“Why, the thimp!” Tham exclaimed. “I thall go up to hith office and thmath in hith bean!”
“That wouldn’t do any good, Tham. You’d be arrested, and then the papers would print a lot more about us. But it makes me mad, Tham! It’s all the fault of that piece in the paper. The reporter found me last night at the house, and he pestered me until I admitted that we were engaged. But I—I didn’t suppose he would write it up that way.”
“I’d like to meet the thimp!” Tham declared.
“I didn’t like him, Tham. He grinned at me all the time. And he asked such funny questions. He seemed to think that our getting married was a joke. And it isn’t a joke, is it, Tham, any more than it is for other folks to get married.”
Thubway Tham reached across the table and grasped her hand.
“It ith no joke!” he said. “We have ath much right to get married ath anybody elthe. And don’t you care about gettin’ fired. Thome fine day I will meet your old both in the thubway when he hath a wallet in hith hip pocket, and then he thall pay for hith little trick!”
“But it made me feel so bad—”
“You eat your lunch, Nettie, and forget all about that job and the piethe in the newthpaper,” Tham said. “And maybe we can get married quicker now. We can jutht thlip down and get the lithenthe and find thomebody to do the work, and then thlip away for a honeymoon trip. That ith, unleth you have changed your mind and do not want to marry a thimp like me.”
“Tham, you’re not a simp. I want you to stop calling yourself names.”
“All right,” Tham agreed “And what are we goin’ to do with the retht of the day? Thinthe you have no job you have no work to do.”
“Haven’t I?” she asked, brightening “Think a girl who’s going to be married hasn’t anything to do? You tab me up the street, Tham, and let me go home, and then you can come this evening, and we’ll go to a picture show I’ve got sewing to do,”
Tham, being forced to agree, paid the check and led the way out of the restaurant. They wandered slowly up the street through the crowds, and finally they came to a corner, with Nettie’s rooming house only a block away.
“Now you go on about your business, Tham,” she said. “I’ll go home and get some of that sewing done.”
“And when do we get married?”
“We’ll talk about that this evening, Tham.”
Tham’s eyes glowed as he looked at her. Then he noticed a swift change come over her face.
“What ith the matter now?” he asked.
“That man crossing the street,” she said. “He—he is the reporter, Tham—the one who came to see me last night.”
“The one with the gray thuit?” Tham asked.
“Yes.”
“Good-by!” said Tham. “I’ll thee you thith evenin’.”
“Tham! What are you going to do?” she asked in sudden alarm.
“Nothin’ that’ll get our nameth in the paperth again,” Tham declared. “You go home and thew, and don’t worry”
They parted, and Thubway Tham hurried up the street after the man in the gray suit. He was a medium-sized man who seemed to be alert, alive, on the tips of his toes, as it were. It was a dangerous type for a pickpocket to consider.
But Tham considered him, nevertheless. He drew as near as possible, and then beheld his quarry stop to speak to another man on a corner. Thubway Tham got near enough to hear the words.
“Yes—good story,” said the man in gray. “Just happened to stumble on it I’m going to follow it up, too. There’ll be a chance to write a dandy feature when that marriage comes off.”
“I’d watch my pockets, if I were you,” the other answered. “This Thubway Tham might go out after a little revenge.”
“Huh! He’s probably glad for the publicity,” said the man in gray.
“I didn’t know a crook courted publicity,” said the other.
“They like to see their names in the papers,” the man in gray declared. “When they get married I’m going to get his mug out of the rogues’ gallery and run his picture and number. I’ll have the girl snapped by a staff photographer, too.”
Finally the friends separated, and Thubway Tham, his blood boiling, continued following the man in gray. His eyes narrowed and his breath came quicker when he noticed that his quarry was making for the nearest subway entrance. Tham supposed that he was going downtown to “Newspaper Row.”
When the reporter went down the steps and along the platform Tham was not more than a dozen feet behind him. Tham stood within two paces of him in the crowd as they waited for a downtown express. The train roared in, and Tham got into the same car as the man in gray, glanced around casually, and then edged nearer his prospective victim.
The car was jammed, and Tham and the man in gray were forced to stand near one of the doors, which was as Thubway Tham desired it. At every station men, women, and children crowded in and out and jostled them, and Tham knew that another little jostle at the proper time probably would go unnoticed by the man in gray.
Tham managed to swing against him as the train rounded a curve, and gave a little gasp of joy. He had felt a wallet in the hip pocket of the newspaperman!
Once more Tham glanced at the others near him. He did not see any officer of the law. He saw nobody who seemed to be paying the slightest attention to him. He lurched nearer the newspaperman again and waited for the train to rush into the next station.
It was the station, evidently, where the newspaperman intended getting off. The train came to a stop, the doors slipped open, and Thubway Tham lurched forward with the others. For an instant he was pressed against the man in gray. During that instant his clever hand did its work. The fat wallet was slipped into Thubway Tham’s coat pocket, and he thrust his way through the crowd and hurried up the steps to the street.
Thubway Tham was rejoicing. He was within a few blocks of the lodging house of Nosey Moore, where he had his room. He decided to go there before investigating the “leather” he had “lifted,” though it was his policy, as a professional and successful dip, to get rid of a “leather” as quickly as possible.
He hurried to the lodging house, went up the rickety stairs, nodded to the landlord, and went to this room. The door locked, Tham sat down on the edge of the bed and drew out the wallet.
“Tho!” he said. “Thquare with the thimp already! Maybe he will know better the next time!”
Then Thubway Tham opened the wallet and spread its contents out on the bed. He grunted in huge disgust.
There were no coins, there was no sheaf of currency. There was only a mass of unpaid bills, some of them much worn, and urgent requests to “remit.”
Thubway Tham, on the trail of revenge, had forgotten one thing—that an active newspaper reporter never has enough money to make him profitable game for pickpockets!
THUBWAY THAM GOES TO THE RACES
In one corner of Madison Square, Thubway Tham dropped himself on a bench and glared up at the big man who stood grinning before him. It was evident that Thubway Tham was slightly enraged, for his eyes were flashing, and his face was almost purple; his nostrils were distended by his labored breathing; his fists were clenched.
“Craddock, what ith the big idea?” Thubway Tham demanded, his voice quivering with suppressed rage. “Have you thet your mind on pethterin’ me all day? Do I have to thee your ugly fathe around me all the time? You make me good and thick, you thimp!”
“Yes?” Detective Craddock asked pleasantly, puffing slowly at his cigar.
“Yeth!” Thubway Tham replied. “I thaid it, and you heard me! Confound it, Craddock, you have been followin’ me around for more than an hour—”
“And the day is young yet!” Detective Craddock added, grinning again.
“What do you mean by that, Craddock? Are you goin’ to pethter me all day?”
“Yes—and perchance a part of the night as well,” Detective Craddock answered. “I am going to keep my trained eyes on you, Tham, old-timer, until you seek
your downy couch, so to speak, and when you arise in the morning and fare forth with the intention of obtaining some breakfast, do not be at all surprised if you find me waiting around the corner, ready to trail along.”
“Well, my goodnethth!” Thubway Tham exclaimed. “Don’t you ever have any work to do?”
“Oh, this is work, Tham!”
“Tho?”
“Precisely and exactly,” replied Detective Craddock. “It appears to be necessary. You see, Tham, old horse, I have certain superiors in the police department—in point of rank.”
“The whole department ith rank,” said Tham.
“Uh-huh! And one of these superiors called me into his office at a late hour yesterday afternoon and said certain and many important words.”
“You interetht me thtrangely,” Thubway Tham admitted.
“Just so! I thought possibly you’d be mildly interested. The inspector, to resume, pointed out the fact, putting considerable emphasis in spots, that I never had managed to catch you with the goods and carry you off to jail.”
“I’ll thay you haven’t! The inthpector thaid a mouthful!”
“Item number two in his fevered discourse was to the general effect that recently there have been a number of complaints registered at headquarters.”
“My goodnethth!” Tham gasped out.
“Yes!” said Detective Craddock. “These gentlemen, it appears, have had their purses lifted and purloined while riding in our well-known and justly popular subway.”
“Do tell!” Tham exclaimed.
“And, strange though it may appear to you, Tham, they really object to such a state of affairs. One or two have gone so far as to say that they deem it the duty of the city police department to protect citizens from pickpockets, professionally known as dips.”
“I want to know!” said Tham.
“Uh-huh! You’ll know soon, if you listen carefully. It was suggested that I glue myself to you and keep both my eyes open. My chief seems to believe that I may learn something in that way. He even went so far as to intimate that, in all probability, I might catch you in the act commonly known as lifting a leather, and take you before the magistrate along with overwhelming evidence.”
“Huh!” Thubway Tham snorted in disgust. “It theemth to me, if my memory therveth me well, that you have been tryin’ to do thomethin’ like that for the patht year and a half, to thay the leatht. Ith that not tho?”
“I admit it,” Craddock said.
“And with little or no thucthethth, ath a man might thay.”
“You are perfectly correct, Tham.”
“In thuthh cathe it theemth to me that you could thpend your time more profitably, tho to thpeak, by payin’ thome attention to the little burglarth and thtick-up men. Even you, Craddock, might be able thome fine day to catch a burglar or a thtick-up man.”
“Thanks for your kind testimonial as regarding my ability,” Craddock said, bowing.
“But ath for catchin’ a dip—even a common or garden variety of amateur dip—that ith another thing again!” Thubway Tham announced with conviction.
“Think so?” Craddock asked.
“Yeth! And when it cometh to a dip like me, Craddock—a regular champion knock-out dip—you have about ath much chanthe ath a thnowball in a furnathe!”
“Well, well! So you are of the opinion that I can’t catch you with the goods?” Craddock asked. “I cannot, of course, unless you continue your nefarious trade.”
“Uh-huh! Be that ath it may! We’ll thee about that,” said Tham. “Ith it your intention, really, to follow me around all day like a hungry dog after a thteak?”
“Certain and sure, Tham!”
“That will be nithe!” Thubway Tham replied, with considerable sarcasm in his voice and manner. “I hope that you enjoy yourthelf, you thilly athth!”
“Why, Tham! I am surprised at your attitude! Hard words won’t cause me to change my mind, old boy! My chief has spoken, and that settles it so far as I am concerned.”
“Go right ahead and follow me, and thee how much good it doeth you!” Tham told him.
“How could I go ahead and follow you at the same time?” Craddock asked, chuckling.
“Athth!” Tham growled out.
* * * *
Ordinarily Thubway Tham would have welcomed a battle of wits with Detective Craddock, but he did not feel at all like engaging in one today.
Tham, only a few days before, had suffered a shock and had been convinced that women were unreliable, individually and collectively. Miss Nettie Burde, a young woman Thubway Tham fondly had expected to make his bride, suddenly had decided on a stage career as preferable to matrimony. The news had leaked out, and Tham had been the target for many an unkind thrust.
It nettled him, naturally, and in an effort to forget his sorrow and chagrin, Tham had indulged in the pastime known as draw poker. He had played a bit carelessly, his mind being upon the perfidy of woman rather than upon the game, and had been taken into camp for something like two hundred dollars as a result.
Thubway Tham still had funds, however. He had at least two hundred dollars remaining, and he carried it on his person. But he was eager to replenish his treasury, and this day he had felt lucky. He had been at the point of descending into the subway, seeking some crowded express train and commencing his work, when Craddock had come along and started this game of tag.
Though he did not betray it now in his face, Thubway Tham’s blood was at the boiling point. How could he descend into the subway, pick out a likely victim, and lift a leather with Detective Craddock at his elbow, watching him closely? Thubway Tham decided that there was but one thing to do—lose Craddock!
Losing Detective Craddock in a crowd, Tham knew from experience, was not the easiest thing in the world. Tham had tried it before on several occasions, and once had been successful. But he would have to be very clever if he was to lose Craddock today, for the detective, Tham knew, had been reprimanded by his superior, and he meant what he said.
Tham got up from the bench deliberately, took a cigarette from his pocket and lighted it, puffed a few times, and suddenly whirled around and walked rapidly toward the street. Detective Craddock, understanding, grinned and followed.
Across to Broadway Tham hurried, and went along it toward Times Square. It was the noon hour, and the street was thronged. Tham dodged this way and that, but did not even look around. He knew that he had not dodged Craddock yet, and he preferred to ignore the detective for the time being.
As he neared Times Square, Tham slackened his pace and went through the crowd slowly and carefully, as though considerate of the feelings and rights of others. And suddenly, as he came to a corner where the crowd was dense, he quickened his stride again, turned around the corner, and made for the next street.
When he reached it, he glanced over his shoulder. Detective Craddock, still grinning, was less than ten feet behind him. The detective stepped to his side.
“Old stuff, Tham!” Craddock said. “Slow down and then make a spurt, eh? I learned all about that years ago, old-timer. Try something new.”
Tham glared at him. “Do you think, Craddock, that I could not lothe you if I tho withhed?” he demanded.
“You certainly could not, Tham.”
“Jutht for that I will lothe you,” Tham declared, “I’ll lothe you inthide two hourth, you thimp, and you’ll be worryin’ all the retht of the day what hath become of me! If I couldn’t lothe you, Craddock, I’d go and get me a job ath janitor in thome old men’th home!”
“Tham, you are raging!” Craddock said, grinning once more.
“Thimp!” Tham growled out.
He went on up the street and plunged into a subway entrance. Though he knew that Detective Craddock kept within a few feet of him, he did not give the officer the favor of a single glance. Tham was mad and did not care whether he showed it.
Soon he boarded a downtown express and got into a crowded car. It enraged him to see within a few feet at least half
a dozen men of prosperous appearance, any one of whom Tham ordinarily would have selected as a victim. But he could not work, of course, with Craddock at his heels and in such watchful mood. He had done it before, but Tham felt that the risk would be too great under present circumstances.
Far downtown, at a busy station, Thubway Tham waited until the doors started to close and then sprang through one and to the platform. The train dashed on. Tham heard a soft chuckle behind him.
“You telegraphed your intentions, old-timer,” Craddock said. “You’ll have to do better than that, boy, if you want to lose me. Old stuff!”
“Yeth?” Tham asked with a sneer. “I ain’t done yet, Craddock!”
“Go right ahead, boy. I’ll be at your heels,” the detective declared. “I’m the little vial of glue today, old-timer! The best cement in the world has nothing on me!”
“You think a lot of yourthelf,” Tham told him. “You’d ought to run yourthelf for mayor or thomethin’.”
“Sarcasm never hurt me, Tham, Satire is a lance that breaks against my shield. Irony is as weak as water.”
“Well, my goodnethth!” Tham exclaimed, “Thome boy, you are! You are wathtin’ your time tryin’ to be a detective.”
“Possibly, but that’s my job at present, and I’ve got an eye on you,” Craddock replied.
Tham ascended to the street, crossed it, and descended into the subway again. Craddock was as close as a shadow ten minutes past high noon.
An uptown express roared into the station, and Thubway Tham got into the nearest car. It was comfortably filled. Tham stood near one of the doors. He was angry, and he realized that anger was his undoing. He would have to be clever to dodge Craddock. He did not want to lift leathers now, for he felt that the day was not propitious; but he did want to lose Craddock. Uptown the express dashed, past station after station. Tham made not the slightest move. He knew that Craddock was still on guard. He waited until the train reached the Pennsylvania Station, and he acted as though that were the last place on earth at which he intended to leave the train.
The Thubway Tham Megapack Page 13