Lucky for me, the surgical gown I’d pilfered from the hospital snagged the busted railing, and stopped me from falling to my death.
Lucky for her, as she toppled from the ledge, Mary had grabbed a hold of my boot, and now hung one hundred and two stories from certain death.
“Stop struggling. You’re going to get yourself—” I glanced at her swollen belly, “—and the baby killed.”
“I don’t want to die.” Mary hugged my foot tighter. “Oh God, please don’t let me fall.”
“Jace.”
“What?”
“‘Oh, Jace, please don’t let me fall.’ Not God.” With every ounce of strength left in my body, I struggled to pull Mary and myself to safety.
“God’s a little busy at the moment with the apocalypse you started.”
“I didn’t start anything. Samuel did.”
“Samuel?” Damn, I’d thought after the God’s Ball incident I’d seen the last of him. The devil, embarrassed by his son’s defeat, had banished Samuel to hell, for not limited to one hundred years.
“He hates it,” she whispered the words, “down there.”
“I’ll bet.” Hence the apocalypse.
She sniffed once, her eyes clearing. “I never wanted any of this to happen.” Her voice hitched. A sure sign of the crocodile tears to come. “I never wanted to hurt you.”
“You shot me.”
She tilted her head. “When?”
“In the alley.” The muscles in my arms quivered, and for a second, I considered kicking Mary in the head, and being done with it. “With my own gun. Remember?”
“It was only a flesh wound.”
Yep, a kick in the head seemed like a perfect solution. Too bad, I’d already crawled back over the ledge, dragging Mary in my wake. Once safe, I lay on the concrete, sucking in mouthfuls of smoky air.
The kid’s mewing had grown louder, but I didn’t have the strength to move yet. My arms felt like rubber, and my heart slammed wildly in my chest. Mary appeared unaffected, continuing her tirade, “I’m everything a man could want, but no, you went and chose a demon as fucked up as you are. Then Sid dies, and I’m left with no choice.”
Choice, a funny word with little meaning. I struggled to sit up, to finish my job, rescue the kid, sacrifice myself, and save the world.
“Heaven belongs to me. Can’t you see that? I’ve sacrificed everything.” Mary pounded on the cement. “It’s my turn. I’m the prettiest.”
The kid’s shrieks reached ear-splitting level. “Jesus, shut him up already.” She covered her ears with her hands. “That kid is driving me nuts.”
Yeah, Mary took unfit parenting to a new level. Tomorrow morning, if there was a tomorrow, I’d call a lawyer. Find out about custody. I doubted any court would deny God’s bastard son custody of his own bastard child.
“Don’t move,” I ordered as I stumbled to my feet. “I mean it. If I come back and you’re gone, there will be hell to pay.” An empty threat at this point, but what the hell.
I limped to the ledge where the kid’s cage rattled in the wind. “I’m right here, kid.” As I pulled the cage from the ledge, his mewing ceased, and the hamsters raining from the sky vanished.
The kid crawled from the cage, his eyes wide. Other than a few scratches, probably from the pissed off Bodhi cat in his arms, the kid seemed all right.
“Mine find me.” He smiled up at me, drool slipping down his heart shaped chin.
“Yeah kid, I found you.” I patted his head. “Now can you do something about the end of the world?”
He smiled up at me, his hair standing on end. “Okay, Mine. I make horsies go bye-bye.” And like a flick of a God’s favored son switch, the roar of horse hoofs and approaching doom winked out.
Damn, I had to learn that trick.
The city returned to normal, or as normal as a city packed with eight million people who’d just witnessed the end of times could be.
I nodded, feeling both foolish and proud. I’d found the kid and saved the world, all without any grand sacrifice. Of course, I’d almost destroyed the world too. Hell, I still might. It was early yet. Give me a week.
A pain-laced scream drew my attention. Oh God, Lilith. She needed a hospital and fast. The baby, much like his father, Samuel, was about to come premature. The kid lifted Bodhi cat, and waddled to Lilith. His incessant chatter blocked my growing terror.
Before I helped Lilith though I had to deal with Mary. Clearly demented, Mary was a danger to the kid, not to mention Lilith. It was time to end it. One way or another.
Sixty Five
“So it’s a deal?” I glanced from the contract, written on the side of a Starbucks cup, and back to Mary. She wiped a tear from her eye and nodded.
Behind me, Lilith argued between labor pains. The kid did his best to soothe her, but every time I opened my mouth, Lilith exploded.
“Moron, why not sign over Easter too?” Lilith slapped me in the back of the head before clutching her belly. “Ahhhhhh.” Her body shook with the force of a contraction.
“Breathe sweetheart.” I winced as her nails dug into my skin.
“Breathe? Are you fucking kidding me? I’m passing a basketball here, and your advice is breathe?” She blew out a long breath, followed by three sharp indrawn ones. The tightness in her face eased. “I hate you.”
I winked, and returned my focus to Mary, who had turned pale under her fake-n-bake tan. “I’ve changed my mind,” Mary said, stumbling to her feet.
“You can’t.” I jumped up. “We had a deal. You rule Heaven on the fourth Tuesday of the New Year, and in return, leave the kid, Lilith, me, and our yet-to-be-named kid alone.” God could use the time off. Besides, what harm could she do in one day...?
Mary was shaking her head. “Yes, we had a deal, but that...” She pointed at Lilith. “I refuse to give birth.”
I shrugged, peering at the growing pool at Mary’s feet. “Might be a little late to complain.” Her eyes followed my gaze, and she let out a scream rivaled by the eternally dammed. Mary dropped to the pavement writhing in pain.
Lilith rolled her eyes. “Drama queen.”
“Slut,” Mary answered back.
“Why you—”
I grabbed Lilith as she lunged at Mary. “Kick her ass later. Right now, I want you to do something for me.”
“Haven’t I done enough already?” She bit her lip, signaling another contraction, but she didn’t cry out. When it passed, she signed. “Okay, what do you want?”
Kissing her softly, I patted her belly and listened for the telltale whoop of an ambulance siren. “Give me a son.”
~ * ~
Pacing the hospital room, I swallowed another cup of bitter coffee waiting for the birth of my children. Five hours had past since our arrival at the hospital. And one hour ago, I’d been kicked out of Lilith’s room. A minor complication, the doctor had told me. Nothing to worry about. But a whisper of terror crawled up my spine burrowing into my brain as minutes clicked off the clock.
The kid sat on the worn waiting room floor, coloring, almost like a normal child. Almost, because he’d drawn a damn good forgery of the Mona Lisa except with yellow eyes. His presence comforted me, as did a carton of milk-turned-whiskey.
A nurse smiled at me, and knocked on the delivery ward door where both Lilith and Mary labored. The door opened, and I could hear Mary bitching about me.
Nothing from Lilith though. No screams, shouts, or bitter outbursts. I gulped another mouthful of whiskey. Mary continued to yell, comparing me to the son of a dog. The dog-man came out on top.
My mind wandered. Soon the next ruler of Heaven, a child born of my loins, would arrive. What did that mean for the kid, for the world? Ruling heaven was a hell of a responsibility. I hoped God knew what He was doing because that mysterious ways crap wouldn’t fly.
A scream cut through my musing. “I guess we’re about to find out if the world’s ready for my seed,” I said to the kid. He glanced up, grinned, and returned to hi
s coloring.
The yelp of a baby burst from the delivery ward. A lusty cry, manly cry. A minute later, a doctor stepped through the doors. Blood soaked his lab coat turning it a dark pink. The tingling of terror inside me exploded into full on horror. Something was wrong.
“Mr. Miller?”
I nodded my head, sickness pooling in my intestines. My mind pictured a smiling Lilith, our child tucked in her arms. The vision vanished as the doctor’s words hit me.
“There was a complication during delivery.”
I closed my eyes. “The baby?”
“A health boy.” The doctor smiled slightly. “A big healthy boy.”
“And...” I couldn’t force Lilith’s name past the lump in my throat.
Tears burned the back of my eyes, but I stonily stood in the chaos swirling inside me.
“I’m sorry.” He cleared his throat. “Your wife...”
I closed my eyes, waiting.
“She died giving birth.”
The final sacrifice.
Sixty Six
The Kid’s Third Birthday, the Year of Our Lord...
“Hey kid.” I shoved Jesus with my foot, careful not to spill the tray of peppermint laced hot chocolate in my hands. “Pick up your toys, and go find somewhere else to smite Bodhi.”
The kid’s bottom lip quivered, tears sparkling in his blue eyes.
“Forget it,” I said. “Water works ain’t going to work. Now grab your fleabag cat, and go play in your room. Quietly,” I added with a glance at the sleeping babies curled in God’s arms.
After some eye rolling and muttered bitching, the kid did as I ordered. Bodhi cat hissed at me, but followed meekly behind the Messiah.
“I can’t believe how much he’s grown in two months.” My mom waved at the disappearing kid, bumping my arm and nearly showering herself in heated liquid. But Joe saved the day, steadying the tray, and my mom.
“Thanks.” I nodded to Joe, and he nodded back. Setting the tray on the wobbly coffee table, I passed out cups of cocoa, adding a hefty dose of whiskey to mine. God raised an eyebrow.
“Fine,” I said, pouring a splash into His mug too.
He smiled at the babies in His arms. “Your daddy’s a wise man.”
The green eyes, God’s green, of the girl-child in His right arm popped open, and she squirmed before letting out a squeak of displeasure.
Ringlets confined with a tiny pink bow danced around her head as she kicked her tiny legs. She looked so much like her mother.
“I’ll take her.” I scooped the next ruler of Heaven into my arms, and kissed her wrinkled forehead. She quieted, but only for a second. Her fingers groped the air, reaching for her brother, who still lay peacefully in God’s arms.
“Isn’t that sweet,” my mom gushed. “Little Lily wants her baby brother.”
Odd was more like it. Whenever the two were separated, Lily cried.
Bubba, on the other hand, paid Lily little mind. He was too interested in his next meal. Round in all places Bubba, looked like neither his mother, Mary, nor me.
I had a sneaking suspicion the baby shared DNA with another bald headed, round guy. But it didn’t matter. From the moment, I held the bloody, mucus covered, newly orphaned kid, he’d joined my growing clan. A sacrifice I had willingly made.
“Mary sends her best,” Hades said, taking a seat on Lilith’s white cushioned sofa. I nodded my head in acknowledgement. Mary had given me Bubba, and for that, I forgave her for trying to kill me. On the other hand, I wasn’t overly sad when Mary had succumbed during childbirth. If anyone belonged in hell, it was she. However, her recent hellish nuptials to Samuel were enough to keep me awake at night. Together they were the match made in hell, literally. I shrugged, they were the Devil's problem now. Let him deal with her hysterics and Samuel’s thirst for the end of days.
Lily let out a fiery belch, scorching my eyebrows, and shaking me from my musings. She giggled as I screamed. “Damn it, Lilith. Did you feed Lily jalapeños again?”
“Damn it, Jace.” Lilith glanced up from decorating the kid’s birthday cake, frosting streaked her cheek, and cake batter stuck like glue in her hair.
“You made me mess up the cake. Happy Birthday, Jesup,” Lilith read the blue frosted text.
I laughed, scooping up the frosted P, and smearing it on Lilith’s nose, thankful for every second we had together. At the hospital, I’d thought I’d lost Lilith forever. Instead, Mary had died. A sacrifice I could live with.
Lily burped again, this time frying the kitchen curtains. Like a pro, Lilith grabbed the fire extinguisher with one hand, and smacked me in the back of the head with her other.
The angel, recently paroled from his Heavenly imprisonment, suddenly appeared in front of the burning curtains. As much of a pain in the ass as he was, I couldn’t forget the fact he’d saved my life. Many times. Hell, if he hadn’t fucked up, and brought me the kid, I would’ve put a bullet through my brain. No more Second Coming. And then where would the world be? Or me for that matter? Yep, a divine coincidence had saved the day. I glanced at Our Father, and raised an eyebrow. He winked. Mysterious ways, my ass.
“I brought the Messiah a birthday gift,” the angel said, and held up a clear plastic jar labeled, Myrrh.
Whoosh!
The ensuing explosion leveled the kitchen, sending birthday cake flying. I shook my head, gazing at my cake splattered first born demon-child.
One part demonic-angel, and one part Son of God. Together, Lilith and I had created life, and just maybe saved the world.
Third times a charm, right?
About j. a.
In Ohio during the 1980’s, a young dyslexic kid grew up loving books. After a few years, j.a. escaped Cleveland and moved to Denver, CO where j.a. currently lives and writes. For more information about j.a. kazimer or to read the New Never News fairytale blog visit http://www.jakazimer.com.
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