2150 A.D.

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2150 A.D. Page 9

by Thea Alexander


  We said our goodbyes and everyone left the Alpha together in pursuit of his or her tutor.

  I asked Carol about Personal Evolution tutoring. C.I. had told me that P.E. tutoring was the core of formal education in the Macro society, but it hadn't meant much to me.

  Carol explained that P.E. tutoring was a learning relationship between a tutor, with a larger viewpoint or life perspective, and a student with a smaller perspective who wanted to learn a larger one. While all triads had P.E. tutors beginning with the 7th triad, and continuing through the 10th, students are assigned to the wisest tutors in the Macro society who had a minimum of 7th level awareness. This meant that most of these tutors were beyond the age of 50.

  The eleventh and twelfth floors of the student Gamma building were devoted to comfortable tutoring rooms large enough to accommodate both individual and group work. There were also exercise rooms and an auditorium big enough to hold the entire Gamma.

  We arrived at our Personal Evolution tutoring room after walking through multicolored halls with gleaming white doors.

  Carol reached out to open a door, but before she touched the button the door slid quietly open. We entered a room with a carpet-like floor of deep blue which contrasted with the soft yellow walls and the three large forest green chairs. The room was at least twenty-five feet square and seemed huge with just the three chairs and no other furniture.

  One of the chairs was occupied by the smallest woman I had seen in 2150.

  As we walked toward her she rose from her chair and stretched. out her arms to us. Carol immediately slipped into her arms and they gave each other a silent embrace. Then, as Carol stepped back, I realized that our tutor was even shorter than I had first thought, being no taller than five feet ten at best.

  As she stepped forward and took my hand, I became aware of her age. Her face and body were those of a very healthy and extremely attractive woman in her mid forties, but somehow her pale blue eyes gave me a feeling that she was much older.

  She touched my face and said, "Welcome, Jon, to the Macro society. I'm Rana and I'll answer your question by saying that I have inhabited this body for 125 years."

  As I was trying to adjust to this fact Carol said, "And to answer your question about how the door opened by itself, you were experiencing Rana's' demonstration of psycho kinesis (PK), preceded by telepathy."

  Rana's tunic was the same gleaming white as Eli's. Level tens were so highly evolved that their tunics reflected a perfectly equal balance of all colors, resulting in the illusion of no color at all.

  I felt awed when I remembered there were only 127 level tens in the whole Macro society at present, and I wondered if I was getting some special treatment.

  Rana smiled at me and said, "No... no special treatment. I was Carol's tutor long before you arrived, and since you are Alpha mates you can choose me as your tutor or ask for someone else."

  "I... I guess I'd probably choose you," I stammered.

  "Then let's sit down, and get growing!" she responded cheerfully.

  We sat down in the soft body-contoured chairs and I began wondering what would be expected of me.

  Carol came to my rescue when she asked Rana if she could see into the future and tell us how long it would be before I could become a permanent member of the Macro society.

  Rana looked intently at Carol for a moment and then shifted her intense gaze to me. Finally she said, "I'm having difficulty with the future for Jon because it seems there is a very important decision that he must make which will completely determine the rest of his life. This decision will be his choice between the micro life of 1976 and the Macro life of 2150."

  "I've already made that choice," I insisted. "I've chosen the Macro life of 2150."

  Rana looked at me and I felt her tremendous strength of patience, understanding, and courage. I suddenly realized that from the moment I had entered the room I had been mentally and physically bombarded by the power of her being. As I write this I feel frustrated that I cannot find words to describe her. Perhaps an electrical essence stimulated me in so many ways that I felt overwhelmed. It was Carol who broke the silence.

  "You don't think he's totally really made the choice yet," she said to Rana.

  Rana looked at Carol and then back to me before she said, "I think that Jon has not had time to really take inventory of himself. He feels confused and in great awe and tends to see us as being too impossibly perfect for him to become one of us."

  As I thought about what she had just said I realized that she was right. I did feel that everyone I had met so far in 2150 was impossibly perfect compared to me. In fact, I could see no weaknesses and no imperfections. I nodded my head in sad agreement with Rana.

  "You're right," I said, "I feel like a first-grade kid who finds himself accidentally in seventh grade. The lessons look impossible. My fellow students must look down on me, because, while they're years younger than I am, they're miles ahead of me in their evolution."

  "Oh, Jon, it isn't true," Carol said in an imploring tone. "We all love you and accept you as you are. We don't judge you any more than we judge each other. We're all of equal value and we all have to be first level before we can evolve to second, third, or beyond."

  When I didn't say anything to this, Rana said, "You see, Carol, Jon feels you're patronizing him. He doesn't want to be accepted as a midget among giants. He wants to become a giant, but doesn't think it's possible."

  "How could it be possible? Your educational system provides a totally stimulating, loving, accepting, perfect environment for developing Macro man. I, on the other hand, have spent twenty-seven years learning how to be a micro man."

  I paused, realizing the enormity of what I was saying. I was admitting to myself the impossibility of ever being equal in awareness to my Alpha mate or to any of the other Alpha members, much less Lea.

  Coming from my little fantasy of a permanent translation to 2150, to the harsh reality that it was totally impossible drained, every ounce of energy from me. My body ached with its own weight. My throat hurt. Suddenly my face was wet with tears. I could see Carol and Rana only dimly.

  Rana was saying, "Whenever you really ask for help, and not just pity, you will always receive it."

  But I was tired, very tired.

  CHAPTER 7: The Unlimited Self

  The smell of bacon cooking; the click of our pop-up toaster; snow piled against the windowsill. A very ordinary morning. So why did I feel so depressed and miserable?

  Then I remembered, and wished I hadn't.

  For a few moments I struggled desperately to blot from my memory the conversations with Rana. Failing this, I replayed it a couple of times trying to find some flaw in my argument of futility, in my feeling of impossible inadequacy.

  I kept remembering the Macro society's educational system and comparing it with my own early years. I remembered the incredible vitality, joy, beauty, intelligence, superhuman awareness, love, understanding, kindness and patience that had been demonstrated by my Alpha... and I was seven years older than their oldest!

  Lea made a mistake, I thought. She should have created for me the body of a newborn baby. Then I could have started out in the first triad and eighteen years later be on an equal footing with others in the 7th triad. How could she have made such a mistake and still have demonstrated 9th-level awareness? And what was it Rana said just before I lost consciousness? Something about asking for help-that whenever I really wanted help, and not just pity, I would always receive it.

  Obviously Rana, at the highest level of awareness in the Macro society, was trying to tell me that it wasn't impossible.

  Could she and Lea be so wrong? Was I only asking for pity? If there is no hope, pity is all you can ask for! But how could I have hope? They were so perfect-I was imperfect, and never the twain shall meet.

  I began laughing softly to myself at the ridiculous nature of my predicament. I was a perfect example of micro man who sees himself as limited, inadequate, and doomed to ultimate fa
ilure.

  I searched my mind for hope, a way out.

  One of the greatest Personal Evolution tutors of all time said, "Ask and you shall receive, seek and you shall find, knock and the door shall be opened."

  He couldn't have put it much stronger. And, of course, he also said, "If you have faith the size of a mustard seed you can move mountains."

  That's all right for Macro giants, I thought, but how the devil do micro midgets like myself ever get up enough faith to even ask, much less. move mountains?

  But... if I want help-really want help-how could I have selected a better environment than the Macro society? Obviously they knew and understood far more than I did. Maybe they even knew how to help me become a giant, too, so I could live with them on an equal basis... maybe.

  My thoughts were interrupted by Karl insisting that I get up and join him for breakfast.

  I looked at the clock and saw that it was almost eight-thirty. "Hey, Karl!" I called. "How come you're not in class this morning?"

  His fuzzy black hair preceded his face around the doorway-he always wore it natural. "You've really lost track of it all with your shuffling back and forth 174 years every night. It's Sunday here in 1976, and if you try real hard you'll remember that this micro roommate inhabiting this micro society doesn't work on Sunday, he just goofs off all day."

  "Okay, okay," I said. "You'll find me very humble this morning. I've been dreaming about just how micro I really am. I'll be right with you."

  A few minutes later I was sitting across from Karl at the breakfast table telling him about my latest experiences in 2150. Somehow as I talked to Karl my depression lifted and I became hopeful again.

  It was a long breakfast because I seemed to. have an awful lot to say and Karl seemed to have even more than his usual number of questions. He was particularly interested in the other members of my Alpha and in my description of Rana. He kept asking me for more detailed descriptions and I began to realize that after I had used up all my personality superlatives I didn't have much more to say about them.

  Finally Karl said, "You know, Jon, it seems to me that you're describing gods and goddesses, and not the ancient Greek or Roman variety, either, because they all had their share of weaknesses or imperfections. Not so with these you– describe. Tell me, are these people really that perfect, or are you just demonstrating your lack of Macro awareness?"

  "You're right, Karl," I admitted. "That's my problem. They appear so perfect, so superhuman that I can't see how I could ever be like them. And I can't imagine how I could be happy for very long being a midget among giants for the rest of my life, either.

  "In other words, Jon, you've found the snake in your garden of Eden... and it's you!"

  "Well," I said reluctantly, "I hadn't thought of it quite that way, but I guess you're right. It was the poison of my own self-doubt that made me want to run away from 2150 and its impossible challenges."

  "Are you saying that you're ready to give up your dream world?" Karl asked.

  I realized that I wanted to avoid the question. I didn't want to have to answer it. I said, "I don't know how to answer you right now. All I really want to do is get drunk and forget the whole problem."

  "You what!" Karl's face was lined with concern. "Is it that bad, Jon?"

  Karl knew that I had only been drunk once in my life, back in Vietnam. "No, not really, Karl. Nothing is that bad except living in a world where killing women, old folks, and children is a patriotic duty. No, I'm not going to get drunk. I'm going to write it all down. Maybe that will help clear my mind. Then I'm going to do a lot of thinking."

  For the rest of the day Karl left me to myself while I wrote in my journal and did a lot of very hard thinking.

  By late evening I had a much better realization of the strength of my micro self, which sounded like a drum beating out the refrain, "I can't, I can't, I can't."

  These old habitual limiting thought patterns were so easy to disguise, to ignore, or to rationalize away. And yet, in moments of crisis, micro man (myself) must reap the consequences of his limiting beliefs-failure.

  Strangely, however, my long struggle to confront myself honestly left me feeling hopeful. Again I was joyfully looking forward to returning to the Macro society of the future. I had again discovered that if I was honest with myself, and refused to run away from a difficult self-confrontation, I would sooner or later see a balanced picture in which there was both light and dark. It's not easy to see both sides of a coin from a micro, one-sided view.

  Just before I went to bed, Karl finished reading my journal and, without saying a word, walked over to me. Tears glazed his eyes, which shocked me, knowing how Karl hated sentimental weakness, which included masculine tears. Then, obviously too caught up with feeling to speak, he took my left hand with his, hesitated a moment, then put his right hand gently on my face.

  Before I could collect myself, Karl was noisily running the water in the bathroom with a closed door between us. I thought again how difficult it was-in our micro society to deal openly and honestly with our thoughts and emotions. We were taught to be ashamed of such large portions of our minds that we devoted whole lifetimes to denying them, thus depriving ourselves of some of the greatest joys available to man.

  Later, as I was drifting off to sleep, I heard Karl call across our darkened room to me. "Good luck," he said. Then after a pause, "I believe in you, Jon."

  I murmured my thanks and decided that the hardest thing for micro man to do was to believe in himself. But then, how can anyone believe in himself when there is so much of himself that he condemns?

  My last thoughts before dropping off to sleep involved a conclusion that before I could ask for help, I had to believe that success was possible. That meant I had to accept and believe in myself as unlimited except by my own thoughts.

  CHAPTER 8: Macro Contact

  I awakened again in 2150 with the wetness of tears still on my face and the sound of Rana's voice saying, "He's returning."

  Opening my eyes I surprised a look of worry and concern on Carol's face. But, turning my gaze to Rana, I found again the wondrously serene and confident expression that was oddly at variance with the almost electrical excitement or joy that seemed to radiate from her. Now her eyes became even more brilliant as she smiled at me.

  "There, you see," she said, "you've already discovered that at least your Alpha mate isn't perfect. She's demonstrating concern and worry, which are always a reflection of something less than total Macro awareness."

  I reached over and touched Carol's face as Rana continued, "You're learning some of our customs very quickly. It won't be long now before you'll be seeing occasional imperfections in the rest of your Alpha members."

  "Will I ever be able to see them in you?" I asked.

  She laughed and said, "You won't see me looking worried or becoming upset over any of the problems you're struggling with right now. However, until I am totally macrocosmically aware, there will always be greater lessons for me to learn."

  "You mean," I said, "that there are problems that bother even you?"

  "That which is a problem to the child with one year is no longer a problem when that child has had three years," she answered. "Yet the three-year level has its own problems, most of which are not even perceived by the child with just one year. And so it goes, with level seven problems not apparent to a level three. Be assured, though, that every level has its challenges. Seen as problems, they become increasingly more complex, more difficult. Seen as elected opportunities for growth, they are a joy to solve, to deal with effectively, to grow from in this game of life."

  "But it eventually all ends when one attains total Macro awareness?" I asked.

  She laughed. "Total Macro awareness is the experience of all problems, all sorrows, all frustrations, all pain, all ignorance, all ugliness, all disease, and all other negativities in all times and in all places. Now, that's hell to anyone who isn't completely Macro. But from a state of absolute Macro awareness it's co
mpletely balanced by all the positive qualities that ever were or ever will be, and that's perfection, which is the opposite of a frustrating, dull, and fruitless micro existence."

  "All right," I said, "I'll take your word for it. How can I, at my very limited micro level, learn to grow as fast as possible?"

  "We learn by doing, by taking risks, by failing, and, only then, by succeeding," she said. "We grow from our mistakes and from our failures. If we cannot see that failure is the essential other half of success, then we try to avoid failure and, in so doing, we avoid success."

  "Then I guess I should get as deeply involved with everyone as I possibly can, which means taking lots of risks and having lots of failures." I shuddered. "Sounds pretty frightening."

  "There is really only one fear," she said, "and that is the fear of failure, which is the same as feeling inadequate to do whatever you want to do."

  "But you must look to your unlimited self for help," Carol said. "Then you can see the larger perspective in which failure and success are one."

  Considering this, I responded thoughtfully, "To turn to my unlimited self, by 1976 definitions, would be to turn to God. That would mean prayer, which I never could really get into."

  "It's no wonder, Jon. Prayer, as consciously used in your time, was actually an intense pleading for something that the person actually felt he didn't deserve to have, or was afraid he would not get. Since our predominant thoughts materialize to become our reality, people usually don't get what they consciously pray for because their predominant thought is that they don't and won't have it!

  "From another point of view, however, every thought we think is a prayer, since, once thought, it is a permanent part of the universe and addresses the macrocosmic whole. All prayer," Rana continued, "indeed, all thought, expresses desire for something.

 

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