by R. J. Blain
Later, I would need to ask somebody about conversion, potential species, and the lycanthropy virus’s general role in my life. However, our job needed to come first. “Once, my mother tried to punish me by making me read books for an entire afternoon. I was so confused by that, because I enjoyed the books and had a good time. But it was supposed to be a punishment.”
“As we like saying downstairs, is it really a punishment if you like it? Lucifer is absolutely terrible at punishing Darlene when she causes him trouble. She always likes it, so she causes more trouble so he’ll punish her. The only punishment that works is when he makes himself scarce and doesn’t come to bed on time. She does not like when he doesn’t come to bed on time.”
I couldn’t blame her. I’d seen the Devil’s more human form, and if he had even half the skills of an incubus, she was one hell of a lucky woman. “How does Lucifer compare to incubi?”
“Let’s just say he’s an incubus on steroids and leave it at that,” Jonas replied in a strained tone.
“Can’t beat the competition?” I teased.
“One of his preferred tactics, if I haven’t fed in a while, is to influence the entire damned layer I happen to be on. He will do this without warning. I’ll end up fed and caught by a random succubus for a while, and he’ll strut around all proud of himself because he’s a jackass. And because he’s the one doing the influencing, my common sense utterly abandons me. But, it’s a matter of pride that I have to make Lucifer pull out the big guns to override my base tendencies. I’m rather proud of that, really.”
“And the succubus wanders off after a few days because that’s what succubi do?” I guessed.
“Exactly.”
“That sounds like way too much work. Catching one incubus is going to be hard enough. Why would I want to get rid of the one I caught and try to catch another one? Ridiculous.” I returned to scrolling through the notes on Modern Miracles Pharmaceuticals, wrinkling my nose at the information Diana had compiled on them. “Diana doesn’t have a lot of admissible evidence on this lot, but she has a great deal of circumstantial evidence pointing to their involvement in breeding mills for dogs and cats, particularly beagles. Her note says beagles are good for medical research?”
“They’re dependable, biologically sound for medical research, and once they bond with a human, they tend to be loyal to their deaths. It’s a bad combination that results in their breed being bought for top dollar for use in research. The good labs take exceptional care of the dogs, but the labs that Modern Miracles is running? They don’t give a flying shit about the animals. That’s part of why Lucifer is so determined to bring them down. Lucifer considers crimes against beasts to be no different from crimes against men. He feels the same. Big or small, He made them all—with the exception of the Devil’s beloved unicorns and a few other species. And nobody fucks with Lucifer’s unicorns and gets away with it.” Jonas wrinkled his nose. “In reality, I expect we’re going to have to scout this location and see if they have animals. Lucifer is in a mood, and the mood involves rescuing every beast he can from these operations. Then he destroys the labs so the operators won’t be able to just grab more pets and start their experimentations again. It’s a process.”
“Think spicy ponies with bite will get to help break down these labs?” I asked.
“I would count on it.”
Satisfied, I nodded before returning to my reading and research, which boiled down to the operations likely preparing to use humans as their next test subjects, as the information implied the operations had made sufficient progress with the animals. “Do you think we’re going to have problems at this meeting?”
“I’d count on it. I’ve learned that when Lucifer is involved, what can go wrong will go wrong. When I’m also involved? Everything that can go wrong will go wrong to me.”
“Why are we doing this again?”
“You hate the idea of a bunch of animal abusers escaping justice, I hate the idea of a bunch of animal abusers escaping justice, and we’re a few cans short of a six pack.”
I hated I couldn’t argue with him. “If Lucille is damaged, I’m carving revenge out of Lucifer’s hide until he fixes her, back to new and perfect.”
“I really don’t want Lucille to be damaged, but I really want to watch you carve revenge out of Lucifer’s hide.”
“Do you love or hate him?”
“Can it be both? I love hating him.”
“I suppose it can be both.”
“Both. It’s both.”
“Why do I have a feeling this is going to be a disaster?”
“You’ve been paying attention.”
My bad feeling escalated to a restless nervousness warning me something horrible, possibly involving tigers and lions again, lurked on the horizon. No, prowled around in my imminent future. “Question.”
“Answer,” Jonas replied.
“Is there a reason we have to do this? Can’t we park Lucille somewhere nearby, shroud, and investigate without having to actually talk to these people? Shrouds are useful. I bet I can hide us from prying eyes. I bet I could even get us in the building without anyone realizing we’d opened any doors. I can trick cameras.”
“I know you can. You absolutely nailed Lucifer on your little job. You did great work on that. They’re all going mad trying to figure out who did it. Lucifer might end up peeking at the rate he’s going.”
“If he peeks, I’m dead,” I muttered.
“You might be cuddled into submission by him and my sister, and I wouldn’t be surprised if you end up with more parents than normal, because Lucifer absolutely cannot resist adopting people. The only reason he hasn’t adopted Diana is because his brother won’t let him. Raguel shows up every time Lucifer thinks about doing it. Then his other father shows up and has to smooth feathers because Raguel and Darlene squabble. Honestly, I think Lucifer does it because he loves my sister’s feathers, and she only displays them when she’s really hungry or she’s defending her turf. When Raguel shows up to bar Lucifer from adopting Darian and Diana, feathers fly. It’s great entertainment.”
“Jonas, you’re already Lucifer’s brother.”
“I’m fairly certain that doesn’t matter to Lucifer. He doesn’t feel secure unless he’s the father of his precious little adoptees. Darlene has protected me so far, mainly because she doesn’t want to lose her brother. I’m probably safe. You’re probably not safe, though. Because there’s nothing in the rules saying I can’t become involved with one of Lucifer’s adoptees. We might need to run to escape the insanity.”
“Jonas, did you really think you were getting out of this relationship single? Well-fed, yes. A free, single man? Probably not. You’re a monogamous incubus with a meal problem. I’m a single not-quite human female who needs a good bed buddy without having to worry about abusive, idiot men who can’t handle someone who wants to have a career. You will not interfere with my career, and if anything, I expect you’ll be a dick if I try to fuck my career up.”
“You’re not a good sugar momma if you aren’t caring for your stay-at-home incubus, so yes.”
I stared at Jonas with wide eyes. “Wait. I’m a sugar momma?”
“I’m a beautiful incubus who will be expected to show up and warm your bed, and you plan to only have me around when you need to be cuddled in bed. Calling you a sugar momma is so much better than calling me a shameless prostitute.”
Laughter bubbled out of me. “I’m not paying you, so you can’t be a prostitute, Jonas. The only lavish gift you’re getting is the privilege of driving Lucille.”
“That classifies as you being my sugar momma for certain.” Jonas patted the steering wheel. “Lucille is wonderful, and she treats us so well.”
“Is there any reason I should be your sugar momma?”
“Lucifer will loathe the entire concept because he is a strong supporter of unholy matrimony.”
When viewed in that light, allowing Jonas to call me his sugar momma made a great deal of sense.
“Alright then, my little sugar baby. Hurry up with the fix-me magic so we can get this show on the road.”
“I don’t know what species He made you, but I’m a little concerned for my safety.”
“I can’t take you to bed if I kill you,” I reminded him.
“While true, this is the first time in my life as an incubus I’ve actually been concerned if I’ll perform satisfactorily, Sandra. This is a problem.”
“In good news for you, I have no basis for comparison, so if you do your best all of the time, I really won’t know any better.” I shrugged. “From my understanding, most men last ten minutes and leave disappointment in their wake, so as long as you beat that, I’m considering myself lucky.”
“That bar is so ridiculously low it makes me want to cry, Sandra.”
“I can’t help that’s what the internet taught me!”
“I am going to ruin you for mortal men,” he warned. “Incubi usually do. Most of my brethren take pride in doing that. But then the women we ruin hunt for lycanthropes, as they’re fairly close to incubi in terms of endurance.”
“There’s a pecking order based on performance in hell, isn’t there?”
“Oh, yes. Lucifer wins, much to everyone’s annoyance. After Lucifer, the equines generally win, although the ranking among randy unicorns often varies. Right now, the cindercorns are winning, but Bailey has an unfair advantage; her mate has a lot of active incubi genes and he’s converted, so he has a double dose of general drive. Standards will give the cindercorns a run for their money on most days, although they’re third right now thanks to the nightmare trying her best to convert her mate. That’s Diana. We’re not sure how the lone celestial will pan out. She’s an introvert, and Lucifer is going to have to take steps to get her on the move. Apparently, she’s still mourning her parents, and she’s a depressed little mare, so Lucifer is trying to find the ideal mate for her. I’ll give him credit, though. When he decides to matchmake, he means serious business—and he loves his unicorns.”
“Why are these celestials almost extinct?”
“He made the same mistake he did with the cindercorns with them. They’re slow to reproduce, they’re dedicated to the point they’re slow to mate if they mate at all, and they are long-lived, so some pairings just never had any foals. Lucifer will correct the problem with the little filly he’ll be luring out of hiding, so there are no worries there. But she has to recover from the death of her parents first. She loved them both very much.”
“How did they die?” I asked, bracing for the sort of tragedy my school taught us to expect in the pursuit of justice.
“Old age. They held on until their little filly was old enough to survive on her own. Unicorns don’t appear all that old, so in their filly’s eyes, they died in their sleep at too young of an age. They were over a thousand, but she isn’t aware of that. Hell, she’s unaware she’s a celestial, for that matter—just like Lucifer’s precious cindercorn had no idea she was a real cindercorn. The fallout is going to be spectacular, because she absolutely adores Bailey and doesn’t understand why. It’s because they’re birds of a feather. It’ll be fun. Now that Lucifer has begun introducing the various equines, I’m sure everyone will get involved when we’re bringing a new one into the fold.”
Somehow, I’d landed into quite the mess. “How do you think spicy ponies with bite will rank?”
“I would not complain if you unseated the cindercorns. I’m an incubus, Sandra. If you want to go for gold, I’m here for the ride.”
No kidding. Snorting so I wouldn’t snicker and hurt the incubus’s feelings, I resumed reading about the organization we would one day crush beneath our vengeful heels.
Rather than show off the Lamborghini and go with the Devil’s plan to infiltrate through using my cancer to draw interest, we parked in an underground lot a mile away. Aware of Diana’s commentary regarding my odd brain activity and potential for strengthened practitioner magic, I took care with the illusions meant to keep watchful eyes from noticing us.
Jonas observed with interest. “I’m starting to dislike how long it’s taking to correct your reproductive system, Sandra. Watching you work is sexy.”
Nice. I preened over my skills having captured the incubus’s attention. “I’m just warning you I haven’t shrouded other people before. I usually use these on me, so I don’t want to make a mistake. The cameras are easy. I developed this to hit that damned mini mansion. I also have a few runes good for some internal scouting. That’s how I checked to make sure nobody was inside.”
“Including the pets,” Jonas stated.
“I would have totally torched the place if only Lucifer had been inside. I’m not an angel, and a little flame would have tickled.”
“He would have gone even crazier had you done that, especially since your shrouds are that good.”
“Did you know I considered them to be just illusions, not actually shrouds? To me, I was just hiding things with illusions. I know what they are now, but I swear I had just been working with illusions.”
“A shroud really is just a really advanced illusion, but one that manipulates magic as well as sight. But that’s probably why you didn’t even skirt the line on the universal laws. You weren’t trying to create a shroud. You were creating illusions, and the intent really matters. But now that you’re converting—or have already been converted—you no longer classify as mortal. Shrouding is no longer forbidden. He would have made certain you could work your shrouds without violating the universal laws.”
He would drive me to the limits of my sanity. “How close did I get to getting eradicated from seeing through the shrouds, do you think?”
“Unfortunately, you were pretty close. It leaves a mark when someone begins to see through the shrouds. Lucifer confirmed you were marked, although unlike Diana, you were naturally resilient to the consequences of the mark. Diana came within a hair of eradication. You had a way to go, although you were getting closer than Lucifer likes thinking about. Part of why He intervened, I presume. The first time you see Lucifer without his shroud, you’ll get the shock of your life, but you’ll survive it. And it gets easier to tolerate with additional exposure. Lucifer is still training Diana. She’s hilarious when he removes his shroud. She positively freaks out, and then she needs some time with Darian, because Lucifer is her type and she hates admitting it. Darian is also very much like his uncle, which does not help her in the slightest. She loves tall, dark, and ridiculously handsome men, which both Lucifer and Darian are. Darian is smart and asks the Devil to drop his shroud when he wants a good time and doesn’t want to nag Diana about it.”
Giggles built in my chest, and I fought to keep them contained while I worked on the illusions we would need to infiltrate the former warehouse. “That’s fucking hilarious.”
“For someone with his reputation, Lucifer really likes making sure everyone is happy in his house.”
“Happy or just frequently laid?” I asked.
“The answer is both. But with the equines? If they aren’t frequently laid, nobody is happy.”
“Should I be concerned?”
“Not really. Should everyone around you be concerned? Definitely. I think you’re going to be true to form, considering your current behavior and drive. How are your shrouds going to work for this?”
“I’m going to give you a sheet of paper, which you’ll put in your pocket and leave there. The paper will maintain the spell, gradually eating away at it until the magic breaks. It will last two hours. If you tear the sheet in half, it will break the illusion. I’ll use the same type of illusion. A second sheet I’ll give you will make sure all recording devices fail to capture your image. It basically neutralizes all forms of cameras and loops a recording of where you were the moment before you stepped into the camera’s view.”
“This is what you used at Lucifer’s place?”
I shook my head. “I created an illusionary loop of about thirty seconds of ‘recording’ so the camera was consta
ntly working until I burned the place down and the cameras broke from the flames.”
“The next time Lucifer is about to move out of a mortal residence, I’m tipping you off so we can do another hit.”
I giggled at the idea of having an accomplice to help me attack Lucifer’s wallet again. “Deal.”
“Anything else I should know about these shrouds?”
“Not that I can think of. If the rune is destroyed, you’ll become visible. It’s generally okay if it gets wet, but it won’t tolerate being torn or burned. The paper will degrade from the edges and work its way in.”
“Is there a reason you didn’t use a larger sheet of paper?”
“The magic only lasts two hours in this form, give or take ten minutes. It doesn’t matter how large or small the paper is. It’s probably some form of limitation of using paper as the foundation for the illusion. I recommend we get out of there within an hour and a half, else we might end up in a rather uncomfortable position.”
“Can neutralizer disrupt it?”
“I don’t know. I’ve never tried neutralizer. Too expensive.”
Jonas nodded. “We’ll have to experiment later with this. Diana has to place her shrouds directly onto the object. She can’t create portable shrouds like you can. That’s pretty impressive. Of course, she can summon Lucifer on her whim rather than his.”