by Amy Ross
“So?” I begin, sliding into the booth across ripped vinyl. I have to raise my voice a little to compete with the ice pellets rattling the windows. “How was it?”
“How was what?” Camila replies, but even she’s aware of how unconvincing she is. I give her a look. “It was...fine,” she admits. “Fun.” She huffs a breath. “You know, I wasn’t trying to ditch you. I swear. It’s just that Hyde’s parties are kind of an acquired taste, and—”
“Wait, Hyde?” I say. “That’s who threw the after-party?”
Camila bites her lip. “Stupid hangover,” she mutters. “Always kills my brain-to-mouth filter...”
“How could you, Camila? Right after you watched him almost strangle someone to death?”
“See? This is why I didn’t want to tell you. You always overreact.”
I lean back in my seat, annoyed. I can feel myself being boxed into playing the prude again, and I’m not in the mood. I force myself to take a calming breath. “Fine,” I say. “Explain it to me, then.”
“Explain what?”
“Hyde’s appeal. From everything I’ve heard, this guy seems like a sketchy creep. But you said he’s an acquired taste. So...help me acquire it.”
Camila gives me an exasperated look. “I don’t know, Lulu,” she says. “Maybe people are curious. Not everyone can be satisfied by sexless relationships with their childhood BFF, you know,” she adds pointedly.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Nothing,” she says, holding up an appeasing hand. “Nothing. I’m just saying, when it comes to relationships, some people are looking for safety and comfort.” She nods delicately in my direction. “And other people want a little...excitement. Danger.” Camila leans in close with a wicked smile. “And maybe they want to know just what it was that shocked Natalie Martinez so bad.”
I purse my lips and mull this in silence. My first impulse is to roll my eyes at the predictability of humanity—of course they all want to satisfy their prurient curiosity about Hyde’s sexual habits. But, then again...isn’t this exactly what I was looking for? I went to that kegger because I wanted dirt on Hyde. I wanted to know what his game is, what makes him tick, so I can better understand the pull he has over Jek. So I can get him to leave Jek alone.
Cautiously, I lean forward in my seat.
“All right,” I say. “What is it? What exactly is Hyde’s big kinky secret?”
Camila grins and drops her voice. “That’s just the thing—it’s not one kink. Everyone’s story is different. This kid’s got a new perversity for every night of the week, and double that on Sundays. The filthy imagination on that guy...” She leans back in her seat and lets out a low whistle. “You have to wonder how deep the depravity goes.”
I stare at her for a minute, turning this information over in my head. “Nonsense,” I say at last, crumpling my napkin into my plate.
“What do you mean, nonsense?”
“This is typical gossip mill stuff. Each story is different because none of them actually slept with him. They’re all just making up the craziest thing they can think of, and spreading it around to boost their own image.”
“It’s not just gossip, Lulu.”
“How can you be so sure?”
Camila raises her eyebrows as she sips her coffee. It takes me a minute, but I’ve known Camila long enough to pick up on her meaning.
“You,” I say, and I can feel my eyes getting bigger in spite of myself. “You had sex with Hyde?”
Camila shrugs and pushes a bit of pancake through her syrup. “I thought the same thing you did. And what do they teach us here except to be scientists? It was vital to run my own experiment, collect some data.”
“But that was dangerous and...and not very smart, Camila.” I can hear the Goody Two-shoes squeak in my voice even as I say it, but I don’t care about my image right now. “The guy sounds like a complete psycho. What if he had hurt you? Or drugged you? What if he dumped your body somewhere and left you for dead?”
Camila drops her fork in her plate. “Relax, will you? I’m fine. I knew what I was getting into, and Hyde...well, let’s just say I’m not disappointed.”
I raise my eyebrows. “Meaning?”
Camila blushes. And Camila never blushes.
“Forget it,” I say. “I don’t want to know. Christ... So where do these parties happen?”
“He’s got a place over at Hidden Ponds,” says Camila, gesturing to the waitress for more coffee.
“Hidden Ponds. You mean that trailer park outside town?”
“The one and only.”
“Wow,” I marvel. “So Hyde is actual trailer trash.”
“Geez, Lu,” says Camila, narrowing her eyes at me. “You’re awfully quick to judge the guy. You don’t even know him.”
“Yeah? And how well do you know him?”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean...who the hell is this guy? What is his story? He hangs out with a bunch of high school kids and seems to be our age, but he lives alone and he’s not enrolled in school. He’s got cash for the hottest new phone on the market, but he lives in a trailer. Where are his parents? Do they live in town, too? Where did he come from, and how did he wind up here? As far as I can tell, he’s got no ties to anyone in town. Hell, I can’t even figure out his race—you said he was Asian, Maia figured him for white and Puloma thinks he might be black. Do you even know if Hyde is his first or last name?”
Camila shrugs, indifferent. “What does any of that stuff matter?” she says. “I thought you hated gossip, and now you’re the one spreading rumors. So I don’t know his ethnicity, or what his parents do for a living... I don’t care about that. He throws great parties, and he isn’t afraid to get a little wild. That’s all I need to know. Why are you so interested in all this superficial shit?”
I lean back and cross my arms defensively, feeling called out. Which is totally unfair—it’s not like I judge people on their race, or where they live, or who their parents are. I don’t even know why I’m ranting about this stuff, except that I don’t like Hyde and I don’t want other people to like him, either.
“Come on, Lu,” says Camila gently after watching me stew for a minute. “Don’t be jealous. Just forget about Hyde, okay? Believe me, you don’t want anything to do with his kinds of parties.”
“Why?” I say, feeling rebellious the way I always did when we were kids and Camila tried to boss me around. “Because I’m too innocent? If these parties are so wild and dangerous, why do you go to them?”
Camila puts her coffee down and looks at me seriously. “Really, Lulu? You know why. I graduate this year. And what happens to me then?”
I shift uncomfortably and look down at my plate. It’s something we never talk about—what our plans are when we’re done with high school. It’s too awkward to acknowledge that we’re on different paths. “You could go to college,” I offer without much confidence. “Or move to the city.”
Camila shakes her head. “My grades are crap, and there’s no money for anything like that. I’m going to work for the family, here in town.”
I raise my eyes to hers and see something terrible in them: fear. No, not fear—dread. Dread of the inevitable, because we both know what working for the family business means. It’s only a matter of time before Camila is sick like Carlos—a ghost of the person she is now. No wonder she wants to squeeze as much pleasure as she can out of life, while she has the chance.
Camila puts out one hand and rests it over my own. “That’s not going to happen to you, Lulu,” she says softly. “You get good grades, and you’re in all those smarty-pants science classes. You’re going to get a scholarship and get out of this town. Make us all proud.” She squeezes my hand. “You can’t let anything distract you from that.”
“Fine,” I say, pul
ling my hand away. I’m not convinced, but I don’t want to have this argument with her. Still, there’s one more piece of info I need, though I’m afraid of the answer. I take a deep breath. “About these parties...”
“Yeah?”
“Does Jek go to them?”
Camila stares out the grimy, rain-streaked window, considering. “No,” she says. “Not that I can remember. I’m pretty sure I’ve never seen him at one.”
I let out the breath. So there’s that at least. If Jek hasn’t been attending Hyde’s wild orgy parties, then maybe Jek hasn’t changed as much as I’d feared. But if Jek isn’t into that kind of stuff, why is he friends with Hyde at all? Why is Jek giving him money and a key to his house? Why is he lying for him and protecting him? Hailee said they were business partners, but there must be more to it than that. Whenever Hyde comes up, Jek seems...jumpy. Nervous, even. Whatever the truth of their relationship, there’s something sinister about Hyde’s power over him. I know it.
* * *
I’m still turning these thoughts over later that day as I drive around town through a mucky drizzle, running a few errands for my uncle. I have to stop at his feed store just outside town to look at their computer system—apparently the inventory database is all out of whack—but when I pass through the door I hear Jek’s voice, almost like I was thinking so hard that my imagination conjured him from thin air. This is a small town, so it’s not really surprising that I would run into someone I know as I do my errands, but it’s still a bit weird, given that he’s not part of the farming community.
What’s even weirder is that he seems to be having some kind of argument with the cashier, Manuel, another one of my cousins.
“No, I don’t want the smaller size. I told you, I’m going to need all of it,” Jek is saying, gesturing at an industrial-size jug of biochemical pesticide in a nearby display.
“What exactly are you trying to do with it?” Manuel counters. “Because a little of this stuff goes a long way. The EPA’s ignoring it, but you could get really sick if you use too much. My dad and my aunt both—”
Jek cuts him off.
“It’s none of your business, all right? What’s it to you what I’m doing with it?”
I step over to the counter.
“Jek?” I say, getting his attention. “Is everything okay?”
I give Manuel a nod of greeting, and he takes the hint and wanders off. I turn back toward Jek, who looks nervous and a bit guilty. We’ve texted and messaged a few times in the past couple of weeks, but I haven’t actually seen him in a while. I notice that he has some bruising on his jaw and his lip is scabbed.
“What happened to you?” I ask.
“What?” he says. Following my sight line, he lifts a hand and gently passes it over the bruise. “Oh, that. It’s nothing. You should see the other guy.”
I stare at him, speechless. Jek, in a fight? He’s never been the type in all the time I’ve known him. Instantly my mind goes to Hyde. Has Jek been picking up more of Hyde’s bad habits? Or, worse, is that psycho the one who hit him? The thought makes me sick to my stomach.
“Relax, Lu,” he says, hauling the jug of biopesticide up onto the counter. “It was a cabinet door. Opened it right into my face. I shouldn’t be trusted with such complex machinery before I’ve had coffee.”
I swipe at his arm disapprovingly. “Not funny, Jek.” As he peers around, probably looking for Manuel, I look him over, trying to decide which of his stories to believe. Only then do I notice that his eyes are bloodshot and his skin has a yellowish tint. “Did you ever get that coffee? You look like you could use a cup.”
“Yeah, I’m fine,” he says, rubbing his hand over his face. He still looks exhausted. “Just...rough night.”
I nod, but I can’t help wondering if there’s more going on. If he and Hyde are fighting, maybe now is a good time to press Jek to see the dangerous disadvantages of this new friendship.
“Where are you headed after this?” I ask as Manuel returns to ring him up.
Jek looks away as he fumbles with his wallet. “Just home. Why?”
“If you’re not doing anything tonight, maybe we can grab some food,” I suggest. He hesitates a moment. “My treat,” I add with what I hope is a disarming smile.
Jek raises an eyebrow. “You’re inviting me to dinner on a Saturday night?”
Put that way, it sounds like a date. Is that what he’s insinuating? Or is he totally deaf to such conventions? With Jek, it’s always hard to tell.
“I—I didn’t mean—” I find myself stuttering in reply. “I’m not trying—I just meant, you know...dinner. Between friends.”
Jek continues to look intently at me, but doesn’t say anything to stop my hopeless babbling.
“I’m not suggesting anything more than that, I swear.”
Jek nods at that and puts his wallet away. “Right,” he says cautiously.
“Look, I’m worried about you, okay? I just want to check in, find out how you’re doing. And what’s going on with...”
Jek tenses up. “With what?” he says as he starts for the door with the jug in his arms.
I follow and hold the door for him. “Hyde,” I say as he steps out into the rain. “Look, Jek, I know you don’t want to talk about it, but from everything I’ve seen, the guy’s a total creep. And if he’s hurting you in some way, or—”
Jek puts the jug in the back of his mom’s car and slams the door closed. “This again?” he says, turning to me. “You never used to be like this, Lu. What ever happened to your philosophy of live and let live? Of respecting people’s privacy? Is your life so boring that you have to stick your nose into everyone else’s?” He wipes the rain from his face with his sleeve and stares down at a growing puddle in the gravel. “I’m sorry,” he tries, more gently this time. He looks up at me, squinting through the rain. “I know you’re just trying to look out for me. But I don’t remember needing your permission to make new friends.”
“Fine,” I say, backing off a little so he can open his car door. “You’re right. You’re free to be friends with whoever you want. But if you’re such good friends, how come you’re never at Hyde’s parties?”
Jek gives me a sharp look. He shuts the door again without getting in. “How do you know about Hyde’s parties?”
“So you’ve been to them?”
“I didn’t say that.” He takes a deep breath and leans back against the car. “No,” he says. “I don’t go Hyde’s parties. And neither should you. Shit, Lulu...you have to promise me. If Hyde ever invites you to one of those parties, don’t go.”
“How do you know he hasn’t already?”
“Just don’t, okay?”
“What the hell, Jek? So I’m not supposed to be concerned about your shady new friends, but it’s fine for you to tell me who I can see, where I can go? Nice double standard there.”
He shakes his head, scattering raindrops on his shoulders. “That’s not what I—”
“I don’t get it,” I interrupt. “Last time we talked, you told me that I should look out for Hyde and do whatever favors he asks. That I should help him. That he wasn’t as bad as his reputation. Now you’re telling me to stay the hell away from his parties, acting like you don’t trust him. Which is it? Are you his friend or not?”
Jek flops his arms in frustration. “I’m his friend, yeah. But...look, Lu, you don’t belong at those parties. Neither of us does.”
“That’s pretty weird advice coming from you. Have you conveniently forgotten about the parties you throw? Some outsiders would call those pretty debauched.”
Jek looks guilty, and glances around to see if anyone is listening, but no one else is foolish enough to be hanging around the parking lot in the rain.
“How much worse could Hyde’s parties really be?” I ask.
&nbs
p; “Worse,” says Jek firmly. “Just trust me, Lu. It wouldn’t be safe for you.”
I roll my eyes. “You know what, Jek?” I tell him, heading back over to my own car. “You’re right. It’s none of my business what you do or who you’re friends with. Thanks for making me realize how patronizing I sounded. Maybe we can just agree to back off each other’s personal lives and let us both make our own decisions.”
Jek doesn’t exactly look happy with this resolution, but I have said all I care to on the subject, so I get in my car and drive off, completely forgetting about Carlos’s database bug.
CHAPTER 10
Later that night I’m still annoyed, though my fury has been tempered with regret that I let my conversation with Jek turn into a fight again. It seems like every time I see him these days, we wind up pissing each other off.
It would have been nice to get dinner with him tonight, maybe go back to his place afterward. Not like a date, just to watch a movie or something. Talk. Mess around in his lab, like we used to when we were kids...
Camila’s offhand comment from lunch pops into my head, interrupting this fantasy. Not everyone is satisfied by sexless friendships with their childhood BFF. I was offended at the time, but now I wonder if that isn’t a fair assessment of my situation. Is it true that I only like Jek because he feels comfortable and familiar? That I’m afraid of what might happen if I hooked up with someone who actually wants me?
I’m not exactly satisfied by my relationship with Jek, but it feels safe. Stable. Predictable. What am I missing out on by never taking any risks? Exploring other possibilities?
I flop back on my bed and stare at my dark, silent phone. Unfortunately, the problem with being a homebody with a fixation on your best friend is that when you suddenly realize you want to branch out and try something new, everyone’s already made plans without you.