“You have business to take care of with your father when you return. He expects you to be responsible. If you miss the flight, he might not let you come back anytime soon.”
“Maybe I should stay?”
He heard the hopeful lilt in her voice but couldn’t allow her to do that, though he desperately wanted her to stay, too.
“You can’t do that,” he said gently.
He tugged on her shoulder, and she fell onto her back but refused to look at him. She stared up at the ceiling.
“I’m working on a few festivals, but I’ll come see you in a few months.”
Carmen looked at him then, and he could barely handle the depth of anguish in her brown eyes.
She sighed, as if giving up an internal fight. “What choice do we have right now?”
She sat up and the sheet fell away, exposing her semi-nude body. Like him, she wore only underwear. While he wore boxer briefs, she wore a pale pink cheeky with a lace waistband. He curled an arm around her waist, pulled her to him, and rested his forehead on her shoulder.
They sat in silence for a while before she suddenly gasped and he lifted his head.
“What if I tell my parents I’ve met someone here? I don’t have to say who.” Her eyes brightened with the excitement.
“I don’t want you to do that.”
“Why not? I could make up a name, and that way I could come see you without any worry. I’m twenty-five now. My father isn’t as concerned about my dating life, not like he was three years ago.”
“Do you really think your father will be unconcerned about you dating someone in another country and he hasn’t met him? Do you really think he would be fine with not knowing anything about your mystery man?” His words came out sharper than they should have, and her eyes widened in surprise. But part of him was miffed that once again he had to be a secret, and once again she was naive enough to be an idealist about the situation. “I don’t want you to lie.”
He rolled off the bed. Cold tile under his bare feet shocked his heated system. Turning away from her, he ran both sets of fingers through his hair in exasperation.
“I’m lying now,” Carmen said.
“Then don’t. Don’t lie anymore.”
“Are you saying you don’t want me to come back?” Carmen asked in a stricken voice.
Carlos faced her. “No, I just…I don’t know!” he said, throwing up his hands. “I don’t know what I fucking want, Carmen. I just know that this is ridiculous, and I know that you don’t seem to see anything wrong with simply turning me into a lie to protect yourself.”
“That is so unfair.”
“Is it? Because this feels very familiar. We dated for months in secret before I met your family, even though you met mine,” he reminded her.
“You know why. Because of my father. Look at how unreasonable he became after he found out about us. He didn’t approve, and up until meeting you, I’d always done what my parents wanted. I never lied to them. I was a good girl, for lack of a better word. Then I started lying, keeping secrets, and staying out late because I couldn’t stand to leave you. Surely, you can understand why I didn’t initially tell them—especially my father—the truth.”
He did, but he didn’t. Carlos turned away from her and stared out into the night at the side of the building next door.
“And what about Tyler?” he asked bitterly.
A beat of silence. Tyler had been a bone of contention between them, and much to his own surprise, Carlos was still bitter about it.
“Tyler meant nothing to me. You know that. That was my father interfering, and I went along with his matchmaking to keep the peace, that’s all. We went on one date, and we never kissed. We’ve been through this.”
Tyler, a young man from a wealthy family, had been her father’s choice. After Alfred found out about her dating Carlos, he arranged with Tyler’s parents for Carmen and Tyler to meet. To her credit, Carmen told Carlos right away, and though having her meet with another man made him ill, he’d accepted it as a necessary evil—until he learned about the follow-up after the meeting.
“He came to your house for dinner. Something I was never allowed to do.”
Tyler was the right kind of man. Carlos was the wrong kind. Tyler had a future and could take care of her. Carlos had a dream and couldn’t take care of himself.
“I don’t know what you want me to say. I thought we were past Tyler. Obviously you’re still angry.”
“Because you didn’t tell me everything.”
“I didn’t want to hurt you!”
“It hurt anyway when I found out,” he grated, glaring at the wall next door.
She’d tripped up and mentioned that Tyler had joined them for dinner on a night she hadn’t been able to go out with him. Knowing that she’d foregone spending time with him to sit at the table with another man—the one accepted by her family—had been a crushing blow that took a while to recover from.
“I was willing to walk away from everything for you. Did you forget that part?” Carmen asked in a low, emotional voice.
Carlos turned his head to look at her. “I couldn’t let you do that.”
“Then that’s your fault, isn’t it?”
Yes, it was his fault. He hadn’t been strong enough to hold on to her. His weakness and insecurity had forced them apart.
“Go home to your family. I can’t provide for you the way they can.”
“I don’t care about the money. I love you. I only want you.” Tears shimmered in her eyes.
“You’re being impulsive and emotional.”
“You sound like my father. I’m not being impulsive or emotional,” she said angrily. “Carlos…” Her pleading eyes conveyed how much she wanted to be with him.
“Go home, Carmen. I’m leaving tomorrow, and you’re not coming with me.”
“You’re right. I should get up. I can’t be late.” She rose from the bed, and as she passed on her way to the bathroom, he grabbed her arm.
She looked up at him with doleful eyes, and his heart twisted painfully. She was his everything, and life without her had been hard and lonely. He never realized how lonely until she came back. He’d been closed off, determined not to feel again, and here she was—making him feel all sorts of intense, fierce emotions that took up too much space in his head and heart.
“I love you. That hasn’t changed in all this time,” he said.
“I love you, too.” She shrugged with sadness-filled eyes, all the fight drained out of her. “But maybe it’s not enough. The distance, my career at the company, our differences—maybe we’re fooling ourselves into believing we could make our relationship work this time. How can we, when there are more obstacles in the way?”
This wasn’t what he wanted. She was what he wanted. How many times had he told her that she was his sun, moon, and stars? His universe.
He pulled her to him. No. Not again. He would be strong this time. He’d fight for them to be together.
Sudden and sharp, desperation infused his blood at the thought of her going back to Canada and them never seeing each other again. Carlos cradled her face in his palms and kissed her. His fingers tangled in her hair as he pushed his tongue into her mouth.
Carmen moaned, and with only a few steps, he guided her back to the bed.
“We’ll make it work,” he said in a guttural voice against her neck. “I’m not letting you go again. Never ever again.” That was a promise he intended to keep. No way would he let the bitterness from the past ruin the sweet possibilities of the future.
He stripped them of their underwear and joined his body to hers with a swift, hard thrust. Her legs curled around his waist as he rocked back and forth, increasing the tempo until an orgasm pulled whimpering cries from her lips, and he buried his face in her neck, shuddering through his own climax.
13
How am I going to fix this?
Carlos ran a weary hand down his face as he lounged on the gray sofa. Carmen had been gone a couple o
f days and he was in a slump, missing her the same as if she were an arm or a leg—an integral part of his life whose absence felt painfully unnatural.
She left a message to let him know she landed safely, but they hadn’t spoken since, and that was two days ago. It was late, but he needed to talk to her tonight. He sat up and then picked up the phone and dialed her number.
Carmen was sensitive. If she believed you were rejecting her, she’d withdraw so she wouldn’t be a nuisance. Though they’d made love before she left, and despite what he’d said, he could imagine her reviewing their intense conversation about Tyler and wondering if Carlos really wanted to be with her.
“Hello?”
He knew she would answer, but still, seeing her face and hearing her voice sent a rush of relief through him. She was lying in bed, hair in a topknot and face make-up-free. He wished he could be there with her among all the linens and pillows, holding her close in his arms.
“Hey,” Carlos said.
“Hey,” Carmen said.
“I should have called before, but I’ve been busy with my work. I just called to say I love you.”
Her lips smiled, but her eyes held a hint of sadness. “I know. I love you, too, but you don’t believe me.”
“I do, but I was having a…moment when you were here, that’s all. Since then, I’ve been thinking. You came to see me, and now it’s my turn to come see you.”
“You’re coming here?” Her brown eyes lit up with excitement.
“Yes.” Damn, if she didn’t make him feel like the grand prize in the most important contest in life. “I’ll come in a few weeks, after the Tennessee festival. I’ll need to wrap up a few projects, but I should be able to stay in Toronto for a couple of weeks. Then I could go to the other festivals I had planned to attend.”
“That would be great, but don’t you have to prepare for the events?”
“I do, but I’ll be ready for the one in Tennessee, and if need be, I’ll skip the other events.”
“Carlos, your work is important. I don’t want you to do that.”
“It’s no big deal. I want to see you, and that’s all that matters. After I leave Toronto, I’ll come back and work hard and see what happens. It’ll be fine.”
“You’re sure?”
“Yes.”
“Then you could stay with me!” Her voice pitched higher as her excitement rose.
“I like that idea.” He’d planned to stay with his mother, but he liked her idea better.
“Yay,” she said softly. She smothered a yawn. “Oops. Sorry.”
He chuckled. “You should go to sleep. It’s late.”
“No, I’m staying up so we can talk.”
“But you need to rest. Listen to your body.”
She smiled through the biting of her bottom lip. “I’m so glad you’re coming. I can’t wait. Three weeks!”
He chuckled again. “Three weeks. I have something to take care of, and then I’ll start preparing as soon as possible so I can get there like I promised.”
“Keep me posted.”
“Of course.”
“Good night, mi corazón.”
“Good night, mi amor.”
She blew him a kiss, and then they both hung up. Carlos rolled onto his back and stared up at the ceiling. He hadn’t told Carmen what he needed to take care of, one thing he’d delayed but could no longer avoid. Not if he wanted to be the kind of man she deserved.
He needed to take the first steps toward correcting a decision he now regretted with every fiber of his being.
He should have done this before, but better late than never.
Carlos restlessly paced the floor outside his financial planner’s office at Newmark Advisors. Now that he’d made the decision, the few minutes he waited seemed like forever.
Rashad, his advisor and one of the owners of the company, opened the door of his office. “Come on in, Carlos.”
Rashad had dark chocolate skin and was an interesting character whose flamboyant style included a purple and black plaid suit today, which Carlos didn’t think anyone else but him could pull off. Despite being a showman and obvious ladies’ man, he was one of the nicest guys Carlos had ever met.
Carlos gratefully shook his hand. “Thank you for seeing me on such short notice.”
He’d asked Rashad to meet with him immediately, but because he’d had a full day of appointments, they were meeting during Rashad’s lunch hour.
“No problem. Want anything to drink? Or eat—a muffin or a cookie?” Rashad pointed to ice, bottled water, and a platter of muffins and cookies set up on a side table.
“You made those?” Carlos asked.
Another aspect of Rashad’s personality that seemed out of place, he liked to bake. Definitely an interesting character.
“Yeah, it’s a new recipe I tried. Pistachios and chocolate chips in both. They’re not too bad, if I do say so myself.”
“Maybe I’ll take one of each before I leave.”
“Sounds good. Have a seat.” Rashad waved to one of the cushioned chairs and sat down behind the desk. He smiled a white-toothed smile that strikingly contrasted with his dark skin and sparkled like the diamonds in each ear. “I’ve looked into what you asked about.”
“And…?” Carlos wanted to take out a loan against his retirement account. “Can it be done?”
“You’re not able to take out a loan against any of your accounts.”
“I thought that was an option. Why not?” Carlos demanded. He had plenty of money in his portfolio.
Careful and cautious and very frugal, he could afford a nicer and bigger apartment, but he chose a place with low rent and where he could easily get around on foot or by public transportation. That allowed him to put away more money for an uncertain future.
But now he needed some of that money, and Rashad was telling him the opposite of what he’d expected.
“It is an option if your 401K is set up like that, but yours isn’t.”
“Then I’ll just take the money,” Carlos said.
Rashad held up a hand. “Wait a minute now, let’s not get hasty. If you do that, the money you’ve already put in is subject to hefty taxes and penalties, so that’s not a good idea.”
“I’ll deal with it,” Carlos said grimly. The idea of getting hit with taxes was discouraging, but he intended to forge forward nonetheless.
“There’s an alternative, and it’s called a solo 401K. It’s going to cost you a little bit to set up, but nowhere near what you’d have to pay in taxes for simply pulling out the money. Trust me, it’s the better option. You’re limited to borrowing up to fifty thousand dollars. Would that work?”
That wasn’t the full amount that he needed, but if he emptied his savings, it was a good start.
“I can make it work.”
“All right, here are the details.”
Rashad handed him some paperwork and launched into an explanation of how he could use the plan to his advantage. When he finished, he sat back and looked at Carlos. “What do you think?”
“Let’s do it,” Carlos said immediately.
“Great. I know an attorney who can set up the account for you. I’ll send you his information, and let’s see…” Rashad glanced at his iPad screen. “According to my calendar, I have an opening a week from today, at ten. Can you come back at that time so we can sign some paperwork and get the rollover completed?”
“I’ll be here.”
“All right, we’re all set.” Rashad set down the tablet and studied Carlos. “Is everything okay? You’re not in any kind of trouble, are you?”
“No. It’s…a personal problem I’m hoping to resolve very soon.”
Rashad tapped his pen on the desk. “If you need someone to talk to, I’m willing to listen.”
“Thanks. I appreciate it, but I can handle this on my own.”
Rashad nodded and rose from his chair, signaling the end of the meeting. “I’ll see you next week then.”
They shook
hands. “Thank you, Rashad. You’ve helped a lot.”
“Glad to hear it. Hey, don’t forget the cookie and muffin. Half the people in this office are on diets, and I can’t eat them all myself.”
Carlos placed a cookie and a muffin on a napkin. “Thanks again.”
“Take care.”
14
Carmen exited the gym where she’d conducted an inspection as part of her duties. She’d done her job well but was excited about the evening she planned to spend with Carlos. He flew in two days ago, and after they met briefly, he spent two nights at his mother’s apartment. Tonight, he was coming to stay at her condo, where he’d remain for the rest of his trip.
She looked forward to each moment they spent with each other as if their relationship was brand new, and in some ways, it was. They were relearning each other because they were different people than they had been three years ago. She saw more confidence in him. He seemed more centered, more focused in a way that calmed her and allowed her to live in the moment without the same level of worry that an outside force could burst their love bubble at any minute.
Carmen stepped into the beaming sunlight and went around to the shaded side of the building where Carlos waited. He was leaning against a rented charcoal SUV in the parking lot, legs crossed at the ankles, eyes trained on the cell phone in his hand.
He must have sensed her presence because he looked up almost immediately, and as he brushed wayward strands of hair back from his face, with one look he softened her knees. She’d been walking since she was eleven months old, but he made the familiar movement harder to execute.
When she almost reached him, he pushed off the vehicle and took several steps forward and enfolded her in his warm embrace.
His hand at her lower back fused her against him, and their lips met in a soft press, slow and sensual. She sipped his flavor, leisurely savoring the sweetness of his mouth—like a particularly tasty piece of candy reserved only for her enjoyment.
When they finally stopped kissing, Carmen sighed and rested her forehead against his chest.
“Tired?” Carlos whispered against her temple.
Never Again: a second chance romance (Quicksand Book 3) Page 8