“Sometimes they do,” Paige said, smiling as if she were having secret thoughts about a particular person.
“Thinking of Colton?” I asked, pushing away any weirdness I felt. Just because I wouldn’t have what Paige already seemed to have with Colton didn’t mean I lacked anything. It just meant that I wasn’t meant for that. I didn’t need it.
I had been married once before, even if only in name. And I wasn’t sure if I would ever want to do anything like that again. As it was, I barely had time for myself. I didn’t have time for anything more serious than what was already going on.
“I think I love him,” Paige blurted, and I smiled, pushing away all thoughts of Jacob. I sank down onto the loveseat with Paige and hugged her close.
“Really?” I asked, careful.
“Do you think it’s too soon?” My little sister bit her lip.
I shook my head. “I’ll never tell you what to feel. As long as you’re happy. And Colton seems like a really good guy.”
“You two went on a double date,” Eliza put in. “So, you approve of him?”
“Not that she needs to approve of him,” Paige said slowly.
“No, I don’t need to, but I think I do. I mean, no one’s ever going to be perfect for my sweet baby sister,” I said on a laugh, and Paige shoved me gently. “But he seems like a good guy.
“He is a good guy. He makes me laugh. Treats me like a princess and an equal. And I need that. We’re going slow, and I’m enjoying it. But I think I love him. I’ve never been in love before.”
I looked down at my hands and frowned. “I haven’t either,” I said.
“So, not you and Jacob?” Paige gently prodded.
I laughed. “I told you, it’s not serious. I like Jacob, but it’s not the same as you and Colton. And I didn’t love Jonah the way you love Colton. Jonah was my friend, and he became my husband in the end. To fulfill a wish. But it was for hope, not like you’re feeling.”
Eliza and Brenna knew about the marriage because the country did, at least our part of it. And I had told my best friends. They’d held me as I cried over it because I still missed the best friend I’d had before them. But they knew just as I did that what I’d had with Jonah had been friendship and hope to bring about a gentle peace, not what a husband and wife should have.
Paige turned to Eliza. “You’ve been in love before. I mean, you are in love,” Paige corrected, and Eliza laughed.
“Yes, I love my husband. And I can’t tell you what it feels like to fall in love. I just woke up one day and knew. It was as if I’d been falling every moment until the day I woke up and knew that he was the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. He was a little more headstrong about the idea of love,” she said, and I leaned forward.
“What?” I asked. I didn’t know the tale of how Eliza and Marshall fell in love. When I met her, she was already married, having moved here with her husband for his job.
“We met young,” Eliza explained. “Not even eighteen yet,” she added. “And he fell in love with me first. At least that’s what he said, and I believe him. He always knows what he wants and goes for it. I take a little more time sometimes. That’s how we fell in love. It’s like this…knowing, this idea that the person you’re with could be with you forever. Where you can’t imagine yourself without them. And then, when you try to think about how it happened, or what your life could be like if you hadn’t met them, you can’t. It’s this odd paradox where it doesn’t exist in your reality. I just love him. And I miss him every day. I cannot wait for him to come home.” Her eyes filled with tears, and since Brenna was closer, she held our friend.
“That is the sweetest thing,” Paige said, taking a napkin to wipe her tears. I took one myself and dabbed at my eyes.
“I want that,” Brenna said into the silence. We all looked at her, and she shrugged.
I smiled. “I’ve never had that, but I want that, too. Maybe one day. But I love that you have it, and that Paige might, too.”
“Maybe,” Paige said. “I think love is different for everybody, but I can practically taste the ideas you’re telling me,” Paige said. “I don’t know if that’s the right word, but you know what I mean.”
Eliza laughed. “I know. It’s almost tangible.”
“Exactly,” Paige said.
We began talking about love and futures, and I sank back, listening. I was happy, wasn’t I? I had never had that feeling Eliza explained before, yet maybe that was a lie. Perhaps if I allowed myself to think about it, and what it would mean to have someone in my life like that, I would see a face.
And the fact that I was afraid I already knew who I’d see, who I could already imagine myself allowing into my life, scared me.
Because I needed to be happy with what I had. I needed to focus on work and not take things too seriously. I needed to remember that I was already happy, and I didn’t need anything else. And if I kept lying to myself, maybe one day I would believe it.
Chapter 15
Jacob
* * *
“I cannot believe that movie ended the way it did,” Annabelle said, shaking her head as she leaned into me. I pulled her closer, and the two of us made our way through the park for our evening stroll after the movie.
“Well, it wasn’t a romance. I think everybody was supposed to end up murdered. Or walk away sad. Apparently, it’s art.”
Annabelle looked at me and laughed. “Wow, look at you, sounding all snide and sarcastic if something doesn’t have love in it.”
I blinked, wondering where that train of thought had come from. “Not really. I was thinking that the movie was going one way, and they ended it weird and abruptly, probably because they didn’t want it to be happy. Not that they needed happiness, but because they ruined the ending by trying to be subversive.”
“I agree. I didn’t expect you to see it that way. It’s not like you read romance novels or like chick flicks.”
I snorted. “No, not so much. But my mom loves them, so I’ll never disparage them.”
“You do, and you will not only incur the wrath of your mother but me, as well.”
“I wouldn’t want that,” I said, teasing.
“Dinner was good, though,” she said, moving away a bit.
“Dinner was great,” I said, patting my stomach. “Of course, going from bulgogi and dumplings straight to movie theater popcorn probably wasn’t the greatest idea. I don’t have too much time to work out tomorrow with my deadlines.”
“I’m thinking of either getting a standing desk, which I sort of already have with my drawing boards, or one of those little exercise bikes that go right under your seat. It can probably sit under my desk. I’ll look weird during meetings.”
“I wonder if Dustin could get me one of those. Of course, then he’d want one, and so would Seressia and Lucas, and we’d all be working out as we tried to get our briefs ready.”
“Maybe it’d get rid of some of the tension. I know your job isn’t easy.”
I shrugged. “It’s not like yours is.”
She frowned. “I don’t want to talk about work. It just makes me all grumpy and gets me thinking about my father, and I’m not in the mood to do that.”
“Are you going to stand up to him?” I asked, not sure why I said the words at all.
“That’s easier said than done. And, technically, while I could stand up to him, it wouldn’t matter all that much because I’m not the one who needs to do it.”
“Beckett?” I said, frowning again.
“Yes. Beckett’s the one who pretty much took over the job from Dad. And while Beckett does an amazing job and is brilliant, it’s hard to flourish when Dad is always looking over his shoulder all the time, holding a grudge against people who aren’t fighting back because they don’t care.”
“The other Montgomerys aren’t at war with you?”
“Not in the slightest. The Denver Montgomerys…” She sighed. “Honestly, I don’t even know if they realize my dad has
a vendetta against them. It’s so weird. He feels inferior to his brothers-in-law, my uncles, or something. I don’t know, but it makes things so complicated, and it’s not like we’re even in competition with them. We’re in different markets. And while, yes, I do talk to Storm, my counterpart in the company, we like being creative together. It’s not like he’s stealing from me, or I’m doing that to him. Beckett and Wes work together well, too. None of it makes any sense to me.”
“I think you’ll all be able to talk it out and move on someday. But until then, it’s going to be complicated.”
“That’s an understatement. It’s already a little too much for me to bear most days. I don’t like the man my father is becoming. And I don’t like the idea that my mother stands back and lets it happen, even though it’s her family.”
“What about your father’s siblings?” I asked.
She shrugged. “They don’t live in the state, so we don’t see them as often. But it’s one big happy family—or at least happier than my dad with my mother’s family. I hate that I can’t fix it without yelling at my dad. And I don’t want to be that person. Nobody wants me to be that person.”
“I understand,” I said and then reached out to tuck her hair behind her ear. “Now, enough of that. We should probably get home soon. We both have early days.” I looked down at her then, and she smiled. Something twisted inside me. Why was I doing this?
This wasn’t what I wanted. Things were getting far too serious, far too quickly. We would both end up hurt in the end, and we were tarnishing Jonah’s memory just standing here with each other, pretending that we weren’t thinking about anything serious.
Or maybe I was thinking too hard, and we were both on the same page. This had to be sex and us being friends. Nothing more. And maybe even a whole lot less.
“Yes, let’s get home.” She paused. “I mean, to our homes.” She blushed. “You know what I mean.”
I snorted. “Yes, I do. Come on.” Suddenly, there was a crack of lightning above us, and I looked up, then down at her. We both laughed. Rain dropped down on us in a deluge, pounding against our skin, splattering the pavement below us, and bouncing back up onto our legs. I took Annabelle’s hand, and we ran towards the car, passing others as some danced in the rain, and others ran with us.
“Was it supposed to rain?” she called out over the sounds of the storm, and I shrugged, getting to the car first so I could unlock the door. “I wasn’t expecting it to, but it’s Colorado. Who knows?”
We both slid into the car, and I turned on the engine, shaking my head. “This is ridiculous. Should we wait here or drive through it?”
“Let me look on the app,” she said and pulled out her phone. She bit her lip, and I wanted to reach out and tug her close, lick away the sting.
“Oh, crap. We’re right at the edge of it, and it’s only going to come harder and pound into us,” she said and then burst out laughing. “I didn’t mean that to sound so sexual, but here we are. I say we make it home. It’s only going to get worse.”
“You’ve got it,” I said and pulled out of the parking lot.
The roads were wet and a little messy, but not too busy, thankfully. I had visibility out of the windshield, but my wipers were on full blast, and it was getting harder and harder to see as we got closer to the house.
Annabelle didn’t say anything as she sat next to me, but she had one hand on the oh-shit bar, the other on her leg as if afraid to touch me. I only saw that at a glance when I turned, but I was glad I didn’t have any other distractions because all I could do was focus on the road and try not to end up in the ditch. I pulled into the garage, grateful when it closed behind me, and turned off the car.
“Dear God,” I said, finally letting out the breath I wasn’t aware I’d been holding. My heart raced, and I shook my head. “That was ridiculous.”
“We are drenched, and I feel like we just ran a marathon. My teeth hurt because I was grinding them. I was so afraid I might say something and distract you.”
I leaned over, pulled her close using the back of her neck, and kissed her hard. “You’re always distracting, Annabelle.” I figured I should be honest. At least as much as I could be.
Her eyes warmed, and she grinned before leaning over to bite my lip. I growled and kissed her again. I nearly pulled her over onto my lap in the car but thought better of it.
“I could fuck you right here. Or I can fuck you in the house. You decide.”
“I’m getting cold, let’s go take a hot shower,” she purred, and then she was out of the car, and I was following her, reaching for her as we made our way down the hall. My hand slid up her dress, her skin slick, and I plunged my fingers into her panties and inside her wet heat. She shook in my hold, letting out a startled breath.
“Foreplay,” she gasped.
“I thought that’s what I was doing.” I crushed my mouth to hers. I worked my fingers in and out of her, my thumb rubbing her clit. Both of us were clothed, her purse still over her shoulder, and we’d only made it to the hallway. I needed to touch her. I needed to get her out of my system.
Because the sooner I did that, the sooner this would be about just sex—better for everybody.
I twisted my finger ever so slightly and pumped harder. When she came, I kept moving, and then released her before picking her up. She wrapped her legs around my waist, and we made our way to the bedroom.
Somehow, we were stripping each other out of our clothes, both of us tugging and pulling, and my mouth was on hers, then on her skin. I played with her breasts, needing to touch and to taste. She pushed me away slightly, and my back hit the wall of the master bath a second before she was on her knees in front of me.
“My turn first,” she said and then licked the tip of my cock.
“I’m pretty sure you just came on my hand, so I was first,” I said before I licked my fingers, meeting her gaze. “But you’re always welcome to try and make it up to me.” I tangled my free hand in her hair and pulled. Her lips parted, her eyes going wide.
“You want me to fuck your mouth?” I asked, my voice a growl.
She swallowed hard before leaning forward, both hands on my hips, and swallowed me whole. She gagged slightly, and I pulled away before she hollowed her throat again and moved. I moved my hips with her, and we found a rhythm, her mouth warm and inviting and oh so good. I was about to come already.
But I didn’t want to come down her throat. No, I needed to be inside her. Which was probably wrong of me, especially when I should push her away in everything that mattered. But that wasn’t going to happen right now.
Instead, I pumped in and out of her mouth, her lips swollen around my dick. When I started to feel myself falling over the edge, I pulled away and tugged her up so I could kiss her hard again.
“Jacob, I want you to come,” she whispered.
“I will, but it’s my turn again,” I said and then pulled her down to the floor, the soft bathmat under my shoulders. She fell on top of me before moving so she could rub her wetness over my dick.
I kissed her again, playing with her nipples, then slid my hand between us, grasping the base of my dick.
“You ready?” I asked.
She nodded, and then I cursed.
“Crap, condom.”
She reached for the drawer nearest to her and pulled out the box of condoms she knew I stored there. I wasn’t sure I liked that she knew so much about my house and where things were... Or the fact that I knew how she liked her coffee or where she stored stuff in her kitchen. But these were just condoms. This was only sex. She was making things easier for us by having things in reach. It wasn’t changing things. This couldn’t be serious.
She slid the condom down my length and then straddled me again. I gripped her hips, met her gaze, and then she slammed home on top of me.
We both groaned, and she leaned forward. Since her breasts were right there, I licked one nipple and then the other before moving my hips, fucking her as she met me thrust for
thrust.
When I needed a better angle, needed more, I turned us over so she was on her back, one knee near her ear. I slid into her again, pounding, thrust after thrust. I kissed her hard, her nails scraping down my back. When she clamped around my cock, coming again, I came with her.
We both shook, and I lowered her leg and then twisted so she was on top of me, no longer bruised into the floor. I knew I didn’t actually leave marks on her, but that’s what it felt like just then. As if both of us had moved too fast, gone too far. Maybe that was just what my subconscious thought.
Because this was becoming routine. This wasn’t just sex. She knew things about me, and I was getting to know her more than I ever thought possible. And it scared me.
“Wow,” she said before leaning on one arm and looking down at me.
“I guess we didn’t quite make it to the shower.”
She laughed. “We rarely make it to a bed, Jacob.”
“Isn’t that the truth? One day, we’ll make it to a bed. Maybe.” Perhaps a bed was too normal, too serious? Or, once again, I was overthinking things.
“Anyway…” she said, her voice trailing off. She met my gaze, and something flashed behind her eyes. Something I couldn’t read. She looked vulnerable in a way I hadn’t seen before. She moved off me carefully, and I rolled away to dispose of the condom. She swallowed hard and covered herself slightly as she bent to pick up her clothes. “I should get home. As you said, I have an early day tomorrow, and it’s just easier if I’m home. You know?”
She was putting distance between us. I needed that, too, but there was something in her tone I couldn’t read. Why? Because you don’t want to, I reminded myself. I couldn’t. If I read her as much as part of me wanted to, it would mean we had gone too far. And she would end up hurt. This was how it needed to be.
“Makes sense. Here, I’ll walk you out.”
“Jacob, I live right next door. I’m fine.”
“I’d rather make sure you’re safe.”
Inked Persuasion: A Montgomery Ink: Fort Collins Novel Page 14