by Hadley Quinn
“Are you talking about me in the last few weeks or me back in high school?” I scoffed. “Because I’m confused. We’ve barely reconnected for me to totally take over your life, and we were kids ten years ago, Josh. I hardly remember being controlling when it came to you and me—”
“I’m not talking about you,” he shook his head. His eyes met mine as the corner of his mouth slowly curved downward into a frown. “Well, not directly, at least.”
“Then, what do you mean?”
The waitress delivered my coffee and then removed our plates. When she disappeared, Josh adjusted in his seat, visibly uncomfortable.
“I’m just gonna talk,” he said, “and however things come out is how they come out.” He waited for a few seconds. “When we ventured different directions, it wasn’t exactly what I wanted, Jo. When you used the ‘let’s be friends’ line on me, it took me a while to get over the fact that you didn’t feel the same way that I felt for you. Maybe you didn’t want a long-distance relationship, so I tried not to hold it against you, but it was hard for me to get past.
“I couldn’t stop thinking about you, wishing you were there with me. I had a rough time keeping up with schoolwork and football, and I just wanted those times with you back. Maybe I took you for granted in high school—hell, I’m sure I did; I was a stupid ass kid—but it was the last time I really felt comfortable with someone. Trusting. I missed that.”
Shocked, I could only stare at him in response. I had no idea he wanted to stay together. And I didn’t remember using the “let’s be friends” line, but maybe I did or maybe he took it that way.
“When I heard you were dating other people, I knew I’d missed my window. There’d been this girl at USC,” he admitted, his face glowering like he wanted to gag. “She’d been trying to date me all year. I kept turning her down, saying I had a girlfriend back home. I know, I know,” he added upon seeing me raise my eyebrows. “In my head, it felt justified. But when I heard you were dating someone new, I finally gave in to her and…that’s when my life went downhill.”
I already hated her. Whatever she’d done to my sweet and thoughtful Josh was unforgiveable. But I kept my opinions to myself because he was talking and sharing, and I wanted to hear more.
“I made some pretty stupid choices back then, and I let her affect my life in ways I can’t undo,” he said. “She manipulated and lied, and I was so caught up in all of it, I lost focus in school and on the field. My sophomore season was so fucking horrible and my grades dropped so bad, my scholarship didn’t get renewed for the next year.”
I was speechless. Josh had always been a good student. That bitch must have really messed him up because I couldn’t see him ever giving up on school. He’d been so determined to meet his career goals in physical therapy if he didn’t make it to the NFL.
“So, you dropped out and…and then what?” I asked. “What have you been doing for the past eight years?”
“Well, like I said, I didn’t graduate from USC. But I took my credits and transferred to Cal State Sacramento.”
I exhaled a sigh of relief. “So you did get your Bachelor’s degree in physical therapy?”
He slowly shook his head. “Mm, sort of.”
My heart dropped. “Oh.” I surely hoped some other bitch didn’t get her hooks into him.
“Actually…Bachelor of Kinesiology, but also my Masters of Science.”
My mouth dropped open. “You have your masters’ degree? Wow, Josh, that’s awesome. I’m so proud of you. And I don’t even know what kinesi-whatever is, but that’s awesome, too.”
He smiled for the first time in a while, and I was also genuinely pleased. I’d been very disheartened for him not graduating from USC, but to hear he succeeded anyway made me extremely happy.
“I almost thought you were going to say some other bitch became a thorn in your side.”
He lightly laughed, but sarcastically. “Oh no, never. I learned my lesson. Maybe a little too much. I completely gave up any social aspects of life. Didn’t date, didn’t get involved with anyone serious ever again. Focused on school and work, that’s it.”
My thoughts went straight to the couch that one lovely, vibrational night. “You haven’t, um…?” I could feel my cheeks blushing. “Because I wouldn’t say you’ve given up sex. That’s kind of obvious.”
He smiled again but turned solemn almost as fast. “No, not exactly. Just choose not to be emotionally invested.”
Oh, so he liked one-night stands. Which explained his habits of disappearing on me after we’d fooled around. But it didn’t explain why he’d never actually had full-on intercourse with me.
I kinda wanted answers.
“Look,” he sighed. “I told you I’m a different person. A lot has happened in the past decade.”
I shrugged, trying not to feel affected. “Well gee, you go to college and give up your V-card to a girl who screwed you over royally. Did that just set off your pecker to keep pecking?”
He stared at me for several seconds, seeming confused. “Well, first of all…I gave up my V-card when I was seventeen, Jo.”
I blinked with confusion. It was a lot to process because I actually thought we were both virgins when we dated. I didn’t know why it was so odd to now realize he wasn’t.
“Wow, this is news to me,” I confessed. “I, uh...”
“Yeah, I don’t think that it really came up, Jolie. You and I really weren’t that, um, sexual. You know?”
“I always thought you weren’t because you were scared to be,” I blurted out. “Considering we were both, like, good kids and stuff and…oh, wow, I don’t know what I’m saying.”
He gave me a polite smile. “I get it, Jo. And to be honest, I truly was scared when it came to you. Because I liked you so much.”
Again, I stared at him for too long. “Really?”
“Mmhmm. I didn’t want to fuck anything up with you. Because of what happened before you. Remember Megan?”
I nodded. Yes, I knew she’d been his girlfriend the summer before our senior year, but then she moved to San Diego.
“Yeah, I was stupid, had sex with her before she moved away. Never saw her again. It was…a waste. Maybe that sounds dumb, but I always regretted it. I was a stupid kid, didn’t know jack shit, we did it, that was that, and then life went on again. And when you and I got together, I liked you more than anyone I’d ever gone out with. Didn’t want to ruin anything. Especially because I knew you were a virgin,” he added, somewhat reverently.
It seemed like so many guys in high school were intent on popping cherries; not many were committed to preserving them. Josh really had been considerate with me. I didn’t have any complaints about him ever pressuring me.
“But I guess these days you don’t really care to be modest with me,” I couldn’t help but say.
It just came out that way, and the light in his eyes dimmed. He pulled out his wallet and placed two twenties with the bill and stood.
“I need to get to work and you should get some sleep,” he said.
I followed him out the exit. “Fine, but you’re just going to avoid the question?”
“Oh, was there a question? ‘Cause all I heard was an accusation.”
I tried to pass him for the truck so he couldn’t open the door for me, but his long arm reached it before I could. I paused, but resignedly climbed in with a huff.
After Josh slid in, he said, “You know, we’re both adults. You were married for how many years? Eight? I hardly expect you to cringe at the idea of sex. And from the fucking way you kissed me…Yeah, tell me it was just one-sided.”
I swallowed but sat in silence as he drove. He was right. If he felt even half of what I felt when he kissed me, then I was guilty as charged. There was intense passion between us, no doubt.
But that wasn’t my issue.
When he pulled into his driveway and killed the engine, I remained in the truck. My eyes drifted from his arms, across his chest, and then rested on his f
ace. He was watching me too, his eyes tracing my face and my lips. The desire to kiss him had already built and was surging to unleash on him. God, what I wouldn’t give to straddle him and kiss his damn face off.
I really needed to chill out.
I cleared my throat and spoke softly when I said, “It wasn’t one-sided, and it’s nothing I regret. It’s how you treated me afterwards. And that still hurts.”
I waited for him to respond, but all he did was nod and step out of the truck. Before he shut the door, he placed his arm on the doorframe and studied me. He was picture perfect in that moment, every aspect of his nature was just absolutely gorgeous. Whatever this draw was to him, I’d never found someone so appealing in my entire adult life.
“Well, Jolie, let me know if you forgive me because remember—I said I was sorry. And when you’re ready for me to make that sweet pussy purr again, just say the word.”
He winked at me and shut the door before walking to the house.
~15~
To say my mom was disappointed I wasn’t going to stay with them was an understatement. She practically begged me to reconsider. All I’d told her was I’d be staying with a friend to be closer to work.
She assumed I meant Anna, and I didn’t correct her.
For the rest of the week, I returned to my regular, uneventful life. I hadn’t seen Josh since the day he dropped me off at his house. Honestly, I didn’t know what to think of that. His last words were devilish and meant to have an effect on me.
I’ll admit…they did.
Even though he’d apologized for making me feel like shit, I really felt he needed to do more. Plus, what if he thought he could just mess around with me and expect to apologize for acting like an asshole every time? I didn’t want to be treated like a piece of meat, but hell, I was the one who’d been getting the benefits from our sexual engagements. What did he even get from them? What did he want?
What did I want?
Hmm. I had to think about that as I thundered down the steps Sunday afternoon, heading for one of my brother’s games. While fumbling for my car keys, I almost ran right smack into Josh when I came around the garage.
“Oh, shit!” I exclaimed. “Sorry, um…”
I’d dropped my purse, but he bent down to pick it up before I did, never letting his eyes leave mine. I had flashbacks to the first time I saw him a few weeks ago, outside the coffee shop. That had been such a shock after all the years apart. Now, it was more like a jolt each time.
A jolt of stupid giddiness.
“There I go, dropping things for you again,” I joked nervously, thinking about the coffee he’d had to pick up the first time I’d crashed into him.
His mouth slowly curled into a smile. “I’d prefer it were your panties, but I’ll be patient.”
My heart. Fucking traitor, it started thumping its approval.
Shut up, stupid heart. You have no say here! You’re being controlled by hormones, you mindless organ!
“Mmhmm.” I nodded, keeping a straight face. “Don’t you wish.”
“I do, I do. Or I can drop them for you again. I’m not picky.”
I acted like I didn’t care and headed for my car parked on the street. Again, I fished around my purse for keys, coming up empty. Considering there wasn’t a lot of space for them to get lost, I assumed I left them up in the apartment.
I groaned to myself and headed back, slowing when I realized Josh had been watching me the entire time.
He pointed to his truck. “We’re probably going to the same game? Hop in, we can go together. Or…you can ride with me and pretend I’m not there.”
If I could avoid driving somewhere by myself, I was okay with that idea. But I knew, without a doubt, I couldn’t pretend he wasn’t there. Even if I hadn’t run into him, I would have been looking for Josh at Drew’s game.
“Well, I was leaving a bit early so I could grab something to eat—”
“Perfect, same here.” He opened the passenger’s door and waited.
Because of the salacious smile on his face, I felt like I was being lured to dinner…and I was the dinner. I almost laughed at the thought but knew to keep my imaginations to myself. Otherwise, I’d only be encouraging him.
Instead, I agreed to the ride by getting in.
Besides approving of his choice for food, I didn’t say much. I held the takeout on my lap because his truck was too clean to eat in, but halfway to Berkeley, he asked why I wasn’t eating.
“You probably have the cleanest vehicle I’ve ever been in. There’s no way you’d want me to eat in here.”
“I don’t mind, go ahead.”
I glanced at him briefly. He seemed serious, but I still didn’t want to eat in his truck.
When he pulled into what I thought was staff parking near the field, I cast him a curious look.
“Hey, I’m a hired professional. So look, I’m gonna head into batting practice for a bit but save me a seat on the bleachers when you’re done eating, okay?”
On the bleachers? He wasn’t going to be a loner at the fence again?
“Don’t forget my keys, JoJo, or there will be consequences.” He smiled suggestively before grabbing his container of Thai and shutting the door.
I sat in frozen silence as I watched him walk toward the field. My eyes drifted to his ass, and I wasn’t even ashamed.
It kind of felt like a date. Not really, but kind of. I was sitting in a vehicle enjoying a delicious lunch by myself, but a man had bought it for me and brought me to a baseball game.
Minor details didn’t matter.
Josh used to drive a little SR5 in high school. Thinking back, it was always clean inside. His truck now was quite a step up from the one back then. It was obvious he was doing well for himself. I didn’t even know where he worked or what he did exactly. Maybe I was an ass for not asking more about his job. I guess I’d been too focused on anything else that pertained to just me.
Selfish. I know.
I couldn’t finish my food, and since I didn’t want to leave the smell in his truck, I packed it up and threw it in a nearby trash can before finding a spot on the bleachers. The home team was finishing their fielding warmup just as Josh sat down next to me.
He held out his hand on my thigh, and I just stared at it. Did he really want me to hold his hand? Here? Now?
“My keys?” he asked when I stared at him like an idiot.
I smacked my hand against my forehead. Ultimate idiot. “Shit,” I hissed, hopping up from the bench.
He grabbed my wrist and yanked me down. “Calm down, Tigger. I got it.”
He left before I could fix my mistake. I couldn’t believe I forgot his damn keys in the truck!
When Josh returned, he only sat down beside me and observed as the first batter stepped up to the plate. I mumbled another apology, expecting he’d just shrug it off or say it wasn’t a big deal. Instead, he slid his arm around me, kissed the top of my head, and replied, “I’ll let you make it up to me later. Remember? Consequences.”
I may have grunted to seem hostile, but I felt anything but that. What was it about this guy who could turn any conversation to his advantage?
He removed his arm from me and leaned his elbows onto his knees. His attentiveness to the game was intriguing. I may have stared at him out of the corner of my eye more than I actually watched the game.
I couldn’t help it.
We spent thirty minutes viewing in silence, and it wasn’t until the sixth batter in the second inning that Josh finally made a “hmpf” sound.
Curious, I studied our batter more carefully. “Wh-why is my brother batting?” I stammered.
Josh turned his head to peer at me. “You haven’t even realized he’s been playing third base, have you?”
What? For real? I was the worst sister and sports spectator ever! Since when had I become so oblivious to basic matters pertaining to my brother and the game?
Since Josh had parked his ass right next to me.
We
ll, it was true. I’d been more focused on his movements and sounds than I’d been on the game. He made me nervous and electrified all in the same breath.
Saying nothing was probably the better response, but when Drew hit the ball on the second pitch and it dropped into shallow left-center, I couldn’t contain my excitement. I honestly did not remember the last time I’d seen my brother bat in a game, and even though I cheered for him on the mound, this was something new.
And he scored an RBI.
“Thatta kid.” Josh clapped, nodding his head. “Way to execute.”
My eyes were attracted to his hands that were celebrating my brother’s performance. I didn’t know what it was about those hands that spiraled carnal elation through my insides.
“Hey, whatya say, huh?” Josh asked, his fingers briefly squeezing my knee. “He did everything asked of him. I think this’ll be the start to every day play for the kid.” He directed his focus on my face. “Why do you look so dismayed, JoJo?”
Dismayed. He thought I was dismayed?
I choked back inappropriate thoughts of his hand sliding up my thigh and tried to relax whatever vibe I was giving off. “I’m just surprised to see my brother on the bases. Just trying to process, that’s all.” It wasn’t a lie. Seeing Drew bat in a college game was unusual. “So, um, is that what’s been going on? You’ve been working to convert him from the mound?”
Josh turned his attention to the game as the next batter approached the box but answered me. “Drew used to play shortstop and third base in high school. Right?”
“Yes. But his senior year, they lost a couple of pitchers to injuries. Drew stepped in and did a phenomenal job.”
“Yes, he did. I studied his stats. Recruiters came to see him play, knowing he’d previously been an infielder. He was told he had a better chance making a college team as a pitcher than he did as an infielder. It’s not uncommon—definitely more part-time positions to fill.”
“Yeah, I remember him saying that. But he loves pitching. So…?”