She rounded on me, furious. “This is your fault!”
Lighting should have struck then, accompanied by a boom of thunder. If life were anything like a movie, then there should have been foreboding music. But no, there was just the open door and Beatrice standing there like a punk rock goddess.
“Hi Bob. Hi Sammy.”
Sammy whipped out two cans of pepper spray and held them at the ready. Beatrice smiled gently, and a non-crazy laugh came from her. She looked very different, but I couldn’t figure out what it was, but she looked less… crazy, if that was even possible.
“I’m not here to hurt you Sammy. I came to get Bob that’s all, I swear.”
Sammy didn’t let her guard down for an instant. I just looked from Sammy to Beatrice, wondering if maybe I should get in the middle there, but Sammy looked nervous with those cans of pepper-spray, and I didn’t want to get sprayed. Beatrice just smiled prettily and calmly, her eyes showing a trace of humor and no hostility like what I had seen.
“I’m sorry for last night. That was wrong of me. I shouldn’t have attacked you. I was just in a very fragile state, and there is no excuse for that. Can you forgive me and let’s just call it even?”
“You’re fucking with me aren’t you?”
“Not in the slightest. I gained a new perspective last night, and I’m just sorry.”
Holy shit! Her eyes! I could see both of her eyes! The eye patch was gone, and her eye was whole once again. Her hair was still dreadlocked of course. That doesn’t come out overnight, vampire or not, but even then she was the calm and less crazy version of Beatrice. It was quite a sight to behold.
“I think she means it Sammy,” I said, and Sammy retreated, still not trusting.
“You ready to go Bob?” Beatrice said sweetly, and if I hadn’t looked back to her then from where Sammy was getting ready, I wouldn’t have seen the look of pure hatred that she threw at Sammy’s turned back. It was gone so fast, her smile lighting up her pretty face so hugely that it might have been just an illusion, but I knew by this time not to discount illusions.
I got Beatrice out to there, but I knew deep down that war had just been declared.
***
“My roommate’s cat was killed last night. Someone ripped it into three pieces and left it on the kitchen table.”
I was in the back of the store when Sammy came in for her shift and was surprised to see her walking towards me, pissed and visibly shaken. She had a hand in her purse as if hiding a weapon, and I suddenly realized that she’d somehow gotten a gun. The news about the cat hit me hard in the gut, and I knew exactly where this was going.
“You’re going to tell me her address, and tomorrow when the sun is out, I’m going to go over there and I’m going to kill that bitch.”
“I don’t know where she lives Sammy, honest.”
“Bullshit!”
“She comes to me Sammy. I don’t know the first thing about her.” I felt silently ashamed. “I don’t even know her last name.”
“It’s okay. I’ll wait. When she comes for you, she and I will have words. I told you I didn’t trust that psycho bitch.”
Beatrice didn’t come for me. She was waiting for me when I got back to the apartment just before dawn, and she was naked and glorious. I didn’t get to ask her about the cat.
***
Okay, you don’t understand, and I sure as hell didn’t want to, but not-crazy Beatrice was kind of cool and sweet, a completely different person than the psycho who had nailed me to the fucking wall. Seeing a change that vastly different in a person seriously fucks with your head, and you force yourself to forget the fucked-up shit they were capable of doing. It was a classic abusive relationship, except that it wasn’t a relationship at all. It was a lull in the storm, a break from the insanity and deep down I knew that, especially after seeing her look at Sammy with that level of hatred and then with the cat thing. But on some level there was that connection, that acceptance, the knowledge that she actually needed me, in a way that Jaime never had, and I wanted to be needed that way. So yes, for a while I allowed myself to ignore it and pretend that this was normal and that yes I could love this beautiful woman. Even the sex was different; it was now more of a release, a coming together of bodies that matched so very well. It wasn’t an act of brutal sport-fucking anymore, but almost tender and just good.
It was never going to last, and we both knew it, but for the time that we had it I enjoyed it, and I think Beatrice enjoyed it was well.
***
After a week, I woke up in the middle of the day and Beatrice was gone, vanished from the apartment as if she had never existed. I grabbed my phone, the constant ringing having woken me up, and glanced at it, considering burning it for a second.
It was Sammy.
“There’s a fucking eyeball on my bed!”
War had begun.
***
It was definitely Beatrice’s eyeball.
The cutting had been ragged but precise, so there was still flesh and connective muscle clinging to the piercing blue eyeball that seemed to stare back at me from the bed.
This was the first time I’d ever been over to Sammy’s place and from the way she was yelling, it was most likely going to be the last time. Ever.
It was the middle of the day, and I had taken a page out of Beatrice’s book of day-tripping in order to get over there. I’d covered up from head to toe including the special goggles Claude had gotten for me and the special thick latex mask he’d gotten me a couple of weeks ago. Not an inch of skin was showing. Sure I looked like a complete freak especially in the elevator where nobody wanted to stand close to me, but hey, at least I wasn’t going to need a fire extinguisher. The cab was waiting for me outside, and I pretty much sprinted all the way through the lobby and dived inside, cussing at Sammy but mostly at Beatrice. I was sweltering under the layers, and the ride was far from comfortable.
When I got inside Sammy’s foyer and out of the direct sun, I felt a little better, but only just. Had I really missed the sun? Turns out, not that much.
“Are you sure this is your room Sammy?”
There was an ungodly amount of pink. I mean, absolutely ungodly. It was a complete clash with her abrasive personality and showcased the softer side of her that I’d always known to be lurking somewhere under the surface. I just hadn’t expected it to be this soft. And fluffy. And pink.
“Not a word about the decor. You mention this to anyone, and I will personally castrate you.”
Ahh, there’s the acidic Sammy I knew - the perfect foil to all of this pink. At least she didn’t have posters of boy bands on the walls, but I suppose every girl is allowed to have a certain number of plush toys.
I glanced at Sammy. “Do you actually have sex in this room? Or is it like some kind of fucked up endurance test for the guy?”
“Forget the toys Bob. This is seriously fucked up.”
I looked back at the bed and sobered up immediately at the sight of Beatrice’s eyeball sitting on Sammy’s pillow. I sighed deeply.
“That’s Beatrice’s eyeball.”
Sammy whipped around, all concern and shock.
“Someone did that to her?”
I could feel the ensuing shit-storm coming and wondered how best to explain the fucked up scenario that was Beatrice. Sammy had met a lot of genuinely crazy chicks in her life, and I’m not using this term loosely, you understand. Some had deeply seated issues in their past that led to cutting, drug abuse, sex abuse, you name it, and Sammy had probably encountered it all. So as prepared for the worst as she thought she was, she had no clue just what level of fucked-up I had introduced into her life.
I pinched the bridge of my nose tightly and grimaced before I said the words, knowing how fucked up they sounded before they even left my mouth.
“Beatrice… did that to herself.”
Sammy was stunned. All of her defenses just dropped, and surprise - there she was, the girl who owned all of the toy animals and who lov
ed pink more than any other color. I felt horrible for seeing that girl under the circumstances, but what was I to do? There was Beatrice’s eyeball, staring at us from the pillow.
“What?” Sammy finally managed to say.
“She’s a vampire Sammy. The fucking thing grows back every day. And then, she cuts it out again.”
“And you’re fucking her? You’re fucking a bonafide psychopath?”
“She’s not always a psychopath!”
She just looked at me. “You’re an idiot.” She meant it, and I agreed with her. Sammy snatched up her cellphone and started to look for a number.
“Who are you calling?”
“Someone who knows how to deal with psychopaths. Someone who knows better than to fuck a psychopath.”
“Sammy--” I reached out for her, and she pushed me away, furious.
“No Bob! We’re done. I would kick you the fuck out of my house right now, daylight or not, if I didn’t care about you, but right now you don’t get to tell me what to do or ask for shit. You got it? Your free pass is over buddy. I’ve been there for you ever since Jaime dumped your stupid ass. I’ve had your fucking back, covered for you at work, fucking lied for you and when you got turned into a vampire, I accepted it without even thinking about it, because maybe for once you would see the second chance that had been given to you. But you haven’t! You haven’t! You may be a bigger fuck up at being a vampire than at being a human being. At least when you were human you weren’t bringing fucked up psycho vampire bitches around me!”
“You’re the one who sprayed her with pepper spray.”
“She attacked me! What the fuck did you expect? Actually, what the fuck did you even do to protect me? You’re the vampire here. When you die, you come back! I’m supposed to be your friend, and you didn’t even get between me and your psycho girlfriend.”
Ouch.
“So fuck you Bob. Fuck you very, very much.”
“You know I’m on the line right?” This voice from the phone. Apparently Sammy had dialed the number and forgotten about it while she was yelling at me. The voice sounded familiar too, kind of like—
“Sorry about that Harry,” Sammy said to the phone. What the actual fuck? She had Harry’s number saved to her phone? “Did you catch all of that?”
“Every damn word, except the name.”
Sammy looked at me and held the phone out. She glared at me, daring me to defy her. I gave in. I had no other choice.
“Beatrice.”
Silence from the phone. I thought maybe he hadn’t heard me, and stepped forward to repeat, but then Harry spoke up.
“I’m sending a car for both of you.”
***
“I’m sorry Sammy.”
“I don’t care. I’ll forgive you eventually, but not today.” Silence. “Did you breakup with her, or is this all just because she has a hard-on to kill me?”
“No. She just disappeared sometime this morning. I’m too chicken to break up with her. I was kinda hoping she’d just get bored and leave, actually…”
That got a laugh, not a pretty one either.
“If she thinks she loves you, you might have bigger trouble than you think.”
“What do you mean?”
“She wants you all for herself. To own you completely. Nothing is going to stand in her way. Nothing.”
My heart was already thumping in my chest with terror. I knew what she was going to say next, and it scared the shit out of me.
“How much does she know about Jaime?”
***
Harry didn’t waste any time.
There were a number of photos on the wall, Beatrice on the top of the pyramid. It looked exactly like the board the cops use in cop shows to show off the list of victims and suspects; and that’s because it was.
I looked at the seven photos below Beatrice, and I seemed to remember a few of them from somewhere, but the memory was shaky.
“Weren’t some of these guys at the Hotel Astoria?”
“You mean: you killed them at the Hotel Astoria.”
Well, that wiped the smug look from her face. Of all the surprises and revelations, Sammy had not been expecting anything like this. She wheeled on me, surprised now, and there was a grudging respect in her eyes. And then... fear. Somewhere back there was fear.
“You killed people? Vampires?”
“It’s not like I had a choice. Besides, Louise did most of the killing. I just shot anybody who was trying to kill me. Sometimes I shot them a lot if they refused to stay down. It may have been a tad bit excessive.”
“He killed vampires?” She ignored me and looked to Harry. Then to me, more incredulously, “You killed vampires? Real ones?”
“It’s not like it was for keeps. It hurts a hell of a lot, but most of them come back. It’s not like I killed an actual person.”
That earned a pissed off look from Harry, promising that I was going to pay for that one later. Sammy was still incredulous.
“Who do I return this Bob to? This one’s defective.”
I ignored Sammy, still looking at the board, wondering what the fuck was going on. On the other side of the board, under “Victims” were photos of all of the guys from the support group. All of them had autopsy photos next to them, so logically that meant that all of them were dead.
I felt the air go out of me now, and something Beatrice had said while I was high on her blood came back to me. I hadn’t even reacted to it. Just let it roll right over me like it was nothing, some half-forgotten dream that isn’t. She’d told me, fucking told me that she’d killed them all, but now it was reality.
The newspaper articles on the string of murders were pinned on the wall next to Beatrice, and suddenly I got how it all connected
“These guys were my friends, well except for that guy, he was a dick, but the rest of these guys…”
“She was their maker you know,” Harry said. I snapped around to look at him, the blood draining out of my face. Harry shrugged. “What? You didn’t think it was weird that there were a bunch of Bob clones running around the city? There were a couple of accidentals like yourself, but the rest of these guys here were all made by Beatrice.”
Sammy stepped forward for a closer look at the board. “Maybe she was making herself the perfect boyfriend. And then she got bored with them.” I nodded in agreement, still numb, but Sammy wasn’t done yet. “Now when I say bored, I mean murdered, and when I say murdered I mean WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU THINKING?”
Harry squeezed my shoulder as I sank to the chair, still staring numbly at the wall in disbelief. He knew I’d gotten it. Sammy glared at me and stalked off, a pissed off kitten looking for a fight.
I looked at Harry instead of trying to keep track of the impending explosion that was Sammy.
“When the killings started we thought it was Louise and her people. All of the signs were there even though it wasn’t their style. It has never been this public before, never this messy. We talked ourselves into believing that it had to be Louise. Beatrice was assigned to the team to look for the killer, and we know how that turned out. She led them straight to Louise and right to you.”
“How long has she been doing this?”
“Too long. The Gentlemen… haven’t been able to get any leads until the attack at the Astoria.”
Sammy just gave up at this point.
“Fuck this. There is way too much going on that I don’t even know about, so I’m just going to go sit in the other room and wait for someone to let me know that it’s safe to go the fuck home.”
Something had been bugging me for a long time.
“Why do you even have Harry’s number?”
“Don’t you know? Harry is my dad.”
Sammy exited, and I could only look at the door where she had been seconds ago. I looked over the Harry, dumbfounded, but then heard the door reopen.
“You dumb motherfucker! I’m fucking with you!”
Harry laughed and shrugged. “I’m definitely
not her father. The King introduced us. He vouches for her, so she’s okay in my book.”
“I’m still not letting you turn me,” Sammy said flirtatiously. “I’m not rich enough anyway.”
“The King would sponsor you. Set you up for life.”
“You can do that? Who do I have to fuck for that deal?” That was me of course, more than a little flabbergasted at this bit of information. Sammy just rolled her eyes at me.
“It’s in the manual Bob,” Sammy said. “I showed it to you but you just blew me off.”
I gotta read those manuals.
Sammy strode over to Harry’s desk and sat down, clearly changing her mind. “Somebody fill me in. There is way too much shit I don’t know about. Especially what you’ve been up to, Bob.”
“He’s been all the wrong kinds of bad.”
I shrugged. “What can I say? It’s a talent.”
Sammy glared at me.
“Start talking.”
So I told them everything, and I tried really hard not to leave anything out. Well, except about the part with Claude and the diamonds and that entire mess of a situation, but that would have just gotten me into deeper shit. Especially considering that they had been Harry’s diamonds, and he still had no idea who had stolen them. Some confessions you leave for your death bed and some you take to the grave and never, ever tell. So trust me; that is one story that you won’t ever hear about.
Sammy just sat dumbfounded as I filled her in on it all, and you could see her thinking, wondering who the fuck I was. I didn’t think I had changed that much or gone through so many things, but from watching her I could feel the weight of it bearing down on me something hard, especially the weight of the past four weeks.
“So now what?” She wanted to know, and turned to look at Harry. I turned as well, the same question on my mind.
“Do you want to keep Sammy here out of Beatrice’s sadistic little hands?” Harry asked, and I was glad he made the offer. I still couldn’t quite get around the fact that Sammy had been hanging around with the King and Harry and hadn’t told me anything, but it’s not like I know everything about her. It was still weird to see them so comfortable with each other, but if anyone could keep Sammy safe from my fuck ups, it was Harry.
So You Might Be a Vampire Page 27