I turned to walk away, but he stopped me.
“We are all taking Wednesday through Friday off this week because of the dental convention. Were you planning on going with us?”
I turned to him, stunned. I had been missing all week at lunch time and had completely forgotten. They had been talking about this trip since I started. It was Disneyland and the convention; they were planning both.
“No, I won’t be going.”
He looked at me with disappointment all over his face. “I guess tomorrow’s your last day.”
I turned left after that. My boss was such a kind and gentle man, and I had just told him I was leaving with one day’s notice. I hated myself. The feeling made my heart hurt, my stomach turn.
I finished my day, the same way I started, in a blur. I didn’t even remember lunch. I sat in my car, not sure where to go. I headed for Jason’s house, but when I got there, he was nowhere to be found. I was overwhelmed with sadness, and I felt the need to curl into a ball and cry, but I didn’t. I focused on the wall, the wall of my bubble. I checked my cell, which I should have checked before leaving work, and I read the text from Jason.
Jason: Basketball after work then going to check on a pregnant horse.Call me. I miss u
I stared at the message for a long while, then drove to my apartment. Heather was there excited to see me. She talked about her trip and about Jared and about sex. I just listened and nodded like I always did. We watched television together and ate dinner, and I enjoyed it. Heather was such a great distraction. She was so animated and talkative, she never let me have time to think or dwell.
I left the room when I heard a knock on the door and went to my room. Heather mentioned our neighbor had been coming over lately and hanging out. She said that the girl was locked out the night I went to Jason’s so they stayed up together talking, drinking wine. I should have been jealous, but I was relieved that Heather had a replacement for me. She could be Heather's new BFF, but I was in no mood to paint a smile on and pretend she was mine. I heard my phone go off a couple times, but made no move to get it. Heather knocked on my door, walking in simultaneously. She saw me cleaning and picked up my phone, handing it to me. It stopped ringing and I shrugged. Then I jumped when it started ringing again.
“Hello,” I said in my plainest voice.
“Hey, princess, what are you doing?” His voice was soft and sexy. I sat on the edge of my bed not wanting to feel what I felt for this man.
“Nothing, what are you doing?”
“Well, the horse looks good, but it’s late, and I’ve been invited to dinner.”
I looked at the time. It was 7:30 p.m. “I think you should stay and visit. Jenny looks like a fun person.” I tried not to sound jealous, and I think I would have pulled it off if I hadn’t said her name. It was awkward, and he drew quiet.
“Are you sure? I hate that you’re alone.” I could hear guilt in his voice.
“No, I am not alone. I am at my apartment. Heather’s with me. I am looking at her right now. She handed me the phone, actually.” I smiled at Heather. She was watching me closely.
“So you’re OK?”
“Yes, I am fine. Don’t hurry. Take your time. I am going to stay here, tonight.”
He was silent after that, and I waited for him to talk first.
“Do you want me to come there when I am done here?”
“No, I will see you tomorrow for sure.” I was cold and aloof. He was quiet again.
“Tomorrow then.”
I couldn’t even bring myself to say anything after that. I just hung up.
Heather sat on my bed watching me. She didn’t ask me anything, just sat there.
“You’re leaving again, aren’t you?” She looked away. “I thought he would make you stop running. He told me he really cared about you. I believed him.” She started to sob, and I put my head on her shoulder.
“You could come with me.” I hated to hear her cry.
“Not this time. I have a job I love. I am just sad. I never thought I would have to say good-bye to you…ever.” She leaned her head on mine, but didn’t ask me any questions, didn’t beg me to stay. She got up to leave.
“I am going to tell Chelsea to go home. We can do girls night another time.” She wiped her eyes and took a deep breath before leaving. Chelsea must have been the name of our neighbor. I didn’t ask.
Heather slept with me that night and held my hand. The gesture made me cry myself to sleep.
In the morning I tiptoed out of the apartment. I wanted to sneak out before Heather came out of her bedroom. I didn’t want any more tears.
I went to the coffeehouse and had a muffin and a coffee. It was hot and bitter, but I needed energy. I was struggling. I fired up my laptop and sent an e-mail to Blake with all of Jason’s family’s addresses. I might have been a deserter, but I was a girl of my word. I sent another e-mail to Lorrie, a friend in hygiene school, to tell her about this wonderful job in California that started next week.
I arrived at work and mentally went over my schedule wanting today to go smoothly. When my work friends got there, they were all excited about the trip to Disneyland the following day. I pulled them away individually and told them I was leaving. Shannon was the most upset. While everyone else looked angry, Shannon asked what was wrong. She was so sweet it made me want to cry, but I didn’t. I told her there were things I had avoided at home that I needed to confront. She wrote down every number she had before she left for the day. Of all the days working there, today was by far the fastest. Everyone gave me hugs and wished me well, and I did the same.
I sat in my car debating on where to go. I felt lost and then pulled my phone out. There were no calls or texts, so I went to Jason’s house. He wasn’t there. I went inside and packed my things. I didn’t need them, but I doubted he wanted them. I took everything to my car, then because I was sick of nervously waiting, I made some cookies. I learned a week ago that control goes to the leaving person. The one who walks away or breaks up, they have all the control. The thing was, I didn’t want it. I didn’t want to picture him on the stairs curled in a ball crying. I didn’t want to be the cause of any pain. I sat down and tried to write a note, but I couldn’t think of anything to write. All I could come up with was “thank you.” I wrote it and laughed at those two words—the same words he’d said to me after our first time together, words that had made me so angry. I completely understood those words now. It’s amazing how much gratitude you can have for something and the only words that can express it are used so often for everything. I wanted him to know how much I have changed because of him, how much I can see and feel. I hoped those two words would help him understand how much I valued our time together.
I hung the note on the fridge.
To my favorite distraction,
Thank you
Chapter 22
Good-bye
After I finished baking and thoroughly cleaning I called Jason’s dad and asked him kindly for the address to the pregnant horse. He was reluctant, but gave it to me. I loaded up the cookies and waters and drove to the address. I was grateful Jackson had given me a brief on how to get there. It was seven-ish when I knocked on the front door. A man answered, about Jason’s age I guessed, and he let me in.
“Hi, I am looking for Jason.”
He didn’t say a word, just stepped aside and showed me to the dinner table. I saw three girls younger than me and what looked like their parents, all seated finishing their meal. They smiled when I walked in and I smiled in response.
I repeated myself, all of a sudden nervous. “I hate to interrupt. I am looking for Jason.”
The older man spoke first. “Jason’s with Jenny. They’re in the barn.”
“I brought some cookies for you…chocolate chip.”
The young girls smiled. They all looked like Jenny did, big doe eyes, shiny brown hair, their eyes sparkling.
“William will take you. He hasn’t greeted them yet.”
I smil
ed at William, who stood next to me still. He was studying me and I didn’t like it. I looked around the large house and saw crosses on the walls and a picture of Jesus hanging in the dining room. I knew these were probably good people.
“Whose horse is having the baby?” I glanced at the girls, remembering Jason say it was Jenny’s sister. I only saw blank faces.
Again the dad spoke up. “It was our daughter’s horse. She passed away.”
“I am very sorry for your loss.” I was extremely embarrassed and suddenly very hot and sweaty.
The older lady looked up. “It happened about nine years ago. The horse is not hers, just a relative of hers. This is actually the second generation of Jacy’s horse. She was a special girl, and she loved horses.”
When she said the name, my heart dropped into my stomach. That was Jason’s love, his J.
“I am very sorry again. I hope you enjoy the cookies.” I turned to leave, not finding anything left to say. William was close behind me when we left the house.
I barely managed the foot-in-front-of-foot pattern. It was like I had suddenly forgotten how to walk. My brain was racing to how Jason must be feeling being around his dead girlfriend’s family. I wondered briefly why he hadn’t said anything to me.
My thought was broken when I looked down and saw Bo running toward me. A smile broke across my face. “Hello, beautiful dog.” I bent down and scratched his back. Bo was wiggly and brushed up against me. I loved that dog. He walked with me right by my side. I looked out in the field and saw a light on in what looked like a barn. I could make out Jason’s Jeep mainly by size and shape. It was really dark and hard to see anything.
It was silent for a brief time, when William began talking. “You look like her. From the back, I mean.”
What the hell was he talking about?
“Jacy, I mean.”
I gave him a concerned look. I wondered if that was why he was staring at me. I remained quiet.
“So…that must have been awkward for you.”
He was right. That was completely awkward.
“Mainly because your grandfather killed Jacy.”
I stopped dead in my tracks. My nausea took over, and I knew if he said one more word about my grandfather I would vomit.
“How do you know that?” I spoke like the words were filled with venom. I started walking again, this time faster. I wanted him to leave me.
“Well, after Jacy died, your grandfather gave my parents a lot of money. He apologized, of course, made all these promises to turn over a new leaf and all that crap.”
I looked at him, stunned, and he continued.
“I can’t believe Jason didn’t tell you. We followed your grandfather that night after the fatal car crash. He went to your dance recital. Jason found your name on the recital’s program. He actually made it a point to go to all of your recitals. He told me his plan that night my sister died. It was to make you fall in love with him and then break your heart just like his was broken.”
I was in shock, my mouth dry. I wanted him to stop talking, but I couldn’t say anything. I couldn’t talk. We were approaching the barn, passing Jason’s very muddy Jeep.
“I talked to him about four months ago. He said he found you in a coffee shop. I told him your grandfather had passed, but I guess he wanted to prove a point.”
This guy was a complete asshole. I stopped just short of the barn. I avoided his topic and spoke in my sweetest voice.
“William, can you give me twenty minutes before you go in?”
He nodded. Before he left, I grabbed his arm.
“I am truly sorry for what happened to your sister. If I could have taken her place and it could have been me instead, I would have done it.”
He just stared at me, and I turned away, Bo at my side. It crossed my mind to walk away from this place, run in fact, but I promised I would say good-bye, and that was why I was here. I took a deep breath, trying to control my spinning stomach, and treaded slowly into the barn.
I saw Jason sitting shirtless, legs crossed in front of him, in the hay with Jenny. She was giggling at whatever he was saying and rubbing his upper arm, and he was letting her. They were just sitting and talking, the horse lying down next to them. I kept walking in. Jason saw me first, and I smiled even though I wanted to cry. I put on my game face. He stood up, and Jenny lost her balance at his fast movements.
“Hey, what are you doing here?” He walked over, and I saw Jenny’s face fall.
“I brought you some cookies.”
Jenny got up and walked over to us. She stood close by his side. It was weird. I handed her the bag of cookies because he wouldn’t take it.
“I thought maybe you were upset with me. You hung up yesterday.” He examined my face as my anger died and I began to memorize every tooth, every color of green in his worried eyes, his square jaw. “Katie?”
“I am sorry…I am OK, Jason. I just wanted to bring the cookies by, and now I’ll say good-bye. It looks like you’re busy, and I don’t know anything about horses. Plus, I am overdressed.” He looked down at his half naked body and then back at me.
Jenny broke off a cookie and ate it. She smiled at me and then handed Jason the other half. He took it and ate it. I couldn’t believe he was sharing a cookie with her in front of me. It dawned on me that this could have been his plan the whole time. Maybe she was his new J. He watched my face change forms. I was instantly unsettled and had to leave. My legs started to move, my feet shifting, walking slowly backward. I wanted so badly to look into those eyes and hate him, but I couldn’t. Again, this was my fault. I had let myself feel things for him, and now all I wanted to do was kick myself.
“Are you OK? Shit, Katie, I don’t like the look on your face.”
“I’m fine.” I took a bigger step back, and I heard Jenny say something. A rush of her family members crowded the barn, running over to the horse.
Jason looked at me, hesitant to go check on the horse. “Are you going home?” he said, trying to pull off a half smile. He looked tired and messy, but he was still the most handsome man I had ever seen. I crossed my arms over my chest and nodded. He stepped toward me, the shuffle behind him growing loud, but it didn’t seem to bother him. “You’re thinking. Please don’t.”
I stopped moving, and he stopped right in front of me. I felt his breath on my face. I could see his dark facial hair coming in around his lips and chin; I wanted to rub my fingers over it. His hair seemed longer, his bangs hanging at eye level. He shook his head to clear his view. His hair fell back and began to creep forward, and he looked irritated by it. I watched him and wanted so badly to be furious with him, or at least scared by the power he had over me, but I was only sad, heartbroken.
“Yes, Jason, I am going home.” I made the words leave my mouth.
Jason’s face broke into an immediate smile, and he leaned in to hug me. I savored his gentle hug running my hand up his arm. I didn’t have the heart to tell him it wasn’t his home I was returning to; it was mine, or used to be years ago. He seemed to have a spurt of adrenaline when he turned and quickly ran to the horse. Jenny threw him a surgical gown and he slipped it on quickly. Then he moved into action. I waited for a minute, and then made my escape. I passed William on the way to my car, embarrassed that I was even there.
“You’re not what I expected.”
I turned to look at him, surprised by his words, and then got back in the car and drove to my apartment.
It took me a lot longer than I thought to make it. I kept repeating, “Breathe…breathe,” as I drove. I hadn’t prayed in a long time, didn’t think God would hear my voice. No one else heard it. That changed when I got to my apartment. I prayed that Heather wouldn’t be there, that I would go home, and I would forget this day ever happened, and I would not cry.
I made one last call before I ditched the phone. “Hello, Gracey, this is Katarina. I am on my way to my parents’ house. I should be there first thing in the morning. If you can call Smith, I would like
him there too.” There was no way I was going to call Smith. I knew he was going to be one pissed off bodyguard. Before I ran he asked me to stay put, told me, and nobody went against Smith. He was a mean, grouchy, old, bodyguard and he took my grandfather’s wishes very seriously. That was a conversation I would avoid as long as possible.
“Of course, can I reach you at this number?” Gracey was the personal assistant assigned to me by my grandfather. She was always professional, and she was not fazed by my phone call.
“No, this is not my cell phone. There is no way to reach me until you see me in the morning.”
“I will take care of everything, Ms. Covington,” was all I heard before I hung up and entered my apartment.
I left a note for Heather, thanking her for everything she had done for me, and left the phone with an envelope filled with money. I also left the keys to the apartment and walked away. I started to run down the stairs. I was afraid she might see me leaving, might ask me to stay, and there was no way I could stay now for sure.
My heart racing, I pulled out onto the street, not looking back. It was time for me to return to the place I dreaded for years. Jared was the reason I left, my family was the reason I stayed away. I hoped that my father’s explosive temper toward me would vanish, and that he would be so relieved to see me. Either way Smith would be there to protect me. Tomorrow, I would be Katarina Covington, the only granddaughter of billionaire James Slater. Katie the hygienist would no longer exist.
Excerption
Mister Distraction
Prologue
“That was a great game. Too bad you were the big fat loser.” I was laughing as Dave’s hand went from a high five to giving me the middle finger in seconds. It was my senior year and we started meeting in the gym for a quick basketball game after school. Dave and I did this every day for the last week. Others would join us, before we separated and went to college. I looked at the time, 6:10, and then checked my phone on the way out. I’d missed three calls from Jacy. I groaned slightly. Dave laughed.
My Favorite Distraction (Distraction #1) Page 28