by Laura Landon
"Don’t...cry."
"I’m not crying. I cried over you once. Never again."
A small slit of light invaded the shadows and he focused on her. In his mind’s eye he knew how she’d look. He’d imagined her likeness every hour of every day since he’d left her. But he didn’t remember her eyes being so blue. Or her hair so golden. Or her features so lovely.
She had the face of an angel, one more beautiful than any artist could paint. Her complexion was as clear as porcelain, her cheeks flushed pink, her lips full and silky smooth, as if they’d been made for kissing. And her eyes.
A man could get lost in those eyes, huge and deep blue, with long, velvety lashes. Except the warmth he remembered from before was absent. A coldness replaced it, a bitterness he knew he was responsible for creating.
He breathed a ragged sigh.
"Liddy?" he whispered, wanting to hear her voice once more. But she didn’t answer him. She was gone.
"That’s for the...best," he said to himself.
But inside he felt a loss exactly like he’d felt when he walked away from her before.
CHAPTER 5
She was like a moth drawn to the proverbial flame.
She’d managed to stay away from him for over a week now, but she was weakening and couldn’t find the strength to help herself. Worry consumed every hour of her day and the desire to go to him was like a cancer that ate away at her.
It was suddenly important that she recall every hurtful word he’d spoken to her the day he’d walked out of her life; every reason he’d given her for not wanting to marry her. She encouraged the anger she felt for him to smolder hot enough to fuel her temper. She could never forget what he’d done to her. Never forget how he’d so callously toyed with her affections, pretending to love her, allowing her to open her heart to him, when all he’d wanted was her dowry.
Every time she remembered how she’d run to him after he’d talked to her father, expecting him to tell her he’d convinced her father that he loved her with a passion equal to hers, she felt another bitter stab of humiliation.
To add to her embarrassment, she remembered his condescending manner when he’d tapped her nose and called her a silly goose, as if she were a child. As if she were some stupid imbecile who should have known his declarations of love had been empty words.
She couldn’t believe she’d been so naïve.
She bolted to her feet. She would never let any man take advantage of her like that again.
Her angry steps carried her to his room and she turned the knob without hesitation. She fully expected to find Hannah, who’d been Lydia’s maid and was now Major Talbot’s nurse, keeping vigil while Gabriel slept soundly. What she saw stopped her feet from moving forward.
Hannah rushed from one side of the room to the other, hurrying to change the linens on the bed, while Austin and one of the servants, named Morgan, lifted Gabriel’s shoulders and turned his torso.
His pain was obvious. From the deep furrows that etched his forehead and the heavy sheen of perspiration that covered a face already void of color, his torment was evident. His lips were pursed tight as if to cut off a scream.
She couldn’t care. She wouldn’t care.
"Hold on, Gabe," Austin said, his face flushed from exertion. "Hannah’s almost done. I have your medicine ready for you."
"Bloody...hell...Austin," Gabriel uttered through clenched teeth. He breathed a jagged sigh when they laid him back down.
"All finished right and tight, Major," Hannah said, her ample bosom heaving as she took in several ragged breaths.
Lydia watched as Gabriel collapsed against the covers. The sight of him in such pain wrenched her stomach. Austin must have felt it too. He bent at the waist and braced one hand on his knee while he anchored the other against a bedpost at the foot of the bed.
"Are you all right, Gabe?" he asked.
Color slowly returned to Gabriel’s face. "Of course," he sighed. "You keep telling me I’ve already survived the worst of it."
"So I do."
"I’m not fooled. You do this because you...enjoy seeing me...suffer."
A smile crossed Austin’s face, but his lopsided grin faded when he turned his head and saw her. "You shouldn’t be here, Liddy."
She waited until Hannah and Morgan left, then put on a determined air of bravado and walked into the room. "Of course I should be here. This is my home. The major is our guest. Surely you don’t expect me to avoid him forever?"
"That’s exactly what I expect."
She ignored her brother’s caustic remark and covered the distance to the bed. "Hello, Gabriel."
"Lydia."
He’d been washed and shaved, probably by Austin’s valet, and his bedclothes had been changed. Her heart stuttered inside her breast.
He was still the most handsome man she’d ever seen. Not handsome in the same way as the Marquess of Culbertson, with his blond good looks and his aristocratic features. But handsome in a different way - in a darker way.
He should have appeared weak, lying on the bed unable to move by himself. Instead, his rugged features and sculpted muscles made him appear strong and vibrant.
His dark hair was brushed off his forehead, and hung longer than he usually wore it. Her hands wanted to reach out to touch it. Her fingers ached to feel the weight of it. She pulled her hands back and clutched fistfuls of the material of her muslin day dress to anchor them at her side.
What was wrong with her? Her purpose for coming wasn’t to admire the traits she’d always loved in him. It was to prove to herself and to him that there was no longer anything between them - to prove that when he rejected her, he’d killed whatever feelings she’d had for him.
Lydia raised her chin to assume that regal posture she’d been taught from her youth and lowered her gaze to the bed.
"Everyone tells me you’re improving by the day. I came to see if there’s anything you need."
"There’s nothing. Thank you."
She should leave, knew Austin wanted her to, and perhaps even Gabriel did. Instead, she lowered herself to the chair beside the bed and clasped her hands in her lap in a relaxed posture, as if being this close to him was the most natural thing in the world.
"When you’re better, you and Austin can go riding. Harrison still has that big gray you used to ride. No one’s ridden him since you left and he desperately needs the exercise."
Gabriel smiled. "He was a beautiful horse."
Austin held out a glass laced with laudanum but Gabriel motioned it away.
"But not as fast as Hercules," Austin said.
"You can tell Austin longs for the country," she said. "He hates the city nearly as much as you used to, although I can’t understand why. The entertainment here is endless."
"Do you...enjoy London now?" he asked, his voice still weak.
She snapped her gaze to where he lay on the bed watching her. She knew what he meant by his question. There’d been a time when neither of them could wait to set up a home far away from London. A time when neither of them enjoyed the noise, the filth, or the smell. A time when they both shared the same hope.
Until he’d shattered her dream.
"Yes. I love the city."
She rose from her chair and walked to the window. She pretended the need to adjust the drapes as an excuse not to look at him. "There’s never an end of things to do." She looked over her shoulder and focused her gaze on Austin. "Did I tell you I’m attending the Biltmore Ball tonight? The Marquess of Culbertson has invited me to accompany him."
"Liddy, don’t," Austin said, but she ignored his warning. It was important for Gabriel to know she’d picked up the pieces of her life and had moved on. That she intended to have the future she’d dreamed of having – without him.
She released her hold on the curtains and turned to face the bed. "You don’t mind listening to my plans, do you, Major? You never used to."
"I’d be...delighted."
"Well, the Biltmore Ball is one
of the most prestigious affairs of the Season. Everyone will be there."
"And you enjoy the...crowds?"
She gave him her broadest smile. "I adore them. Especially when I’m in such pleasant company as that of the marquess." She turned back to the window. "This isn’t the first social function to which I’ve accompanied him. Night before last we attended a dinner at Lord Westmore’s. Next week, Lord Culbertson has asked me to accompany him to the Kennsington Ball."
Lydia put a tie around one of the linen panels and took a step away from the window to evaluate her handiwork. "I think Lord Culbertson’s intentions are quite serious. But that doesn’t surprise you, does it? You knew marriage was what his father intended when you handed me over to him."
"Ah, hell, Liddy." Austin took a step toward her but she stopped him with a lift of her hand.
The major’s face seemed paler. Lydia knew her attack was unwarranted but she couldn’t stop. Not yet. She wanted him to hurt. Wanted him to ache with the same emptiness that had eaten away at her for the past year – until she’d been able to turn that pain to hatred.
"You remember the marquess, don’t you?"
"I don’t think...we’ve...met."
"Perhaps you haven’t. Now that I recall, it wasn’t Culbertson who was here that day you—" She stopped to let her silence emphasize her assault. "...left me, but his father, the Duke of Chisolmwood, was. Culbertson was probably at some important meeting at the Foreign Office."
She sat on the chair beside the bed and gave him the sweetest smile she could muster.
"I’m sure you’d remember if the two of you had ever met. He’s ever so intelligent, and of course, rich as Croesus. Harrison tells me he even has the ear of the Queen. As the Duke of Chisolmwood’s heir, he’s bound to play an important role in the running of our government some day."
"That’s enough, Liddy."
She shivered inwardly at the fury she heard in Austin’s voice, at the threatening glare she saw on his face. He was angry and she suddenly felt the need to defend herself. "I want the major to know that if it hadn’t been for Father’s death and my year of mourning, I would already be the Marchioness of Culbertson. Thankfully, Father saw through the major’s greed and refused him." She didn’t try to hide the bitter resentment in her voice. "At least I know the Marquess of Culbertson isn’t interested in me solely for my dowry."
"Leave," Austin growled in a low, hostile tone.
She rose from her chair before her brother removed her himself, but when she reached the other side of the room she stopped. Some vile, hurtful person had taken over her body. She didn’t like who she’d become, but couldn’t stop herself from flinging more barbed words in Gabriel’s direction. "I simply feel it’s important for the major to understand how necessary it is for a woman to be able to trust a man when he tells her he loves her. And to realize how much a woman detests being lied to and deceived. These were qualities the major didn’t understand a year ago."
Lydia jerked the door open and stepped out into the hall. She didn’t slam the door like she wanted to, but softly closed it behind her and walked to her room.
She wasn’t proud of the way she’d behaved, didn’t feel vindicated like she’d thought she would. And, for the first time since she’d discovered Gabriel only wanted to marry her because of her dowry, she’d come to terms with a fact she’d refused to face until today: she needed to hate Gabriel Talbot.
She hated what he’d done to her. She hated what loving him had cost her. She hated that he made it impossible for her to trust a man enough to give him her heart.
She needed to hate him. But there were times when she wasn’t sure she could. And that frightened her more than anything.
She needed to reclaim her heart so she could give it to someone who would cherish the gift she gave him. But deep down, she was afraid that might not be possible.
Because there was a part of her heart he still possessed.
___
"Drink it," Austin said, holding the glass to Gabriel’s lips. "I don’t know why you didn’t take your medicine before. Not only would it have numbed the pain to your body, but maybe it would have dulled my sister’s sharp tongue." Austin tipped the glass to let him drink. "I’m sorry, Gabe. She had no right to say what she did."
Gabriel took a long swallow of the laudanum-laced wine then dropped his head back to the pillow. There was a generous amount of the opiate in the drink and Gabriel welcomed the relief he knew would soon come. "Don’t blame her," he whispered. "She didn’t deserve what I did to her."
Austin threw the rolled-up bandage he’d been holding onto the table and walked away from the bed. "How the two of you have suffered because of what Father did. I know it’s not much consolation, but Harrison estimates that in five years he’ll be able to buy back the notes Chisolmwood used to blackmail Father."
Five years.
He tried not to think of all that would transpire in five years. Liddy and Culbertson would be married, she would have presented him with at least one heir, perhaps two. Society would clamor to receive invitations to Lady Culbertson’s affairs, the same as they anticipated invitations to the Biltmore Ball. And perhaps, if he were lucky, in five years knowing what he’d lost wouldn’t hurt so much.
"I know it’s important to Harrison...to be able to pay off the debt. I’d feel the same. But the damage...is done."
Austin paced back and forth at the foot of the bed. "I’ve thought about this a lot, Gabe. What do you think was so bloody important about Lydia’s dowry that Chisolmwood would force a marriage to his son? Southerby Manor is a fine estate, but not nearly worth what it cost him."
Gabriel had to concentrate on what Austin said. The laudanum was beginning to take effect. "I’ve wondered the same thing. Is there anything special about the land? Its location?"
Austin shook his head. "Southerby has been in my mother’s family for hundreds of years. It was bequeathed to one of my maternal ancestors with the stipulation that it can only be passed down through the female line of my mother’s family."
"So, even if the Marquess of Culbertson marries Lydia..."
"...he can never gain possession of Southerby," Austin finished for him. "It will go to Liddy’s eldest daughter."
Gabriel let his body relax into the mattress. "There must be another reason he wanted the marriage then."
"Whatever the reason, it was something Father couldn’t live with."
"You don’t know—"
Gabriel heard the thud of Austin’s fist as he hit the window casing.
"I do know," he said. "You forget. I was the one who found him. He didn’t die in a hunting accident like Liddy believes. Father took his own life and Chisolmwood was as responsible as if he’d pulled the trigger himself."
Austin pushed himself away from the window and sat in the chair beside the bed. "I think Father couldn’t live with the thought of Lydia married to Chisolmwood’s son. Killing himself was the only way he could stop the wedding from happening. At least for a year."
Gabriel turned his head on the pillow and looked at Austin. His vision was hazy, which meant the laudanum was working well. "Has Chisolmwood’s name ever been linked to any scandal?"
"No," Austin retorted, the frustration obvious in his voice. "In fact, I can’t think of anyone more highly thought of."
"What about his son?"
"I wish I could say the praises Lydia extolled were exaggerations, but from what I’ve heard, even what she said doesn’t do him justice. He doesn’t simply have the Queen’s ear, he’s rumored to be instrumental in much of the government’s policy-making."
Gabriel fought to keep his eyes open. "If the reason isn’t Southerby Manor, then...that only leaves Liddy."
"Liddy?"
"Yes. For some reason the Duke of Chisolmwood picked Liddy for his daughter-in-law and did whatever it took to get her."
"But why would knowing his daughter would be a duchess be so difficult for Father to accept?"
"Did som
ething happen...between Chisolmwood and your father?"
"Hell, I don’t ever remember Chisolmwood’s name being mentioned in our home."
"Maybe there was a reason...his name was...never mentioned," Gabriel said, knowing his words were slurred.
"If there was, I’m not aware of it. I’ll ask Harrison." Austin was silent for several seconds, then said, "I received a message this morning."
Gabriel closed his eyes. "From whom?"
"From Thorn."
Gabriel struggled to open his eyes and fought to make his way back through the haze. "Why the hell didn’t you tell me before you poured laudanum down my throat?"
"After Lydia finished with you I didn’t think you could stand much more."
Gabriel fought to stay alert. Thorn was the agent who issued their orders. Whatever Austin received had to be important.
"I have to return."
"When?"
"The end of next week. There’s a ship leaving on the twenty-third."
Gabriel experienced a wave of unease. "I’m afraid you’ll have to make this trip by yourself."
Austin laughed. "Are you worried that I’ll get lost without you?"
Gabriel answered him on a lighter note than he felt. "There’s always that possibility."
"Hardly, my friend. If I do, Thorn will find me. He has that uncanny knack."
Gabriel blinked twice as the haze clouding his eyes grew thicker. "Do you know what I regretted when I thought I might not survive? That I was going to die without knowing Thorn’s identity."
Austin laughed. "It’s amazing, isn’t it? For more than a year we’ve taken orders from a man we’ve never met." Austin leveled a serious expression at Gabriel. "Do you have any idea who he is?"
Gabriel shook his head. "All I know is...the man’s phenomenal. He knows exactly where to send us and what we’ll find when we arrive. He knows when every meeting is going to take place and what orders are going to come down before our commanding officers know. He’s got to have connections."
"Do you think he’s a member of the nobility?"
Gabriel had already considered the possibility and knew he probably was. "That would explain how he has access to information only a very few in England have."