Well, I sold them chickens all right for a dollar and two bits, which was better than I expected, and got an order for more. About ten days later I got a letter from the commission house.
“We are returnin’ a sample of your Arts and Crafts chickens with the lovin’ marks of the teeth still onto him,” says they. “Don’t send any more till they stops pursuin’ of the nimble grasshopper. Dentist bill will foller.”
With the letter came the remains of one of the chickens. Tusky and I, very indignant, cooked her for supper. She was tough, all right. We thought she might do better biled, so we put her in the pot over night. Nary bit. Well, then we got interested. Tusky kep’ the fire goin’ and I rustled greasewood. We cooked her three days and three nights. At the end of that time she was sort of pale and frazzled, but still givin’ points to three-year-old jerky on cohesion and other uncompromisin’ forces of Nature. We buried her then, and went out back to recuperate.
There we could gaze on the smilin’ landscape, dotted by about four hundred long-laigged chickens swoopin’ here and there after grasshoppers.
“We got to stop that,” says I.
“We can’t,” murmured Tusky, inspired. “We can’t. It’s born in ‘em; it’s a primal instinct, like the love of a mother for her young, and it can’t be eradicated! Them chickens is constructed by a divine providence for the express purpose of chasin’ grasshoppers, jest as the beaver is made for buildin’ dams, and the cow-puncher is made for whisky and faro-games. We can’t keep ‘em from it. If we was to shut ‘em in a dark cellar, they’d flop after imaginary grasshoppers in their dreams, and die emaciated in the midst of plenty. Jimmy, we’re up agin the Cosmos, the oversoul—” Oh, he had the medicine tongue, Tusky had, and risin’ on the wings of eloquence that way, he had me faded in ten minutes. In fifteen I was wedded solid to the notion that the bottom had dropped out of the chicken business. I think now that if we’d shut them hens up, we might have—still, I don’t know; they was a good deal in what Tusky said.
“Tuscarora Maxillary,” says I, “did you ever stop to entertain that beautiful thought that if all the dumfoolishness possessed now by the human race could be gathered together, and lined up alongside of us, the first feller to come along would say to it ‘Why, hello, Solomon!’”
We quit the notion of chickens for profit right then and there, but we couldn’t quit the place. We hadn’t much money, for one thing, and then we, kind of liked loafin’ around and raisin’ a little garden truck, and—oh, well, I might as well say so, we had a notion about placers in the dry wash back of the house you know how it is. So we stayed on, and kept a-raisin’ these long-laigs for the fun of it. I used to like to watch ‘em projectin’ around, and I fed ‘em twict a day about as usual.
So Tusky and I lived alone there together, happy as ducks in Arizona. About onc’t in a month somebody’d pike along the road. She wasn’t much of a road, generally more chuckholes than bumps, though sometimes it was the other way around. Unless it happened to be a man horseback or maybe a freighter without the fear of God in his soul, we didn’t have no words with them; they was too busy cussin’ the highways and generally too mad for social discourses.
One day early in the year, when the ‘dobe mud made ruts to add to the bumps, one of these automobeels went past. It was the first Tusky and me had seen in them parts, so we run out to view her. Owin’ to the high spots on the road, she looked like one of these movin’ picters, as to blur and wobble; sounded like a cyclone mingled with cuss-words, and smelt like hell on housecleanin’ day.
“Which them folks don’t seem to be enjoyin’ of the scenery,” says I to Tusky. “Do you reckon that there blue trail is smoke from the machine or remarks from the inhabitants thereof?”
Tusky raised his head and sniffed long and inquirin’.
“It’s langwidge,” says he. “Did you ever stop to think that all the words in the dictionary stretched end to end would reach—”
But at that minute I catched sight of somethin’ brass lyin’ in the road. It proved to be a curled-up sort of horn with a rubber bulb on the end. I squoze the bulb and jumped twenty foot over the remark she made.
“Jarred off the machine,” says Tusky.
“Oh, did it?” says I, my nerves still wrong. “I thought maybe it had growed up from the soil like a toadstool.”
About this time we abolished the wire chicken corrals, because we needed some of the wire. Them long-laigs thereupon scattered all over the flat searchin’ out their prey. When feed time come I had to screech my lungs out gettin’ of ‘em in, and then sometimes they didn’t all hear. It was plumb discouragin’, and I mighty nigh made up my mind to quit ‘em, but they had come to be sort of pets, and I hated to turn ‘em down. It used to tickle Tusky almost to death to see me out there hollerin’ away like an old bull-frog. He used to come out reg’lar, with his pipe lit, just to enjoy me. Finally I got mad and opened up on him.
“Oh,” he explains, “it just plumb amuses me to see the dumfool at his childish work. Why don’t you teach ‘em to come to that brass horn, and save your voice?”
“Tusky,” says I, with feelin’, “sometimes you do seem to get a glimmer of real sense.”
Well, first off them chickens used to throw back-sommersets over that horn. You have no idee how slow chickens is to learn things. I could tell you things about chickens—say, this yere bluff about roosters bein’ gallant is all wrong. I’ve watched ‘em. When one finds a nice feed he gobbles it so fast that the pieces foller down his throat like yearlin’s through a hole in the fence. It’s only when he scratches up a measly one-grain quick-lunch that he calls up the hens and stands noble and self-sacrificin’ to one side. That ain’t the point, which is, that after two months I had them long-laigs so they’d drop everythin’ and come kitin’ at the HONK-HONK of that horn. It was a purty sight to see ‘em, sailin’ in from all directions twenty foot at a stride. I was proud of ‘em, and named ‘em the Honk-honk Breed. We didn’t have no others, for by now the coyotes and bob-cats had nailed the straight-breds. There wasn’t no wild cat or coyote could catch one of my Honk-honks, no, sir!
We made a little on our placer—just enough to keep interested. Then the supervisors decided to fix our road, and what’s more, THEY DONE IT! That’s the only part in this yarn that’s hard to believe, but, boys, you’ll have to take it on faith. They ploughed her, and crowned her, and scraped her, and rolled her, and when they moved on we had the fanciest highway in the State of Californy.
That noon—the day they called her a job—Tusky and I sat smokin’ our pipes as per usual, when way over the foothills we seen a cloud of dust and faint to our ears was bore a whizzin’ sound. The chickens was gathered under the cottonwood for the heat of the day, but they didn’t pay no attention. Then faint, but clear, we heard another of them brass horns:
“Honk! honk!” says it, and every one of them chickens woke up, and stood at attention.
“Honk! honk!” it hollered clearer and nearer.
Then over the hill come an automobeel, blowin’ vigorous at every jump.
“My God!” I yells to Tusky, kickin’ over my chair, as I springs to my feet. “Stop ‘em! Stop ‘em!”
But it was too late. Out the gate sprinted them poor devoted chickens, and up the road they trailed in vain pursuit. The last we seen of ‘em was a mingling of dust and dim figgers goin’ thirty mile an hour after a disappearin’ automobeel.
That was all we seen for the moment. About three o’clock the first straggler came limpin’ in, his wings hangin’, his mouth open, his eyes glazed with the heat. By sundown fourteen had returned. All the rest had disappeared utter; we never seen ‘em again. I reckon they just naturally run themselves into a sunstroke and died on the road.
It takes a long time to learn a chicken a thing, but a heap longer to unlearn him. After that two or three of these yere automobeels went by every day, all a-blowin’ of their horns, all kickin’ up a hell of a dust. And every time them fourteen Honk-honks of m
ine took along after ‘em, just as I’d taught ‘em to do, layin’ to get to their corn when they caught up. No more of ‘em died, but that fourteen did get into elegant trainin’. After a while they got plumb to enjoyin’ it. When you come right down to it, a chicken don’t have many amusements and relaxations in this life. Searchin’ for worms, chasin’ grasshoppers, and wallerin’ in the dust is about the limits of joys for chickens.
It was sure a fine sight to see ‘em after they got well into the game. About nine o’clock every mornin’ they would saunter down to the rise of the road where they would wait patient until a machine came along. Then it would warm your heart to see the enthusiasm of them. With, exultant cackles of joy they’d trail in, reachin’ out like quarter-horses, their wings half spread out, their eyes beamin’ with delight. At the lower turn they’d quit. Then, after talkin’ it over excited-like for a few minutes, they’d calm down and wait for another.
After a few months of this sort of trainin’ they got purty good at it. I had one two-year-old rooster that made fifty-four mile an hour behind one of those sixty-horsepower Panhandles. When cars didn’t come along often enough, they’d all turn out and chase jack-rabbits. They wasn’t much fun at that. After a short, brief sprint the rabbit would crouch down plumb terrified, while the Honk-honks pulled off triumphal dances around his shrinkin’ form.
Our ranch got to be purty well known them days among automobeelists. The strength of their cars was horsepower, of course, but the speed of them they got to ratin’ by chicken-power. Some of them used to come way up from Los Angeles just to try out a new car along our road with the Honk-honks for pace-makers. We charged them a little somethin’, and then, too, we opened up the roadhouse and the bar, so we did purty well. It wasn’t necessary to work any longer at that bogus placer. Evenin’s we sat around outside and swapped yarns, and I bragged on my chickens. The chickens would gather round close to listen.
They liked to hear their praises sung, all right. You bet they sabe! The only reason a chicken, or any other critter, isn’t intelligent is because he hasn’t no chance to expand.
Why, we used to run races with ‘em. Some of us would hold two or more chickens back of a chalk line, and the starter’d blow the horn from a hundred yards to a mile away, dependin’ on whether it was a sprint or for distance. We had pools on the results, gave odds, made books, and kept records. After the thing got knowed we made money hand over fist.
The stranger broke off abruptly and began to roll a cigarette.
“What did you quit it for, then?” ventured Charley, out of the hushed silence.
“Pride,” replied the stranger solemnly. “Haughtiness of spirit.”
“How so?” urged Charley, after a pause.
“Them chickens,” continued the stranger, after a moment, “stood around listenin’ to me a-braggin’ of what superior fowls they was until they got all puffed up. They wouldn’t have nothin’ whatever to do with the ordinary chickens we brought in for eatin’ purposes, but stood around lookin’ bored when there wasn’t no sport doin’. They got to be just like that Four Hundred you read about in the papers. It was one continual round of grasshopper balls, race meets, and afternoon hen-parties. They got idle and haughty, just like folks. Then come race suicide. They got to feelin’ so aristocratic the hens wouldn’t have no eggs.”
Nobody dared say a word.
“Windy Bill’s snake—” began the narrator genially.
“Stranger,” broke in Windy Bill, with great emphasis, “as to that snake, I want you to understand this: yereafter in my estimation that snake is nothin’ but an ornery angleworm!”
PART II
THE TWO GUN MAN
CHAPTER ONE
THE CATTLE RUSTLERS
Buck Johnson was American born, but with a black beard and a dignity of manner that had earned him the title of Senor. He had drifted into southeastern Arizona in the days of Cochise and Victorio and Geronimo. He had persisted, and so in time had come to control the water—and hence the grazing—of nearly all the Soda Springs Valley. His troubles were many, and his difficulties great. There were the ordinary problems of lean and dry years. There were also the extraordinary problems of devastating Apaches; rivals for early and ill-defined range rights—and cattle rustlers.
Senor Buck Johnson was a man of capacity, courage, directness of method, and perseverance. Especially the latter. Therefore he had survived to see the Apaches subdued, the range rights adjusted, his cattle increased to thousands, grazing the area of a principality. Now, all the energy and fire of his frontiersman’s nature he had turned to wiping out the third uncertainty of an uncertain business. He found it a task of some magnitude.
For Senor Buck Johnson lived just north of that terra incognita filled with the mystery of a double chance of death from man or the flaming desert known as the Mexican border. There, by natural gravitation, gathered all the desperate characters of three States and two republics. He who rode into it took good care that no one should ride behind him, lived warily, slept light, and breathed deep when once he had again sighted the familiar peaks of Cochise’s Stronghold. No one professed knowledge of those who dwelt therein. They moved, mysterious as the desert illusions that compassed them about. As you rode, the ranges of mountains visibly changed form, the monstrous, snaky, sea-like growths of the cactus clutched at your stirrup, mock lakes sparkled and dissolved in the middle distance, the sun beat hot and merciless, the powdered dry alkali beat hotly and mercilessly back—and strange, grim men, swarthy, bearded, heavily armed, with red-rimmed unshifting eyes, rode silently out of the mists of illusion to look on you steadily, and then to ride silently back into the desert haze. They might be only the herders of the gaunt cattle, or again they might belong to the Lost Legion that peopled the country. All you could know was that of the men who entered in, but few returned.
Directly north of this unknown land you encountered parallel fences running across the country. They enclosed nothing, but offered a check to the cattle drifting toward the clutch of the renegades, and an obstacle to swift, dashing forays.
Of cattle-rustling there are various forms. The boldest consists quite simply of running off a bunch of stock, hustling it over the Mexican line, and there selling it to some of the big Sonora ranch owners. Generally this sort means war. Also are there subtler means, grading in skill from the rebranding through a wet blanket, through the crafty refashioning of a brand to the various methods of separating the cow from her unbranded calf. In the course of his task Senor Buck Johnson would have to do with them all, but at present he existed in a state of warfare, fighting an enemy who stole as the Indians used to steal.
Already he had fought two pitched battles and had won them both. His cattle increased, and he became rich. Nevertheless he knew that constantly his resources were being drained. Time and again he and his new Texas foreman, Jed Parker, had followed the trail of a stampeded bunch of twenty or thirty, followed them on down through the Soda Springs Valley to the cut drift fences, there to abandon them. For, as yet, an armed force would be needed to penetrate the borderland. Once he and his men bad experienced the glory of a night pursuit. Then, at the drift fences, he had fought one of his battles. But it was impossible adequately to patrol all parts of a range bigger than some Eastern States.
Buck Johnson did his best, but it was like stopping with sand the innumerable little leaks of a dam. Did his riders watch toward the Chiricahuas, then a score of beef steers disappeared from Grant’s Pass forty miles away. Pursuit here meant leaving cattle unguarded there. It was useless, and the Senor soon perceived that sooner or later he must strike in offence.
For this purpose he began slowly to strengthen the forces of his riders. Men were coming in from Texas. They were good men, addicted to the grass-rope, the double cinch, and the ox-bow stirrup. Senor Johnson wanted men who could shoot, and he got them.
“Jed,” said Senor Johnson to his foreman, “the next son of a gun that rustles any of our cows is sure loading himsel
f full of trouble. We’ll hit his trail and will stay with it, and we’ll reach his cattle-rustling conscience with a rope.”
So it came about that a little army crossed the drift fences and entered the border country. Two days later it came out, and mighty pleased to be able to do so. The rope had not been used.
The reason for the defeat was quite simple. The thief had run his cattle through the lava beds where the trail at once became difficult to follow. This delayed the pursuing party; they ran out of water, and, as there was among them not one man well enough acquainted with the country to know where to find more, they had to return.
“No use, Buck,” said Jed. “We’d any of us come in on a gun play, but we can’t buck the desert. We’ll have to get someone who knows the country.”
“That’s all right—but where?” queried Johnson.
“There’s Pereza,” suggested Parker. “It’s the only town down near that country.”
“Might get someone there,” agreed the Senor.
Next day he rode away in search of a guide. The third evening he was back again, much discouraged.
“The country’s no good,” he explained. “The regular inhabitants ‘re a set of Mexican bums and old soaks. The cowmen’s all from north and don’t know nothing more than we do. I found lots who claimed to know that country, but when I told ‘em what I wanted they shied like a colt. I couldn’t hire ‘em, for no money, to go down in that country. They ain’t got the nerve. I took two days to her, too, and rode out to a ranch where they said a man lived who knew all about it down there. Nary riffle. Man looked all right, but his tail went down like the rest when I told him what we wanted. Seemed plumb scairt to death. Says he lives too close to the gang. Says they’d wipe him out sure if he done it. Seemed plumb SCAIRT.” Buck Johnson grinned. “I told him so and he got hosstyle right off. Didn’t seem no ways scairt of me. I don’t know what’s the matter with that outfit down there. They’re plumb terrorised.”
Arizona Nights Page 14