“I have a car waiting. I don’t want to set off the alarm.”
Dorsey walked into the mud room, pulled a panel open and punched in a long code. “It’s all deactivated for you, Miss.”
I thanked him. He reminded me of my father.
“Will you be joining Stephen for breakfast? There’s already coffee. I was about to make some hash browns, bacon and eggs.”
That sounded delicious especially since I had some of his cooking last night and knew he could throw down in a kitchen. I also needed coffee, but thought it better to pick it up in town. “No, sir. I have to go, but I appreciate dinner last night. I’ll assume you cooked.”
“I most certainly did. I cook all the meals around here.”
“I’m sure you do.” I smiled. I reached into the mud room for my coat. “Tell Stephen I’ll see him later today.”
“Yes, ma’am. You enjoy the reunion and if I don’t see you again, have a blessed Christmas holiday.”
“Thank you, Dorsey. Same to you.”
I pulled my coat on, grabbed my bags, and exited the house. I pushed the panel for the garage door. I used my cell to instruct the driver to come back with the vehicle. Another car trailed him. I assumed it was his ride out of this place. I signed the paperwork and loaded up the car. Just as I was about to get in, Stephen came flying around from the back of the house. Durned running back. I couldn’t outrun him.
“Hey, what you doing?”
“I’m leaving.”
“I can see that. You don’t want to have breakfast?”
“I need to go.”
Stephen nodded. “I have something for you. Give me a minute.” He put the bag of feed he’d been holding on the trunk of my car. I guess that was supposed to weigh me down and keep me from fleeing.
He entered the garage. I could see him reach into his car. He walked back to me holding a rectangular shaped purple box.
“What is this?”
“Just open it.” His breath was coming fast. I wasn’t sure if it was from the running or the excitement that shown in his eyes.
I opened the box and my own breath caught. My heart rate sped up again. This time it wasn’t because I was angry or even because he was too fine to be standing in my space. “I can’t believe you …” My words trailed off. I couldn’t even finish my statement. White roses. I bit my lip. He remembered more than the birthday.
Stephen reached into his pocket and pulled out a business card. “This is my cell. Keep it just in case you hit another tree or a deer or something.”
His joke cut through the intense moment and stopped the tears that were about to fall.
“I didn’t want to assume, but I hope you’re going where you should be going.”
“I think I am.”
“Good.” He nodded and hesitated before saying. “I’m sorry about last night.”
I raised my eyes from the beautiful flowers to his face. I was still marveling at his last act of kindness. “Sorry for what now?”
He continued, “I should have known that I needed to – I should have given you more time before I said I loved you like that”
I wanted to tell him that he couldn’t love me. But my heart wouldn’t let the words come out of my mouth. These flowers were love. They were kind. “You love the girl you knew. You don’t even know me anymore.”
“Underneath that bitterness, you’re the same, sweet woman I’ve known all my life. I know it sounds a little out there, but I do love you. I’m sure of that. And I’m going to prove it to you.”
“Prove it. There’s no way for you to do that.” I closed my eyes, dropped my head back for a moment and opened them again. “I didn’t realize how angry I was with you until I got here, but now that I know, I’ll try to work through it, but you and I. I’m struggling, Stephen. I lost a lot. I know God can fix that. He can make things new, but I’m telling you now, I’ll never believe you didn’t make that video. It’s going to take more than sweet words and flowers for me to reconcile that truth with a romantic fantasy of what was.”
“You always were better with words.” Stephen smiled warmly.
I opened the door and slid inside the car. “I’ll see you at the dance tonight. I hope I can still have the interview.”
He raised his hands. “I’m a man of my word.”
I started the engine and pulled away from him. A cliché rang out loudly in my heart and mind. Time will tell.
Chapter 13
I climbed out of the car and took the walk to the grave where my father stood. I was grateful I’d been able to buy a pair of snow boots, some gloves, and a wool hat in town because the unshoveled snow was deep and the wind unforgiving.
Daddy hadn’t heard me come up behind him. He was as still as the headstones on the graves.
“Habits die hard,” I said when I got within a few feet of him.
He turned and looked. His lips parted briefly and then closed again before he spoke. Light came into his eyes. “More like traditions. This is a tradition.”
“10:06. Just like she would have wanted it.”
Daddy smiled. “Silly tradition of hers.”
“To what? Acknowledge people’s birthday at the time they were born?” I shook my head. “I loved it.”
“I can’t tell. It’s been twelve years since you’ve been here.”
“It hasn’t been twelve years since I’ve seen this grave,” I confessed. “It’s been twelve years since you’ve seen me.”
I kneeled, swept snow away, and stuck the white roses on her headstone. “My mother’s not here,” I whispered, standing. I looked into my father’s eyes, raised a hand to my chest and said, “She’s in here. I’ve celebrated with her every year.”
Daddy nodded. “What are you wishing for this year?”
Tears burned my eyes. “I don’t know about the wish part. I gave up on wishes a long time ago.”
“Maybe you shouldn’t have,” Daddy said. “Your mother would never want you to give up on your wish coming true. Besides, not giving up works.”
I cocked my head. “You sure about that?”
“I’ve been wishing you’d be standing here with me and now you are.”
“That was going to happen. It was just a matter of time.” I stepped closer and put my arms around him. He patted my back. The ice was broken.
Daddy chuckled. “You sure dragged it out. I been making that wish for over ten years.”
My heart broke into more pieces than it ever had from any of the horrible things that had happened to me. Stephen had done a good thing, smoking me out. Because I wouldn’t have been standing here had he not.
We stood there in the snow not speaking for a long time. My feet started to feel like they were turning into popsicles.
“You an Atlanta girl now. You’re not used to this cold. Let’s go get lunch and a piece of birthday cake.”
Daddy took my elbow and we walked away from the grave.
***
We entered Dell’s Diner and took seats.
Dell walked over. She was shocked to see me, but did like Dell always did and kept her tongue. “Good to see you, Miss Tamar. Would you like some coffee?”
“Yes, ma’am,” I replied.
She filled our mugs, disappeared to the kitchen and came back out with a small birthday cake, complete with a burning candle.
“Thank you much,” Daddy said.
Dell put the cake and a knife down between us. She patted Daddy on the shoulder and walked away. If I didn’t think my eyes were deceiving me, I’d say I thought I saw the two of them exchange a look that wasn’t about birthday cake.
Daddy reached across the table with both hands. I raised mine and slid them into his. We bowed our heads and he said a prayer. When we were done, I cut the cake and put a slice on each of our plates.
“Aren’t we going to eat lunch first?” I asked, remembering how strict he was about dessert always coming after dinner.
He took a bite. “I’ve learned to live a little.” I watched his eyes follow Dell around the restaurant.
We’d been eating in silence when Daddy said, “Stephen came to see me this morning. He told me you were here.”
I frowned. “This morning. Must have been at the crack of dawn.”
Daddy smiled. “I’m still an early riser. He knows that. We had a long talk.”
I lifted my coffee mug and took a sip. “I’m glad you guys did that. Pine is too small for angry feelings.”
“He’s tried before, but I’ve been stubborn. I’m not proud of that. As a pastor, I should have set a better example.”
“You’re human.” I cleared my throat. “If you’re going to try to talk to me about Stephen, I’d rather not.”
“We need to.” Daddy insisted. “I’ve got to say my peace.”
“Don’t you and I have enough catching up to do of our own?” I put my mug down and waited. I knew when my father made up his mind that he had something to tell you, you were going to hear it. My protest was a waste of words.
“Tamar, I believe you kids were both victims of a prank. This anger on your part has gone on too long. When someone says sorry, the right thing to do is accept their apology.”
“This is bigger than an apology.”
“It’s not. It’s simply about forgiveness and I taught you that.”
“Everything isn’t easy to forgive.”
“I didn’t say it was easy. God didn’t say it would be easy, but through Him all things are possible.” Daddy played with his mug for a moment, then lifted it and took another sip of coffee before continuing. “You’re sitting here in front of me, and I’m happy and sad at the same time.”
I sighed and rolled my eyes upward. “I’m sorry to be disappointing you yet again.”
“I’m not disappointed. I said I was sad. I want you to be happy.”
My father only had a glimpse of my emotional state. I was as far from happy as any person could possibly be.
“Do you know why I let your mother name you Tamar?”
“That came from left field,” I said, shaking my head.
“It’s relevant.” Daddy bunched his lips together. He inspected me for a minute. I wasn’t sure if he was going to tell me the story or not.
“No preacher names his daughter Tamar. Both the Tamars in the Bible had a hard time, but your mother was in love with the name and she had a rough pregnancy. When she suggested it, I said no, but then decided the least I could do was pray about it. After all, I wasn’t carrying a baby.” He chuckled. “I took it before the Lord and he showed me what I needed to see about your name. I was stuck on David’s daughter – the rape – but then I looked back at the other Tamar and even though she had a hard time too, she wasn’t a victim. She was resilient in the face of adversity. She was a strong woman who had been done wrong and she made a way for her future in spite of all that she’d lost. Sometimes I think I cursed you. I can’t undo that, but I’m proud you’re walking in the best of your name. You’re strong. Just like she was.”
Tears had been building as he spoke. I reached across the table for a few napkins and wiped my eyes.
“I’ve been using my middle name and mom’s maiden name since college. I was ashamed. I hid from everything about me. I blamed you. I blamed mom. I blamed my name. I blamed Stephen. I still blame him.”
“Stephen was eighteen just like you were.”
“Was he eighteen forever, daddy? Was he eighteen when he got picked up by the NFL or when he was playing for a few years, or five or seven? He got to walk away and live his life because no one knew for sure he was the guy. Except me and I loved him enough not to tell.”
“You’re right and that was unfair, but he’s here now with reporters and everyone calling him a liar. He probably lost millions of dollars this morning.”
I shook my head. “What do you mean he lost millions of dollars?”
My cell phone rang. I looked in my bag. Eva. She’d wait. I silenced it, but noted I had several text messages from her. There were also two from Kim. They must have come through while I was at the grave. Kim couldn’t possibly have anything else to say. And then I replayed the words my father had just said. He lost millions.
“What do you mean Stephen lost millions?”
Daddy frowned. “You haven’t heard?”
“Heard what?”
“You have Internet on that phone?”
“Of course.”
“Look up Stephen.”
I removed my phone again and pulled up a search window and typed in Stephen’s name. There were a string of new links.
Stephen Pierce Confession
I skimmed the story. Stephen had called a reporter at Sports Center and done a telephone interview confessing to being the guy in the video.
“I don’t know who made the video. I have no idea. I wish I did, but before I accept an award like the Paul, I had to be honest with the league, my team, the fans, myself and Tamar Johnson.
“Have you been in touch with Ms. Johnson?”
“I’m going to refrain from commenting on that right now, but let me say this publically…I’m sorry, Tay. Every time someone asked me about that video and I denied it was me, I left you alone to deal with the fallout of our actions and that wasn’t fair. I should have been honest. I should have protected you. I should have been there for you. We should have gone through everything together. I hope you can forgive me. I hope everyone will forgive me. Especially my young fans who consider me a role model.”
“Stephen, can you tell us –”
Stephen cut him off. “I can’t make anymore comments. I need to talk to my lawyer and team representatives. I also promised another reporter the exclusive on the details of this story, but you guys have been good to me all of my career, so I thought it right to make the announcement with you.”
After a few words of goodbye between he and the interviewer, Stephen ended the call.
“There you have it, Stephen Pierce. The man in the infamous ‘Video Virgin’ YouTube video.”
The commentators continued to talk about it. I closed the window.
I couldn’t believe he’d done that. I remembered his face this morning. His determination when he said, I’m going to prove it to you.
“He didn’t have to do that. It wasn’t necessary.”
“He thought it was.”
I shook my head. “He does so much good work. Some of it will be tarnished now.”
“He’s a very determined young man. He’ll fight his way through this. He’ll do it better with you by his side.”
My stomach knotted. “Daddy, I can’t.”
“Baby, he finally stood up for you and even though it won’t cost him his career, it’s going to cost him for the rest of his life.”
I was so shocked. I couldn’t believe he’d had the nerve. “I don’t know what to say.”
Daddy shifted in his seat. “That’s a man that wants to right a wrong. It took a lot of courage and faith for him to do that.”
I came out of my fog and gave him my attention.
“We need to talk about more than Stephen.”
Daddy was uncomfortable with his thoughts. I could feel it.
“You have been angry with him for all these years, but he wasn’t the only one who hurt you.”
“Daddy,” I shook my head. “I’m trying to process this. If he really didn’t make the video, I don’t know who would have done it.”
“That’s not what I’m talking about, Tamar. Stephen isn’t the only one who has a confession to make.”
I pressed my lips together and waited for my father to finish his statement.
“I hurt you. I was the one who yelled at you. Called my little girl a slut and a whore. Told you that you were a disgrace. I said, ‘Your mother was ashamed of you.’ I did that.”
Water burned my eyes again. My heart melted under the strain of the ache.
/>
“You’re putting all your disappointment on Stephen. That’s not fair. He wasn’t the only one who broke your heart.”
The waterworks started. I reached for more napkins. Dell arrived with tissues. “These are a little softer.” She patted my shoulder and walked away.
“Forgive him, Tamar. You owe it to yourself to forgive him and please forgive me.”
I wiped my eyes. I stood and wrapped my arms around my father’s neck. “Thank you, daddy.”
When I reclaimed my seat, I felt like a boulder had been lifted off my chest.
“He still loves you.”
I shook my head. “He was engaged.”
“And broke it.”
“I’m sure that had nothing to do with me.”
“According to Stephen, it had everything to do with you.”
I reached for my long abandoned coffee and took a sip. It was cold and bitter. I didn’t want to be that way, but Stephen… it wasn’t possible was it? “I’m afraid.”
“All relationships involve taking risks.”
I put the mug down. “It’s been so many years. I can’t help but think it’s too late for us.”
“You wouldn’t be pondering that question if you didn’t feel something for him.”
I clasped my hands together under the table. Yesterday morning I hated the thought of seeing Stephen. Now I was faced with the reality that I still loved him – that even after all the years of pain, he held my heart. I wanted my father to tell me it was okay to play it safe. That I could go back to Atlanta and resume my life, but he wasn’t going to give me permission to hide.
“Tamar is resilient. She is a woman who doesn’t give up.”
I broke my father’s stare by setting my sights on the view outside the diner’s main window. My gaze settled on the snow, the picturesque frame the snowflakes and icy crystals made around Dell’s window. I’d missed snow. We rarely had more than a sprinkling in Atlanta and it didn’t stick for long. Pine was beautiful. The snow was beautiful, but cold – like me. “I don’t know how to melt the ice around my heart.” I returned my eyes to my father’s. Feeling hopeless, I shrugged.
“It’s already melting, Tamar. Or you wouldn’t be here. I don’t know what you think made you come home, but –”
The Winter Reunion Page 6