I wanted to stamp my feet and scream. The bastard. He’d whipped up all this need inside me, then he was sending me back to my room? And since when did Crow talk coarse like that? Even if it was kind of hot, it wasn’t him.
“Are you angry with me?” he said. “Stay that way. It’s much safer.”
I took a deep breath, trying to get myself together enough to go back to my room without my legs trembling.
“Well, you’re a... a... clit teaser,” I said.
I stormed back to my room. What the hell had happened there?
I brushed my fingers over my lips. They were a little sore, but he’d kissed me. He’d kissed me, then he’d sent me away. What had gone wrong?
Chapter 6
ELIJAH WAS BACK, AND he had Rose with him. That guy owed me. He’d still be sitting around being a miserable sack of shit if I hadn’t pushed him into going after her. Even if I hadn’t been motivated to go for it with Crow before, seeing the two of them together proved that you never get what you want in this life by sitting back and waiting for someone to hand it to you on a big, shiny silver platter. Crow could tease me as much as he liked. It wouldn’t stop me going for him.
The two of them were on the bus, heading to the arena. I wanted to talk to him, but he gave me “stay the hell away” eyes. I laughed. He was terrified I’d make him look like a dick in front of his woman. Ha. I’d leave them alone for now.
Crow didn’t join us on the bus. He must’ve gone earlier with Damo to double-check things. Well, Damo would be double-checking. Crow was avoiding me. Polly wasn’t around, either. I was thankful for that.
I sat by myself, trying to figure things out in my head. I knew what Crow had been doing, but I had no idea how he could get that far, then stop. There was no way I’d have been able to stop. I didn’t have that much self-control. As it was, I’d spent a long time under a cold shower when I got back to my room. Anything to take the edge off my pounding need.
We headed off to the arena, then we had to wait around for the Freaks to do their thing. Hanging out in the backstage room with Polly was not my idea of fun. She sat on a sofa, reading a magazine, but she kept glaring up at me. Those looks of mistrust bugged me so much. What did she think I’d do? Rip my clothes off and throw myself at Crow while he sat at his drum kit? I wasn’t that desperate.
I sighed and turned away from her. I’d keep my eyes on my phone and ignore her.
Then Fiona came into our room. I grinned at her, pleased for the distraction.
“Did you want me to show you how to do the eyeliner now?” she said.
“Hell yeah.” Saved.
We set up at one of the mirrors, and Fiona carefully went through the steps. Whoa—no wonder her makeup looked so much better than mine. She actually used primers and all that. It was a very complicated process, but wow, the results were worth it.
“Enjoying the tour?” I asked her.
I wasn’t sure if she was that into it or if she was just tagging along because of Matty.
“It’s fun,” she said. “I’ve spent so many years traveling the world, but I never got to see anything. It was all just work and more work. Maybe a bit of partying, but I spend more time on the catwalk than sightseeing.”
I sighed. Her life seemed so glamorous. Even when she put it like that, she got to be on the catwalks and in the magazines. I’d never be able to do that. Not unless I magically grew a helluva lot. She was about a foot taller than me.
“Even with Matty playing most nights, we still get a chance to get out and do things,” she said. “It’s not like—”
She stopped herself there. Again, she didn’t want to talk about her past. I got that.
“The festival in Paris will be fun,” I said. “I can’t wait.”
Polly threw her magazine down on the sofa. “We’re not going to the festival. We’re not on the bill.” Her voice was so sharp, you could cut rocks with it.
“Yeah, but I assumed we’d go along anyway. It’ll be fun, being part of the crowd. We can chill, catch some bands, have a few beers.”
I watched her in the mirror. She glared at me. I glared back. She was so unfair. It wasn’t like I’d get up to anything worse at the festival than I could do here. I wasn’t going to say that to her, though, because it’d put the idea in her head that I was up to something here.
Which I wasn’t.
Because of her.
I thanked Fiona for the makeup tips. She nodded, then quickly left the room. I didn’t blame her. The tension between Polly and me had become toxic. I’d leave just as quickly if I could.
“We’re not going. We need to rehearse, and since we have three days off, it’s the perfect opportunity.”
“But—”
“No buts. We have to be as good as, if not better than, the Freaks. We might be the opener on this tour, but I want to kick their ass.”
That was all lies. I wanted to call her on it, but I bit my tongue instead. Sure, we needed to rehearse, but not this weekend.
“I think Damo’s bad habits are wearing off on you,” Jax said, walking into the room. “I’d like to go to the festival.”
Polly turned her angry face on him. “We need to do this. We’re good, but we’re not good enough. And, frankly, it’s a lot cheaper to hire a rehearsal studio here than it is to get one in Paris. So we play the three shows here, ending up on Friday night. The guys leave on Saturday for Paris, and we head to the studio. They do the festival show on Sunday, and we meet up with them in Paris on Tuesday. Got it?”
“Okay, we rehearse,” Jax said.
Soft cock. He totally could’ve overruled her. He’d been in Wreckage just as long as she had. He had equal rights. I never felt like I did, since I’d only been part of the lineup for a short time. If he’d stood up to her, it’d be two against one, and we’d win.
This was all bullshit, or Polly would’ve told us earlier. She might say it was about rehearsing, but it had to be about keeping me away from Crow.
I’d made real progress with him, and now we’d be apart, even if it was only for a few nights. If you’re not moving forward in this world, you’re going backwards. Like when you ignore your Instagram for a few days and lose a thousand followers.
But screw that shit. Polly and Jax could rehearse their hearts out. I’d hop on a train and go to the festival on my own. I hated being controlled. I’d play along with Polly for now, let her think that her bossy-boots attitude had me under control, but the minute we got offstage on Friday night, I’d hop a train to Paris and be far away from her grasp.
This plan was even more brilliant than the last one.
Chapter 7
I LOVED BEING ONSTAGE. There was no denying it. The spotlight on me, the screams from the crowd, the adoring glances, I lapped it all up. I never understood Crow with his stage fright. I had the opposite: a fear of being anonymous.
Every time I walked out on that stage, my feet never touched the floor. I soared above it all. I was made for this. I grabbed hold of the microphone and screamed out greetings to the crowd. I wasn’t sure if what I said made sense, but it didn’t need to.
We thundered into our first song, Polly all darkness and me all light. With every show we’d done, my confidence had grown. I owned that stage now. Tonight, my body buzzed with the energy. The songs practically bubbled out of me. I growled and I purred and I whipped that crowd into a bunch of wild things.
This was where I came alive. In my everyday life, people might say I was too loud and too full-on, but when I got onstage, there was no “too loud” and no “too full-on”. I had a personality made for performing. Damo might get away with that quiet, humble thing, but mostly the crowd wanted to live out their fantasies.
We’d almost finished when I noticed Crow watching me. I didn’t think he’d ever done that before. Normally, he had enough to deal with, trying to get over his nerves before he went onstage himself.
I didn’t look at him. I couldn’t. Not while I sang. But I fumbled the words.<
br />
I never fumbled. My body froze for a split second. What did I do? That split second seemed like an eternity. Then I blew a kiss to the crowd and kept on singing.
They ate that up. No one cared that I messed up, not one little bit. Well, none of the audience cared. Polly sure wasn’t happy. I couldn’t help it, though.
I couldn’t glance back over to Crow. Not if I wanted to finish our set without screwing up again.
When our set finished, Elijah grabbed me.
“Hey, Firecracker. Getting yourself in trouble without me here to keep you in line?”
“I have Polly to keep me in line,” I told him. “No trouble for me.”
He laughed. I looked around for Crow, but he’d disappeared. Elijah was on his own.
When I got backstage, Polly waited with her arms crossed. We were the only ones back there. Rose and Fiona had gone up to watch the Freaks play. Jax rushed into the room, grabbed a clean t-shirt out of his bag and rushed off again. He had a hot date, by the look of it.
“I’m sorry,” I said, preempting her nags. “It won’t happen again.”
“See now why we have to rehearse more?”
I nodded, looking all meek and mild, and she grinned back. If this rock thing didn’t work out, I could get a job as an actress.
“We should head back to the hotel,” she said.
“Now? With the Freaks still onstage?” We always waited for them to finish.
“Yeah, now.”
I wanted to protest, then I remembered that I had to act all goody-two-shoes. “What about Damo? You’ll miss him out there.”
“I’ve seen him plenty,” she said.
I nodded. I could miss the Freaks playing this once. I had to think of my end game.
“Okay. I’m pretty starved. Can we go get something to eat on the way?”
She was really grinning now, thinking she’d won. “Sure thing. Burgers?”
I groaned. “Why is it always burgers?”
“Because that’s what’s open late at night. We could go kebabs? Pizza?”
“Whatever you like.”
I checked myself in the mirror. Fiona’s makeup really did suit me. It seemed a shame to waste it on a cheap burger joint.
“Okay, let’s go,” Polly said.
We ended up getting pizza and having a fun night. I didn’t even try to see Crow when they came back to the hotel. I could hear them talking, but I stayed in my room, planning my escape.
I had one major obstacle to overcome. I couldn’t turn up at the festival and hope to see Crow. There’d be a million girls trying to get into the backstage area, and I’d just be one of them. Security wouldn’t know who I was. I had to get a pass.
The next morning, I got Fartstard alone.
“Can you get me an access pass for the festival?” I asked him.
He scratched his head. “I can, but I don’t know if I should. I thought you guys were staying here.”
I nodded, then shot him my brightest smile. “Just in case, you know. Polly might change her mind at the last minute, and I want to be prepared. Come on, you’re the man. You’re the one who can make it happen.”
“Sure,” he said.
Awesome. With that sorted, the rest of my plan would fall into place. Good old Fartstard.
After the show that night, everyone wanted to go to a bar.
“I think I want an early night,” I said.
If I went out drinking, Polly would hover over me all night. It’d be a total pain in the butt with her doing that, and rather than waste money having a shit time, I’d have a decent sleep.
“Okay, I’ll go back too,” she said.
I gave her a look. “You don’t have to do that,” I said.
She glared back.
“Seriously,” I said. “I plan on sleeping. I’m not that comfortable around some of the crew at the moment, with all the gossip about me, and you shouldn’t miss out on time with Damo because of me. I’ll behave. Pinky promise.”
I held out my pinky finger like I used to when we were kids. Polly laughed and hooked fingers with me.
“You’d better behave. Look at this,” she said, holding out a strand of her hair to me. “You’re turning me gray! Premature aging.”
“Actually, Polly, I think that’s because you’re old. I mean, you’re nearly thirty.”
She slapped my arm. “I’m nowhere near thirty.”
The two of us giggled. It was much nicer being on tour without the strain. Even if I was only pretending to make her happy, I was much more relaxed.
I got back to the hotel and started watching a movie on my tablet, but I fell asleep before it’d barely even started. I really had been more tired than I thought.
I didn’t know how long I’d slept, but a banging woke me up. Damn crew had obviously gotten back drunk and were making a racket in the hallway. I put my pillow over my head. They’d collapse in a drunken heap soon.
The banging didn’t stop. It was on my door. Hells. What was going on?
I wasn’t sure I wanted to open the door in case one of those sleazy roadies had the wrong idea.
Unless it was Crow.
That had to be it. He’d waited until the others were drunk and had come back so we could be alone. A smile crept over my face as I opened the door.
Polly pushed past me into my room.
My heart sank. Not only was she not Crow, but she was red-faced and angry.
“What the fuck do you think you’re playing at?” she screamed.
“Sleeping,” I answered. “Well, I was until you woke me up.”
“You asked Fartstard to get you a laminate for the festival? I can’t trust you for a minute.”
My stomach dropped to the ground. This would not go well for me. I had no excuse I could give. But Fartstard had betrayed me.
“That bastard. He told you?”
I’d kill him. He’d promised he’d get it for me, but he’d gone running behind my back to Polly. I’d never trust him again.
“You aren’t a child, Fay. Stop playing these stupid games.” Her hands balled up into fists.
“Yes, Polly, I’m not a child, so stop treating me like one. If I want to go to the festival, I should be allowed to go.” I put my hands on my hips.
“You are not going to that festival, and that’s the end of it. I don’t want to kick you out of the group, but I’ll send you home to your mother if I have to.”
That was the threat I’d hoped never to hear. I wanted to be on this tour. I wanted it more than anything, almost. But did I want it more than I wanted Crow? I guessed if I got kicked off the tour, I’d have no music career and no him. I’d lose everything.
Polly swanned out of my room, trying to slam the door behind her. It didn’t slam, and I walked over and locked it. My heart had become heavy. I’d be kicked out, my career over before it had even started.
As I snibbed the door, something hit me. If Polly kicked me off the tour, she’d be screwed too. She could get me in at the last minute to fill in for Miles because I knew their songs. But there was no one she could get to fill in for me. They’d be off the tour themselves. Polly would never do that.
I had the upper hand here, but I wouldn’t show that too soon.
Chapter 8
I LEANED MY BASS AGAINST the amp in the dingy rehearsal room.
“Haven’t we rehearsed enough?” I asked. “I’m not a machine. My voice is hoarse, and my fingers are falling off.”
Polly huffed. She’d have us playing all night if she could.
“I’ve got no drumming left in me, anyway,” Jax said.
Polly checked her watch. “I guess we should head back to the hotel for some rest.”
She couldn’t fool me. I knew why she checked the time, and it had nothing to do with getting some rest. She wanted to make sure that the last train for Paris had left the station. I’d be stuck here until morning. Then she’d have me back at rehearsal first thing.
That plan was so transparent.
“I guess we can call it a day,” she said.
The rehearsal had been a wash, anyway. With Polly and me at each other’s throats, the songs didn’t come together. We could play the same song a thousand times, but without that connection, it would always sound like shit. If Polly wanted us tighter, she could loosen the reins a little.
Crow would be at the festival now. Actually, the festival would’ve finished for the day and they’d be at their hotel. I missed him. I’d barely seen him for the last few days—not since that morning. I blushed. Just thinking about that morning made my body heat up. I didn’t want Polly seeing those thoughts written on my face, so I tried to think of other things. Safe things.
But, hell, those thoughts kept creeping back. The way he’d kissed me. The way he’d looked at me. He’d wanted to devour me, and I sure wanted to be devoured. He could do all the devouring he liked.
“Okay, we’ll be back bright and early,” Polly said.
“Why don’t we just put down our coats and curl up on this shitty, prickly carpet?” I said. “That’ll save time, and we’d be ready to start when we wake up.”
Polly sneered at me.
I followed her out of the studio, and we got an Uber back to the hotel.
“Want to grab something to eat?” she asked.
“I’m good,” I told her.
I wanted to get to my room and away from her, even if it meant going hungry. She’d been a pain in the butt ever since Fartstard had told her about me wanting the pass.
But when I got back to my room, I couldn’t sleep. I could only think of Crow. If I had a day with him, a day without Polly around, I was sure things would work out between us.
I’d been an idiot relying on Fartstard. I should’ve asked Elijah. I could trust him.
Since I couldn’t sleep, I paced my room. Then I got online and checked out when the first train ran in the morning. But if had that information, so did Polly. She’d make sure I couldn’t catch it. Damn it. If I had a car, I could drive to the festival. I had no idea how to get there, but that was what GPS was for.
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