by Mj Fields
“We’re closed Mondays,” he says.
“I know. I just wanted to get things set up for tomorrow.”
“Plans for tomorrow?”
“Work,” I answer.
“How’d we do yesterday?”
“Deposits gonna be about seventeen hundred.”
“Seventeen?” he asks.
“Is that bad?”
“Nope, just goes to show women sell more beer without me hanging around.”
“So, it’s good, then?”
“Yeah, Mandee, we usually make just over a grand on Sundays, this time of year.”
“Oh, so that is good.”
“Really good.” He sighs.
“Then why do you sound so down?”
“I don’t, Doodlebug.” I smile when he says my nickname. It may be the first smile since Grayson left this morning. “I’m just trying to get used to doing nothing, since I have two more weeks of nothing to do.”
I look up when the door opens, and Blue walks in.
“Door was un—”
He stops when I put my finger over my mouth, signaling him to not finish that sentence. Dad would have a fit if he knew I forgot.
“You there?” Dad asks.
“Yeah. Well, I’m gonna finish up here and head home to do some relaxing of my own.”
“Love you, kid,” he says.
“Love you, too, Dad.”
As I hit end call, Blue walks over and sits a couple stools down.
“Didn’t want him to know you left the door unlocked?”
I shrug. “Not a big deal, but he’ll worry.”
“It is a big deal, Mandee.” He scowls. “Someone could’ve come in here and robbed the place. Could have hurt you.”
“Blue, I’m fine.” I sigh, trying not to come off as bitchy, but I don’t like the tone he’s taking with me.
“So, you and Gray—”
“With all due respect, Blue, that is none of your business.”
“You cheated on me.”
I stand up, pick the stool up off the ground, and set it on the bar. “Blue, as I said, it’s none of your business. Just like you telling him about my past was none of your business, yet you don’t see me—”
“He told you that?”
I shrug. “Blue, I didn’t cheat on you. We went on a few dates, we hung out, we were—”
“I’ve had a crush on you since freshman year,” he interrupts.
“Blue, I—”
“No, I don’t want an apology. I don’t want a damn thing. I just wanted you to know.” He stands up and shakes his head. “He’s a lucky man to have your attention, but Mandee, he’s gonna fuck it up. I hope you know, you fucked up, too.”
I hold back my desire to go off on him. I hate that I hurt him, but the heart wants what it wants.
“Blue,” I stop him. “Someday, you’ll find a girl who this crush you say you’ve had will feel more like a poke.”
“That’s comforting,” he huffs.
“Well, I hope so. You’re a good guy. I’m sure she’ll guard your heart.”
“I was trying to do that with yours.” He nods, turns around, and walks out the door.
I walk over and lock it behind him. Then I turn around and walk to the juke box. I add more credits and hit shuffle again.
Travis Tritt’s voice fills the room with that song, and I want to cry. Instead, I smile and look up. “I know, Mom, I know.”
I turn up the music, grab the broom, and start to clean the corners of the ceiling.
§
At five o’clock, I walk out of the bar and lock it behind me. When I turn around, I see something shiny out of the corner of my eye. I walk around the corner and see Grayson’s bike. My heart starts beating faster. I rub my eyes and look again.
I smile as I walk toward the back, where the picnic tables and horseshoe pits are set up. I see him sitting on one, guitar in hand, and start walking faster. Then I almost run.
He looks up and holds his hand out, signaling for me to stop, but I don’t.
When I get closer, he asks, “You back with Blue?”
“Grayson Falcon?” I ask, stopping at his feet and taking his guitar from him.
“Mandee, I’m fucking serious,” he says as I set it on the next table over. “We had a deal.”
I hurry back over and stand in front of him, grab his hair in my hands, and look him square in the eyes. “Don’t you ever leave me without...” I try to swallow back the tears, but the sudden burst of emotions doesn’t allow it. “Don’t you ever leave me without a goodbye. Don’t do that to me. Ever. I can’t deal with that.”
When his mouth covers mine, I stop and get as close to him as I can. Then he pulls me up, and I straddle him. He grabs my lower lip with his and pulls out while grabbing the sides of my face.
“Did you miss me?”
“God, yes,” I say, wrapping my arms around him and squeezing him tightly.
He lets out a pained groan and hugs me back. “I almost forgot I promised you a date,” he says, lips against my neck.
“Okay, but just stay like this for a little bit longer.”
He rubs his nose against my cheek. “Take as much time as you need.”
“I’m gonna need more time than you or I probably have.” Then I hold tighter, afraid he may push me away.
“Okay.”
Chapter Twenty-Five
Lights Down Low
Grayson
“You came back,” she whispers as she leans back, moving her hands under my shirt, up my abs, and then resting them over the wings.
That fucking move right there is better than bacon, better than a blowjob, better than Mags’ stories, or finally falling asleep at night when I’m so tired that I want to crawl out of my skin.
“Got to New York and felt like I left something behind.”
“Me?” she asks, her nails digging in a bit.
I nod, and she rests her head on my chest.
We sit like that long enough that I know, if I stay another minute, I could easily fall asleep, and falling asleep ain’t easy, unless it’s with her.
“Never been on a date. Hoping I don’t fuck this up,” I tell her honestly.
“This is the best date ever,” she says, looking up.
I smile and shake my head.
“It is.” She smiles back at me as she wipes her tear-stained cheeks.
“Lots of bests being shared between the two of us lately. Hard to ignore that. Could say it’s because we’re easily pleased, but I’m thinking that’s not it.”
She shakes her head, agreeing with me.
“I don’t want to enter the fight I’m going to be entering. Fight, I’ve fought forever. But the idea that maybe all those bests, all those to come, will make the fight easier.”
She smiles, and I know damn well I’m right.
“Just not sure who I’m gonna hurt the worst. On my bike, on my way out, I couldn’t stop thinking that hurting you was gonna kill me, Mandee. I feel like, with you, I just finally woke up to all the possibilities. Sure as hell don’t want to die now.”
“I don’t want you to ever die.” She holds my face now. “I fell in—”
I cover her mouth. “Told my old man a few days ago that he ruined the boy; he wasn’t going to break the man. You gotta let me be the man my mom didn’t have, the one Mags raised, the one Gage role modeled, Garrett became, and the one I know the most beautiful woman on this fucking planet, inside and out, deserves.”
She grips my wrist and pulls it to cover her cheek, the one turning pink. Fucking adorable.
“Starts with a date; ends with you on your back.”
She smiles and looks up now. “Promise?”
“I promise you, Mandee, I promise.”
Minutes later, she’s on the back of my bike, wrapped around me, and the weight of the world dissipates.
Three hours later, we pull up to Mariner’s Pier, and I kill the engine.
She slides off the bike and I follow. I
help her unbuckle the helmet, and then take mine off.
“Used to come here as a kid every year. I would watch the couples on the Ferris wheel and wonder what they were thinking. Why they would look at the person they were with and smile, knowing that someday that smile they gave would turn to tears.” I take her hand, and we walk to the ticket booth. “I hate tears. Yours the most.”
After I buy the tickets, I guide her toward La Bakerie. “This was the first place I hit every time.”
We stand in line, my arm wrapped around her waist, her body pressed against mine, and nothing here has ever felt so good.
“Two s’mores crepes,” I tell the girl at the counter.
She smiles. “Great choice.”
I pull Mandee toward the stools at the counter, then pull out one and nod for her to sit. I sit next to her, turning so I can face her.
Under the florescent lights, I look in her eyes. No clouds, no tears. They have been replaced by stars.
“You have the most amazing fucking eyes,” I tell her, making her smile. “That smile, too.”
“You have the most amazing everything,” she says, grinning then palming her face.
I can’t help laughing, which causes her to peek out from between her fingers.
“I’m gonna try my damnedest to give you the most amazing date.”
“You already have,” she says, setting her hand on my knee.
They say curiosity killed the cat, but I’m no pussy, so I can’t help asking, “Your number one date, let’s hear it.”
“This one,” she answers immediately.
“No,” I say on a laugh. “This one doesn’t count.”
“It’s the only one that has so far,” she answers. “The rest were just things I had to do, you know, for pictures and memories.”
“So, all I have to outdo is prom?” I joke.
“Homecoming was better than prom. I got a crown that day, and it made my mom so happy.”
“So, you’re telling me I’m on a date with the Homecoming Queen.” To that, she laughs. “Well then, I better step up my game.”
“It was a pity win.” She smiles, looking at me in that way that makes me seriously feel like I could do no wrong, and I have done a lot of wrong. “You know, I was the girl with the dying mom.”
“So fucking sorry about that. Wish I could’ve done something.”
“You did, Gray. You gave me hope. You, not the pity crown. You.”
“So, I’m definitely getting laid tonight regardless of what I do, then?”
She nods, laughing.
“Well, if all those fuckers in high school knew that a song in the woods would guarantee them a piece of ass, I bet they’d have spent less time on the football field getting their asses kicked.”
“Something to write down in a book for your kids to read.” She smiles.
“My what?” I laugh.
She shrugs. “Or Brand.”
“Explain.”
“My mom wrote things for me to always remember about love. When she couldn’t, she’d tell me and I’d write it down. ‘That belongs in the book, Doodlebug.’ ”
“That’s the best thing a parent can do.”
She nods then looks away.
I know she’s thinking about her, but I don’t want her to get sad, don’t want tears, but don’t want to do a damn thing to negate her feelings. They are what makes her...her.
“What is the single most important thing she wrote?” I ask.
She looks back at me then laughs. She laughs so hard she snorts, and it makes me laugh, too.
“Spill it.”
She wipes her eyes, and for a minute, I get pissed at myself. She notices.
“Tears can be from happiness, too.” She rolls her eyes.
“Okay. So, these?” I reach up and wipe away the one falling.
“Happy. Hysterical, actually.”
“Let’s hear it.”
“True love is never-ending friendship, unbreakable loyalty, and amazing sex.”
“Um...” I look left and see the girl hanging on to two paper plates. “Would you like a drink with that?”
Mandee and I both start laughing, and I nod.
“Yeah, one large chocolate milkshake.” I hold up two fingers. “Two straws.”
“Ooookaaaay.” She blushes and walks away.
I look back at Mandee, and we both start laughing again.
Then I can’t help asking, “You think that’s true?”
“God, I hope so.” She smiles then laughs again. “She was pretty high on pain meds when she let that one loose. Dad had a mouthful of water and started choking. I thought I might lose them both that day. But God, Gray, the way he looked at her when he thought I wasn’t looking was affirmation that they in fact had that kind of love. When the sex was gone, the other two were still there, and I know that’s what carried them through. I also know that’s why he can’t move on.” She looks down and shakes her head. “I know I couldn’t.”
“The sex was gone?” I ask, and then she starts laughing again, harder this time. “Yeah, I know, dick thing to say.”
“No,” she says with a bit of urgency in her voice as she grabs my knee. “No way. Sex is important. Really, really important.”
“Really, really important?” I ask while my cock, who’s been shoved into a timeout by all these fucking emotions, stirs.
“It is now,” she says, looking away.
“Oh, hell no.” I lift her chin. “That requires an explanation.”
She shakes her head and blushes.
“Please?”
“I don’t think”—she closes her eyes—“anything sexual will ever be able to top what you’ve...” She stops when we hear a gasp.
We both look over as the girl sets the milkshake down. Then we look back at each other, her eyes wide, mine probably smiling.
“Seventeen dollars,” the girl says.
I reach into my pocket and pull out a wad of bills, handing her two twenties.
“How old are you?” I ask.
“I’m seventeen,” she gasps out, turning bright red.
I hear Mandee holding back a laugh.
“Do me a favor?”
“Um, um, um,” she stammers.
“Don’t you give it up to a boy unless he deserves it,” I tell her.
“Ooookaaaay,” she says.
“Do me another?” I ask.
She nods.
“Don’t come back over here till we’re finished, because this conversation is between two people who have known each other since they were your age, and we wasted a lot of time. We got one night to fix it all before shit hits the fan.”
She nods and starts to turn.
“One more thing,” I say, and she looks back. “Look at this woman.” I point to Mandee, and she looks at her. “She’s mine.”
“I’m not into chicks,” she retorts.
“Never thought you were, but if a man isn’t man enough to tell a complete stranger that you are his, he doesn’t deserve you.”
She smiles and nods.
“Make him deserve you.”
She smiles again and looks left, at the kid making crepes. He’s talking to another girl, flirting.
“Baby girl.”
She looks back at me.
“He doesn’t deserve you.”
“Be brave, be bold, be beautiful, because you are,” Mandee tells her.
She nods, looks at us both, and smiles. “Thank you.”
Mandee reaches into her pocket, grabs a bill, then hands it to her. “Forget him and go buy something for you. Something that makes you happy.”
“Oh no, really, I can’t.” She shakes her head.
“Take it. I know what it’s like to work for tips.” She smiles that bright, beautiful smile that weeks ago was hidden behind hair when she looked down.
“You’re so fucking beautiful,” falls out of my mouth, and she looks at me.
“You make me feel that way.”
“Oh, my G
od, how old are you two?” the girl asks.
“Twenty-three,” we say at the same time.
“So, six more years.” She nods and walks away. “Six more damn years.”
I open the straws, put them in the milkshake, and push it toward Mandee. “Best milkshake on the shore. And these crepes, remind me to get one to go when we head back. I am going to cover you in it.”
She blushes then smiles. “Promise?”
“Hell yes, I do. Not promising an easy ride, but the one thing I learned about love from Mags is that, if it’s not worth fighting for, it’s not worth it at all.”
She does that awe face and nods.
“You gotta promise me you’ll still be there. If they hate me, if they can’t forgive me, I’m gonna need you even more.”
“As long as you promise me something.”
Fuck, I would promise her everything if I could believe in forever and not just want it with everything I am. Looking at her, I not only want, not only need, but I will fucking fight for it.
“I need a date night every week.”
“I think I can do that.”
“And it needs to include body parts and food.” She smiles and holds up a forkful of s’mores crepes.
I nod as I take a bite. Then I grab the back of her head and pull her toward me. I kiss her, pushing part of the bite I just took in her mouth, feeding her from mine.
Nose to nose, we chew and smile.
I am seconds from telling her what I need to tell her, but fuck if I don’t need to crush prom, homecoming, and pity crown dates with tonight.
When we finish feeding each other, laughing as we do, I feel like I’m on top of the world for the first time in my life.
Walking toward the Ferris wheel, arms around each other and bellies full, I see a couple of guys in the distance with guitars, playing for tips. The one who just finished singing sets down his guitar and walks away.
I smile to myself, knowing exactly what I’m going to do it to make this a date she will never fucking forget.
We walk up in front of them, and I pull out a twenty and drop it in the open guitar case, with the sign that says, ‘Let’s be honest, we need money for weed.’
Mandee’s eyes widen, and she holds back a laugh.
“At least they’re being honest.” I kiss her head. “Stay right there for a minute.” I let go and walk up to the kid with the flat rim hat and red eyes.