"My own learning experiences, I guess," was my reply.
"That's right." She nodded and smiled at me. "From the Macro view of cosmic oneness we can clearly see that all resistance is exerted against ourselves. We can see that we must reap the consequences of all our thoughts and actions-both positive and negative. It's only with the micro view that you can perceive any injustice or any enemy other than yourself."
"I guess it must take many lifetimes to learn to accept that," I commented.
"Yes, it's difficult for man," she replied, "but we have as many lifetimes as we need in which to learn it. Contrary to micro religion, there is no eternal infinite hell to punish temporary infinite mistakes. That would, indeed, be hellishly unjust."
"It seems to me," I said, "that as long as I can avoid other micro beings, I have no problems."
"Other than boredom," Lea answered. "But you don't learn very quickly by avoiding others just so you don't see your own shortcomings."
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"I mean," she answered, "that you feel uncomfortable and dissatisfied with others only to the extent that you don't feel adequate to deal with them-that is, only when you feel they are a threat to you. For instance, if in your past two lives you had been able to either drive your enemies away or help your people escape them, you would have been pleased with yourself. But this micro pleasure would only have postponed the time when you inevitably must learn your lessons and evolve."
"So if I hadn't experienced it in that life I would still have had it waiting for me in my next incarnation," I said.
"In this life, Jon, you hate to see people mistreated and you don't like people who hurt others. As you evolve, you will realize that what people fear and hate most in others is only their own negative past. You, for example, treated slaves and other people cruelly in your past lives-now in this life you can't stand these traits in others," Lea explained.
"So you are saying," I interpreted, "that we feel uncomfortable with others and fear or hate them only to the extent that we see our own past selves in them."
Lea kissed me and said, "You're learning so fast, Jon."
"Ahh," I murmured, "if you were using the Macro perspective, you would be happy even if I was the slowest learner in the world."
Lea broke into joyous peals of laughter and finally said, "You're right, Jon. I can maintain the Macro perspective for only the briefest moments. But I can remember these moments, and that keeps me from getting caught for very long in micro viewpoints which might overwhelm me with misery and unhappiness."
"Then one difference," I said, "between micro man and Macro man is the degree of retro cognition or memory of his past."
"Exactly," Lea responded. "We live lives of fear, frustration, and inadequacy only to the extent that we have forgotten our past. This self-induced amnesia is always the result of our desperate attempts to delay re-taking classes-learning opportunities-that we failed in the past."
"Then the solution is to remember everything," I said.
"And when we do remember everything, including the illusory nature of our separateness," Lea said, "then we have total Macro awareness."
"Then according to Macro philosophy, all learning is simply remembering," I postulated.
"That's true," Lea replied, "but only from the Macro perspective-certainly not from any micro view. You've remembered a lot today, though. Now it's time for you to return to your Alpha."
"When will I see you?" I asked.
She smiled and the lights danced in her eyes as she said, "When we are ready again, we'll see each other again."
I was able to accept that answer better this time. I left Lea at the C.I. center and walked back to my Alpha. I thought briefly of using the subway, but the early evening was so lovely that I decided to walk. Besides, it would give me an opportunity to think over some of my recent experiences.
When I got back to our Alpha the rest of the members were just finishing dinner, so I had missed the Macro dance and the swim. They greeted me warmly but there was no prying or questioning about my experiences. I quickly selected my meal, and enjoyed listening to the rest of my Alpha talking about visiting Micro Island. I soon discovered that they all planned to eventually volunteer for service on the island. Their discussion centered on what could be learned and at what triad or awareness level it could be learned best.
I told them about my seven life reviews and how I had recognized some of them in my last lifetime as the children I was trying to teach. They remembered that one, as well as many more in which they said we had known each other but which I had not yet remembered. I was fascinated listening to them talk about some of these lives and how they had developed the Macro power of retrocognition to the point where they could see the accumulating learning patterns and their slow but steady evolution in awareness.
I was reminded of the Macro learning curve which went up and down and up and down like a wave, with each up a little cumulatively higher than the last up and each down a little higher than the last down [see C.I. Data Excerpts]. Micro man with his limited temporal perspective can not see this cumulative effect and is, thus, often discouraged and overwhelmed with apparent futility and hopelessness at the -many failures and frustrations in his life.
My Alpha had stayed at our table to keep me company while I ate, but now they went off to their various P.E. tutors.
I'm going to interject here the fact that after every meal we rinsed our mouths with a special water-like solution that not only cleaned our teeth but also made tooth decay impossible. There were no dentists in the Macro society just as there were no medical doctors. To me the liberation from the discomforts of a frequently sick and steadily decaying body was one of the greatest achievements of the Macro society. The thought that no one died until they chose to was phenomenal.
After the others had left, Carol told me that we would not be seeing Rana this evening but another' tutor, Victor. As we made our way to the eleventh-floor tutoring rooms; Carol explained that she saw Rana only about once every three or four evenings. The rest of the Personal Evolution time was spent with Victor or occasionally other Macro counselors whom – she had never seen before and rarely saw again.
I was unprepared for the huge stature of Victor. He was the tallest person that I had yet seen in 2150. At a little over seven feet two inches and weighing almost 300 pounds, Victor was an impressive-looking man. Deep healing tones of green dominated his tunic. He was magnificently proportioned, having the physical beauty of all Macro society members.
When I asked his age I learned that he had 71 years, but he looked no more than 30.
During the first half of our meeting Carol and Victor talked about the problems that Carol was experiencing in attaining Macro contacts. As they talked I was impressed with the qualities of patience, humor, and kindness that this mighty giant radiated. I could see why he would be a successful Macro counselor, for it was easy to talk with him. He always seemed to know the right words or action to stimulate your mind to further activity in discovering new insights.
She and Victor discussed the difference between desire -defined as a joyously peaceful acceptance of the fact that what you most want to happen will happen-and anxiety, which was defined as a fear that what you most want to happen will not happen.
Then I talked about my realization that I would have to live on Micro Island soon if I was to learn how to evolve beyond my micro past to a Macro future. Victor agreed with me but suggested that I develop my Macro powers more fully before I volunteered as a resource person or tutor for Micro Islanders.
We discussed various ways of doing this. I wondered whether or not Carol should accompany me to Micro Island. We decided that her presence could help me grow a lot faster than if I went alone. She was delighted that I wanted her to come along.
As we were leaving, I told Victor that I was sure I had known him before. He laughed and said that he could remember having been tortured to death by me when I was a fanatical Italian cardinal
. He assured me, however, that we had experienced other pleasant life-times together.
Back in our Alpha room Carol and I bathed together, then stretched out on our huge bed.
We discussed our day, and I mentioned how intriguing it was that I fortuitously translated to a point in time' where there were so many of my friends or enemies from the past.
She assured me that there was nothing fortuitous about it. She went on to explain that all souls travel in groups, experiencing and re-experiencing each other in different roles, much the same as players in a road company who fill many different roles in many different plays, in many different towns, before their contract runs out. Yet, they, are always interacting with basically the same players.
I teased her, saying that if she was my fellow player I might stay on the road forever. We rolled across the bed to the rhythm of her laughter.
She asked C.I. to provide Macro contact stimuli as we attempted to free our minds of all micro concern and accept the macrocosmic oneness of all.
Once again I became part of a great river flowing toward the beginning and end of all things-toward the infinite macrocosmic ocean. I flowed on and on, but this time there was an urgency to my movement. Instead of flowing in ever larger channels there seemed to be a constriction that was producing tension and unrest within me. I fought to break the growing pressure of restriction, but the harder I struggled, the greater the pressure grew, until my mind was filled with pain. Finally I screamed aloud, and the Macro stimuli ended along with the constricting pressure within my mind.
I looked at Carol and saw that her eyes were closed but her face was damp with tears, and I realized that my eyes were wet, too.
"What happened?" I asked. "What went wrong?"
Carol opened her eyes and looked at me. Then with a sad, tender smile she said, "I'm sorry, Jon, that I couldn't help you. It was my anxiety for Macro contact that got in our way again."
"Someone I used to know once told me that each thing happens in its own time. You can't push the river," I teased to lighten the mood.
"Knowing and doing are two very different things!" Carol responded, then added, "In order to apply what we learned this afternoon we must give up all micro desires that we are clinging to for maintenance of our micro egos."
I shook my head, saying, "That sounds so impossible that I don't understand how I ever achieved even one Macro contact, much less two of them."
"You had less to lose then, Jon-less to let go of," Carol said. "Now your micro pleasures are greater and they seem to outweigh your pleasure in and desire for Macro contact while at the same time. increasing your anxiety for it!"
"What a dilemma," I moaned. "The more happiness I find with you and the Macro society, the less willing I am to give it up. The less willing I am to give it up, the less able I am to attain Macro contact. And if I can't attain more Macro contacts, I won't grow in awareness and I will lose it all!"
Suddenly we were entwined in one another's arms passionately devouring each other with kisses in a desperate effort to overcome a possible future of dismal separation and loss. I called to C.I. for Macro stimuli and the mounting resonances of our soul note vibrations filled the room. Now we could focus our minds and, thus, our bodies on Macro immersions, which did not require the giving up of everything and the acceptance of everything, as did Macro contact. Now we could concentrate on joining our two surging, pulsating rivers of desire for each other into one great river of peaceful unity and contentment. We succeeded gloriously.
As we lay resting peacefully together I thought to myself that this Macro immersion, which Carol and I had achieved, was so much more satisfying than any physical union I had ever experienced that I would never give it up voluntarily now that I had found it.
Yet, as I thought this, I heard Carol's voice in my mind saying, "But, Jon, you know that what we are enjoying is only temporal at best, lasting but a few minutes or hours. What we are both seeking is the infinite, timeless joy of total Macro awareness. Our anxiety regarding the possible loss of what we share only impedes our progress.
"We must move steadily on toward the ability to enjoy today fully without insisting that tomorrow hold the same thing. A foot must give up the security of one rung of a ladder before it can gain the security and achievement of a higher rung."
I sighed. "I know you're right, Carol. Every little girl knows that someday she will grow up and stop playing with dolls. Still, it would be difficult for her to imagine ever wanting to give them up."
"That's the nicest part, Jon. You don't ever have to give up anything that you don't want to give up. It's just that what you want to give up and what you want to keep changes with each plateau you reach. For example, I know that you no longer 'want to keep' having sexual unions with anyone whose soul vibrations are not very close to your own. Yet this is not because anyone told you, you had to give them up. It's the natural and inevitable evolution of the soul. Only by giving up the unevolved part of our micro load are we able to step one rung higher."
We kissed again with great longing and a tinge of sadness. Then I gently pushed Carol away from me and withdrew from her until we were separated by several feet. We lay for a while just looking at each other. Finally I said, "Carol, I'm not ready to give up my feelings for you. I want to possess you and cling to you, and I realize that these feelings are micro, not Macro."
"I feel the same way," she said. "Never before in this lifetime have I felt so intensely about anyone. But then, that's evolutionary, too. Each love we share prepares us to more fully experience the better one which lies ahead if we just evolve enough to be willing to take the risk of loving again and again as long as we live."
"It was two lifetimes ago that we lived together on that South Pacific island and loved each other as we love now," I recalled.
"You're thinking that if you hadn't remembered that past life your feelings for me wouldn't have grown so intense, aren't you?" Carol said.
"Yes," I said, "but I'm very happy that I did remember you, for that was the most enjoyable lifetime I have yet reviewed, in spite of its tragic ending."
"Oh, Jon," she said, "I love you so much, but I can remember a lifetime many ages ago which I shared with a twin soul, and I know that someday I will reunite with him just as someday you will reunite with Lea."
I thought about what she had just said and then I smiled.
"You're right, as always," I said. "When I'm with Lea I know that she represents ultimate completion for me. I know that I love her with every vibration of my soul, my mind, and my body. But, Carol, I also know that I love you with a love that is equal in ultimate value, if not in ultimate nature."
"It is this very problem," Carol replied, "that must be resolved in order to attain the highest levels of awareness."
"You mean," I said, "that Lea has already solved this problem?"
"Of course," Carol nodded. "She wouldn't be aquamarine if she hadn't been able to give up all micro desires many times. Certainly to be able to give you to me so that you may obtain Macro immersion and Macro contacts with me, not herself, demonstrates very highly evolved awareness and balance."
Now Carol closed the distance between us and was once more nestled in my arms. "Lea can remember," she continued, "lifetimes with you that you have not yet remembered. It's significant that when she was guiding you through the pages of your akashic record, that is, your memory records of the past, she did not select a lifetime which the two of you had shared."
"Why not?" I asked.
Carol answered, "Don't you realize that if she had shown you only the happy moments of completion between the two of you, there would have been no micro challenges to overcome?"
"You mean," I said, "like my problem of giving up my desires for you?"
"Yes," she replied. "After all, if she had helped you to relive only moments you had shared with her, you would not have remembered your past life with me and you would not have this overwhelming desire for me."
"My God!" I excla
imed. "She knew that she was intensifying my desires for you. She deliberately set up this problem."
"Let's more accurately say that you set it up in order to help yourself overcome the difficulty you have-in letting go of micro situations and relationships," Carol answered. "Lea knew that if she didn't help you overcome this problem you would not be able to achieve level-three awareness and you would be separated for at least another lifetime. And remember, she can recall the joy of Macro immersion with you, a twin soul. Yet she chose to give this up so that you might attain a greater goal-union with her and the Macro society for the rest of this lifetime.
"And if I don't achieve level-three awareness," I responded "she'll have sacrificed herself for nothing."
"Not for nothing, Jon. For growth.
"And not herself. Just a few days, weeks, or months of one lifetime. She knows that there are many more-or, converting it from our simultaneous-time concept to your linear-time concept-there will be many more. Besides, every failure is a success, and I'm sure that Lea doesn't forget that very often."
I nodded. "Even if I fail, she'll be able to accept it as bringing me that much closer to success. However, unless I have attained a rather high level of awareness, I won't be able to accept my failure in spite of the fact that I intellectually know I should."
"Tonight as we go to sleep," Carol suggested, "let's ementally reaffirm our plan for our growth."
"All right," I said. "I understand that we get what we really inwardly want most, so I guess it makes good sense to be specific about our intent."
"First," Carol began, "we will be joyously accepting of what is, knowing that it is our own perfect creation.
"Second, we will, in our daily activity, walk with an open hand-that is, we will 'hold on to' nothing.
"Third, we will accept every opportunity for growth and do our best to learn the lesson it offers.
"Fourth, we will live constantly in the joy of our macrocosmic oneness with all-or, stated within your concept of time-all that is, all that was, and all that ever will be.
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