by Quinn Ryder
“I’m sorry. There’s nothing I can say to change what I did, Faith. All I can hope is that somehow you will figure out a way to forgive me. I never stopped loving you. My heart has always bled only for you.”
But that was a lie, too. And I wasn’t going to let it slip by. I knew his heart bled for other people. It had to. No man can go seven years without having a woman around for company—not even someone as pure as Midas.
My head snapped around and I glared at him. “If your heart only bled for me, then why did you fuck other people? Why didn’t you stay faithful? I thought you were dead! I had my reasons for moving on. But you . . . you should’ve stayed faithful to me.”
He nodded, unable to meet my eyes. “I did what I had to in order to get back to you, Faith. I’m sorry.” A single tear slipped down his cheek, followed by another. His hold on my hand weakened and I could feel his wrist shaking, almost as if my words broke him apart.
I loved him in that moment, but I hated him, too. I hated him for leaving me—for abandoning me when he knew I needed him. For daring to be with other women when he knew I was dying without him.
“Maybe you should go,” Scythe said, clapping Specter on the shoulder. “She’s going to need some time to cool off.”
“NO!” I screamed. “I’m not some fragile piece of glass that’s going to break anymore, Jimmy. Everybody else needs to leave, I need to talk to JD alone.”
My brother and Switchblade reluctantly retreated, leaving me alone in the room with Specter.
“How many were there?”
“How many what?” he asked, a twinge of confusion setting in his brow.
“Women. How many women got to touch you while I was alone thinking you were dead?”
“Two, both recently. Both because I had no other choice.”
“Who were they?” I asked him. I’m not sure why I cared so much about the women he bedded down, but I needed to know if there had been any woman since me that he fell for.
“The first was Filly, she’s the president of the Vicious Vipers. In order for me to hide out on her side of town, I had to do two things for her. Fuck her and make her cum, because most men were afraid to fuck her.”
“And the second thing?”
“Find the club member who was undercover in the Armada and bring her back home. I failed that one because the member she sent me after was Daisy and Daisy disappeared with Guerrilla.”
For some reason the sting of him fucking another woman didn’t hurt so bad. Maybe because he only fucked her because he had to like he said. Filly was known to be vindictive and she always got what she wanted. That’s why the club never fucked with the Vipers. It wasn’t because they were an all women club, it was because they weren’t to be trusted.
“Who was the other woman?”
“Desi, when she gave me my initiation blow job, which by the way I never meant for you to see.”
My heart melted a bit. For seven years he remained faithful to me. Seven years he kept himself celibate so he wouldn’t betray our love—only breaking his vow because he absolutely had to. He did what he could to get back to me, even if what he did involved messing around with other women.
“Swear it was only two?”
“There has only ever been one woman for me, and it was her image I saw when I dug myself out of that grave. It was her image that kept me moving to the hospital even when it felt like my body had given up. It has always been her image that has kept me alive.”
He sat on the bed next to me, his beautiful face breaking down all the walls I created in his absence. I traced the unfamiliar contours, trying to see past the mask he’d been wearing all this time. Underneath it all was my Midas, the man who stole my heart just by being the genuine human he was. I thought I had lost him seven years ago, and in a sense maybe I did, but the man sitting before me was even stronger than the man I fell in love with. He survived just so he could live for me.
A tear escaped down my cheek and he wiped it away. His touch alone was enough to break me.
“Then why did you stay away so long? Why didn’t you come back for me?”
“Because I was afraid. Guerrilla broke my trust in the club, and I was afraid if I came back for you that whoever shot me would just take you out instead. I couldn’t let him hurt you, Faith. You’re the only reason I kept fighting. Your life will always mean more to me than my life ever could.”
I frowned against his palm, tears pricking my eyes, releasing all the anguish I’d been harboring deep in my heart. The feelings of abandonment, the tears I shed when I felt like everything was lost and I was left to walk the world alone.
“You lied to me,” I whispered. “You made me believe you died. I spent the last seven years mourning you—avenging a death that never happened. I did things . . . things I’m not proud of.”
He cupped my face, his coarse thumb swiping away the tears as they flooded from my eyes, barely keeping up with them. “I know. I don’t know how to fix the pain I’ve put you through. I don’t know what I can say to make it all better.”
I looked up at him—past all the hurt, past the betrayal plaguing my insides, past the fake façade he tried to cover himself with. I looked past it all just so I could stare up into his eyes and see him as the man I wanted him to be. The man I’ve always needed. He was still there, maybe he was a bit broken and overwhelmed with guilt for leaving me and betraying my trust, but he was still there—all in one magnificent piece, still as golden as I remember him. My Midas.
“Say you’ll never do it again. Say you won’t leave me. Say the other women meant nothing to you. Tell me you’ll always be mine.”
Specter’s lips lifted into half of a smile. “Faith, the only way I’ll ever leave you again is if death takes me away kicking and screaming. You’re my world and the only woman that will ever matter to me—my only reason I keep breathing. You are my reason I never stopped fighting. I’ve always loved you, Faith, there hasn’t been a single second where I’ve taken a breath and not thought about you at the same time.”
“I never stopped loving you either, Midas. It’s always been only you for me.”
He smiled and pushed a piece of my hair behind my ear. “I buried Midas seven years ago, Faith. Can you love the man I am now as much as you loved Midas back then?”
I bit back the tears, burying them along with Midas’ ghost that hung heavy between us.
“As long as a part of him still lives inside of you, I’ll always love you, JD. It doesn’t matter what you ask me to call you. You’re still the man I love, and that’s all I’ll ever care about. A name doesn’t change who you are, it just changes what I call you.”
His lips came crashing down on mine, and the second they did, I felt a release unlatch inside of me. All of the pain. All of the guilt. All of the evil shit I did in his wake. I let it all go, releasing it into the waves of the past that drifted behind us.
Nothing else mattered now. All that mattered was that he was alive and holding me once again.
It’s true that I lost Midas seven years ago when Guerrilla buried him in that grave, but it was Specter who crawled his way out of the heavy earth to get back to me. And now that he’s here, I’m going to hold on to him and continue treading the waters of the wake he captured me in. Loving him for the man he was and the man he will always be.
It may have been Midas who stole my heart with his golden touch all those years ago, but it was Specter who swooped in to repair what was left damaged; breathing life into a soul that was lost and empty without him.
Epilogue
Specter
Two Weeks Later
I stood outside the war room waiting to be called inside. I wasn’t sure what was going on. Since everything went down with the Saints, shit had been eerily quiet, and I haven’t spent much time at the clubhouse. I’d spent every waking minute I could with Faith, trying to make up for all the lost time and pain I left her with. I’m not sure why she forgave me so quickly, but I’m glad that she’s at le
ast giving me a chance to fix what is so broken between us.
Right now, the only thing that mattered was both of us healing from our wounds, both superficial and the ones hidden deep inside. Her leg was healing well, she was lucky to be alive. Marco missed her artery by a mere millimeter, barely nicking it.
My shoulder still hurt like hell, but I’ll survive it. Hell, I was buried alive after being shot and still dug my way out of the earth to get back to her. There was nothing I felt like I couldn’t survive at this point. It would take more than a stray bullet to bring this ghost down. Nothing could hurt worse than looking into Faith’s eyes and seeing her break apart in front of me. I will spend the rest of my life repairing the wounds I’ve inflicted on my woman until my last dying breath if I have to.
“Come in, Prospect,” Switchblade said, after opening the door and peeking around the corner.
I carefully got up from the chair I was sitting in and made my way in the room, trying not to notice all the eyes that were on me. It was as if they were all seeing me for the very first time—the real me, not the one I was pretending to be.
Scythe sat at the head of the table, gavel sitting in front of him. His face void of emotion. To his left, Switchblade took the chair next to him and on the right, the seat of the SGT at Arms was currently vacant.
The room was quiet as I stood before them, refusing to sit down until I knew what was going on.
“Many of you know him as Specter,” Scythe started. “Prospect to this MC, one hell of an asshole in some of your eyes.” He looked over at Ice and Obi, who started snickering. “But I know this man differently. This man is my brother—a man that has saved my life one too many times in the past. He was a loyal member to this club that was wrongly taken away from us by one of our own members. I know this is unorthodox, but I called Church to plead his case. This man is no prospect. He’s paid his dues and gone above and beyond to prove his loyalty to this club. He’s flushed out the rats for us and overcame many obstacles to be here again. It would be a great dishonor to walk beside him knowing that he deserves more than what has been slapped on his back. I motion to drop him as a prospect and vote him in as a full patched member to this club. He’s proven his loyalty and deserves to be our brother again.”
I was stunned. Was Scythe really trying to get me patched in after everything that happened?
Switchblade stood up and turned toward me, his eyes boring through my skin like the switchblade he hid behind his back. “There are many things I don’t do. I don’t quit. I don’t back down. I don’t give up, and I don’t apologize, but I’m breaking one of my rules right now. JD, you and I have had some bad blood in the past, and there are things that I’ve done to you that I’m not very proud of, but that doesn’t change how I felt the night you disappeared. My heart bled for you in the same way it would for any brother at this table that would die in battle. I may be an asshole, but I know a good man when I see one. I would be honored to call you my brother and ride beside you once again.”
God damn it, show no weakness, Specter. Hold it together. Don’t you dare drop that tear you want to shed.
Trigger held up his hand, calling attention to his side of the room. “I agree with Switchblade. I would be honored to have you patched in as a member of this club. I liked you back then, and I still like you now, and once I’m healed and able to ride again, I would be happy to ride alongside the brother I thought I lost.”
Obi, bandaged and broken, stood up and grinned. “Hell, if the mighty Midas has returned, I’d follow him into battle. I’ve heard the stories and if you’re as strong as this club makes you out to be, I’d be honored to call you my brother, too.”
Breathe. Don’t you dare breakdown, Specter. Hold your shit together. Do not break down.
It was overwhelming the amount of brotherly love in this room. Ice stood up next and nodded, he was a man of few words, and just his nod of approval meant a lot.
“Well, I’m your sponsor, and you know you got my approval, brother,” Cipher said, after standing. Jagger and Rex weren’t in the war room, but Riptide was still sitting in his seat, head down, his hands clasped in front of him.
When the room went silent, he looked up, realizing that everyone was waiting for his vote.
Riptide stood to his feet and faced me. “I don’t like you. You’re actually kind of a dick, but I’ve heard the stories about Midas, and I know that I’m never going to live up to standards he set as Tail Gunner for this club. I still got a lot to learn, and I know that the only way to learn anything is to learn from the best. I’ll ride by your side, but if you sucker punch me again, I’ll fuck your shit up.”
The room erupted into laughter. “Sounds like everyone is in agreement then. Welcome back to the club, Midas, you’re a full patched member again.”
Scythe hit his gavel, and the men standing around the table cheered.
I held up my hands to quiet everyone down. “It is an honor to be patched in as a member of this club once again. The Armada has always been a big part of my life, and I take pride in calling myself one of its brothers, but I humbly ask, that if I am to be a part of this club again, that Midas be left for dead and a new name be chosen for me, instead. I have left that part of my life behind me, and I would like to ride into the future without any past ties or regrets.”
Scythe looked around the table and nodded, slamming his gavel against the table once again. “All for patching in Specter as a member of this club?”
One by one the members of the club took turns saying “Yay,” until there was only one member left to speak. Switchblade.
He stared at me hard for a few seconds, running his fingers through his long blonde hair, before his asshole sneer pulled into a smile. “Yay,” he grumbled. “Though, I have a feeling I may regret this shit later.”
Scythe hit the gavel on the table and grinned. “Welcome, brother. It’s good to have you back. Take a seat.” He motioned to the vacant chair next to him and I hesitated.
“It’s just a chair, Specter.”
I carefully sat down in it, trying to wash away all the bad voodoo that came with it. The next time I saw Guerrilla, I was going to fucking kill him. I was going to hurt that bastard for what he did to Faith and kill him for what he tried to do to me.
“Next order of business,” Scythe said, calling attention. “I know we’re all hesitant to bring him up, but we need to figure out our next plan of action, and what we’re gonna do about Guerrilla. Ice, anything from the rats?”
Ice shook his head. “No, that bastard disappeared and no one’s talking.”
“Cipher, what about on the net? You hearing any squeaks?”
“There’s a little birdie on there that I’m trying to get to sing but it’s going to take time. Asshole went straight down the rabbit hole and it’s going to take a lot of work to flush him out.”
“I think we’re going to need help,” I piped in, wishing I had something else to offer other than what I was about to say. “The Saints are scrambling to find new leadership and I think once they form their ranks again, we’re in for one hell of a war. This last hit took a toll on all of us and a lot of us still are licking our wounds. None of us are really in any condition to go looking for Guerrilla, except for maybe Riptide and Cipher. This isn’t just about the Devil’s Armada anymore. The Vipers are just as much a part of this as we are. I made a promise to their Prez Filly that I would find their lost member, and I did, Daisy, but Daisy has fallen in with the Devil and it’s going to take all of us to rescue her. My motion is to contact the Vipers and form a temporary allegiance. Between the two clubs, we should be able to flush out the rat and hang him out to dry—hopefully saving Daisy in the process.”
I watched Cipher nod in agreement. There was a lot of turmoil going on behind his wide eyes. That man had legitimate feelings for Daisy. He had to feel a little bit responsible for the way she turned on all of us. He couldn’t even look me or Scythe in the eye. That man had some inner demons he was wrestling
, and I could tell he was itching to make things right.
“Filly doesn’t play well with others,” Scythe remarked. “That’s why people call her Filly. She’s a wild beast that can’t be tamed. She’s not going to like joining forces.”
The other members nodded in agreement.
“Filly, has more invested in this than anyone else.”
“Why’s that?” Switchblade asked.
“Daisy is Filly’s little sister. This mission to extract Guerrilla and save Daisy means just as much to her as it does to us. I don’t see it working any other way. The Vipers are good at blending in, they’re quick to strike when needed, and they have some members with talents this club could use right now.”
Scythe shook his head. “A fucking Armada/Viper alliance, huh? Stranger shit has happened I guess, I mean this motherfucker rose out of a fucking grave. Maybe it’s possible for him to get Filly to play nice, too. Do you think you can do it, Specter?”
“I think I can get her attention.”
“Okay then, all in favor of forming a temporary alliance with the Vipers?”
“Aye,” I said, raising my hand.
The rest of the members followed my “Aye” in reluctance. I could see the indecision in their eyes. This was a man’s world and most of the Armada didn’t believe there was room for women bikers. Yet, we were wounded and down for the count. With the Saints temporarily dismantled, there was room to grow and knowing the Scorched Brotherhood, it wouldn’t be long before they showed their scuzzy faces and started causing problems.
I looked over at Scythe, who saved his “Aye” for last.
“Any opposed?”
The room went silent.
“Then it’s done. Specter get in contact with Filly. Cipher keep checking the web and making that birdie sing. The rest of you, sick fucks, heal up; we’re gonna need all of you to be at your best when we go up against Guerrilla. I have a feeling he has friends in places we don’t expect.”