But with Lindy…it’s different. I can tell she’s inexperienced. The thought of that Ryan guy having his hands on her sends me into a jealous frenzy. She should discover what pleasures her sensually. Tenderly. Maddeningly slowly. With me.
Lindy’s way too good for a guy to stick his dick in to get himself off. I don’t mind being hard for her and not being able to do anything about it just yet. In fact, I like it. It’s the strangest thing I’ve ever experienced.
There’s a balance to us. She likes and accepts me exactly as I am. Not because I’m an NHL player, or because I’m rich. She’s fiercely loyal in her own shy way. And I like and accept her just as she is, too. I like Lindy for her heart and her mind. And falling for those parts of her first has made me want her body like I’ve never wanted any woman’s before.
Trying to keep myself busy, I’ve cleaned and organized all my kitchen drawers, which weren’t that messy to begin with, and it’s only mid-afternoon. Fuck.
I separate my laundry into dark and whites, start the first load, and then order groceries online. I look down at my lap after I hit the send button for the supermarket and shake my head. Ridiculous. I’m like a horny teenager today, unable to keep my dick from standing at attention.
What’s a guy with a massive, stubborn boner to do? I get in the shower and jerk off again, this time fantasizing that Lindy will show up any moment and ask me to undress her, her cheeks stained a bright shade of pink the entire time.
I’ve never been with a shy, inexperienced woman. Never thought I’d want to. But holy shit, do I want to. With the hot spray of water pelting my back, I come with a deep, satisfied groan.
Now that my head’s a little clearer, I realize Lindy might think I’ve given her mixed signals. I definitely have. I cringe as I recall telling her I just wanted to be friends. It seemed like the right thing to do at the time. Then I cringe harder as I think about her going out on a date with another man.
I text her.
Me: I meant what I said yesterday. I asked you to come over and talk because I want to date you. I hope I’m not too late.
I look at the screen for a few minutes, hoping she’ll respond. Nothing, though. I don’t like the way this feels. We all face rejection, but I’ve been let down hard by the people in my life who really mattered.
I’m a twenty-eight year-old man, who looks like he has it all together. But I’m the guy who relies on teammates and their wives for a place to have Thanksgiving dinner and celebrate Christmas every year. I’ve got enough money to buy almost anything I want, but the thing I desire above all else isn’t for sale.
Unconditional love. I’ve never had it. I thought I didn’t care, until that night Lindy looked at me with those warm whiskey-colored eyes in the darkened arena. I was down on my luck—a falling star. But in her eyes, I felt like more. So much more.
When I get a text back from her, my shoulders sag with relief.
Lindy: I just felt like I should explain to Ryan, it’s not a real date. Do you want me to come over when I’m done?
My single note of laughter is filled with relief. Do I want her to come over?
Me: Yes. Come over as soon as you can.
My pulse races, a mixture of excitement and fear. For the first time in my life, I’m ready to go all in. I didn’t even see Lindy coming, but now I’ve got a shot at what Jonah and Lily had.
It feels good, but there’s still a worry in the back of my mind that my darkest truth will scare her away. I’ve never even considered telling a woman about it. But all-in means all-in. Now that I see what that could feel like, I’m not settling for less with Lindy.
I just hope that shine doesn’t fade from her eyes when she finds out where I really come from.
Chapter Nineteen
Lindy
Taking a deep breath, I press the button in the lobby of Victor’s building to let him know I’m here. There’s a camera that shows him who’s ringing—I couldn’t believe it the first time I was invited to Victor’s apartment. This place is fancier than any building I’ve been in before.
I take the elevator up to his floor then, my heart racing with anticipation.
Victor wants to date me. I thought all the chemistry I was sensing was my own feelings for him; never did I think he’d actually want me back. He solidified that theory when he told me he only wanted to be friends.
But something’s different now—I could feel it in the car ride back to my house after Lily’s funeral. It’s funny, because this is a dream come true for me, but I also worry that the dream could slip through my fingers at any moment, and leave me brokenhearted.
The elevator doors open onto Victor’s floor, and I clutch my quilted handbag as I walk to his door and knock. When he opens the door, he stares for a couple seconds, his gaze different than I’ve ever seen it. It’s intense and almost…hungry.
“Hi,” I say softly, my cheeks heating just from the way he’s looking at me.
He reaches for my waist and pulls me inside the apartment and into his arms. I inhale sharply, his strength taking me by surprise. It was so smooth—one second I was standing there, the next I was in his arms, my handbag on the floor.
His mouth descends on mine then, his lips warm as he brushes them back and forth over my own. Our bodies are melded together, his arms holding me tightly. I’m breathless as his tongue brushes across mine, my heart on the edge of bursting like a thousand fireworks at once.
If he wasn’t holding on to me, I’d melt all over the floor right now. When he pulls back slightly, I take a deep breath and smile up at him.
“So that’s kissing,” I say softly. “I get it now.”
“You’ve never been kissed?” He eyes widen in disbelief.
“Well, not until a few seconds ago.”
“Oh, Lindy…”
He retrieves my handbag from the hallway and places it on a small table to the side of his front door. He scoots us out of the way and then gives the door a kick to close it.
“I’m not…experienced,” I say, putting a palm on his chest. “Oh my God, that’s hard.” I press my fingertips into his firm pecs. “Is it always this hard, or are you flexing?”
Victor grins. “I’m not flexing.”
“Well, wow. Well done.” I clear my throat. “Anyway, I don’t date or kiss or…anything. If my date with Ryan was what made you interested in me like this—”
“No. I guess that brought things into focus for me, but you made me interested in you like this, Lindy. Nothing else.”
“Me?”
He shakes his head, a smile playing on his lips. “Yeah, you. You’re sweet, humble, funny, pretty and when I’m with you, I’m really fucking happy. I can just be myself.”
“Wow…I don’t know what to say.”
Victor’s expression turns serious. “Say you’re not going out with Lyin’ Ryan again.”
I laugh at the nickname he apparently assigned Ryan. “What makes you think he’s a liar?”
“I don’t like him, okay? I’ll treat you better than he would. I’ll treat you better than any other guy would.”
My insides are officially mush.
“Well, Ryan did say the chili dogs at his uncle’s restaurant are the best in Chicago, and they weren’t, so…that’s kind of a lie,” I concede.
“Worst kind of lie you can tell in this city.” Victor gives me a disapproving look. “Just tell me you aren’t going out with him again.”
“I just met up with him and told him it’s not going to work out and that I wish him the best.”
Victor tightens his hold on me and lowers his mouth to mine for another kiss. This one is softer, sweeter. It has the same affect on my pulse, though, sending it into overdrive. When he pulls away, I immediately miss his warmth and the brush of his stubble over my lips.
“I guess we should sit down and talk,” he says with a sigh. “Though there are lots of other things I’d rather do.”
Oh God. He wants to bang. Screw. Fuck. Get it on ‘til the b
reak of dawn. Whatever you want to call it, I’ve never done it.
“I’m a virgin,” I blurt.
He smiles as he sits down on the leather sofa. “I figured.” He pats the seat next to him. “And I didn’t mean sex when I said I wanted to do other things. We’re not there yet.”
“Oh.” I relax slightly. “I’m not good at other things, either, though. Just so you know.”
“It doesn’t matter.” He pats the couch again. “Come sit with me.”
I do, still floored by what’s happened since I got here five minutes ago. I had a poster of Victor hanging on my bedroom wall until I finally accepted that I’m too old for that and took it down four years ago, when he was traded to the Blaze.
Okay, it was three years ago.
And now, the guy from the poster is sitting next to me, or I’m sitting next to him. He’s wearing athletic shorts and a Blaze t-shirt, his muscular, hairy legs practically begging me to touch them. That smile from the poster where Victor was posing on the ice, stick in hand? It’s aimed at me right now. Only me.
“There’s a lot you don’t know about me,” he says, his expression sober. “And I’m not planning to spill my guts to you for the next hour, but before we go any further, there’s something you need to know.”
“Okay.”
He sighs heavily. “I don’t have any family to speak of. My dad split before I was old enough to remember him. My mom’s still around, but…”
I reach over and take his hand in mine. There’s something so raw and vulnerable about his voice right now that I just want to comfort him.
“She’s not someone I’ll ever want you to meet, I’ll just say that,” he continues. “She left me to fend for myself when I was a kid. I walked everywhere and bummed a lot of my meals off teammates’ parents. When I got leukemia, I had to take the bus to chemo by myself, trashcan in hand in case I had to puke. I can remember the exhaustion on the walk home from the bus—I’d have to stop and sit down so many times just to make it home.”
My heart breaks for the little boy he was. I’ve read that he survived pediatric cancer, and I admired him for that, but I didn’t get it until right now. He survived it alone. A little boy.
“It wasn’t because she was working to take care of me.” He shakes his head, his tone bitter. “She had the occasional job, but mostly she didn’t work. She just whored herself out to men for drugs and booze.”
“God, Victor. I’m so sorry.”
He looks away. “I’m not telling you because I want pity. I’ve never told anyone any of this. Honestly, I thought I’d moved past all of it. But recently I’ve realized…I haven’t. I’ve never had a relationship with a woman who was nice. I’ve always gone after women who felt beyond my reach. Famous ones, usually. I guess I wanted to prove to myself somehow that I was worthy.”
I squeeze his hand. “You’re an amazing person. Please know that.”
He looks up and smiles at me. “No, you’re an amazing person. I’m not a bad guy or anything, but I’ve never been around someone like you. You see the good in everyone and everything. You laugh at yourself. You’re happy.”
“I try to be.”
Bringing my hand up to his mouth, he kisses my knuckles. “I’ve never done the relationship thing right. I was a dumbass for telling you I only wanted to be friends. I was worried I’d hurt you if we were more.” He finds my eyes and steadily holds my gaze. “I’m not anymore, though. I want to be the man you deserve, Lindy.”
I blink, and tears fall down my cheeks. I’m emotionally overwhelmed. Everything in me wishes I could hug the little boy Victor was. He’s hurting from his past, and wants something better for his future. Can I be that something better for him?
I want to. God, do I want to. But I’ve never been in a relationship. I don’t know how to navigate these types of things and more importantly, I’m not sure we’d last.
“Any woman would be incredibly lucky to have you, Victor.” I bring his hand to my lips, and this time I kiss his knuckles. “You can’t be with me just because I see how amazing you are. There are lots of women out there who will see it, too. Nice women, who will also blow you away with their looks and accomplishments.”
He knits his brows together. “I want to be with you, Lindy. You blow me away.”
“When you’re on the road, and women are throwing themselves at you, do you really think you’d want to stay true to the Concessions worker back home?”
He scowls. “You’re not just a Concessions worker. You’re Lindy. And yes.”
“Really?” There’s genuine surprise in my tone.
“I’m not looking for a quick fuck. I want the real deal. With you.” He puts a hand on my knee. “Let me take you out on a date.”
Victor has always been larger than life to me. There’s a part of me, even now, that expects someone to jump out with a hidden camera and tell me I’m on Punk’d. He’s the only man in the world who has the power to crush me, and he’s practically begging me for a date.
“I’m scared,” I admit.
“Me too.”
I melt yet again. Risky or not, I don’t think I’m capable of turning him down.
“So for now, a date,” I say cautiously. “And then we’ll see what happens.”
He grins. “I’ll take that. And can we not date anyone else, too?”
I can’t help but laugh at his question. “Well, I’ll have a very long list of suitors to let down.”
He turns serious. “Lindy, the only men in this world who aren’t crazy about you are the ones who don’t know you. I was just goddamned lucky to be the first.”
I break into a huge smile. “Thank you.”
He leans in and brushes a gentle kiss over my lips, sending a ripple of goosebumps across my skin. He cups my cheek, about to kiss me again, when I stop him.
“You have to promise me complete honesty,” I say.
“Of course. I promise.”
“I mean about me. Like if I’m bad at kissing and…you know.”
He draws back a bit, brows lowered in question. “No, I don’t know.”
I flush. “The stuff that comes after kissing?”
His brows drop even lower. “There’s stuff after kissing? You’ll have to tell me what all that is.”
I realize he’s toying with me and give him a gentle shove. “Victor, that’s not nice.”
He laughs and puts an arm around me, pulling me close. “What’s not nice?”
“Teasing me. Embarrassing me.”
He kisses the top of my head. “I can’t help it, you’re cute when you blush.”
I roll my eyes. “Unfortunately, that’s about sixty percent of the time.”
He hums a note of disapproval. “And unfortunately for me, I get hard every time I see you do it.”
I go hot all over. “When you see me blush?”
“Mm-hm. Like right now…very hard.”
“Oh.”
I’ve never even imagined that I, Belinda Boring, could give a man an erection. Unless I took extensive courses in giving blowjobs, I mean.
“Relax,” Victor says lightly. “I’m just gonna have to live with it for now, because no clothes are coming off tonight. Let’s just order some food and watch a movie.”
And we do. We watch the original Halloween and eat pizza while snuggled up on his couch. There’s kissing and teasing and even though our low-key night in is probably not a huge deal to Victor, it’s the best night of my life.
And that’s a sobering reminder of how hard the fall will hurt if this doesn’t work out.
Chapter Twenty
Victor
Knox holds up one of his skates, scowling.
“What the hell is this? My skates haven’t been sharp all week. Is Larry hitting the bottle again?”
“Larry’s been sober for more than ten years, asshole,” I say, looking up at him as I lace up my own skates. “He’s off on maternity leave.”
“Maternity leave?” Knox scoffs. “Does Larry ha
ve a uterus I never knew about?”
“Fine then, paternity leave. His wife just had twins.”
Knox rolls his eyes. “Bullshit. Once he saw her push ‘em out, he should’ve come back to work. His assistant equipment manager is a dipshit.”
Trace, said assistant equipment manager, glances over at us from a few feet away.
“Don’t mind Knox,” I say, standing up. “He’s an asshole.”
“Want me to sharpen your skates?” Trace asks Knox.
“There’s no time now. I’ve got shit to do.”
“I can do it fast,” Trace offers.
“Forget it,” Knox clips. “If I play like shit tonight, it’s your fault.”
Trace, who’s fresh out of college, gives Knox a horrified look. Our burly enforcer can scare the piss out of people without even trying.
Things are a little chaotic for the team tonight in the Nashville visitors’ locker room. Anton can’t find a stick to replace the one that he found broken when we got here—another thing Larry normally handles, and Rhett’s feeling the pressure as our new starting goaltender. Nashville has a solid offense, and they also have one of the best enforcers in the league in Nero Landry.
That’s what Knox is really uptight about, not his skates. I’ve been his teammate long enough to know he sweats going up against just one enforcer in the league, and it’s Nero.
Nero’s no fucking joke. He delivered the blow that ended a forward’s career last year, leaving him with a significant brain injury. Knox is a badass in his own right, but if there’s anyone capable of knocking the shit out of him, it’s Nero.
I notice the tension, but I’m untouched by it. I’m on top of the world after spending the evening with Lindy yesterday. Kissing her was like drinking an ice-cold bottle of water after a walk through the desert. I couldn’t get enough. Before, when I got a taste of a woman and wanted more, I could satisfy myself with any of them. But I only want Lindy now, which feels both frustrating and amazing.
What I told her about my mom was only scratching the surface about my past, but I couldn’t bring myself to tell her everything. I want to take her on a real date first, and give her a chance to see what it could be like for us.
Victor: A Chicago Blaze Hockey Romance Page 11