by Juli Valenti
“How many times a week do you stay the night at his place?” Toni asked, snapping her out of her thoughts once more.
Jessie didn’t answer, not wanting her friend to know she stayed with him so often. She was pretty sure it was probably six or so nights. It always seemed assumed that after whatever they did during the evening that they’d go to bed together. Besides, though she stopped at her condo from time to time to get things she may need, she’d grown to hate it there; it was dark and gloomy and no longer suited who she was becoming. At the same time, it wasn’t like he’d asked her to move in with him…and even if he had, she wasn’t sure she’d say ‘yes.’ There was something about putting your clothes in someone else’s dresser, losing the place that is ‘yours,’ that made things more…real. Real was hard for Jessie still, especially since, though she was getting better, she still lived in both the present and the past, simultaneously.
“I’ll take your silence to mean a lot,” she said sarcastically. “You don’t have to be ashamed about it…and if you didn’t want my loud-mouthed opinion, you wouldn’t have brought it up. So, live it and like it, you know you love me anyway.”
That brought a smile to Jessie’s face. She was right in that respect; everyone got it as it was with Toni – she never pulled her punches and was as nosy as they came. In all reality, the pair of them were completely different, personality wise, which was probably why they got along so well. Toni seemed to balance out her timidity, though she wasn’t quite sure what she brought to the table.
“Alright, Miss I-Know-Everything, what would you do?” Jessie asked her.
“If Dominick Wace told me he loved me? I’d fall to the ground, kiss his feet and tell him I worshipped the ground he walked on…but that’s just me. Hell, you’ve seen a lot more of him than me – lucky girl - how you could not is beyond me! That man is rock candy, dark chocolate, and a giant black forest cake all rolled into one.” Toni winked as she said it, and they burst into giggles.
“Ah, that sound is like music in this drab place,” a voice called out from the employee hall. Turning, Jessie found Mr. C’s smiling face walking toward them. Puzzled, she arched an eyebrow, hoping he’d elaborate further.
“Your laughter – I’ll admit it, little lady, I never thought I’d hear it. Tell me, what was the joke so I can get some humor into these old bones because surely, if you laughed at it, I’ll probably need oxygen afterward,” he said jokingly, putting his arm around Toni and pulling her into a hug before doing the same to Jessie. This was new for her, though he’d seen him hug the other girls several times. Fighting her usual reaction of stiffening, she relaxed into his fatherly embrace, relishing in the friendly comfort he offered.
“Oh you know, the usual female love of sugar and all things that are good yet bad for you at the same time,” Toni said, saving Jessie more embarrassment of the true subject of their fit of laughter.
“Ah, so you’re talking about my nephew, are you?”
Jessie flushed, wishing the world would fall away from her feet. How could he have known that? He was probably listening before he came through, she thought; after all, he had arranged the meeting to begin with. Silly man. Straightening, she tried to school her face, but she knew it was a futile effort – he’d seen the color in her cheeks, she was busted.
“Now, now, Jess, none of that blushing. I promise I won’t tell him – I’m just glad to see you happy. Oh, and if you’re done with your side duties, you’re good to go, by the way – unless you’re hungry, then feel free to eat, both of you, on the house today. I’m feeling all warm and fuzzy.”
Jessie’s knee-jerk reaction was to decline, but she hesitated. She’d promised herself she’d eat, and she wasn’t meeting Dominick until dinner. It was only two, and their date was at eight – she doubted the banana he’d put in her purse before leaving this morning was enough to constitute food. A rumbling from her stomach made the decision for her. Walking around the counter, she perched on a barstool and picked up a menu.
“What’s good here?” she asked her boss, scanning her options, though she knew them already. In all the time she’d worked at the diner, she’d never actually eaten any of the food. When new customers came in and asked for her opinion she’d had either rattled off the day’s special or the most popularly ordered items. Thinking back on that, she probably should have at least sampled some of the food, and a twinge of regret for possibly misleading her now regulars went through her.
Silence met her question, and she brought her head up to find Mr. C and Toni both staring at her like she’d been speaking in Swahili. They seemed shocked and perplexed by her question, and she thought for a moment she’d offended them both; perhaps they’d realized she’d never taken the time or care to try any of the food.
“What?” she asked, self-consciously.
“I need to thank that nephew of mine,” her boss muttered quietly. “Put the menu away, I’ll have something fixed up for you – something light, how does that sound?”
Nodding, she placed the menu back and asked for a coffee, which Mr. C promptly placed in front of her as well a caddy with cream and sugar. When she’d finished prepping her drink, a plate was placed in front of her, and she looked up to thank Mr. C.
“I thought an omelet with spinach, cheese, and some mushrooms would do well. High in protein but still light,” he informed her as Toni slid into the seat beside her. Jessie picked up her fork and took a bite, moaning at its fluffy goodness in her mouth. It was an explosion of flavors and probably the best omelet she’d ever had.
“Hey! No fair, I’ll want that too! Why is that not on the menu?!” Toni exclaimed, cupping her own coffee in hand.
“Pfft, because I said so, and I’m the boss, I can do that. Luckily for you,” he said, placing an identical plate in front of her, “I know you well.”
The pair ate in companionable silence, while their boss excused himself to check in with a couple of the regulars. It didn’t take long before Jessie was full, and she looked down at the remaining two thirds of the omelet in despair. It was really good, perfect; it was light, just like he’d said it would be, and she wanted to eat more, but she was already full and she hated it. Stupid stomach, she thought, convinced it was sabotaging her.
“Rome wasn’t built in a day, love,” came a husky voice from behind her, causing her to startle on her stool. She didn’t need to turn around to know who it belonged to, knowing the voice well, but she turned anyway to see his bright face. He smiled happily down at her before kissing her on the cheek.
“Sorry for startling you,” he whispered next to her ear. She shrugged, smiling, pleased at his unexpected arrival.
“Hey-di-hey, Dominick,” Toni said happily around a mouthful of food, grabbing her purse from beside her and rifling through it for a moment before sliding something across the counter to him. “I believe this is yours – thanks for the fun we had with it! It was a blast!”
Jessie realized it was his credit card, and she tried to glare at them both about it, but failed, relaxing into Dominick when he wrapped his arms around her from behind.
“Oh that looks great, I want one. Where’s my uncle?” he asked, sidling up on the other side of her at the counter, his eyes searching the diner.
“Don’t bother him - here, have mine, I’m full anyway,” she said, pushing the plate to him. Even she could hear the morose and disappointed tone in her words.
“Nope, wait a few, you’ll get hungry again.” He pushed the plate back to her, and continued his visual search for his uncle.
“What are you doing here? I thought you were working overtime, which was why we had a late dinner date planned,” she asked him, watching him as he waved to her boss, pointed to her plate, then himself. Mr. C nodded from a distance and Dominick turned back to face her.
“I was hungry,” he said, his shoulders rising and his voice sheepish.
“Dominick, you work on the other side of town – in traffic that’s a good forty-five minutes away,”
she said suspiciously.
“Fine. You’ve caught me. I decided that since you haven’t seen The Matrix, one, two or three, that you and me have a date on my couch. I’ve got the provisions in my car; don’t worry; I stocked full of really awfully bad yummy stuff for us - it’s gonna be great.”
“You took the rest of the day off of work to have a movie marathon date? That’s so sweet! Do you have a brother?! Wait…forget I asked that,” Toni said, gushing, though she quieted quickly at the mention of his brother. Raising an eyebrow, Jessie gave her a look, letting her know plainly that she couldn’t wait to get ahold of her when they were on their own. She had to know what that the look was about, and she had a feeling it was a juicy story.
“Hmm…alright sounds like fun,” Jessie said, directing the conversation back to Dominick and taking another bite of her omelet. “We have to make a stop first, though.”
“We do? Where at?”
“I need to get a cell phone.”
Another long silence came, and she glanced at Dominick, his face scrunched in a big smile.
“About time you decide to join the new millennium – geez, if I had to hear the ‘insert another fifty cents’ voice during a call from you, I was going to go crazy,” he said playfully, laughing as she gently pushed at his shoulder.
Dominick’s uncle placed his plate in front of him and the four of them fell into an easy conversation. Jessie found herself laughing at Mr. C’s recount of a story from when Dominick was little, when he had gotten into the flour and tried to make snowmen, sans the snow. Even though her stomach hurt from laughing so hard, it felt nice, companionable, and she really enjoyed it. Her boss’s eyes twinkled every time they caught hers, and she could tell that he was truly happy with the change in her.
By the end of the meal, Jessie was surprised to find that she’d actually eaten almost her entire omelet, leaving only a half-dozen bites on her plate. She was full – of life, of food, and good friends. It was definitely a sun-shiney day in Florida.
Chapter Twenty-Four
“Damn it, Jessie!”
Dominick’s bellow was loud in the quiet of the darkness of his bedroom. She’d never heard him raise his voice before, and she wrapped her arms around her legs, holding them tightly as if to hold in her emotions.
The pair had fallen asleep after the second Matrix movie, curled together like they usually did. And, like the previous four nights, she’d woken in a panic, shaking him awake to be sure he was still alive. Jessie knew that it was ridiculous, and she was ashamed of herself every time it happened, but she couldn’t help it. Regardless of the amount of progress she was making, when she slept she couldn’t keep the dreams at bay. Now, the memories of her past merged with her thoughts of the present, usually morphing somewhere in the middle of the nightmare to something unthinkable for her.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you,” she said softly, burying her face against her knees. It was true, sort of. She didn’t mean to wake him, but each time he jolted awake, her hyperventilating eased and she could breathe again.
Dominick sighed loudly, and she waited for the other shoe to drop. She knew it would now; he’d been so patient for the past few months, but everyone had a breaking point. All she could do was hold her breath and try to keep from falling apart.
“I think…I think it’s time you saw someone, Jessie. I’m not saying that to be mean, but this,” he said, waving his arms to signify the situation, “this has to stop. You can’t keep going through this, and you can’t keep waking me up in the middle of the night just to make sure I’m still alive. I’ve been patient, but I’m just not equipped to help you completely heal from this. You need professional help, someone who you can talk to, who can hold your hand down the winding road and teach you to cope. Everyone can see how much you’ve changed, and I’m glad if I’ve been the major part of it, but I don’t want you worried about my passing away every single day; that’s going to eat you up inside, baby, and I don’t want that for you.”
His tone had eased as he spoke, turning from frustration to his usual comforting mien. Realistically, she knew what he said to be true, and not from a bad place in his heart – he truly meant it when he said he wanted her to heal and that he didn’t think he could help her. Didn’t he see that he had helped her? It wasn’t her fault that the nightmares came when she slept.
“I don’t need help,” she spat back, unable to control the temper in her voice. Anger was easier to control than the hurt of hearing the man she loved – yes, she realized, she did love him - tell her she needed professional help. It cut like a knife, straight to her heart, the pain overwhelming in its intensity.
“Baby,” Dominick started, “I’m not trying to hurt you. I want you to be healthy and completely happy; whole.” He tried to pull her into his arms, to hold her, but she fought against his strength. If he held her, she would lose it, she could feel it. She stayed rigid, her arms locked in place to keep her immobile. “Don’t be like this, Jessie, please. You need this, you do and…if you don’t at least try…our relationship is going to change, and I don’t want that, at all.”
Jessie’s head snapped up to look at him. Change? Change how? she thought. Had he just said he was going to leave her if she refused? Panic flooded her and she started to shake.
“Are you saying…” her words trailed off as she swallowed painfully. “Are you saying you’ll leave me if I don’t see someone?”
“I don’t know… Maybe…maybe not, but I can’t continue living like this either,” came his response.
“But…but you said you loved me. You said anywhere I was, was where you wanted to be. That you’d never leave me,” she sobbed, unable to keep the lid on her tears. She wiped at her eyes with her hand, but it was no use; the tears were like a waterfall, completely unstoppable in their force, and they continued to trail from her face, dripping onto her legs.
Grabbing her hand and squeezing it, Dominick dropped his head to level with hers.
“I don’t want to lose you, baby, I don’t. This is killing me, you have no idea. I do love you…and the thought of even a day going by without seeing you hurts my heart. You need to get healthy though, and if this is what it will take to get you to see someone, I’ll do it. If you really want to be with me, you’ll do it. Not for me, but for you.”
“B-b-but, I love you. I didn’t want to, it’s too hard to love someone knowing they could be gone in the blink of an eye…and here you are, threatening to be gone. Why are you doing this to me?”
Overwhelmed, Jessie climb out of bed, holding onto the side table to keep her balance. She didn’t have a real plan; she only knew she had to get out of here. She’d finally told him she loved him, and it didn’t matter, she saw the truth in his eyes – he wouldn’t budge on this. She couldn’t stand to have the memory of him leaving her, she just couldn’t. Feeling lost and confused, she rifled through the pile of clothes on the floor, looking for her jeans and shirt. Spotting them, she scooped them up and ran from the room, awkwardly dressing as she went.
“Jessie! Where are you going, it’s the middle of the night!” Dominick’s voice trailed after her. He sounded panicked, which sort of amused her. He was the one giving her an impossible ultimatum.
She barely saw her surroundings through the haze of liquid in her eyes as she sat on the floor to put her shoes on. The sound of footsteps brought her eyes up, and she saw that Dominick was standing in the hallway, peering at her.
“You’re leaving? You can’t leave, Jessie, don’t be silly. It’s two a.m. – you never know what creepers are out there. Wait until morning…if you still want to leave, I’ll drive you to your condo,” he pleaded at her.
She couldn’t speak. If she said anything, she would crumble entirely and that was something she couldn’t afford. Taking a last glance at his face, she snatched her purse and her new phone off the coffee table, walked to the door, and opened it. She hesitated for only a moment before she walked through it and shut it firmly behind her.
***
Jessie had no clear direction of where she was going, or even how long she’d been walking the streets of the city. The sky had lightened at some point, painting brilliant varieties of colors ranging from pastel pinks and yellows to vibrant reds, purples, and oranges. Her eyes had dried, leaving thick, salty tracks on her face, the grainy feel painful to her eyes. She couldn’t count the amount of times her cell phone had rung, though she never answered it. She had been relieved when the battery had flashed red and died.
Taking a look around her surroundings, Jessie realized she had no idea where she was. She’d never really explored the city, other than the places that Dominick had taken her, and she knew she was going to have to find a way to get home. She spotted a pay phone and called the easy-to-remember taxi service number. After they traced the number, they told her that it wouldn’t be long before a car came for her.
True to their word, fifteen minutes later an orange cab appeared in front of her, the driver a friendly looking older man. Ironically, he reminded her of Mr. Castellanos a bit, and the tension in her shoulders at the thought of riding in a car with a stranger eased. She gave him her address, surprised at how soft her voice was when she spoke.
“You okay back there, young lady?” the cab driver’s voice startled her, and she felt her cheeks redden.
“I’m fine,” she said, not wanting to be rude, though not really want to talk with him, either.