by Hantz, Sara
He either means it, which is a huge worry, or he’s saying it to be kind and make me feel better. I prefer the latter.
“What movie are we going to see?” You’d have thought I’d have asked before now, but to be honest it completely slipped my mind. And I don’t actually care. As long as it’s not that new sci-fi wanna-be Star Wars movie just released. I can’t remember what it’s called but it’s got Mars in it. Or is it Pluto? Whatever, I hate that sort of movie.
“Jupiter Force.” That’s the one. Shit. “Is that okay?”
“Um, yeah. Great.” Well, I did say I wasn’t really bothered. And it might be okay. I’m prepared to give it a chance. “As long as I can choose next time.” Like there’s going to be a next time after a nearly argument and a misunderstanding. And that’s before we’ve even got there.
“It’s a deal.”
I spend the remainder of the journey, which is all of two minutes, debating which movie I’ll take him to. Should I go for something funny? Which is my usual preference. Or what about something romantic? Nah. I can’t hack that. Or something scary so we can hold hands and snuggle up close? Would that be classed as exceptional circumstance in the handbook?
***
“Now what?” Guy says turning to me as we see flashing red letters on the overhead screen saying that Jupiter Force is sold out. “I was so looking forward to seeing it.” He looks really dejected.
“Yeah, me too.” I shake my head and try to look as sad as him. But it’s hard. “Let’s go to something else. What about the one based on that Stephen King book?” A snuggle up scary movie, if ever there was one.
“You like that sort of thing?” His voice is a mixture of amusement and disbelief.
“Sure. I love his books and most of the movies have been really good. Don’t you like him?” Hope I’m not stepping too far away from my newly cultivated image. I don’t want to blow everything.
“He’s okay. Not my first choice, but I’m game if you are.” He shrugs.
After buying the tickets we head for the popcorn and buy a very large, as in the largest, tub. At last. Something we’re in accord about. I toy with asking for one of those ice-creams covered in chocolate and nuts as well, but decide he might think me greedy. Especially as we’ve only just eaten tea.
“Shall we sit in the back row?” he whispers in my ear as we walk in and see the advertisements already playing. “There are a couple of empty seats up there.”
Back row. Like he needs to ask. Things are definitely looking up.
The film starts pretty much as soon as we sit down, so no time for any cozy head-next-to-head chatting. And the popcorn is on the armrest between us. I think about moving it onto my lap which means Guy would have to lean over every time he wants some, but I don’t want him to think I’m taking it so I can eat it all. Of course, I could place it in his lap then I’d have to lean over and who knows what might happen when I’m fumbling in the dark and not concentrating where my hand is going because my eyes are glued to the screen. Trouble is if I do that he might go bouncing up on stage at the next VC meeting dragging me with him to confess all my impure thoughts—something to be avoided at all costs. I didn’t realize popcorn could be at the centre of such monumental decisions. Maybe it’s for the best if I leave it where it is.
I reach into the tub to grab a handful, except my hand isn’t the only one in there.
“Sorry,” I whisper.
“No worries,” Guy replies, quickly taking his hand out of the tub. You know what, I can see me and the Handbook coming to serious blows if this is how it’s going to affect any physical contact between us.
The movie sucks me in almost straight away and before I know it the credits are rolling and I suddenly remember Guy is sitting beside me.
“Starbucks?” Guy asks as we leave the movies.
Before I have the chance to do anything other than nod he starts to walk down the street in the direction of Starbucks which is only half a block away.
It’s fairly packed when we get there, but I spy a table in the corner.
“I’ll grab us somewhere to sit,” I say. “Can you get me a caramel frappuchinno please.”
As he strides toward the counter I suddenly panic that I didn’t offer any money to pay for it. The last thing I want is for him to think I’m a freeloader. Mind you I did pay for the popcorn. Then again he did pay for the tickets.
From where I’m sitting I get a clear view of him from behind. You know, he definitely has a good butt. In fact he’s pretty well stacked in every department. Well, every department that I’ve been able to see. Of course, now I’m in the VC admiring from afar is the only thing I will be doing.
He seems to be lining up for ages, during which time I’ve scrutinized everyone in the place, bitten my thumb nail—which I’m really cross about—and made a tiny hole in my top from pulling a long thread.
“Sorry it took so long,” Guy says when he finally gets to the table. “There’s a new guy working and it took him ages to work out what went into each thing.”
A new guy eh? I wonder if it’s the guy Amy was talking about? Although that was days ago so you’d have thought he’d have learnt how to do everything by now.
“That’s okay.” I take a long sip of my ice cold drink. “Mmm. Well for a new guy he did just fine. You know I’m definitely addicted to these. I could drink them every day and still not be fed up.”
Guy laughs, and takes a sip from his mug containing what looks like ordinary coffee.
“I’m not keen. I prefer my coffee straight.” He definitely needs educating in the ways of caffeine—and I’m just the girl to do it.
“Are you sure I can’t tempt you with a sip?” I wave my plastic cup under his nose, but he shakes his head and laughs.
“Thanks but no.” He places his mug on the table and gazes at me in a sort of soppy way. “You’re so sweet, Suzy. You know, it’s been a long time since I’ve liked anyone as much as I like you.”
Wow. Where did that come from? And fancy him calling me sweet. That’s got to be a first.
“Thanks. I like you too.” Even if you do have lousy taste in movies and are a bit too parent-friendly for your own good. Not that it matters. Don’t they always say opposites attract?
“Excuse me,” says a soft, and vaguely familiar, male voice to the side of us. We both turn to look.
Oh.
My.
God.
It can’t be.
Quick, someone wake me before this gets totally out of control.
“Yes?” says Guy.
“Aren’t you Suzy Green?” the voice replies, ignoring Guy and looking directly at me with the same twinkling brown eyes and cute smile that haunted my dreams for such a long time.
Crap. Crap. And a million times Crap.
Chapter Ten
Okay, here are my choices:
I can acknowledge Ryan—smile sweetly in a totally unfazed sort of way and say ‘hi how are you?’ and act like he’s just a guy I happen to know from way back. Which seems like a real cool response, but I’m not sure I can pull it off. I suspect stammering and looking acutely embarrassed will let me down.
Or, I can pretend I’ve never seen him before in my life and that it’s a case of mistaken identity—except if I did that how would I explain him knowing my name? Good point. Looks like that one’s out of the question.
Or—and this is my preferred option at this precise moment—I can get the hell out of here, and scream as loud as my lungs allow. Thing is by doing that not only will I look a complete and utter freak it will also ruin any chances I have of Guy asking me out again.
So, it appears I’m completely screwed.
“You know each other?” Guy says dragging me back from the crazy thoughts charging around my mind like things possessed.
“No.”
“Yes.”
We both speak at the same time and sharply turn our heads from staring in Guy’s direction to staring at each other. No prizes for gues
sing who said no. Well, it just sort of slipped out. And my heart is pounding so loud I swear it’s going to burst out of my shirt.
“What I mean is we sort of do,” I say pulling myself together with the help of a deep breath and clutching the table for support. “We met at summer camp in The Blue Mountains just over a year ago, didn’t we?” That’s an understatement if ever there was one.
“Yeah. At summer camp,” Ryan drawls. “I almost didn’t recognize you, but the hair gave it away.” It would be the hair. It’s always the freakin’ hair. A tiny smile tugs at his lips. I am so in the shit.
“So, Ryan,” I continue, forcing myself to look at him. “It’s good to see you again.” I smile, but suspect it looks more like a grimace than anything else. “I didn’t know you lived around here.” Thank goodness, or they’d have carted me off to the institution a long time ago. “How have you been keeping?”
He stares at me as if I’m totally crazy. Rightly so. I mean who in their right mind would say ‘how have you been keeping?’ to someone they once said they loved and also lost their virginity to? Just thinking about it sends shivers up and down my spine. And not shivers of pleasure. These are shivers of the scared-stiff variety. I don’t think the situation could get any worse if it tried.
“Good thanks,” Ryan replies. He certainly doesn’t seem as bothered about this catastrophic situation as I am. Then again, why would he be? He probably couldn’t care less. He might not even remember what we did at camp. I’m probably a nameless notch on his bedpost. And I think I’ve been watching too many B movies. “You?”
My fists clench involuntarily into a tight ball, nails digging into my palms so hard that pain shoots up my arms. I seriously don’t know what to do. I spent goodness knows how many nights wondering what would happen if I ever bumped into Ryan again; playing over and over in my mind what I’d say. But never in all my dreams did I envisage meeting him while out with someone else. Especially when that someone else I’d planned on having some sort of future with.
I wish Maddie was here. She’d tell me what to do. Not helpful.
Okay, I’ll wing it. But I’m definitely phoning Maddie the moment I get home. In fact I might even text her when we’re on the way so she can think about it in advance.
“I’m good too, thanks. Do you work here?” I say, my eyes suddenly drawn to the two white Starbucks mugs he’s holding in his hand and the dark green Starbucks polo-shirt he’s wearing (which under other circumstances I’d have said looks really hot against his tanned skin and dark hair).
“Started a few weeks ago. After school and weekends.” He shrugs. “I better get back before I get into trouble. Catch you later. I’m on my break in half an hour.” He smiles at both of us and saunters back to the counter as though he doesn’t have a care in the world. If someone told me I was operating in a parallel universe I would totally believe them.
I pick up my drink, give a couple of long sucks on the straw until it’s finished and place the cup back on the table. So much for enjoying my frappuccino, it tastes more like cold porridge.
“Shall we go then?” I ask Guy who’s being a bit too quiet for comfort. He frowns.
“Don’t you want to wait for Ryan? Talk about old times.” He folds his arms and leans back in his chair.
You know what. I think he’s jealous. Who’d have believed it? Well he has nothing to worry about. Ryan and I are history. As in long gone. As in finito. As in—Oh no.. How could I be such an idiot for not thinking this sooner? What if Ryan says something to Guy about us doing it? Shit. I feel sick.
“No. Let’s just go.” I grab my bag from under the chair and stand up. Stupidly I glance across at the counter and see Ryan staring at me. My heart does a quadruple somersault. I immediately avert my gaze and look straight ahead, not breaking my stare until I’m outside on the sidewalk. I have no idea whether or not Guy is behind me until I feel his hand tap me on the shoulder.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” I snap. “I just didn’t want to stay, that’s all. I have to get home because it’s late.” I make a show of looking at my watch, and shaking my head. On my present performance if I entered Nerd Olympics I could well be in the running for a medal.
“Sure,” he says shrugging. We walk in silence to the car. All I can think about is: what’s Guy going to say if he finds out my whole life since moving here has been based on one big fat lie?
***
“Oh Maddie, it was awful. I’ve been in some sticky situations before but this has to be the worst ever ever ever. My entire life flashed before my eyes. Worse than drowning I reckon. I just wanted the ground to swallow me whole. It was so embarrassing I didn’t know what to do. And he just stood there staring at me as if—”
“Whoa, girl. Breathe.”
Breathe? That’s a laugh. It’s easy for her to say breathe when she’s not involved.
“I am, it’s just that—”
“Suzy,” she bellows in my ear before I have chance to finish. I hold the phone out in front of me and stare at it. She’s still coming over loud and clear, despite the distance between the phone and my ear. “Breathe. Do you hear me?” I nod my head. “I said, do you hear me?”
“Yes. Yes. I hear you. The whole world can hear you you’re shouting so much.” I sigh very loudly to make my point. “I’m breathing. Okay? But that’s not going to help me if Ryan decides to blurt out my secret to everyone is it?” I pace up and down the room, running my fingers through my hair, until they get stuck in a knot and I end up yanking out a handful and squealing in pain.
“And you think he’s likely to tell?”
“How the hell do I know? Why not? He’s got nothing to lose.”
“And nothing to gain.”
“Apart from getting me back for not contacting him. This is going to screw up my whole life I just know it.” I tear up and roughly wipe them away with the back of my hand. I’m not a cry baby so why they’ve decided to fall now I’ve no idea. Unless it’s a premonition of the bad things to come.
“Suzy, you need to think rationally. I remember him from camp. He’s a sweet guy. He won’t drop you in it. And anyway, he doesn’t know all about your lies.”
“Lie,” I correct. “Just the one. Even if it is like the hugest lie in the history of time.” Okay, so I’m not normally prone to melodrama (well, in my eyes I’m not. Maddie would probably disagree) but really this situation would lead even the most reserved person ever to over-the-top behavior.
“Well it is bigger than most, I have to agree with you there.”
“You don’t say.”
Maddie starts to giggle. “Sorry. It’s not funny. It’s just that why do these things happen to you all the time?”
She’s not wrong. I think I have a sign above my head saying ‘all trouble walk this way’.
“Yeah, but there’s trouble and there’s trouble. And if this lie gets out my life is ruined.” A sob escapes my lips. I sit on the end of my bed and lean forward, resting my arms on my knees.
“Oh, Suzy. Don’t cry. It’ll be okay. We just have to work out a plan.” The concern in Maddie’s voice gets me even more and I launch into a fully blown cry-attack.
“Sorry,” I say between sniffs. “Come on. Wow me with your failsafe plan.”
Chapter Eleven
“I didn’t say I had a plan,” Maddie says.
“Yes you did. I heard you. And now you’re telling me you don’t have one. So what is it? Do you or don’t you have a plan?”
“I don’t.”
“So what the hell am I to do then?” I ask through clenched teeth, anger and frustration replacing my tears.
“First you go to the side of your bed, pull out a tissue from the box on the bedside table, wipe your eyes and calm down.” What did I say about Maddie and her special powers? She’s never seen my bedroom yet she knows exactly how it’s laid out. She truly has an awesome gift.
“Have you done that?” She adds a few seconds later.
�
��Yes.” I screw up the tissue and throw it in the direction of my rubbish bin. It goes in. Yay. That is definitely a sign. “I wish you could be here to help me. Especially as you know Ryan.”
“Well I can’t.”
“I’ll give you my signed photo of Justin.” We both love Justin Bieber more than life itself since seeing him in concert. She was soooo jealous when I got a photo of him at a book promotion.
“You don’t mean that.”
“I do. Honest. You can have it if you fly over here.”
“Suzy even if I had time, which I don’t, how would I pay for the flight? And my Mom wouldn’t let me. You know that. Come on pull yourself together. You have to sort this out yourself. I’ll guide you from afar.”
“I suppose you’re right.” I feel really awful. I’ve blown everything.
“Okay. Get some paper and pen from your desk.”
I drag my feet over to my desk and do as she says. “Now what?”
“Sit down and we’ll start to think of different things you can do to make sure Ryan doesn’t say anything. We’ll write a list.”
Ah now I get it. Maddie is big on lists. Which I find totally weird. Lists are a thing parents do. But her room is covered with them. Sometimes you can’t see yourself in her mirror there are so many post-its up there. I think she’s bordering on obsessive compulsive. I saw a docu on it a while back and she certainly has a lot of the tendencies. I haven’t the heart to say anything about it to her. And she might grow out of it when she’s older. Anyway, as usual, I’m digressing and that’s not helping.
“You start,” I say, firmly. “My mind’s a total blank.”
“Kill him.”
“What?”
“Kill him. That would stop him telling everyone.”
“Ha ha. That would stop him doing anything ever again. Don’t you think it’s a bit drastic?”
“Yeah, well you know what my mother says. Desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Just as I’m beginning to think Maddie’s serious a loud belly laugh storms down the phone.
“If you tell me you believed me,” Maddie continues, “I’ll kill you too.”