Alex's Atonement (Midnight Sons Book 2)

by Carmen DeSousa

  “That’s a good thing, Irene. And not easy to do. We do make mistakes when we’re young, and it’s hard to own up to them. Your sister will appreciate your forgiveness.” Alex ran his fingers over her knee, doodling again. The silent air caused him to look up. “What?”

  “Nothing.” She stared at him. “You put on a playboy vibe, but there’s more to you than that, isn’t there, Alex?”

  He closed his eyes and shook his head. “Once upon a time maybe … not now.”

  Irene pushed herself upright so she was right beside him. “What does that mean?”

  “It means, I used to have dreams, but now I don’t.”

  “Why? You’re only thirty-three. Whatever you decide to do today, you could do for the next thirty years and still retire from it.”

  He crinkled his nose and huffed. “It’s not that easy.”

  “Sure it is!” she snapped. “If you don’t have a terminal disease, you might live for another sixty-some years, so how can it be too late for anything? Is it because your father died?”

  He lifted his hands to her shoulders. “I told you … I don’t want to talk about my father.”

  Irene raised a hand to his cheek. “I’m a good listener, Alex.”

  He closed his eyes again, and when he opened them, there was fire in them. He pressed his lips to hers at the same time he pushed her to her back. His lips left hers for a second. He stared down, his lips parting, but then he shut them again.

  Alex buried his head against her neck, his warm breath tickling her ear. “How sold are you on us being a one-night stand?”

  Irene’s heart leapt. Not that she’d thought she’d have to talk him into having sex, but she’d wanted him to try. Checking off her bucket list was one thing. Seducing a man she actually knew was different. Last night she’d been another person, a woman who crashes parties, dances in closed bars, and follows a man to his hotel room.

  When she’d woken up this morning and got on that plane to return home, she’d been plain old Irene, the woman who hadn’t slept with her boyfriend at seventeen, so he’d had sex with her willing sister. Then she’d had to deal with the accusations. Not only that she’d gotten pregnant and had an abortion, but that she’d cheated on the boy she’d been with for several years.

  Alex pulled her upright and lifted her sweatshirt over her head and arms. “You know, you wouldn’t even let me look at you earlier. Now you’re letting me undress you.”

  “Careful, Alex, I’m slowly learning your secrets too. You’d hate for it to get out that you’re not the playboy you claim to be.”

  He pulled on her lip, talking through his kiss. “You sure about that, Irene?”

  “I’m pretty sure I am.” She moved to her knees, then worked her way onto his lap, settling down right where she wanted to be. She worked her fingers up his chest and around his neck.

  His head rolled back as he released a groan.

  She threaded her fingers behind his head and pulled him toward her so she could kiss him again. She kissed him long and deep, then pushed him back, waiting for his eyes to open. “I’m sure … There’s more to you than you let on, Alex, and I will find out what it is. It’s what I do.”

  The question is … Will I lose another part of my heart in the process?

  ~ Alex ~

  For the first time since he could remember, Alex was scared. Not of dying or commitment — hell, he was good at committing; he’d committed his life to his family and career — but of losing the one part of himself he’d shut away: his heart.

  How could he open up to someone? How could he open up to Irene? When she found out what he’d done, she certainly wouldn’t look at him as if he were a superhero. No, he was the man who killed the superhero. He was the man who had diligently planned how to throw away his life because of the guilt that had ravaged his soul for ten long years.

  But oh, how he wanted her. If they were making love, she couldn’t ask questions. She couldn’t dig too deeply if his mouth was on hers.

  Alex released the clasps on her bra, freeing her beautiful breasts.

  Maybe he had died. Maybe he was in heaven. He couldn’t imagine a better forever than being trapped with this amazing woman for all eternity.

  Irene’s cool fingers wandered beneath the hem of the sweatshirt he wore. He moved forward and up from the couch, allowing her to lift the thick fabric over his head.

  The movement caused his hips to thrust upward, and he couldn’t help but wonder if his lap wasn’t the softest place to sit at the moment. Of course, how could she blame him? What man wouldn’t get excited with a sexy woman on his lap, one he could still recall every inch of, every moan of pleasure?

  As if on cue, she moaned. “Mmm …” He liked hearing her delightful sounds of approval. “I remember this.”

  “I would sure hope so.” He chuckled. “It hasn’t even been twenty-four hours. If you forgot me that quickly, I’d have to question my performance.”

  She nuzzled her face against his neck, dropping tiny kisses around his ear. “Yeah, but I hadn’t planned to ever feel you again, so I was trying to forget how good that performance was.”

  Alex stood up with her straddling him. “For two bodies that fit so perfectly together to never join again … that would be a shame, Irene. A waste.”

  He carried her to the bed, which surprisingly, looked to have clean sheets. He lowered her to the cream-colored cotton. Her bronze waves shimmered like embers. Her pale skin, flawless and nearly translucent, glowed in the orange firelight filtering through the room.

  As he gazed down at her body, hungry to consume her, but not wanting to rush as they had in his hotel room, she moved her hands to her waist. She deftly unfastened each metal button until the flaps fell open, forming a V that revealed white panties. She lifted her hips, shimmying out of the dark denim.

  “God, you’re beautiful, Irene.”

  She smiled up at him. “Thank you, Alex. So are you.”

  He lowered his body over hers to take her mouth again, and she reached for his jeans. Trying to ignore her cool fingers moving beneath his waistband, so he wouldn’t explode, he concentrated on her mouth. Her tongue moved with his and it took everything he had to ignore the fact that he was still wearing jeans, that she was still wearing panties. He felt like he had when he was seventeen: raw carnal need. A desire to move forward without caution or concern. Without caring.

  But no, Irene deserved more. Even if they could never be more, she was more, and she deserved more.

  Without warning, Irene pushed his shoulders, and Alex immediately chastised himself. Did I move too fast?

  But no … she was still pushing him, directing him to his back. She tugged off his jeans the rest of the way. Then his boxers.

  Alex lifted himself on his elbows so he could watch as she shed her white panties. “Come here, darlin’. How you could ever think once is enough is beyond me.”

  She moved toward him, straddling him again. He reached in the drawer next to the bed where he’d stashed his find. Irene snatched the plastic square from him, tore it open, and sheathed him with one swift move.

  Then she took complete control of his body, rocking his world, physically and mentally.

  Somewhere between her moans of total gratification and his need only to watch her pleasure as it spread across her face, he was pretty sure she was right: she was discovering a part of him that he never knew existed.

  And yet, it couldn’t last. They weren’t in heaven, which meant that when they left this temporary paradise, all his problems would still be there, which meant he couldn’t let her discover that hidden part of him.

  Chapter 9

  ~ Alex ~

  As Irene lay in his arms, Alex listened to the rain as it pelted the metal roof. The winds had calmed down, but a storm had moved in, hovering over them.

  An omen?

  Or … would the storm be a blessing? Would the retrieving drug-running plane put off picking up their cargo until the storm passed, which wo
uld give Vince an opportunity to get here first?

  Or … would the storm cause Vince to wait longer? No, the first night Alex didn’t check in with his family after telling them that he was taking out the seaplane, they’d get nervous.

  And … would the storm cause Kevin to float further out to sea, or would the increased waves and tide throw the drug-running pilot onto Middleton?

  The non-stop questions kept him awake while Irene slept. He wasn’t jealous of her contentment, though … actually, just the opposite. The fact that she slept so soundly gave testament of her trust in him. Trust he shouldn’t want, but nevertheless cherished.

  “Irene,” he whispered, nearly inaudible, “why did you have to perfect my ruined life?” He couldn’t help swapping the words around. He could see how this woman could change his outlook.

  He gently touched his lips to the back of her neck, then pulled back. He ran his free hand up the back of her neck, along the raised scar. The bright pink, almost-red color indicated the scar was a recent addition to her pale skin. A new scar. He had plenty of scars, which had faded into an off-white color paler than his tanned skin. The scar was also large, with tiny indentations where staples had been.

  What could have happened to cause such a large scar? Had she been hit? The thought caused his heart to thump harder. The idea that anyone could have ever hurt her sent a roiling tide of emotions through him.

  He sucked in a breath and cleared his head. If she wanted to tell him, she would. Her past wasn’t his business. For that matter, her future wasn’t either. But her present was his business, and he’d take it. He’d do everything he could to make sure that Irene made it home.

  As much as he didn’t want to move, the fire needed a few more logs if it were to last until sunrise.

  He slowly pressed his arm deep into the mattress so he could pull it out from beneath her.

  “Mmm …” Irene licked her lips, looking as if she would settle right back into a deep sleep, and then abruptly, she sat up, blinking. “Alex? What’s … what’s going on?”

  He sat back down on his side of the mattress, touching her shoulder. “It’s okay, honey. I’m right here.”

  She whipped around. “Oh … okay.”

  “Wow, you’re a light sleeper. I barely moved.”

  “Yeah …” she mumbled sleepily. “Sorry.” She settled herself back on her side, pushing the pillow up beneath her neck where his arm had been only seconds ago.

  “No worries. Go back to sleep. I just need to throw a few more logs on the fire. I was trying not to wake you, I swear.” Even though he had thought about waking her for another go, since he’d just been staring up at the ceiling, a barrage of what-ifs pummeling his brain.

  “Hmm …” she groaned lightly. “Thank you.”

  Alex smiled, pulling on his jeans and shirt as he made his way to the door. Irene stirred easily, but it appeared she fell back to sleep just as quickly. He shook his head as he realized he was already getting to know her more than most women he’d ever been with. In the past, he’d barely taken the time to learn what a woman did for a living, let alone her sleeping habits.

  Alex unbarred the door and stepped out. Might as well take care of nature’s calling while he was out here. Thankfully, the rain had turned to snow, so he wouldn’t get soaked. He walked to the outhouse, careful to stay close to the building.

  While he could see the faint orange outline around the closed curtains, the light wouldn’t travel far. A few yards away, and the shack would be invisible, as black as the surrounding night.

  Alex felt his way to the small shed and stepped inside. Safe behind the closed door, he pulled out his flashlight and clicked the button. He made a swath with the bright beam, checking all four corners.

  He breathed a sigh of relief.

  Not that he wouldn’t have known by now if Kevin had made it to the island, but still, there was something unnerving about not knowing if you’re alone before pulling down your pants.

  Whenever Alex or his brothers wandered away from camp, to take care of personal business, his father would warn, Keep watch! Don’t get caught with your pants down.

  Alex searched for the antibacterial gel he’d seen earlier, then hurried out, anxious to get back to Irene’s side.

  At the cabin door, he stooped down, tucked three logs under one arm, then reached for the latch with his other. He stepped in quietly, careful not to wake her again.

  He added the logs to the fire, then settled on the loveseat. He glanced at his watch and groaned. Nine more hours of darkness.

  He closed his eyes, but it was no use. Scenes and comments and equations rattled in his brain. Conversations from the wedding and breakfast table mixed with the words he’d uttered and heard while rescuing Irene and fighting with Kevin. More often than not, what went wrong on a rescue wasn’t what haunted his nights, but what could have gone wrong.

  Images of the snow covering his father melded with the water rising to swallow Irene. If he had hesitated minutes before deciding to land, Irene could have drowned inside the plane. If Irene hadn’t helped him to the surface, he’d be the one dead right now.

  What if? What if? What if?

  His life was a series of what-ifs and what had happened. How had his entire life been changed by one event? How could he ever escape it?

  “Oh, Dad,” he whispered, “I’m so sorry.” He pulled one of the throw pillows over his head to block the firelight, hoping it was the light and not the barrage of thoughts that kept his mind spinning.

  I wish you could tell me what to do right now, Dad. I don’t want to forget you, but I need to figure out how to forgive myself. You taught me how to handle every aspect of a rescue except one … You never taught me how to handle being responsible for your death.

  ~ Irene ~

  Irene blinked, trying to take in her surroundings. Bright light penetrated the cabin. The slim gaps bordering the curtains were no match for the sun. She could only imagine how difficult it would be to sleep in the summer months.

  She slowly turned to the opposite side of the bed, but then bounded up when she saw it was vacant. “Alex?”

  A crinkle of leather caught her attention, then Alex’s head popped up. “Yeah?”

  She blew out a breath. “Nothing. I was just …”

  He blinked. “Just what?”

  “Why are you over there?”

  Groaning, he shrugged and rolled his shoulders in the same move. “I couldn’t sleep, and I didn’t want to wake you.” He cracked his neck one way, then the other. “Now I’m paying for sleeping on this tiny sofa.”

  “Want coffee?”

  “Oh, God, do I!” He rolled off the loveseat and crawled toward the bed. “But first …”

  She giggled. “I have to brush my teeth first.”

  He blinked again, shaking his head. “I’m flattered, but I meant sleep a bit more.”

  Irene pulled back the cover and let him crawl in next to her. He rolled over so his back was to her. “Don’t let me sleep more than an hour, okay?”

  “Okay,” she said on a chuckle, then rolled out of the bed. Alex had pulled his boxers back on, but his bronzed back was open for inspection.

  Even while he was resting, she could see the wide shoulders and sinewy muscle that lined nearly every inch of his body. She’d been looking forward to morning sex. It’d been forever since she’d had the pleasure. In her experience, men were usually ready and har —

  “Irene,” Alex groaned, cutting off perfectly delicious erotic thoughts. “In or out, please. It’s freezing.”

  “Oh!” She covered her mouth to hold back a laugh. She tucked the sheet and blanket around him, then searched for her clothes. She hustled over to the smoldering embers, ready to stoke them, then remembered … smoke. At night, the smoke would be hard to see, but in the day, it’d be akin to sending out smoke signals.

  She pulled on her clothes and coat, then stuffed her feet into her boots without lacing them. She wouldn’t be outside long, s
he was certain. If it was this cold inside the cabin, she could only imagine how cold it was in the open. Lastly, she snatched up her toiletry kit and headed for the door.

  Outside, she raised her hand to shield her eyes. With the sun blazing off the white sand and snow, it was nearly impossible to see, but she could hear. The seagulls scattered to and fro, squawking at one another as they scavenged their surroundings.

  As her eyes adjusted, she scanned the area bordering the cabin for any indication that someone other than she or Alex had spent the night.

  She laughed. “What am I looking for? Luggage?” As if Kevin had tipped a bellhop and left his duffle bags outside the cabin, and then had strolled off to search the resort’s facilities.

  Still, she flicked her eyes from the bird barracks to the dunes bordering the road to the outhouse. In the event someone had tried the front door and found it locked and had decided to spend the night in the smaller cabin, she palmed her Taser, ready to strike.

  The Taser would only incapacitate an attacker for a few seconds, a minute at best, but it was effective, leaving her enough time to escape.

  She lifted the latch, allowing the door to swing open. She peeked inside to the left, then the right, assuring herself that the shed was empty.

  She blew out a breath. “You’re going to give yourself a heart attack.”

  A gust of wind spewed snow and sand across the floor, so she hustled in, pulling the door tightly closed behind her. Inside, she closed her eyes. “Yes, I’m definitely causing undue stress.” Alex had been clear that they’d hear if anyone showed up.

  Next to the sink sat a now-full bucket of water. Alex must have heated up more snow and brought it in for her. She smiled at his thoughtfulness. As she’d suspected last night, he wasn’t the cold-hearted playboy he pretended to be. Somewhere deep down, there was a hurt little boy. Everything in her wanted to investigate, figure out what made him tick.

  She splashed the cold water on her face, then pulled out a couple of her makeup cloths, using them to clean herself up from forehead to ankle. She applied lotion with sunscreen, deodorant, and then lined her eyes with waterproof eyeliner. She could go without makeup, but she insisted on applying eyeliner, since her lashes were so fair.