Finally, Crow and Elijah returned. I looked from Crow to Elijah, hoping to find some kind of clue as to what had happened, but I wasn’t sure.
“It’s taken care of,” Crow said. “Now, we’re going back to the hotel. We’re supposed to wait, but Fartstard’s made special arrangements.”
I got up and followed him. I needed him to tell me what had happened, but he wouldn’t talk unless he wanted to. And right now, it seemed he didn’t want to.
Chapter 14
CROW TOLD ME WHAT HAD happened on the drive back to the hotel. We were both sitting in the back of the van. I leaned on Crow, wanting to feel the strength of him. His solidness soothed me.
The two of them had found the jerk, but he’d tried to laugh everything off. He said I’d led him on, then got scared.
“I did nothing to lead him on,” I said.
“I know that,” he said. “The guy’s a dick.”
Then Crow had grabbed him. “I had him in a choke hold. I wanted to kill the bastard. But Elijah talked some sense into my head.”
I shuddered a little. Things could get out of control so easily in this life.
Crow took my hand in his, sensing my need for reassurance.
“Then what happened?” I asked.
“Are you sure you want to talk about this?” Crow asked. “It might be better to forget about it.”
“No. I’d rather know.”
“It all got sorted out. Elijah called out for one of the security guards to get the organizer.”
Where had that damn security been when I needed them? If you had security, surely they should keep people secure.
They’d explained the situation to the organizer while the jerk protested his innocence. He kept saying I’d led him on.
“Fay does not lead people on,” Lij had told him.
Good old Lij, but Crow said that Lij had gotten fired up after that, too. If the organizer hadn’t stepped in, the two of them would’ve beaten him into a pulp.
“What did the organizer do?” I asked.
“Kicked him off the site. Told him he’d never play one of their festivals again. He also asked if you wanted to press charges.”
I shook my head vigorously. Pressing charges would be awful. I was just glad to have gotten away from him.
“I’m happy to forget the whole thing happened.”
“Apparently, he was causing trouble before this. Just small things. Give some people a bit of fame, and it turns them into total assholes. He’s getting a reputation for being trouble, and the guy isn’t big enough to do that. Sad thing is, if he was a huge name, this would’ve probably been overlooked.”
Yep. I’d been lucky being on this tour. No matter how annoying the guys could be, they weren’t sleazes. They all kept their hands to themselves. And if anyone did act like that, Polly would cut them down to size.
My stomach lurched when I thought about it.
I’d bitched and moaned about Polly being so overprotective, but maybe that wasn’t always a bad thing. With guys like that in the world, you needed a bit of protection. I just thought she was wrong when it came to Crow. I wished she’d get to know him better. He’d never act like that. If anyone around here had been acting sleazy, it’d been me. What had I been thinking? If some dude let himself into my room and planted himself naked in my bed, I’d have a fit. I blushed thinking about it from that perspective.
“Does anyone know about this besides you and Lij?” I asked him.
“You don’t want Polly to know?”
“Of course not. She’d go nuts.”
“Well, I can’t speak for Elijah, but I won’t say anything.”
“Elijah had better keep his mouth shut. I’ll make sure of that.”
We arrived back at the hotel and went up to Crow’s room.
He lingered in the doorway. “Ah... I guess I should go to Damo’s room.” He glanced back down the hallway.
“Stay a little while, please. I don’t want to be alone, and it might be weird being in Damo’s room without him there. You know what he’s like. You might nudge something out of its perfectly aligned right angle.”
I didn’t want him to think this was a ploy to seduce him or anything. I really did want him to stay.
Crow chuckled, but he took a step farther into the room.
“Anyway,” I said. “I feel bad about kicking you out of your room like this. I’ve been a pain in the butt, haven’t I?”
“You’re barely,” he said with a big grin.
That grin disappeared almost as soon as it appeared on his face. He stepped closer to me and pulled the neck of my t-shirt aside.
“That bastard,” he said. “He really hurt you.”
The light traces of his fingers on my shoulder took away any pain I was feeling. I wanted him to keep that up, but then I noticed that black expression back on his face. I didn’t want him dwelling on this.
I adjusted my t-shirt back into place. “It’s fine. I bruise easily,” I said. “The bruises will fade. They look worse than they are.”
I sat down on the sofa, wanting to relax. My whole body slumped after all the tension. “We can watch a movie or something,” I said.
He nodded and sat down on the sofa beside me. Even though it was a three-seater, he sat right beside me so his leg brushed against mine.
I picked up the remote control and turned on the television. There was an old movie on. Some sappy romantic comedy.
“Are you okay with this?” I asked him.
Crow didn’t seem like a romantic comedy kind of guy. On the other hand, he didn’t seem like an explosions and car chases kind of guy, either. I had no idea what his taste in movies was. I still had so much to discover about him.
“Yep, anything you want to watch,” he said.
I shuffled a bit closer. Crow was so nice and warm, and the smell of him made me happy. I didn’t want to do anything weird like put my head into the crook of his neck and take a big whiff, but the thought did occur to me.
I curled my legs up on the sofa, leaning against Crow. I wondered if he’d put his arm around me, but I wasn’t sure if he would. Of course, I could ask him to, but I wanted him to do it out of his own choice. The gap between him putting his arm around me of his own free will and doing it because he felt sorry for me was a massive one.
When he moved, my heart sang. He put his arm over my shoulder, lightly, as though he was worried he’d hurt me. I rested my head on his chest. He had a nice chest for resting your head on. Those muscles were a lot more comfort than you’d think. He had nice arms too. Almost everything about Crow was nice.
“Do you want me to order something from room service?” he asked. “Since you missed out on your tacos.”
“Nope. I’m fine.”
If we ordered room service, we’d have to move, and I was perfectly happy snuggled up with him like this. I’d be happy if he wanted to kiss me too, but having the comfort of him was pretty damn good.
“I must stink,” he said. “I got all sweaty onstage.”
It was too late to worry about that now.
“A little bit, but it’s a comforting smell,” I told him. “It’s not gross.” I wasn’t lying, either. He didn’t smell sweaty, just manly. “It was a brilliant show tonight,” I said. “I’ve never seen anything like it.”
“Did it make you happy?” he asked.
“A little bit. And a little bit jealous. I wanted to be the one up there, with that crowd and that energy.”
He laughed, which made my head bounce a little on his chest. “You’ll do it.”
“I don’t have Damo’s talent.”
“Damo’s been doing this for years. You’ve been doing it, what, less than a month? Don’t rush yourself. You’re amazing. A natural.”
I liked that.
“I always wanted to be in a band. I used to stay with Polly every summer, and I’d practice and practice. I learned all their songs. Singing and bass. Of course I did, or I wouldn’t be playing with them now. Do
you really think I’m good? Sometimes I wonder if I’m only here because I was the only option.”
That worry had lingered in the back of my mind since I’d joined the tour: that I was the booby prize. I didn’t feel like I’d earned my place.
“You don’t know Damo if you’re asking that,” he said. “He doesn’t praise much, but if you aren’t up to scratch, he’ll let you know. I’m pretty sure that Polly would in her own way, too. She cares about you a lot. You shouldn’t take that for granted.”
I swallowed. He was right, and I’d been a pain in the butt to her. Sometimes my impulses got the better of me, but she shouldn’t have to suffer for it. I’d really had some sense knocked into my pig head tonight.
“I’ll sort it out when I see her again,” I said. “I’ll have to go back to Brussels tomorrow and get it fixed up.”
He laughed. “Rather you than me.”
The movie finished, but we didn’t move. He still had his arm around me, and I still had my head on his chest. I could stay like this for a lot longer, but if I said anything, he might decide he had to go back to Damo’s room.
Instead of leaving, he pulled me closer to him, his lips brushing against my forehead so softly that I almost thought I imagined it.
Chapter 15
THE TICKLE OF HIS BEARD made me giggle a little, but his lips were so soft and gentle.
The kiss left me confused. Was it a friendly kiss, or did it mean more? I mean, the forehead? That’s a pretty neutral area for kissing.
I tilted my head to his, encouraging him take it further. He hesitated. That was damn awkward. There’s only so long you can have your face tilted towards a guy before it looks dorky and weird.
Then he looked at me, really looked.
“You’re such a damn temptation,” he said.
“Yep, that’s my intention,” I told him. “I want you to be so crazy for me, you can’t resist.”
The laughter track to some cheesy sitcom blared in the background. He kept his arm around me. I rested my hand on his knee. If I had known what to do to tip things in my favor, I would have done them, but I was too scared. Every time we started getting close, he pulled away from me. That pulling away messed with my head. If I hadn’t known him better, I would have thought he was playing games with me, but Crow was way too serious for that kind of thing.
He stroked my cheek. “You have so many possibilities. Why me?”
“Because you make me feel happy inside. When I’m with you, I get all squishy and warm.”
I grinned at him. He didn’t grin back.
“There are things about me that you wouldn’t like,” he said. “Things that would make you feel differently.”
I couldn’t imagine what they’d be. It wasn’t like he was the kind of guy who would kick puppies or beat up old ladies. Was that why he kept pulling away from me? I’d thought there was something the matter with me. I hadn’t thought that he might have his own worries.
“You have a good heart,” I told him. “No matter what happened in your past, that’s not who you are now.”
He stared at the television. “You see a better side of me than I could ever see in myself.”
I reached up, stroking his chest. I was sure he knew that everyone had warned me off him. Even the people closest to him, Damo and Elijah, thought he was too dark. Did that hurt him? It couldn’t be nice, having everyone mistrust you like that.
“I can make you see that side.”
“I think you could, Firecracker.”
That was the first time he’d used Elijah’s nickname for me. I hated that name, but when Crow said it, with that quiet inflection, it made my heart skip a beat.
“I don’t want to hurt you,” he added.
Jeez, why was everyone on the “hurt me” thing? It wasn’t like people didn’t get hurt every day.
“I’m tougher than I look,” I said. “Give me a chance. Give us a chance. You can’t keep running forever.”
He didn’t answer, he just kissed me. He lowered his face, his lips grazing against mine in the most annoyingly teasing way. I put my arm around his neck, pulling him closer, but he resisted.
I wasn’t sure if I was a fan of this “going slow” thing. What had happened to the slamming against the wall?
But as he deepened the kiss, my insides went all gooey. That kiss shot through me, right down... Hell, I wanted to climb onto his lap and rub myself against him, but I held back. I needed him to take the lead. If I pushed things now, I might ruin this moment.
He kept on kissing, and I liked it a lot. Slowly, he pressed me against the back of the sofa. I tangled my hands in his hair. I loved to feel that hair, so surprisingly soft.
I could keep kissing him like this for a long, long time, but eventually, he pulled away from me and stood up.
I looked up at him.
“I’ve got to go, Fay,” he said.
Ouch. Again.
“No,” I whispered.
I stood up and pressed myself to him. I couldn’t handle all this stopping.
He put his hands gently on my shoulders and stepped back. “Don’t make this any more difficult for me. I can’t stay. We have to take things slowly, okay?”
I nodded slowly. “But we are going to take things?” I asked.
Oh, I wanted to take things with Crow, slowly or not. So long as there were things there.
“I guess so.”
Yes! I wanted to leap around the room, doing a dance of joy. I wanted to punch the air. I wanted to scream and let the world know. I was pretty darn happy. Instead, I bit my lip, not trusting myself to speak.
“But we have to talk to Polly. I’m not sneaking around behind her back.”
“You don’t need her permission,” I told him. “She’s not the boss of me.”
Wow, that wasn’t the best way to prove I was an adult. I could’ve phrased that much better.
“I don’t need her permission,” he said. “But I’d like everything above board. We all have to live to together in this crazy rock circus, and the only way for that to work is to be honest. So, no more sneaking around. No more running away, either.”
I nodded. If we were official, I wouldn’t need to. We’d be official. I could call him my boyfriend, and we could share a room and be perfect sweethearts.
“I’m fine with that.”
“Fay, we need to take things very slow.”
What did slow mean? No sharing rooms? No all-night hot and sweaty sex sessions? I wasn’t a fan of slow. I wanted it all, and I wanted it now.
“You don’t need to,” I said, looking up at him. “I’m ready. I’m totally ready. We can go as far as you like. You don’t have to hold back for my sake.”
“I’m not doing it for your sake,” he said. “I’m doing it for my own. This is a huge step for me.”
He grimaced. I’d never thought of it from his side, but I guessed this was as much a huge step for him as it was for me. Although neither of us had spelled it out, we weren’t just talking about sex. Sex was nothing compared to the immensity of my feelings for him. Holding back my feelings was like trying to stop a dam from bursting, but maybe it wasn’t like that for Crow.
“You’ll talk to her on Tuesday?” I said.
“I’ll talk to Damo first. If he’s on our side, it’ll be a hundred times easier.”
I gazed up at him, not wanting to stop seeing him. I wanted him in my vision forever. He looked at me too. The intensity nearly killed me, but in a good way, a way that said he really didn’t think of me as a little sister.
Then he left me. And even with everything in me screaming for him to stay, I had to deal with him going to Damo’s room. This thing between us wasn’t just about me. I couldn’t keep acting like a selfish kid.
I curled up in bed, but I couldn’t sleep. All I could do was think about Crow and how amazing things would be forever. He liked me, and no matter what Polly or anyone else said, nothing would change that.
Chapter 16
I
T WAS FINE FOR CROW to say he’d be the one to speak to Polly, but I was the one who had to go back to Brussels to face her. The entire train trip home, I anticipated her reaction. She’d be angry. That much was certain. I played out all the scenarios in my head. As much as I said she had no right to try to control me, I understood now that she was justified. She’d been worried and freaked out.
When I got to my room, I called her. There was no point putting off the inevitable. It might be harder to be proactive about this, but that was what I needed to do.
About thirty seconds after I called, she came to my room.
“I’m sorry, Polly,” I said. “I’m really sorry. I know I did the wrong thing and I’ve been a pain in the butt to you.”
She put her hands on her hips and stared at me. “It’s easy to apologize when you got your own way,” she said. “That was a really stupid thing to do. I’m not sure if I want to take responsibility for you anymore.”
I rushed to her and wrapped my arms around her waist. “Yes, you do, Polly. You really do. I’ve learned the error of my ways now. I’ve grown as a person. I’ll never do anything stupid again.”
She snorted. “That’s unlikely.”
“I promise. I’ll be hardworking and diligent and never do anything impulsive. Polly, I saw the crowd at that festival. We need to be better than the Freaks. We need to be bigger than them, too. I want to play to crowds like that.”
I stepped back from her and shot her a timid smile.
“You say that now, but what about next time you get a fool idea in your head?”
Before I could answer, Jax came into my room to join us. “Is shit hitting the fan here?” he asked. “Because if Fay’s being kicked out of the band or any of that, I need to know.”
He sat down on one of the chairs. I sat opposite him.
“I’m not kicking her out of the band,” Polly said.
“Yay! Thank you. You’re the best,” I said.
She put her hand up to stop me. “But I’m not putting up with your shit, either. This is the last warning. Even if we have to pull out of this tour, I’m not going to be the one to call your mother and tell her you’ve been found buried in a shallow grave in some backwoods.”
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