If Not for You

by Debbie Macomber

  Her smile was part of the attraction, he knew. Her entire face lit up with happiness whenever he came to visit, as if she’d been waiting all day for just that moment. The irony of it was he’d been the one who could barely wait to get to her. Her smile had a way of hitting him square in the chest. God help him, he could live a year on one of her smiles.

  They also shared a love of music. Sam had none of the formal training she’d received. He’d taught himself how to play the guitar and mostly played by ear, although he’d learned to read sheet music by watching YouTube. Her knowledge was extensive, but she’d never made him feel inferior or like less of a musician. He felt a certain sense of pride knowing his playing relaxed her enough to help her fall asleep.

  Leaving her was hard. Often he stayed as long as an hour after she’d drifted off, doing nothing more than studying her. Yup, he had it bad. For most of his adult life, Sam had avoided relationships, or ones that lasted more than a few days or, more accurately put, nights. Everything was different with Beth. He was different with Beth. She was concerned about him meeting her mother. Well, he wasn’t turning tail no matter what. He didn’t know what the future held, but he was fairly certain Beth would be part of it.

  Irrational as it seemed now, when they’d first met he hadn’t noticed or appreciated how beautiful she was. Her beauty wasn’t classic, with high cheekbones and perfectly shaped facial features. Hers was subtle and delicate, which helped explain why it took him longer than it should have to notice. He was touched that she clearly made an effort with her hair and makeup for him. It wasn’t necessary. All he saw was Beth, and it didn’t matter to him if she had on lip gloss or if her hair was combed.

  Even the guys in the shop had noticed the change in him. Sam blew them off and shrugged off their good-natured ribbing.

  “Going to see your girlfriend tonight?” Bob Unger asked as they started cleaning their stations at the end of their shift on Friday.

  “Who says I got a girlfriend?” Sam demanded.

  “Hey, Sam, we’re your friends. You don’t need to hide anything from us.”

  “Yeah, Sam. I see you sneaking off during lunch and talking on your cell.”

  “When we gonna meet your girl?”

  Grinning, Sam ignored them. He dug his truck keys from his pocket and headed out of the garage. “Have a good weekend.”

  “You aren’t joining us for a beer?” Bob asked, his mouth hanging open in surprise.

  Sam had been the one to instigate the Friday-night beer time with the guys. “Can’t tonight,” he called over his shoulder as he climbed into his truck. He was in a rush to get to Beth.

  “Yup, it’s a woman. Only time any of us miss a Friday night is when a woman’s involved.”

  Sam didn’t answer. No need. His friends had him pegged.

  Once back at the house, Sam quickly showered and changed clothes, anxious to get to Beth. This was a big day in her recuperation process and he wanted to be sure the transition to the rehabilitation center had gone smoothly.

  As soon as he found her in her room her eyes lit up, followed by that beautiful smile. That did it to him every time.

  “Sam.”

  “Hey.” He stood just inside the door, drinking in the sight of her. He walked up to the bed and took hold of her hand, marveling once more how dainty it felt in his much larger one. Hers was soft and perfectly shaped, delicate against his callused, grease-stained fingers.

  “I’m glad you’re here.”

  “I am, too.” And it was the honest-to-God truth. He badly wanted to kiss her and leaned forward to plant a soft kiss on her cheek.

  For half a second she looked disappointed, and then, in a rush, she asked, “You have your guitar with you, don’t you?” It was as if she couldn’t get the words out fast enough.

  He’d kept it with him nearly all week. “It’s in my truck.”

  “Wonderful. Would you mind carrying me into the foyer?” She lifted her arms, waiting for him to lift her off the bed.

  Sam hesitated. “Shouldn’t you be using your walker?”

  “Probably,” she agreed, lowering her arms, “but it would take me twenty minutes to get from here to the lobby, and by then I’d be too tired to play.”

  “Play?”

  “The piano. Didn’t you see it on your way in? There’s a piano against the wall to the right of the door, and, Sam, I need to get to that piano. I can’t tell you how much I’ve missed playing.”

  Sam couldn’t have disguised his smile if he’d tried.

  She raised her arms a second time so Sam would take the hint and lift her off the bed. Asking him twice wasn’t necessary. Other than holding her hand a few times and that one kiss, he hadn’t held or touched her. Sam was willing to admit these were unusual circumstances. Never in all his thirty-six years had he spent this much time with a woman and have their relationship be completely innocent. He had to admit he’d given a lot of thought to what it would be like to have her in his bed. Being a healthy male, it was only natural for his mind to wander in that direction.

  Lifting her from the bed, he was surprised by how light she was. He’d carted tools heavier than this woman. Her arms automatically went around his neck as he held on to her, bride-style.

  She smelled like roses and he had to assume it was her perfume. He resisted the urge to bury his face in her neck and breathe in the scent of her. Having her this close was everything he’d imagined. More. His heart beat at a furious pace when her fingers tangled with the hair at the back of his head. He swallowed a groan when her hands rested against the nape of his neck. This small intimacy was enough to nearly undo him. He wondered if she had any idea what she was doing to him, and he doubted she did.

  Now that she was in his arms, Sam didn’t move. He remained immobile, standing next to her bed, savoring the simple pleasure of holding her in his arms.

  “Am I too heavy?” she asked.

  He laughed for the simple reason he found it difficult to speak. When he found his voice, he said, “I’m thinking you need to walk for me after this.” He wasn’t sure he had the willpower to hold her again and resist kissing her with a need and hunger that would shock her.

  He carried her out of the room, down the long corridor, and into the foyer, where the piano sat. In his rush to get to Beth, he hadn’t noticed it earlier.

  “You want me to walk for you?” she asked, resting her head against his shoulder. This woman. He swore she was going to be the end of him. “I need incentive,” she told him, staring at him with a look that immediately roused his suspicions.

  “What kind of incentive?”

  She pressed her index finger against her lips, as if needing to give his question sufficient consideration. “A reward.”

  “You got it. Anything you want within reason.”

  “What I have in mind is reasonable. Do we have a deal?”

  He was suspicious but willing to play her game. “Deal.” He carefully set her down on the piano bench.

  Beth smiled up at him and lovingly placed her hands over the familiar keys as if caressing a lover’s face. The piano was an old upright, and all Sam could do was hope it was in tune.

  “Did I ever mention I was born with perfect pitch?” she said. “My father’s mother taught me to play and she picked up on it right away.”

  “One of your many gifts, no doubt,” he said, loving the joy he saw in her as she began to play.

  She must be wondering about the piano the same as him. He’d never known anyone with perfect pitch but understood that if a key was even the slightest bit off it would grate against Beth’s ear like nails down a chalkboard. After testing the scales, her fingers bounced, striking chords. Just the way her hands moved showed respect and love for this musical instrument. Beth was in her element and he saw a side of her he’d never known before.

  When she finished she looked at Sam. “Would you get your guitar?”

  “If that’s what you want.”

  Nodding eagerly, she said,
“Please.”

  After making sure Beth was settled, Sam left through the double glass doors, walking swiftly toward the parking lot. He’d meant to bring his guitar into the facility when he’d first arrived. His only excuse was that he’d been in too much of a hurry to get to Beth.

  Sam returned to hear her playing a tune he didn’t recognize. He froze as her hands were a blur over the keyboard. When she noticed he was back, Beth’s smile was huge.

  “Oh, how I’ve missed this,” she said with the softest of sighs. It was the same sound Sam made when he stepped into a hot shower after a long day of physical labor. “Do you realize how long it’s been since I played?” she asked, although it was a rhetorical question. Her fingers literally flew over the keys with a skill and knowledge that left him speechless.

  “What’s that song?” he asked, scooting out a chair and sitting next to her.

  “It’s an Étude by Fredrick Chopin.”

  Sam had watched many people play a piano, but never had anyone done it with such feeling and joy as Beth. His mouth must have been gaping open, because Beth gave him an odd look.

  “What?” she asked.

  He scratched the side of his head. “Wow. That was incredible.”

  “It’s a lovely piece; one of my favorites.”

  Sam was in awe. “It sounded like a bubbling brook flowing over a waterfall. I don’t think I’ve ever heard anything like it. I’ve certainly never seen anyone play like that before.”

  “It was going through my head earlier today and I wanted to play it in the worst way.”

  “It got my attention.”

  Sam pulled a chair up closer. He placed the guitar on his lap and leaned forward, waiting for her to play more.

  “Your turn,” she said.

  “Ah. No way.” Sam shook his head.

  “Sam, please. You and that guitar are the only things that got me through this last week.”

  When she put it like that, how could he refuse? “Will you play with me?” he asked.

  She agreed with an eager nod.

  Sam righted his guitar and reached for his pick. “You know any Johnny Cash?”

  “No, but I’ll pick it up.”

  Sam strummed a few chords, studying her while he played.

  “It sounds familiar but I can’t name it.”

  “ ‘I Walk the Line,’ ” Sam supplied.

  It didn’t take Beth long to pick up the melody and the rhythm. The piano quickly joined the guitar, the two instruments blending together as if they were one piece.

  After a few minutes Beth glanced at him. “We sound good together.”

  “We do,” he agreed, his smile so big his face ached. “Really good.”

  Sam started another song, and again all Beth needed were a few bars before she was able to join in. He was convinced she’d never heard this Macklemore number, but it didn’t matter. After two or three such songs, he noticed a small group of staff members had gathered to watch and listen.

  They must have played for forty minutes or more before Sam could see that Beth was tiring out. “That’s enough for tonight,” he said, and immediately sensed her disappointment.

  “Just a few more songs. I’m loving this.”

  The thing was Sam loved it, too. It would have been easy to give in, the temptation was there, but in the end he shook his head. “We’ll do it again. You’re going to be here awhile.” It’d been a big day for her, and Beth was exhausted. Sam wondered if she’d done too much.

  “You two been playing together for long?” one of the aides asked, stepping closer to the piano.

  “Not long,” Sam answered, sharing a smile with Beth.

  “Well, you’re amazing, both of you.” She started to leave, then turned back and asked, “Do you want me to get you a wheelchair, Beth?”

  “No,” Beth insisted, smiling up at Sam.

  He knew what she wanted. What he wanted. He carefully lifted Beth into his embrace the same way he had earlier. Again her arms went around him, her fingers smoothing the hair that fell at his neck. She laid her head against his shoulder. He loved the warm feel of her so close to him.

  “Back to the room?” Sam asked, and, unable to resist, he kissed the top of her head.

  “Back to the room,” Beth echoed.

  He felt her staring at him as he carted her down the wide hallway. It was as if she were memorizing his features. Briefly she ran her fingertips over his beard.

  “Something wrong?” he asked.

  “Nope. I was just thinking that you look more like a lumberjack than a mechanic, especially with your beard.”

  “Does it bother you?”

  She shook her head. “Not at all. I like it. You keep it trimmed and neat.” She wove her fingers into the coarse hair and rubbed her palm down one side. “I’ve never kissed anyone with a beard before. I had no idea it would be so good,” she said, and immediately looked away as if she hadn’t meant to say the words aloud.

  “Did it tickle your nose?” he asked.

  “A little. It’s not as prickly as I thought it would be.”

  Sam didn’t say anything when her fingers explored his beard until they were in her room.

  “You like?” he asked.

  “Very much,” she said and grinned, before tearing her gaze away from him and pointing toward the other side of the room. “Get me my walker, okay?”

  “Not tonight, babe, you’re tired.”

  “We had a deal,” she hurried to remind him.

  Still, Sam hesitated. “I don’t want you to wear yourself out.”

  “I won’t.”

  He wasn’t convinced.

  “A deal is a deal. Now, how far do I need to walk before I get my reward? Don’t make it too easy for me, either.”

  “Beth, no.”

  “Please.”

  Sam doubted he could refuse this woman anything.

  “I want to show you what I can do.”

  Frowning, Sam glanced down the long corridor. “To the nurses’ station and back.” It was only a few feet away. He didn’t want her collapsing.

  “I can walk farther than that.”

  “Do you want your reward or not?” he asked.

  “Okay, okay,” she said with a laugh.

  Sam helped her to her feet and noticed how she held the walker in a death grip. This was a bad idea and he regretted agreeing to it almost immediately.

  Beth’s first few steps looked unsteady and were little more than a shuffling of her feet. On edge, Sam remained close to her side, at the ready in case her legs gave out or she needed assistance.

  Her progress was slow and methodical. Each step was a determined effort.

  “You’re doing great,” Sam told her.

  She bit into her lower lip. “If you knew what I wanted for my reward you might want me to crash and burn.”

  “Not happening, babe,” he promised. “This is far enough. Turn around.”

  She paused and looked up at him. “Have I mentioned how much I like it when you call me that?”

  “Babe?”

  “Yeah.”

  She hit him with another of her megawatt smiles and Sam was forced to look away before he did something they would both regret. “Time to head back to your room.”

  Her legs looked like they were about to give out on her by the time she made it past the nurses’ station.

  “Hi,” one of the nurses’ aides called out to him. “You can come play your guitar for me anytime you want.”

  Sam ignored her as if she hadn’t spoken.

  Beth faltered slightly and Sam’s arm automatically went around her waist. “You look beat,” he said.

  She nodded. Sam glared at the aide, a pretty blonde who was about his own age. He didn’t appreciate that she was blatantly flirting with him, especially in front of Beth. She didn’t need that.

  Although the distance wasn’t far, by the time Beth returned to her room, she was barely able to shuffle her feet. Sam was convinced she was close to co
llapsing and gripped hold of her waist. A gasp of relief escaped her as she sagged against him. Right away Sam lifted her into his arms and gently placed her on her bed.

  Beth fell back against the pillows and released a deep sigh, briefly closing her eyes.

  “You okay?” he asked.

  She nodded rather than responding verbally. He noticed that the muscles in her thighs and calves quivered with the strenuous effort.

  “You should have listened to me when I told you to stop,” he chided, doing his best to hide how strongly seeing her in pain affected him.

  “It will be worth it. Give me a few minutes and I’ll be ready for my reward.”

  At this point he was willing to get her just about anything. “All right, what’s your desire, Your Highness.”

  She stared at him, her eyes warm pools of longing. “What I want more than anything is for you to kiss me again.” She sounded breathless and her eyes locked onto his.

  “A kiss?” Sam repeated, unable to suppress his delight. “I think I can manage that; I just don’t know that I’ll be able to stop with just one.”

  Tired as she was, Beth laughed. “I was hoping you’d say that.”

  CHAPTER 12

  Beth

  Beth had spent most of the day thinking about the kiss she’d shared with Sam the night before. He’d claimed it’d been wonderful. That was for sure, and it fed her eagerness for more. She’d dreamed about him kissing her and was disappointed that it took him nearly a week. She understood his restraint. She was pathetic being in the hospital, hooked up to IVs and tubes. It seemed wrong for their first kiss to take place in such a clinical, antiseptic environment. The rehab center wasn’t much better, but she was past caring.

  As soon as she mentioned she wanted him to kiss her again Sam’s gaze dropped to her mouth and lingered there. His eyes rounded and his beautiful mouth curved upward in a gentle smile. Oh yes, this was what she’d been waiting for, the look in his eyes that said more than an entire library of books. He wanted this, too, and was as impatient as she was.

  Leaning forward, Sam slipped his hand around the back of her neck and eased her forward, his hold firm, determined. When he pressed his lips to hers, Beth released a sigh that felt as if it came straight from her center. She’d waited all day for this moment, and she wasn’t going to rush through it now.