by Jane West
Attending school in the same dirty clothes day after day taught me the cruelties of life at a very early age. I was easy pickings for other kids. After a few bloody noses and bloodstained clothes, I began to fight back. I got where I could hold my own.
Despite the harshness of my life, what kept me hopeful were my studies. I was smart, and my scores reflected it too. I understood if I ever wanted to get out of poverty, an education was my meal ticket.
Looking back, I thought eighteen would be the magic number. Free from bondage, no longer burdened to worry over Sara. The problem that stuck like oatmeal to my gut was my conscious. It wouldn’t let me walk away. Sara’s incompetency rode heavily on my shoulders. If something happened to her, I’d never forgive myself. Considering all things, despite my aversion toward my mother, I loved her. She was the only family I had left.
Though my heart wanted to be elsewhere, knowing I was doing the right thing helped me get through the bad times.
When my dad was alive, he’d often say, “A family sticks together through thick and thin.” I knew if Dad were alive today, he’d be proud of my endeavors. For that reason, I held my head up high, enduring her manic outbursts.
Yet at night, whenever things were quiet, I lay in bed wincing from an endless hole sinking deep inside me, and with each new town, the agony magnified.
Seriously
It was late into the night when we finally arrived in the small town of Tangi, Louisiana. The night was sultry, and the mosquitos were swarming in clusters. I already hated the place. I began ticking off all the diseases those bloodsuckers carried such as Zika, Malaria, and the West Nile virus. A scowl tainted my face. I had a sneaky suspicion that the pests outnumbered the locals.
Kill me!
As my eyes combed over the landscape, my heart spewed of disappointment. Listening to Sara’s nonstop babble the whole way here made me want to barf. Seriously! Despite her constant pitch, I had a hunch that this dump might be the worst idea Sara had yet.
We rolled into town right before dawn. The first hotel we saw, Sara pulled into the parking lot. We were nearly out of gas, and nothing was open. It was either this or we’d be sleeping in the car. Sara turned to me. “We can stay here tonight. It ain’t that bad.” She made a weak attempt at a smile.
I grimaced at my side window, hiding my sour face from Sara. “Whatever,” I mumbled darkly.
There wasn’t much to say about the place other than it was rundown and on the outskirts of town. The neon lights shined brightly above our heads, barely hanging on its hinges. One light sizzled, blinking off and on while another one was busted. Broken glass pooled around the light-post. The sign read, “Welcome to Claude’s Inn.” Anything with a bed sounded good to me. After riding scrunched up in an old 1975, Volkswagen all night, I would’ve slept on rocks.
Sara went in and paid for a room. Shortly she returned with a key dangling from her hand. We pulled up to our room, number, ninety-three. Sara slid from the car and slammed her door shut, and I followed directly after. I paused, stretching my stiff limbs, and yawned. It felt good to stand erect. Stopping for a quick piss was a luxury with Sara. The last time we braked was in Longview Texas.
Like always, Sara ordered me to bring in our personal items and like a good little slave, I obeyed. After dragging in the last suitcase, it’d no sooner hit the floor that I collapsed on the bed. I felt under me a little lumpy. Eh! I’d slept on worse. Besides no point in complaining. I didn’t have the energy anyway.
Stretched out across the bed, my mind drifted. I thought about back home in Texas, Beck, Laurie and even Logan. I swallowed hard. I missed my life back there. The sting of my birthday still bit like a mother. Even still, arguing was pointless now. Just like I’d left my friends in Texas, in the same sense, I’d left my birthday back there too. I decided no more friends and no more crying over the birthday of yesteryear. I just wanted to stop thinking. I closed my eyes. Soon sleep devoured my thoughts, and all forgotten, at least until I awake.
***
When my eyes slowly opened, everything came barreling through my mind. I jolted to a start as my memories of yesterday began to sink in. A frown blanketed my face. I hoped it had been a bad dream, but it wasn’t. And the realization that Texas had long passed my rear view mirror struck me with a disheartening blow. I flopped on my back in an ireful huff and spotted Sara’s empty bed.
A couple of wet towels were in a heap on the floor in the corner, and her suitcase looked as if a thief had pilfered through it. Clothes were scattered about on the bed and floor, and Sara was nowhere in sight. I reckoned she might be either getting breakfast, which I doubted, or out job hunting.
Begrudgingly I hauled myself out of bed kicking out from under the covers and padded over to the door, swinging it wide open. “Geez!” I jumped back, squinting, cuffing my hand over my brow. “Damn!” I shrieked, glimpsing at the clock. “Only eight in the morning and it was already sweltering hot,” I grumbled at the stifling heat, wiping the sweat that beaded across the bridge of my nose. I stood there taking in the surroundings. The only creatures that seemed to be stirring were the annoying bobwhites chirping, hidden in the brush of trees. The air had a pungent smell of fish. “Yuck!” I scrunched up my nose.
This new place was such a contrast to Sweetwater. West Texas was flat and riddled with dust devils and tumbleweeds. Here, I saw nothing but tall, towering pines and rolling hills of green. I reckoned that if you liked this sort of stuff, the land was beautiful. Even still, the land didn’t change the fact that the town sucked.
What did Sara see in this dump? I saw no point in arguing with her. She was more stubborn than a herd of mules. Might as well accept my fate, I huffed out a sharp sigh.
The only certainty in our lives was that we never stayed anywhere for long. It was on the horizon, the next town merely a tap to the heels away.
I stared outside at the long stretch of moss-green hills and towering spruce. My stomach soured. Soon summer would be over and my last year of school would be at hand. I dreaded it. Only a couple of weeks away to the main event, a new school, new faces, new fights and the vicious cycle of fitting in once again. Kill me!
Making new friends struck a chord with me. Fitting in was like the flip of a coin. In some schools I managed to stay under the radar and in others, I fought.
Sweetwater High was dope! I’d actually made a place for myself there with Laurie and Becky, the best friends ever! It had been a nice change to have the camaraderie of friends rather than being a wallflower.
Reckoned I should accept my lot in life that I’d be changing schools as often as I changed underwear. Maybe not quite that often but it seemed as so. I wondered what mischief this little town offered, any dark secrets to discover. Since I hadn’t seen a soul stir, this place felt like a ghost town.
I exhaled a depressing sigh and shut the door harder than intended. I preferred putting my foot through it. Sara denying me my birthday party was one thing but moving me to the freaking sticks had me reeling. I padded back to my bed and slipped under the covers, burrowing myself between the sheets. I wanted to hide for the rest of my life under this stupid blanket.
***
The sky had grayed by the time Sara burst through the door. Her flushed face beamed with liquored-up mirth. The second she shut the door, I could smell the cheer on her breath. She stumbled over to my bed and pounced on the edge. I was playing possum. I’d seen headlights pulling up and her getting out of the car.
Sara leaned over my bunched up body, shaking my shoulder and pulling my cover off my head. “Guess what?” she announced, too perky. Slowly my eyes drifted open as her shit-eating grin came into focus.
“What?” I was still in a snit, “you found a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow?” My sarcasm felt liberating even though it might spark a hard slap in the face.
Sara cut her eyes at me. Nothing new. “Why not show some support here?”
Following a broody sigh, I faked a smile. “Yes, Mother Dear,
I am quite happy we moved to the far away never-land of bugs-gone-wild.” Full of piss and vinegar, I snatched the blanket from her grasp and tugged it back, covering my head, rolling over with my back to Sara and stewing in an icy silence.
Not getting the hint, she yanked the cover back down. “I got a job!” she giggled into my ear. “I’m working at the Mudbug Café just around the corner, downtown. It doesn’t pay much, but I’ll make it up in tips.”
I sensed Sara’s euphoria aiming at my back like a red laser beam. She was trying to appease me which made this whole move even worse.
I felt I’d earned the privilege to have at least one day to lie in bed and brood without Sara rubbing her bliss in my face.
In a snit, I tossed the blanket to the side and rolled over facing her. I propped myself up on my elbow. “That’s gonna be hard getting to your job.” I smiled sarcastically. I loved bursting her happy bubble.
“Why do you say that?” Sara fiddled with a broken nail.
“The tires are low. If they go flat, you’ll have to walk. Did you stop and have someone check it?”
Sara cut me off. “Nope! I didn’t have to.”
“Why?” my brows furrowed. Oh, shit! What did she do now?
“The tires are ripped to shreds.” She spoke with a devil-may-care voice as she tugged off her red bottom heels. “I drove the car anyway.”
My eyes nearly went cross-eyed staring at her feet. Suddenly my concern switched to shock as I bolted to a sitting position. “Where did you get those shoes?” I glared. “Those are no Wal-Mart shoes! Especially since, oh, I don’t know, since we’re broke?” I stared at her suspiciously.
Sara snatched the shoes up and tucked them away in her suitcase before I had a chance to examine them further. “Don’t worry about it. We have other things to trouble ourselves over.” It was crystal clear that Sara was lying. Apart from her Southern accent kicking in, her cheeks flared bright red every time. This time, her cheeks lit up like a beacon in a snow blizzard.
“Trouble ourselves?” I scoffed. “Like you ruining the only set of wheels we got?” I eyeballed her with little patience. “You do know driving the car will damage the wheels?”
Sara rolled her eyes. “How much more damage can the tires possibly be?” she dropped her purse on the floor with a thud. “The tires are already ruined,” she sang.
I gaped at her incredulously. “Mom, I’m not referring to the rubber. The wheel is the metal barrel that receives the tire.” Duh much!
“Oh!” Her face twisted. She acted as if I’d spoken a foreign language. “You can walk. I have a ride.” She waved her hand in the air, dismissing the problem like every other hiccup we’d ever encountered. “I met someone today.” She paused, perhaps having a moment of remorse. “Oh all right! If you must, take the car to the gas station up at the corner just past the hotel. See if they can patch up the tires.” With that said, Sara disappeared into the bathroom closing the door behind her. A minute later, I heard the shower.
I turned my back to the bathroom door, fuming. I wondered where she expected me to get the coins. The tires were so badly damaged a patch here, and there wasn’t going to fix it. We needed new tires!
Moving past the car troubles, I suspected Sara had a date tonight. The tight dress laid out flat on her bed with the killer heels gave it away. I had to give her credit. We hadn’t been here twenty-four hours, and she’d already snagged a man. That had to be an all-time record even for Sara. Of course, she never had a problem in that department. Finding a boyfriend was like plucking an apple from a tree.
I tried not to get too involved in Sara’s affairs. Her reputation preceded her. Taking into account all her short-lived romances, any person of the male persuasion should take out a life insurance policy before hooking up with her. Boyfriends of Sara’s either disappeared or turned up dead. Chills slid down my spine. Sorta creepy when I thought about it.
***
The next morning started as a typical blistering day in the Deep South. West Texas was hot, but this place had Texas beat by a long shot.
Then the insects, folks talked about Texas mosquitoes being large and hungry, well, they ain’t been to Louisiana. These suckers here were gang bangers.
Sara left early for work. The missing uniform that once hung over the chair gave it away. I didn’t hear the car’s engine roaring over the hum of bugsville this morning. I presumed she hitched a ride with her new beau since our car was out of sorts. I, the insignificant child, had to walk.
Time had come where hiding in bed ceased. I didn’t want to leave my security blanket, but I had to face my pathetic life. I felt like I’d joined the dead. Still, I huffed out an infuriating sigh. I had to find a job.
I dragged my feet to the shower and then dressed for the day. I picked out something light a white cotton top and a pair of cocktail shorts, navy blue. I snatched up a pair of strappy wedges out of Sara’s luggage. Most of her shoes were spiked. Since I was high-heel challenged, I thought strappy wedges would be a better choice for walking.
The main drag was literally around the block. The town pulled no surprises. Just what I’d expected, run down and boring. I never got why Sara preferred the dreary towns, only short stick from a ghost town exactly like this one.
I was the exact opposite of Sara. I loved the hustle and bustle of city life. Bus lines to travel, art museums to visit and people to meet, so much life to explore.
A wave of sadness brushed over me. I knew my hopes of having some kind of real life might be reaching for the stars. Even still, I liked dreaming about it.
Just as Sara said, the gas station was right around the corner. I passed it by heading to the main circle. The sign read, “Claude’s Stop and Go.”
“Huh!” Same name as the hotel. Must be the same owner.
My eyes brushed over the station, and I drew in a sneer. The gas stop wasn’t much, just like everything else in this retched town, rickety and dirty white.
I nodded in passing at a clump of grizzly men huddled around a card table under a large oak, off to the side of the building, what looked like a game of dominoes. I got the impression that the gas station didn’t get much action other than selling fish bait, drinking soda pop and a challenging game of dominoes.
Once I reached the circle of stores, I lingered a moment peering in the window at one of the crafts shops, pausing to give myself a little pep talk before I entered the land of rejection. By the looks of the quiet town, my hope of snagging a job looked bleak.
Clumsily, not paying attention to where I was walking down the sidewalk, I accidentally bumped into an elderly woman. She was headed in the opposite direction. Without uttering a word, I caught the pointed glint she’d flashed. I ducked my chin and picked my feet up, hurrying along. Friendly locals in small towns were more myth than truth. I couldn’t recall a time when Sara and I didn’t get the evil eye.
This place was no different. By that old woman’s glint, I was inclined to believe that Sara and I had become the towns’ favorite gossip. I reckoned this whistle-stop didn’t see many newcomers like us. We sorta stuck out, miniskirt-wearing Sara and plain-Jane me. We were an odd pair, hands down.
Hence, only an hour into paving the dirt, I’d entered every shop and store on the main drag, filling out application, after application. I did my spiel, promising to walk dogs and cleaning bathrooms. But the Southern hospitality that I’d heard so much about must’ve gone fishin’. This town sucked! Unable to scarf down another gruff face and bitter tasting “we’re-not-hiring” excuse, I decided to take a break. I sighed feeling thirsty and crabby.
I knocked the agitated dust off my feet and pressed my way down the sidewalk, wondering where to head next. When my eyes landed on a sign a couple of doors down that read, “Mudbug Café,” I froze. Crap! That was Sara’s new job. The last thing I wanted was Sara catching me. With my luck, she’d put me on dish duty. I might be a lot of things, but one thing I wasn’t was free!
I glanced across the street and no
ted a bookstore. My hope heightened, and a faint smile teased the corners of my lips. Quickly, I made a beeline for it. I didn’t bother looking for cars. The traffic was practically nonexistent. Only a few busted up whoop-de-dos on threadbare tires were parked down the drag. How ironic? My car should fit in nicely here. That was a big if. Saving up the money for new tires might be a lost cause. On the flip side of the coin, if I didn’t get the money that meant we were stuck out here in nowhere land. In the meantime, I was on foot.
When I reached the store, I stopped, eyeballing the window’s display. The sign read, “Otherworldly.” I read further, “Astrology, Magic Spells, and Baubles.” How odd, finding a store like this in the middle of hellsville.
I pushed past the door. A bell jingled, announcing my entrance. Instantly a rush of incense struck my nose, a woodsy smell, but a little heavy with the smoke. I coughed, waving away the puffy gray.
I ventured down aisle after aisle, thrumming through the various books. The smell of new books sent waves of excitement through me. I loved curling up in bed on a rainy day with a good book. Gosh, I couldn’t remember the last time, I’d read a good book. I drew out a long sigh.
My eyes widened with wonder over the large selection. I noted titles on witchcraft, voodoo, astrology and new age. There were odd trinkets of all sorts, charms, and other strange emblems. One mysterious item spiked my curiosity a doll made of simple burlap and ill-matched buttons for eyes and a black patch in the shape of a heart sewn to its chest. Its seams were stitched crookedly. Who’d want such an ugliest doll?
Wow! My eyes washed over the rows of shelves. Usually, I avoided this kind of bookstore like the bubonic plague. Chills spread over my arms. Strange how the lure of eerie sparked such a deep interest in me and yet, it frightened the poop out of me too.
Regretting my egress, I tore myself away from the little corner with the comfy chair and headed on my way. I needed a job more than reading books that I couldn’t buy. Just to make myself feel a little better for wasting time, I asked for an application and promised to drop it off first thing in the morning. The clerk with a polite smile informed me that they weren’t hiring, but she’d be glad to keep my application on file. Great! Another rejection. I kindly thanked the lady and headed on my way. Despite how I felt on the inside, I had to keep that smile glued to my face, whether I wanted it or not.