What Happens After

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What Happens After Page 26

by Portia Moore


  My stomach starts to feel queasy.

  “How was your visit with Zach?” she asks as she heads into her room to put away her stuff.

  “It was good,” I say, wondering if I sound timid.

  “So good news,” she says with a wide grin.

  I smile back at her, and she looks at me a little curiously.

  “Dad’s necklace fits you,” she says warmly. I want to punch myself in the stomach. I fiddle with it and giver her a weak grin instead. She continues to look at me in a probing way. Maybe I’m just paranoid.

  “What is it?” I ask, sitting at the table.

  She does the same, tilting her head to the side, her eyes glossing over me. “You look different.”

  “What do you mean?” I ask, trying to control my breathing.

  “I don’t know. It’s not bad, it’s good.” She grins at me, and guilt washes over me, then her eyes widen with excitement. “Did you sleep with Zach?”

  Double load of guilt now. “No.” But I feel my cheeks heat up.

  “You did, didn’t you!” she says, swatting me playfully.

  “Maybe,” I say, feeling terrible about the lie.

  “Wow! What happened? Tell me everything!” she says excitedly, then her face scrunches up. “You didn’t do it at Will’s, did you? He’d be mortified.” She chuckles, and I look away from her. “You did! Oh my gosh!”

  She laughs, and I feel as if I’m on a roller coaster.

  “How did you pull that off? I can’t believe Will didn’t stay up and stand guard while you slept. You should have seen how on edge he was when you guys left. He was acting like he was a knight trying to protect your virtue. It was so cute.” She giggles, and I give a fake laugh. “Hey, what’s wrong?”

  “Nothing, I just don’t feel real good. I think it’s something I ate earlier.” It’s the truth and a lie.

  “Oh. Do you need me to go grab you something from the drug store?” she asks.

  “No, I’m fine really.” I stand and turn off the oven. “I’m just going to lie down for a few minutes.”

  “Okay,” she says, rubbing my shoulder.

  I fall into my bed, and I do feel sick. Sick to my stomach, a feeling I hope goes away soon, it’s definitely nothing Pepto Bismol can cure.

  TODAY IS THE day. It’s been four weeks since the night Gwen and I gave in and stopped fighting what we’ve both been feeling. I’ve been searching for the right way to tell Gia that it’s over. It hasn’t been easy, but I know the guilt Gwen feels about us sneaking around at work, coming here and doing what we’re doing while Gia and I are officially together, is starting to get to her.

  I asked Gia over for dinner today, telling her I needed to talk to her about something important. I’ve never broken up with anyone before. I’ve dated girls but never seriously, and they always kind of fizzled out or we grew distant. Gia is my first real relationship. For almost two years, she’s been a part of my life, and I guess what makes this different is that even after tonight, she’ll still be a part of my life because she’s the sister of the woman I love. I don’t know what she’s going to say when I tell her. I hope I don’t blindside her. I mean, of course she wouldn’t expect this, but we’ve been distant; she’s been distant. Or not really distant. Just busy—busy with school, busy with work. We haven’t had a real date in almost three months.

  I hear her come in. She has a key. My stomach feels as if it’s dropped eight floors.

  “Hey,” she calls.

  She takes off her coat and folds it neatly before laying it across the couch. She walks over to me siting on the sofa and kisses me softly, and I feel guilt surge through me. I pull away. She looks at me questioningly then giggles without saying anything.

  “Chicken chili,” she says, walking into the kitchen. It’s the only thing I’m good at making.

  “You know it.” I hear my voice waver.

  She dishes us each a bowl. “So I have some good news.”

  I force a smile as we sit at the table. I try to think if it’s crazy to let her eat before telling her what I have to. I know she won’t eat after, so is it wrong to let her eat and let us talk without her knowing? I feel each second I don’t tell her will make things worse.

  “What?” I ask before putting a spoonful of chili in my mouth.

  “Gordon has a new assistant,” she says happily.

  “That’s great.”I smile but am unsure why her boss getting a new assistant is good news. I try to sound excited though. I want to make sure the time we spend together before I break up with her is good, bearable.

  “But you don’t know why it’s great,” she says with a chuckle, and I do the same. Her face is lit up.

  I know this news has to be something that makes her happy. I hope that what I tell her next won’t wipe that away.

  “That means I won’t be working as many hours, that we’ll be able to spend more time together,” she says.

  My chest feels as if someone is standing on it now. Her smile is warm, good energy radiating off her, and I feel gutted.

  “I know we haven’t been spending as much time together, and I hate that. I don’t want us to grow apart. You’re really important to me, William.” Her voice is warm like honey, and I feel like complete shit.

  I push my bowl away and think of what to do next. Should I sit here and tell her while we eat chili that I don’t want to be with her anymore? Should I stand? Is there etiquette for this sort of thing?

  “William, what’s wrong?” she asks.

  My thoughts must be playing out on my face. What do I say? What are the right words to soften the blow? I rub the back of my neck, hoping to release some of my tension. My throat has gone dry, and I clear it. Her gaze is on me, and I break away from it by staring at the steam coming from my bowl of chili.

  “Will?” she says, her tone alarmed.

  My eyes drift to her face, but then I focus on the engagement ring I gave her almost year ago. I think about all those feelings I had for her, the dreams and plans I made for us, and how it crushed me when she told me she wasn’t ready but would be one day. Even now, one day hasn’t come, and that gives me a small piece of courage.

  “I can’t do this anymore, Gia,” I say quietly.

  She squints at me as if she didn’t really hear what I said, as if I mumbled it. For a second, I wonder if she did hear me, then she sits up straighter, dropping her spoon. I hear her suck in a small breath, but her face stays still, perfectly so.

  “I’m assuming you mean us?” she says slowly.

  Our eyes meet. I tear mine away from her, and I nod. There’s a stretch of silence, and I see her eyes move to her ring. She rolls it between her fingers. I feel as though I should say something, that she’s waiting on me to say something, but “I’m sorry” seems trivial and nowhere near enough, yet I can’t give her the real explanation. If I speak, I’ll have to lie, and I don’t want to lie to her, not after everything that’s happened.

  “Did I do something wrong? Is it because we haven’t spent a lot of time together?” Her voice is strong, but her expression is weak and vulnerable in a way I’ve never seen on her before.

  “No, Gia. I think that when you really think about us, we don’t make sense,” I say, and her mouth moves into a tight line. She pulls off her ring and sits it on the table.

  “Is that why you proposed to me?” she says sarcastically, but I know she’s hurt.

  “I think that’s the reason you didn’t say yes,” I say softly.

  Tears roll down her face, and my eyes water too.

  “Is there someone else?” she asks the question I’ve been dreading.

  I can’t lie to her. I start to tell her, but she raises her hand, stopping me. She smiles, but it’s a sad one.

  “I don’t want to know. I’d rather not know,” she says quietly. She stands and rubs her hands down her thighs. “I’ll get my things.”

  Her face is red, her eyes are wet, and her voice is shaking. I nod and sit at the table, looking at t
he ring she’s left on the table. My head feels clouded, but the tension in my chest starts to leave. I feel guilty but free. I hate that Gia’s hurting, but she’s smart, independent, and beautiful. She’ll find someone who will be in love with her, someone she’ll say yes to the first time they propose.

  Gia is reasonable. Gwen’s right—after a couple of months, we can ease her into the fact that we’ve fallen in love. She won’t like it. I know it’ll be awkward at first, but she’ll accept it. She doesn’t have to feel betrayed. She doesn’t have to hate her sister or me.

  “William,” she says. Her voice is sharp and high.

  I stand from my chair immediately because it seems urgent. Before I can make it to the bedroom, she’s standing in the hallway. My eyes move to her hand, where her silver necklace dangles.

  “What’s wrong?” I ask.

  Her face is beet-red, and I can tell she’s breathing hard from the way her chest moves up and down.

  “What. Is. This. Doing. Here?” She says each word pointedly but almost as if she’s breathless.

  I frown. “That’s yours. You left it here the last time you were here.”

  She shakes her head and runs her hand over her head. “I haven’t worn this in months.”

  “Then what is it doing here?” I say, a little exasperated and confused as to why she’s so upset that she’s questioning me about this necklace. She seems more upset about it than about me breaking up with her.

  “It was under your bed!” she shouts.

  “What are you talking about? Why are you upset?” I say frantically.

  She walks closer to me and looks me straight in the eye. There’s a fury on her face that I’ve never seen, then her hand is across my face like ten bee stings at once. I’ve gotten into a lot of fights, but I’ve never been slapped.

  “I gave that necklace to Gwen,” she says in a low growl, and I feel my eyes widen. “What is it doing it here?” Tears fall from her eyes.

  “I-it’s not what you think.” The words fall out of my mouth as if I was programmed to say them, as if they were embedded there—maybe from hearing stories or seeing movies about someone cheating and getting caught.

  She gazes at me, waiting for me to say something else, but words don’t come.

  “I hate you,” she says in a vicious growl before storming past me and out the door.

  I’m frozen. Gia knows. She knows. I snap out of the trance I’m in, pick up the phone, and call the house. I have to tell Gwen, to warn her. I don’t know what a warning will do, but it’d be better than her being blindsided. I dial her number, but all I get is a busy signal.

  “Get off the phone and pick up!” I yell. I call five times and get the same signal. “Shit!”

  I slam the phone down, grab my keys, and head out the door.

  “YOU’RE REALLY THINKING of moving here?” I ask in disbelief, twirling the cord between my fingers.

  “I know, but I think I’m in love. Ashlyn’s amazing,” he says. I can hear his smile.

  “That’s pretty awesome.” I’m happy my friend has found what I have, even if it’s just for this moment.

  “What about you? You and the big brother still sneaking around?” he says.

  I sigh and roll my eyes. I keep telling him not to call us that, but he still does. “Yeah, but she’s over there now. He says he’s going to break it off with her today.” I’ve had a headache since he told me this morning. It goes and comes, and my chest has been tight, and my stomach is queasy.

  “Wow. That’s a good thing, right?” he asks.

  “I mean, in one way it is. I love him, and the thought of them together makes me crazy, but on the other hand, I know it’s going to hurt my sister. Who wants their sister hurt?” I let out a deep sigh.

  “You do know that what you two are doing is going to hurt her?” he says, but his tone isn’t sarcastic.

  “I know, but I really don’t think Gia is in love with Will. I think she loves him, but she’s not in love with him. She doesn’t feel the way I do about him. She won’t be devastated by him breaking up with her, and Gia’s a guy magnet. She’ll meet a guy that she fits with better, who is more like her, and she’ll be happier,” I say, trying to convince myself.

  “And how long do you think you guys can keep what you’re doing a secret? How much time do you think she needs to be okay with you guys as an item?”

  That’s the question. I’m hoping in about eight months I can tell her that I’ve grown to have feelings for him. It wouldn’t be so farfetched. We work together, and people fall in love in the workplace all the time. At least from what I’ve seen on TV.

  “I guess my question is, Gwen, is he worth it? Is he the one? Is it worth the risk if she finds out?” he asks the question I’ve asked myself a thousand times.

  I give him the answer I’ve come to each time. “Yes. But hopefully it never comes to that.”

  “I’ll be back in two weeks, when I get paid, to see you and Ashlyn,” he says.

  I’m grateful he’s changed the subject. I’ve been on pins and needles all day and need to be distracted. I hear Gia’s car pull up, and my heart speeds up.

  “Hey, she’s back. I’ll call you later, okay?” I say nervously and hang up.

  I feel as if I should look busy. If I was just sitting here, that’d be suspicious in some way. I quickly turn on the TV and sit cross-legged in front of it. I should have told Will not to tell me when he was going to tell her so my reaction would be more natural.

  The door opens, and she comes in. I look for signs of sadness, anger, depression, but there’s nothing. No running mascara or tears in her eyes. I’d thought their breakup would take longer than it did. She’s only been off work for maybe two hours. It had to take her a little while to make it to his place and then for him to tell her and for her to make it back here.

  Maybe he didn’t tell her. I feel relieved and relax a little bit, even though I feel a tad angry. What if he chickened out? Then my stomach drops. What if he changed his mind?

  “Hey, sis,” I say cheerily, but I keep my eyes glued to the TV.

  “Hi,” she says shortly and walks past me into her room. Maybe she did talk to him and she’s in shock or something.

  “I-is everything okay?”

  “Yeah,” she calls, sounding more like herself from the bedroom. “I was wondering though—could I borrow your necklace?”

  “Which one?” I ask, flipping through the television channels.

  “Dad’s.”

  Ugh, I actually haven’t been able to find it. I’ve been destroying my room, and it’s nowhere to be found. “I actually haven’t been able to find it. I didn’t want to tell you because I didn’t want you to think I was a careless.”

  She walks back into the room, sits on the couch next to me, and crosses her legs. “Where do you think you lost it?” She’s mad. I can tell.

  “I think at work or somewhere in my room. I’m going to find it. I promise.”

  “And there’s nowhere else you can think of you took it off?” she asks calmly.

  There is one place, but I can’t tell her that.

  “No, it has to be here somewhere.”

  She nods, and I notice her leg is shaking. Actually her entire body is.

  “Are you okay?” I ask.

  When she looks at me, her face is flushed and tears are starting to fall rapidly down her cheeks.

  “Gia, are you okay?” I ask her, and I realize Will did tell her. Maybe it’s just hit her now.

  She squints at me and moves her hand off her trembling thigh, revealing the necklace. “I found it under Will’s bed.”

  I lose my breath. I can hear my heart beat in my ears. I try to think of what to say to explain it. Has she noticed I’ve worn it since the night I stayed at Will’s with Zach? Of course she’s noticed—she’s Gia. I try to think of something to say, something to defend myself, but the tears in my eyes are a dead giveaway.

  She shakes her head and sniffs, wiping her face, and tu
rns away from me, back to the television. “I need you to leave.”

  “Gia, please.” It’s all I can say. I take her hand, and she snatches it away from me as if my skin is scalding.

  “Have you slept with him?” she asks as if it chokes her to speak the words.

  I want more than anything to say no. Right now, I wish it hadn’t happened yet. I try to make the right words come out of my mouth, but none do.

  “How could you?” she asks, looking at me. Her lips quiver, and I feel light-headed as tears pour out of my own eyes.

  “I’m sorry,” I say, but it’s weak and barely gets out of my burning throat.

  She stands. “I will never forgive you for this. How could you choose him over me? My heart is broken.” Her voice is strained as she touches her chest. “And you broke it. Not him.” She’s crying so hard her body is trembling again, and mine is too. “You have one hour to get your things and get out. I’m sure William will welcome you with open arms.”

  She quickly goes to her room and slams the door. My head is pounding, and I keep trying to catch my breath and stop crying, but I can’t. My whole world is collapsing. I don’t know what to do, what to say, and nothing I can say will make this better. I’ve lost my sister. When my mom finds out, she’ll hate me too. She’ll take Gia’s side, and she’ll be right.

  WHEN I PULL up in front of Gia’s, I see Gwen sitting on the curb in front of Gia’s neighbor’s house, sobbing. She’s crying so hard her body is trembling. When I open the door, I hear her whimpering. I hop out of the truck and run to her. I pull her into my arms, and she continues to break down.

  “She’s never going to forgive me. Never. She kicked me out. She’s going to tell my mom. She’s probably going to disown me. She hates me,” she says between choked gasps.

  I hold her tight then grab her bags and guide her to my truck. I put her into the passenger side and walk around to get in. As I do, I look toward the house and see Gia in the window, glaring daggers at me. Even in her anger, she watched to make sure Gwen was okay. Gwen is too upset, her eyes probably too blurry, to see anything though.

  On the ride to my house, Gwen continues to cry. I hold her hand and stroke it, and she finally goes to sleep from sheer exhaustion. I can feel her desperation, her spirit shattering. Her joy, her spunk, her hope dissolves with each tear she sheds.

 

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