" she asked.
"Not as yet. I thought William would be most appropriate."
Lavender shook her head. "Do not do this to me, Julian. Do not name him for your dead brother."
He leaned back and watched her closely. "I thought you might not be pleased by that prospect. Perhaps you would like to settle the matter of his name with a rapier. It seems that is your answer to everything."
"Name him whatever you like, but please allow me to see my baby just once."
His eyes moved across her face and he read the desperation there. "I think not, Lavender. You see, I do not trust you not to take the child and leave."
Lavender turned her head and stared at the fresh basket of peaches Muldoon had delivered earlier in the day. "1 gave you what you wanted, Julian. Why can you not just allow me this one small request?"
He stood up abruptly, unable to bear the pain he saw in her beautiful blue eyes. "I just had to see for myself if you were recovered. 1 can see much of your spirit has returned."
"Why are you doing this, Julian?"
He answered her question with a question of his own. "Why did you send for Brainard Thruston and Nicodemus. Did you think they would help you escape from me?'
Now she knew what was bothering him. He thought she had sent for Brainard and Nicodemus. "I gave you my word I would stay with you until after the baby was born. I did not ask either Nicodemus nor Brainard to come for me."
"Why do I not believe you, Lavender? Could it be that you have lied so many times that I cannot believe you now?"
She avoided his eyes, fearing he would see the tears in hers. "1 only lied when 1 had to protect myself as the Swallow."
He smiled. "Yes, you found it convenient to hide behind the guise of the Swallow, so you could live in a world of lies."
"You have what you wanted, Julian. You have taken all 1 have to give—now you can leave."
He reached out and lifted her chin, making her meet his eyes. "I wanted to tell you that I am taking the baby away from Mannington as soon as he is old enough to travel."
She moistened her dry lips with her tongue. "But why?"
"Why should it matter to you?"
"I. .. it's just that he ... is ... I was wondering where you will be taking him. He is too young to travel any great distance for several months."
"Whatever you may think, I am not doing this to spite you, Lavender. The Westfield heirs are always christened at St. Paul's Cathedral. My son will be no exception."
Lavender's lips trembled from the pain she was feeling and she reached deep inside herself, trying to play this one last role without falling into a thousand pieces. She prayed she would not break down in front of Julia
n. "You have what you wanted, Julian. I gave you back a life for a life . . ." Her heart was breaking, but she had to hide it. "Now you no longer have any hold on me."
In that moment Julian realized he loved Lavender and she loved the baby. Had he sunk so low that he was using the baby to hold on to her? "I have decided to be generous, and will allow you to see the baby, but only if I accompany you to the nursery. You will save yourself a lot of grief if you remember this. I will instruct the nanny that you are not to be allowed near my son unless I am with you."
When he turned and walked abruptly away, she held out her hand to him, but he did not see. By the time he had left the room, she collapsed in a heap as sobs racked her body. Her arms ached to hold her son, and she felt so empty inside. Lavender knew she would die rather than be humiliated by having to ask Julian every time she wanted to see her own son.
Julian stood in the hallway, knowing he had deeply hurt Lavender. He had read the torment in her eyes. Why had he used the baby to torture her, when all he really wanted to do was take her in his arms and tell her that he loved her? Would this agony never end for either of them?
He drew in a deep breath and moved down the hallway to the nursery. He knew he had given his word that Lavender could leave after the child was born, but how could he ever let her go? He did not like to think that he was using their son to hold on to her. But wasn't he?
Lavender carefully slipped out of bed and slowly moved to the bell pull and gave it a hard tug. She felt weak and faint, but she had to call Nicodemus back. Lavender knew she could not stay here. She had to get away as quickly as possible.
She managed to get back in bed, and layback on her pillow, wishing her head would stop reeling.
Only moments passed before Mrs. Forsythe appeared. She hovered over Lavender like a mother hen, fluffing up her pillow and pulling the covers over her. "Your Grace, you should not be out of bed so soon. I placed the bell on your bedside table so you would not have to get out of bed to summon the nurse."
"I did not want the nurse, Mrs. Forsythe, I wanted you. I want you to tell me the truth. Is my baby healthy?"
"Yes, Your Grace. Small, but in perfect health."
"Go below and see if Nicodemus has left. If he hasn't, have him come up to me at once. If he has gone into the village, send someone to fetch him."
"I will do that straightaway." Her smile was warm and sincere. "I would caution Your Grace to have a care with your health. You have just given birth and had a horrible fall. It is going to take time for your body to heal from both."
Lavender was touched by the housekeeper's concern. She reached out and took the woman's hand. "I want to thank you for all your care, Mrs. Forsythe. You have been good to me."
The little housekeeper's eyes softened. "If I might be allowed to say so, Your Grace, it is a genuine pleasure to serve you." She smiled.
"Mrs. Forsythe, may I ask something of you?"
The housekeeper looked taken aback for a moment. "There is nothing I would not do for you, Your Grace."
"Will you always . . . Would you look after my . . . son?" Lavender's voice broke, but she made herself continue. "Would you give him the same devotion and care . . . you have given me?"
The older woman looked distressed. "Nothing is going to happen to you. We have all been assured that you will soon recover from the birth."
Lavender eased herself to a sitting position. "How much can I trust you?"
The housekeeper's eyes burned with loyalty. "You can trust me with your life, Your Grace."
"Then I am going to ask more of you than I should. If you do not wish to do it, you have only to say so." Lavender looked into the woman's eyes and saw they were shining with tears, so she continued before she started crying herself. "Mrs. Forsythe, tonight, after everyone else has gone to bed, will you make sure the nanny has left the nursery so I can see my son just this one time?"
Mrs. Forsythe had known there was something not right between the duke and duchess, but she was not a gossip, and she would not allow her underlings to gossip, so she did not know what the trouble was. She had come to love this gentle sweet girl whose eyes always spoke of sadness. "I will gladly do whatever I can to bring that about, Your Grace. The nanny will not think it unusual if I ask to relieve her for a while. I feel sure she will take it as a kindness."
"Oh, thank you, my dear Mrs. Forsythe." Lavender turned away, knowing that when she left Mannington, she would be leaving more than just her son behind.
Nicodemus shook his head. "No, Lavender, it's madness, and I will not be a party to it. You are in no condition to travel. And besides, when you leave this place, you will walk through the front door, not go sneaking off like a thief in the night."
Lavender had to make him understand she had to leave that night. "I have to go, Nicodemus. Julian has made it impossible for me to remain any longer. He will not even allow me to see the baby."
"Why would he want to keep the child from you?"
"I told you that Julian believes I am responsible for his brother's death. I believe he is using the baby to hurt me. I cannot stay here and allow him to destroy me, Nicodemus. I just can't."
He could never deny her anything. When he saw the tears swimming in her lovely blue eyes, his heart melted, but he stood firm this time, feeling she was in no condition to travel so soon after the baby's birth.
"1 cannot do what you ask, Lavender. I will not jeopardize your health for any reason. We will stick to our original plan and leave when I get back from London."
She breathed deeply. "I suppose you are right, Nicodemus. Julian once accused me of allowing my heart to rule my emotions, and I suppose he was right in that."
"I have always found your heart and your head in perfect accord. You will need to keep them both if we are to get out of here. Do you have any notion as to how I am going to get you away? This place is a fortress."
"Yes, I have it all planned out. You will go to London as planned. You will book passage on a ship that will carry us home. Also, you will have to acquire transportation for us to London, because I know I will not be well enough to ride horseback. I will leave the details to you. Also, I will send word downstairs that you are to be shown to my room the moment you return from London." She watched his face at her next words. "You will need to purchase male attire for me."
"So it's the Swallow again, is it?"
"Yes, I fear I will have to resurrect her until we are safely back in Williamsburg."
"We will not have an easy time getting home, Lavender. The war is heating up, and much of it is concentrated in the South. Don't look for me too soon. I will not return until I have made all the arrangements."
She felt guilty that she had not even asked about the war. So many things had happened in the last two days, causing her to forget the war temporarily. "Who do you think will win, Nicodemus?"
"At this point, it could go either way. We are drained of finances and equipment, but our men fight on. If patriotism and determination can win a war, then the final victory will be ours."
A tear trailed down her cheek. "Take me home, Nicodemus. I do not belong here, and whatever happens to my country, I want to be there to share either victory or defeat."
He nodded. "I will be back as quickly as 1 am able. Let us hope that I can make all the arrangements without the duke finding out. I have this strong feeling he would never allow you to leave."
"You are wrong, Nicodemus. He will be happy to be rid of me. But just in case he thinks to hold me prisoner, we must proceed with the greatest secrecy."
He looked grim. "It will probably take at least a month before you are well enough to travel. Perhaps even then it will be too soon. But knowing you as I do, I suspect you would go with or without my help. You can be a mighty stubborn woman when your mind is made up about something."
She managed to smile. "It's just that I am desperate to get home. Thank you, Nicodemus. I knew I could count on your help. You will find a box of jewels on the dressing table. Take
them and use them as needed. There are several valuable stones, and if we sell them, there will be more than enough money to see us home."
Long after Nicodemus left, Lavender lay on the bed praying for the strength to leave when the time came. She felt weak, and there was a long, arduous journey ahead of her. She would have to call on all her strength and courage to make it home. She thought of Julian. He would be angry when he found out she had gone without his permission. He would probably even try to find her, but not out of any love he might have for her. No, he would want to bring her back so he could watch her suffer.
She thought of how painful it would be to never see Julian again. Under the law, he was her husband, and she knew for a certainty that her love for him would endure until she died. The thought of never seeing him again was almost more than she could stand. But she would bear it, like she had faced all the tragedies in her life. She watched the clock on the mantel tick away the hours, hoping that Mrs. Forsythe would be able to arrange for her to see her baby.
The clock had just struck ten when the door opened and Mrs. Forsythe poked her head into the room. Lavender could tell by the distressed expression on her face that something was amiss.
The housekeeper approached Lavender's bed with her eyes downcast. "You can tell me what is wrong, Mrs. Forsythe. Were you not able to arrange for me to see the baby?"
The woman nodded. "I am grieved to tell you, Your Grace, that His Grace had the baby moved to another part of the house. The baby is guarded by the nanny, a nurse and a wet nurse. I was told that the doctor advised as few visitors as possible. No one is allowed in his room but those three women." Her eyes were tear-bright. "I am so grievously sorry, Your Grace."
Lavender patted her hand in a gesture meant to comfort her. "Do not distress yourself, Mrs. Forsythe. It was wrong of me to ask you to go against the duke. I will find a way to see my baby."
24
Days passed, and the only people Lavender saw were the dowager, Mrs. Forsythe, and Muldoon, who still delivered the basket of fresh peaches to her each day. Julian had not come to her room, but then she had not expected him to. The dowager gave Lavender glowing reports of the baby. Even though they never discussed it, Lavender could tell by the sadness in the older woman's eyes that she was sorry that the baby had been taken away from her. Julian had not come to her bedchamber since the night he had told her he was taking the baby away from her, and she was glad, because she was too angry to face him since her weakened condition would put her at a disadvantage.
Lavender Lies (Historical Romance) Page 35