by E. C. Land
After watching her dance with her friends all night, I want to do nothing more than sink into her. But first, I wanna get her sober and talk to her first. She needs to know I’ve claimed her as my woman.
Fawn is off-limits due to her dad being a member of the club. Sabotage knows I intend to talk to her. He’s known I’ve wanted her for years now, but because of the age difference, seven-year age gap, I’ve kept my distance.
“I’m sorry, Viking, I couldn’t help it,” Fawn giggles. The look on her face is all but saying, come fuck me.
Shit.
Suddenly she looks up, and her eyes lighten up. “Look, Viking,” she says, pointing to the building.
I twist back around to realize where we are. “Well shit.”
“Come on, let’s go in.” Fawn swings her leg over, stands on unsteady legs, and laughs.
“Why the hell are we gonna go in there?” I ask, putting the kickstand down and hopping off to stand in front of her.
“Because I’ve been in love with you since I can remember, and I want to be yours,” she says brazenly, and I wonder if she’d say it when she wasn’t drunk. I highly doubt it.
I contemplate the pros and cons, and decide to say fuck it. She wants to do this, then so fuckin’ be it. She’s mine anyway.
Seven years ago, I made that decision, and now my woman is finally moving back home. It’s been hell having to let her go.
At first, I thought maybe she’d come home, because she missed me or some shit. Then I got pissed when I found out she was dating someone. Now, I’m just over the bullshit.
Fawn needs to get her shit together and accept where she belongs. It’s not like I didn’t pay for her college or her travel expenses.
Needing a drink, I push away from my desk and stand. Making my way out of my office, I head into the large space we use for the main room. The clubhouse is an old warehouse that was reconstructed to fit our needs. Each of the members has a room on the second floor, and the officers have one on the third. We’d built a separate smaller building behind the warehouse where we let the Torpedoes stay.
Torpedoes is what we call the club whores around here. We’ve found that them being in a separate building when they’re not needed keeps the drama down to a minimum, for the most part at least.
The main floor holds offices and the main room where we’ve got a bar, a few pool tables, tables, and chairs spaced out. There are also several couches and comfy chairs spread throughout the room, with TVs hung on the wall. A stereo system that’s hooked up to control the music sits behind the bar.
Walking up to the bar, I signal for the prospect to get me a beer.
Nodding, he makes his way toward me and pulls a beer out of the cooler. “Here you go, Prez.”
“Thanks,” I mutter and lift the beer off the bar top. Turning to face the room, I take everything in. With it being a weeknight, nothing out of the normal is going on. Wild party nights are always Fridays and Saturdays.
A few of the Torpedoes smile in my direction, hoping I’ll take them to my room. That never happens. They know the rules. When it comes to me, I don’t take them to my room, and it’s never one at a time. It’s always two at a time, and I take them to my office.
Some might count it as cheating, but I don’t fuck them or even touch them. I can’t say I’ve been a choir boy waiting for Fawn to come home, but I haven’t sunk into any bitch’s pussy since she left. That doesn’t mean I don’t get them to suck my cock while watching them fuck each other.
The Torpedoes know not to ask me to fuck them. It won’t happen. As pissed as I am at Fawn for dating other men, I won’t fuck another woman.
Not when all I want is Fawn.
Chapter Two
Fawn
Present Day . . .
Sitting on my porch swing on the back of my new home, I stare out at the lake in front of me. The sight is beautiful, and I can’t believe I get to see it every day. How did I get lucky enough for Ice to find this place for me? It’s absolutely gorgeous. Purely serene.
For the past seven years, I’ve dreaded coming back home. I didn’t know how to face Viking. In the time I’ve been away, I’ve seen him a total of two times. One of those being when I’d been in an accident, and he had showed up with Ice. The other being when I’d asked Ice and him to please help my friend Brielle who needed to get herself and her boys to safety.
Both times, it took everything in me not to throw myself at him. Then I remember everything that’s between us and know it can never be.
Since I’d decided to come home, I’ve been thinking of ways I can avoid seeing him. It’s not hard, really. My house has enough rooms. I’d made one of them into my office.
While at school, I ended up getting my business degree to become an event planner. I love being able to help couples plan their weddings to be just the way they want them. Moving back home, I’ve already started taking on clients. So far, I’m working on planning a wedding, two birthday parties, and a charity event to raise money for the local medical free clinics.
Sighing, I sip my pumpkin spiced coffee and close my eyes. It’s been a week since I’d moved back. I’ve already unpacked what I had kept over the years. It’s not much—just a bed, a couch, a few picture frames, and kitchen tools. Everything else in the house, Ice said he’d got it out of storage.
I told Ice I’d move into my dad’s house, but he had informed me it was rented out under a year lease. It sucked, but I get it. My dad has the club managing the rental for it while he’s away.
The last time I’d talked to my dad, he told me he’d be back in town by Christmas. With him having been Nomad for the club these past few years, he’s been all over the place. But he’s always made sure to be where I am for holidays.
Now that I’m home, he’ll probably come back as well. That was the deal. I come home, and so would he. I miss having him around all the time. No matter how much we’ve talked on the phone, it’s not the same.
The loud rumble I know so well draws my attention away from the lake. My heart races as I wonder if it’s him coming over. Standing, I glance down at what I’m worried about and pray to God it’s not Viking. I don’t need him seeing me in my sleep shorts and cami. I at least have a cardigan on my arms to block out the slight chill in the air this morning.
Heading into the house, I walk to the kitchen and fix myself a fresh cup of coffee. The thunderous sound of the pipes coming down the road grows louder as it pulls into my driveway. I try to tamp down my nervousness to the possibility of it being Viking.
There’s so much between us now. I know I’ll never be able to be with him. Especially since I’ve kept a secret from him for the past seven years. If he ever finds out, what would he say? He’d probably look at me in disgust.
Shaking the thought from my mind, I lift the mug up with shaky hands and sip my coffee while waiting to see who is here.
I don’t have to wait long and sigh in relief when they call out my name.
“Fawn, where you at?” Ice yells, coming through the front door. With it being such a lovely morning, I’d opened the doors and windows, letting the fresh air in through the screens.
“Kitchen,” I call out and make my way back to the back door. “Coffees on the counter if you want some. I’m heading back onto the porch.”
“Right,” he says, walking in. “I’ll be out in a second.”
“I figured as much.” I cluck my tongue and walk out the door. Sitting back down on the swing, I curl my feet up next to me.
Ice joins me a moment later, planting himself in an Adirondack chair next to me.
“So, what brings you to my place this morning?” I inquire. Not that I don’t love my cousin, I’m just curious. He’s normally not a morning person.
“Figured I was up and wanted to spend some time with my cousin.” He shrugs and gives me a knowing grin. “Besides, we gotta talk.”
And there you go.
“What’s there to talk about?” I swallow back the panic wanting
to take hold of me.
“You know what we gotta talk about,” he says, eyeing me closely.
“No, I don’t. In fact, we’re not going to talk about it. Never. You swore to keep it in the past, and that’s where it’s going to stay,” I snap defensively.
“Yeah, Fawn, I know I swore to you that I’d keep my mouth shut, doesn’t mean it’s right. Or that he shouldn’t know. You two need to get your shit together,” he says, taking on a tone of authority. “It’s been seven years, babe.”
“I know,” I whisper, tears spilling down my cheeks.
Seven Years Ago . . .
Holding the phone to my ear, I clutch my stomach as I wait for him to answer.
Tears spill down my cheeks, and I’m scared. It’s too soon. I don’t know what to do.
“Yeah,” Ice grumbles sleepily into the phone.”
“Tate,” I whimper, the pain nearly being too much.
“Fawn?” Ice’s voice changes, becoming alert. “What’s wrong? Are you okay?” he demands.
It’s been months since we’ve seen each other, but right now, I need him.
“C-can you—Can you come? I need you here?” I cry into the phone.
“I’m on the way. Where are you?” he asks, and I can hear rustling in the background. I tell him, giving him the name of the hospital I’m in. “I’ll be there soon as I can, Fawn.”
Hanging up, I lay my phone next to me and clasp my hands over my stomach feeling like the failure I am.
I don’t know how much time passes when my cousin steps into my room. He takes one look at me and knows I’ve kept a secret from him.
“Babe?” he whispers, coming to my side and taking my hand.
“I-I’m sorry,” I sob, and Ice leans in to wrap me in his arms.
Before either of us are able to speak again, the doctor comes in to check me. Ice has a questioning look on his face. My doctor meets my gaze, and she tells me it’s time. More tears spill as I nod. I’ve dreaded what we’re about to do. She broke the news to me.
The nurse who came in as well started getting things set up.
“What’s going on?” Ice asks. “Time for what?”
The doctor looks from me to him. I nod, and she gives me a compassionate look. “You must be Fawn’s cousin.” Ice nods and waits for the doctor to continue, “I’m Dr. Tepora Esera . . .”
Another pain rips through my body, causing me to cry out in pain, stopping Dr. Esera from speaking further to Ice. Instead, she and the nurse adjust my legs as she orders me to push.
Time seems to slow as the doctor gives me commands. My cousin holds my hand in support. With one last push, everything seems to still completely as Dr. Esera places my baby in my arms. My tears turn to sobs, because I know I’ll never hear my little boy’s cries.
My baby boy’s life was taken from him before he was ever even born, and it’s all my fault.
Dr. Esera and the nurse finish what they’re doing and give me time alone with my son and Ice.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Ice asks quietly, hurt evident in his voice. Lifting my head, I meet his teary-eyed gaze.
“I didn’t know how,” I sob and look back to my baby.
“Who’s his father?” he murmurs softly, but I don’t get the chance to answer him. He does it himself, “It’s Viking, isn’t it?” I nod, not looking at him. “You need to tell him, Fawn. He has a right to know about this.”
“No, I can’t tell him. I don’t want him to know. Please, Ice, don’t tell him. Swear to me you won’t tell him. I-I can’t bear the thought of his hatred for not being able to protect our little boy,” I blurt, meeting Ice’s gaze.
He seems to contemplate my words before nodding. “What’s his name?”
Looking back at my baby, I run the back of my fingers across his tiny little face. “Reid Tatum Kolden.”
“Good name,” he says, clearing his throat.
Blinking away the tears, I swipe them away and focus on the lake.
“It’s time to actually start living, Fawn, and not pretending. Life’s too short,” Ice says, standing. He comes over and squats in front of me. “Come to Toxicity tonight. I’m sure a few of your friends will be there and would like to see you.”
Nodding, I don’t speak. I can’t.
How can I live a life knowing that I’m the reason I couldn’t give Viking his son? I prefer to just stay to myself and pretend to be happy in the sea of friends who are a part of my life without my asking them to be there.
Chapter Three
Ice
Leaving Fawn’s house, I didn’t mean to upset her, but it’s the truth. I get she blames herself for what happened to Reid, even if it wasn’t her fault. Not in the slightest. The doctor had explained to me, after taking my cousin’s baby away and giving Fawn a sedative, what happened.
A knot formed in the umbilical cord, cutting off circulation of all resources for him. Fuckin’ sucks Fawn had to go through it. I had never wanted to see her in so much pain.
I know I’d promised her I wouldn’t say anything to Viking, but that doesn’t mean I’m not gonna push the two of them together.
It’s why I’m putting into motion what we’re doing tonight. I’d ran into Janelle and a few of Fawn’s friends the other day and arranged for them to come to Toxicity tonight. The plan is for them to give her a surprise welcome home party of sorts.
Pulling into the clubhouse lot, I park next to Viking. Shaking my head, I wonder if he even has an inkling of the ruse Fawn has put on for the world around her. She’s the girl she was seven years ago and constantly puts up a facade for everyone around her to make it look like she’s happy.
Walking into the clubhouse, I head for the offices. I don’t bother knocking on Viking’s door. I merely walk into the room, closing the door behind me.
I smirk, shaking my head at what I’ve walked in on. Viking is sitting at his desk on the phone with someone. On the couch is Hurricane and Toots going at each other, not even realizing Viking isn’t paying them any mind.
I dislike the fact he allows this to go on in his office or that he lets them suck him off, but I get it. I respect the fact he’s not fucked them, though.
Only us officers know about Fawn and what she is to him. There’s been plenty of times I’ve wanted to tell him to just go after his woman. End this bullshit between them, but he had wanted her to come home on her own terms. This is something I can respect.
Now she’s home, and I’m making my own moves. Too many secrets between the two of them, and neither of them knows just how many there are.
Viking meets my eyes and darts to the Torpedoes and mouths with a curl of his lip, ‘Get them out.’
Nodding, I stalk over to the couch, gaining both their attention.
“Hey Ice, wanna play?” Hurricane snickers, but moans as Toots licks her pussy.
“Nope, both of you need to get the fuck out,” I state and jerk my head toward the door.
“But . . . we were waiting on Viking,” she pouts.
“Hurricane, it ain’t gonna happen now get the fuck out,” Viking says, having ended the call and tossing his phone on the desk in front of him.
“I thought you wanted me to suck you off,” Hurricane says as she and Toots stand.
“Don’t even fuckin’ start. I’m busy and didn’t even want you to come in here,” Viking snarls, coming to his feet.
“You know you can be a real dick sometimes,” Hurricane mouths off as she stomps toward the door. She’s just pissed Viking won’t give in and fuck her already. Hate to break it to her, it ain’t gonna happen.
Soon as the door slams behind both Torpedoes, I turn my attention back to Viking as he slumps back in his chair.
“What are you doing here? I thought you were with your little brother today,” Viking grunts and pulls out a pack of cigarettes. I’m surprised to see him go for one. He only smokes when he’s stressed.
“He’s with Sabrina, Apricot, and a few of her friends,” I say, plopping down in a
chair across from him and kick my feet up on the edge of his desk. “I figured I’d come by and tell you we’re all going to Toxicity tonight.”
“Why?” Viking asks, looking at me suspiciously.
“Why not?” I grin, leaning back in my chair and clasping my hands behind my head. “Are you afraid you’ll run into a certain little blonde who’s back in town?”
“Fuck you, Ice,” he growls, blowing out a puff of smoke. “How’s she liking the house?”
Go figure he’d ask about the house. It’s his house he had bought for her and hasn’t even spent one night in it. When it comes to Fawn, my Prez is whipped, but I know fuckin’ better than to say those words out loud.
“She’s settled in,” I say, thinking of the way she’d looked earlier. I’ve seen Fawn plenty of times over the past seven years, but this morning, I really saw her. She’s far more relaxed except for when I told her to tell Viking about Reid.
“Good,” Viking nods, stubbing out his cigarette.
I switch the conversation to business, sensing he doesn’t want to talk about Fawn.
That’s okay. Tonight I’ll make sure he’ll be able to see her, and the two of them can get their shit together. After this, I’m done playing matchmaker. If it weren’t Fawn, I wouldn’t even be setting them both up the way I am in the first place.
I just want them both to be fuckin’ happy.
Chapter Four
Viking
Pulsing music pumps through the speakers damn near giving me a headache. Why the hell did I have to come here tonight?
Right, Ice wouldn’t leave me the hell alone about coming to Toxicity. Normally I wouldn’t give a damn and join my brothers here. But this past week, I’ve been tormenting myself with all things Fawn. I want nothing more than to go see her. At the same time, I’m trying to give her the space she needs to get settled before I rock her world.