His Heart

by Claire Kingsley

  He was usually home before me on Fridays, but he’d picked up an extra shift at work. He’d been working so hard since we’d started school. Full load of classes, and he was planning to major in engineering, so it wasn’t like they were easy. Plus his job. I worked too, in a little café on campus. Work and school kept us both busy, but it was shaping up to be a great year.

  I decided to shower before he got home. I hadn’t washed my hair that morning, and dry shampoo only goes so far, especially since it had been warm out.

  After my shower, I toweled off and slipped on a clean bra and panties. I was looking for my favorite ASU t-shirt in the basket of clean laundry when I heard Liam’s key in the door.

  Dressed only in my underwear, I hurried to the door, struck a pose, and pulled it open.

  My eyes widened and whatever seductive line I’d been going to say died a swift death in my throat. It wasn’t Liam. Instead, I stood face to face with his sister, Olivia.

  Her expression registered surprise and for a few seconds, we stood frozen, staring at each other in shock. Next thing I knew, we were both laughing our asses off.

  “Oh my god, get in here,” I said between laughs. I grabbed her wrist and pulled. “I need to close the door before one of the neighbors sees me.”

  Olivia ducked inside, still giggling, and I closed the door behind her.

  “Wow, Brooke,” she said, looking me up and down. “That’s hot, but you didn’t need to strip for me.”

  Maybe I should have been embarrassed, but Olivia had seen me in my underwear—or less—plenty of times. We’d shared a bedroom. And it wasn’t like she didn’t know I was sleeping with her brother.

  I put my hands on my hips and batted my eyelashes. “I just wanted you to feel appreciated.”

  She laughed again. “I love your guts. But put some clothes on, girl. I’m getting jealous of your boobs.”

  I laughed again and grabbed my boobs, winking at her. She rolled her eyes and set her backpack down while I went into the bedroom. I found my t-shirt and slipped it on, along with a pair of shorts.

  “I take it Liam didn’t tell you I was coming,” she said when I came out. “Sorry, I should have texted you.”

  I sat down on the couch next to her. “He didn’t; he’s such a guy. But it’s fine. I’m happy to see you.”

  “Me too,” she said. “I texted him yesterday to see if you guys were free this weekend. He said he was working later than usual today, so I figured I’d come early and keep you company.”

  “Thanks, O,” I said. “Are you staying the whole weekend?”

  “If you don’t mind,” she said.

  “Of course not. This will be fun,” I said. “How’s school?”

  She rolled her eyes. “Stupid. I can’t wait until I’m out of there.”

  Olivia was a senior in high school and a little jealous that Liam and I had graduated and gone off to college.

  “I bet the year flies by,” I said. “Graduation will be here before you know it.”

  “I hope so,” she said. “I’m so over it.”

  “Well, I guess I don’t know when Liam is getting home,” I said. “Should we watch a movie or something?”

  “Sure. Oh,” she said, grabbing my arm, “we should watch that ghost one we didn’t get to before you guys moved.”

  “Done.”

  I turned on the TV and found the movie while she got up and closed the curtains. Olivia and I were both horror movie junkies. They scared the shit out of us, but we loved it. We settled in on the couch and turned on the movie.

  It started out innocent enough, but it wasn’t long before the characters were wandering through dark hallways and creepy things were jumping out and scaring them—and us. The eerie music set the tone and I looked over my shoulder a few times, half-expecting to see a ghostly apparition hovering behind me.

  I snuggled closer to Olivia and tucked my arm through hers. The movie was so much scarier than I’d thought it would be. My heart raced and I couldn’t take my eyes off the screen.

  “Boo!”

  Olivia shrieked and threw the remote. I clutched the blanket and backed into the corner of the couch. But of course it wasn’t a ghost in our apartment. Liam had crept up behind us. He stood next to the couch with a hand over his nose.

  “Ow,” Liam said. “Damn it, O, you hit me in the face.”

  “Don’t scare us like that,” Olivia said, clutching her chest. “You almost gave me a heart attack.”

  I pushed the blanket off and got up. “Are you okay?”

  Liam touched beneath his nose and looked at his fingers. “Crap, I’m bleeding.”

  “Oh, poor baby.”

  “Serves you right,” Olivia said.

  I led Liam into the bathroom and helped him clean up. He wasn’t bleeding much. When it stopped, I wiped his face with a wet washcloth. His eyes never left mine.

  “What?” I asked.

  “I was just thinking about how lucky I am,” he said.

  “Lucky that your sister hit you in the nose with a remote?” I asked. “I’d say that was pretty unlucky. I don’t think she even aimed.”

  He took the washcloth and set it on the counter, then cupped my cheek. “No, I mean lucky because I have you, Bee.”

  I looked into his eyes and smiled. “I’m pretty sure I’m the lucky one.”

  “Maybe we both are.” He placed a soft kiss on my lips. “I don’t know what it is, but I look at you and I just know.”

  “You know what?”

  “That you’re my future,” he said. “It’s weird because none of my friends feel that way, even the guys with serious girlfriends. Everything is temporary to them, like because we’re young it doesn’t matter.”

  I nibbled on my bottom lip. Hearing him say that made my heart swell. He thought he was lucky? I was the luckiest girl alive. “You’re very philosophical tonight.”

  He tucked my hair behind my ear. “Yeah, I know. I just saw a few of the guys today. They were all bullshitting about stuff, like usual. But it was weird—like I don’t know how to relate to them anymore.”

  Liam had always been different from his friends. He was a deep thinker who liked to ponder big questions and find meaning in simple things. Sometimes I thought I was one of the only people in the world who really saw him for who he was. Most people saw a good-looking, athletic guy. His charisma had always made him popular. But there was so much more beneath the surface. I loved being the one to see it—loved that he shared his thoughts and dreams with me.

  I stepped closer and wrapped my arms around his waist. “Maybe that’s just part of growing up.”

  “Maybe.” He kissed my forehead.

  “Is your nose okay?” I asked.

  He scrunched it. “Hurts, but it’ll be fine.”

  “Please tell me you guys aren’t getting it on in the bathroom,” Olivia called from the other room. “If you need me to leave for ten minutes, just say so.”

  Liam smiled and banged his hand on the door rhythmically.

  “Gross!” Olivia said.

  I laughed and Liam grinned at me again.

  “Should we go finish your movie?” he asked. “I’ll hold you if you’re scared.”

  “Sounds perfect to me.”

  8

  Sebastian

  October. Age twenty.

  The leaves crunched beneath my feet, the crisp fall air refreshing. I’d had to spend a few days in the hospital—again—so it was good to be outside. Students walked past, hoisting heavy backpacks over their shoulders, making their way to classes, or their dorms, or jobs. I just put one foot in front of the other, keeping my pace measured so I didn’t tire too quickly.

  I’d made it through my freshman year at U of I, and my grades had been decent. Considering I’d missed a lot of school due to a hospital stay in the spring, I was proud of how well I’d done. Proud I’d managed to finish the year at all.

  Summer had been spent at home, trying not to go crazy with boredom. My dad owned se
veral car dealerships, and I’d always worked summers there. This year, I’d barely been able to handle part-time hours.

  I hadn’t seen my friends very often, either. They’d all been busy doing their own thing, and I hadn’t hung out with them in months anyway. Cami had been back in Waverly for the summer too, so we’d spent a lot of weekends together—mostly at my parents’ place because I still didn’t have a lot of energy.

  Once again, my parents had tried to talk me out of going back to school in the fall. The doctors had put me on immunosuppressant drugs, hoping that would calm the inflammation in my heart tissue. It made me more susceptible to getting sick, and when I did get sick, it was hard to get better, hence a few hospital stays over the last year. It was a bitch, knowing that if I got a cold, I’d probably wind up with pneumonia.

  But I’d been determined to go back to school. Cami would be there, and I’d hated the idea of living two hours away from her. It had been hard enough to keep our relationship going since I’d been sick. I hadn’t wanted to put any more obstacles in our path.

  Plus, if I quit school and moved home, my illness would win. That wasn’t going to happen.

  Charlie and I lived in a rental house his grandparents owned, not far from campus. I think having Charlie around had helped my parents feel better about me going back to school. My mom thought I didn’t know, but she texted Charlie a few times a week to ask how I was doing. I pretended like I didn’t notice.

  The new semester was kicking my ass, though. My classes were tough. I’d missed a test last week when I’d been hospitalized, and I was scrambling to make up all the work. Thankfully today was Friday, so I’d have the weekend to recuperate and hopefully get caught up.

  The walk from the bus stop to my place wasn’t long, but I was winded by the time I got there. I was used to it, now. It had been twenty months since my heart had failed. I’d lost more weight and my energy level was still low—partly because of the medications I took, and partly because my heart was weakening.

  I knew that was the truth of it. My parents, Charlie, Cami… they all tried to stay optimistic. They blamed my fatigue on the pills I took, not on the heart that didn’t seem to want to heal. But I knew. I wasn’t sure what it was going to mean long term, but it was clear to me that I should have been getting better. And the fact that I wasn’t was a problem.

  For now, I’d keep doing what I’d been doing. Go to class. Study. Eat well. Take my pills, and all the vitamins and supplements I took to help keep myself as healthy as possible. Rely on my mental strength to get me through the bad days, and hope my heart held out long enough for us to figure out a long-term solution.

  A solution that didn’t involve me dying. I wasn’t ready for that.

  I got home and put my bag down, glad that I was feeling pretty decent, even after a full day of classes. I was tired, but that was normal. At least I didn’t feel like I needed to go to bed at four in the afternoon. I was taking Cami to dinner later and I didn’t want to cancel on her. I’d been doing that too much, especially lately. She had her friends, and that was good for her, but I wanted to make sure I could still date her properly. She’d stuck by me through everything. The least I could do was take her out—especially tonight. It was our third anniversary.

  “You home, Seb?” Charlie called from his bedroom.

  “Yeah.”

  “You good?” he asked.

  Charlie did keep tabs on me, but for the most part, he kept it simple. You good? I was mostly honest with him. If I’d had a shitty day or thought something was wrong, I’d tell him—at least if it seemed serious, like last week when I’d had pneumonia again. But he didn’t treat me like I was weak or fragile, the way so many other people did. I appreciated it.

  “Yep, good day,” I said.

  I tossed my coat on a chair and went into the kitchen. I wasn’t very hungry, but I thought I should probably eat. I didn’t have much of an appetite most days, but a lack of food would only make me weaker.

  Charlie came out in a Hawkeyes wrestling t-shirt and sweats. He looked me up and down, his brow furrowed. “You look like shit.”

  “Thanks, asshole.”

  “We should go get pizza or something,” he said. “You need to put some meat back on.”

  “I don’t think pizza is going to help.”

  “Won’t hurt,” he said.

  I rubbed my stomach. My once rock-hard abs were softer now. I exercised a little, but my body couldn’t tolerate much. For a guy who’d been doing sports since he was three, being this out of shape was tremendously shitty. I was already used to following a strict diet for wrestling, and I’d kept up with it so I wouldn’t get both fat and out of shape. But that only went so far.

  “You can’t eat that shit, anyway.” I made a show of looking him up and down, as if I’d find a flaw. “You’re looking a little soft around the middle this year, Chuck.”

  “Fuck off,” he said. “I have two more weeks before I have to start cutting weight. I want a fucking pizza. With everything on it.”

  I laughed. Charlie was a big guy and when he wanted to, he could out-eat anyone. “Can’t tonight. I’m taking Cami out.”

  “You sure that’s a good idea?” he asked.

  “Yeah, we haven’t done anything in a while,” I said. “Why?”

  “Restaurants, people, germs,” he said.

  “You just said we should go get pizza,” I said.

  “I’d go get it and bring it back,” he said. “Come on, man, you were just in the hospital.”

  “I can’t sit around here all the time,” I said. “I feel pretty good today. And it’s our anniversary. I want to take my girl out.”

  Charlie scowled at me. “You’re too fucking stubborn sometimes, you know that, right?”

  “I’ll be fine,” I said. “I wash my hands so often people think I have OCD. I’ll bring the stupid hand sanitizer.”

  “Is Cami healthy?” he asked. “Because you know if she even has a cold, you can’t be swapping body fluids.”

  “For fuck’s sake,” I said.

  “I’m just making sure you’re not being stupid.”

  I rolled my eyes. “Look, she’s fine. I’m fine. I had a good fucking day and I don’t need you playing nurse all of a sudden.”

  He put his hands up, palms out. “Okay, okay. I’m just looking out for you, man.”

  “Yeah, I know,” I said, but I was still irritated. “I’m gonna go lie down for an hour before I meet Cami.”

  “All right.”

  I went to my room and shut the door behind me. He had a point about going out in public. It was always a risk. But I went to classes every day, and I wasn’t about to give that up. I stayed home more than any guy I knew. It wouldn’t kill me to take my girlfriend out to dinner.

  Okay, technically it could if I was exposed to something my body couldn’t fight off. But quarantining myself was no way to live. I was young. Maybe not as healthy as I could be, but I still wanted to live my life.

  I lay down and texted Cami.

  Me: Hey babe. I’ll meet you at 7. Does that still work?

  Cami: Can we do earlier? 6?

  Me: Sure. What sounds good?

  Cami: Whatever is fine.

  I rolled my eyes. Cami not having an opinion about where we went to dinner was about as likely as me being healthy enough to wrestle this year.

  Me: You sure? We can go anywhere.

  Cami: You pick.

  Me: K, how about that pizza place?

  Cami: You know I hate that place.

  Me: You said anywhere.

  Cami: Fine, whatever.

  Me: Don’t get mad. I’m just joking. How about Short’s?

  Cami: OK

  I wondered what was up with her today. I hadn’t seen her since the hospital last week. She’d come to visit me twice, both times sitting with me for an hour or so. I’d talked to her when I’d been discharged, but she’d had a big bio test this week, so I’d told her to stay home and study.


  She was probably just stressed about school. Or maybe one of her sorority sisters was going through a crisis again. That seemed to happen at least once a week.

  Although I thought I knew what was really bothering her. Based on things she’d said recently, she was hoping for more certainty about the future. I didn’t think she was worried I was going to die; she never seemed to entertain that as a possibility. But I got the impression she was hoping for more certainty about us.

  I didn’t think she was itching to get married right this second. We were still pretty young. But I had a feeling she’d love to come home from dinner one of these nights with a ring on her finger. Even if that meant a long engagement while we finished school. A girl in her sorority had gotten engaged a few weeks ago, and Cami had talked about it for days on end. I knew a hint when I heard one.

  I wasn’t sure if I was ready for that. But we’d been together for three years. Survived the transition between high school and college. Stayed together even though my illness had made a lot of things difficult. We loved each other, and that’s what you did when you loved someone. Stuck by them. Stayed loyal.

  Cami had been loyal to me. Maybe I owed this to her.

  By the time I left to meet her, I’d decided. I’d find her a nice engagement ring and make this official. Show her I appreciated that she’d stayed with me through everything.

  We lived on opposite sides of campus, so it was easier to meet her at the restaurant. She was there, waiting for me in the lobby when I arrived. She looked pretty in a light green sweater, her long blond hair down and wavy.

  “Hey, babe,” I said. I put a hand on her waist and kissed her forehead. “Have you been here long?”

  “No,” she said. “Just a few minutes.”

  It was hard not to tell her, but I figured she’d want the whole romantic proposal thing, and I didn’t want to spoil it. But as we took a seat in a booth, I felt better than I had in months. Being engaged to Cami would give us something to look forward to—something to focus on that wasn’t related to my illness. And it would be an outward display that we both believed I was going to get better.