by N. J. Lysk
“Should we drive up to your mother’s house?” Josh asked.
“Mariah said not to stand on ceremony,” Ray said. “So yeah, let’s just go for it. My mum might not be first omega, but I don’t want to piss her off.”
“Plus she’ll feed us,” Iesu mused happily.
Ray turned to raise an eyebrow at him. “Are you not eating enough? Alec made a rack yesterday and you had like half a dozen eggs this morning.”
It’d been their delayed celebration of the betas coming, so there had been almost too many side-dishes to fit on their table. And with Alec's approval, they’d let the pups try their teeth on actual bones. Jamie had taken to it quite enthusiastically, which Ray hoped meant he'd stop resisting Ray's attempts to stop breastfeeding him.
Iesu shrugged, boyishly charming. “What can I say? I’m a growing boy.”
Ray snorted. “What about your family? Did you tell them you’d be there at a particular time?”
“Nah,” Iesu said, “I said we’d be around and I’d give them a ring sometime today. You might recognize some of them from our footie team back when we played you.”
“Oh?”
“Irina is a goalie. She’s pretty obsessed with Man United, too, and just football in general. I had to promise we’d have matches before she’d think about joining us.”
Ray swallowed at the thought. For a moment, he remembered running after a ball, his body sure and true, and then he straightened in his seat and the strangeness of his body pulled him sharply from the memory. He licked his lips, glancing out the window and away from Iesu. “And how old is she?”
“Don’t worry, Ray, she’s a beta. She’s thirty already, nobody presents that late.”
“I’m not sure about Marisa,” he admitted. “She’s so young…”
Josh put a hand on his knee and squeezed. “Worst case scenario, she’ll present in a year or two and you get to have your sister around. Wouldn’t that be nice anyway?”
Ray wasn’t that close to Marisa, but she was still his little sister. He wasn’t sure he wanted her around if she presented omega. If she had to go through what he was going through himself. But of course it wouldn’t be like that: female omegas bonded to a single alpha and it was no worse than marriage or partnership was for betas, really. Most omega girls he’d known growing up had chosen their own alpha, too, and in his pack, Ray could make sure nobody tried to order them around or influence them…
No, that wasn’t the reason he wasn’t sure he wanted Marisa living with them. Even with the alphas planning to build another set of rooms with their own bathroom and with Iesu's room freed for the betas, it'd still mean very close quarters.
She would see it all. She would witness what he’d become.
If it was hard with Josh; he couldn’t imagine his family starting to see him as an omega.
Marisa wouldn’t think less of him for it. Werewolf girls grew up with the very real possibility of becoming omegas and even betas often ended having children. His mother had understood that it upset him, but she hadn’t pitied him for it. For her being an omega had meant marrying the man she loved and forming a family with him.
It was the way it was meant to be. Even if you were a man. But nobody had told Ray or his friends that it might be them who became that, who lived that life. Ray had thought about male omegas only in the context of other people. If he was perfectly honest, he’d found them fascinating but disturbing.
It was meant to be normal, since it was natural. But it’d never felt that way, and it still didn’t. He didn’t know if it ever could.
But he was just being selfish again. His pack needed betas, and it didn’t really matter in the short term if they didn’t stay betas. And Marisa had offered, and Ray knew how great she was with kids. He couldn’t afford to be squeamish, and after everything he’d learned to accept in his new life; it’d have been ridiculous to balk at having his sister around to witness it.
He’d sent Nicholas and the other alphas away, that certainly was worth a little familial discomfort.
“Ray?” Josh asked. Ray looked at him. “We are here,” his friend said gently.
It was true. Josh was parked in the same spot he’d used for years to drop Ray off and pick him up. Ray turned to the house like a flower to the sun. It didn’t look smaller, even though it was pretty small compared to the new place the alphas had built. It looked the same, a little ragged around the edges because nobody had given it a fresh coat of paint since his dad had died—Ray could have, he realised, but back when he’d lived there it had never crossed his mind—but cosy and familiar.
He couldn’t think back to the comfort and the scent of his closest family and their life together, though. All he could remember was huddling in his room as his skin started to itch, as the thoughts that felt foreign started racing through his mind. It’d been barely a couple of days from the moment he’d woken up changed to the day when he’d been taken away; but it felt like the whole place was soaked in the memory.
Ray made himself get out of the car, and Josh and Iesu followed. Josh was reminding Iesu of everybody’s names. Ray was pretty sure his friend knew he needed to be left alone, if only by not being spoken to for a while. But then they were at the front door and he had to knock.
His little brother opened the door without asking who it was and without putting the chain on. But Ray didn’t have the heart to shout at him for it, though, not when Glen’s face split into a smile at the sight of him and he threw himself at Ray directly. He caught him, surprised by the weight of him. It couldn’t have been that long, could it? But Glen was five—he’d been born not long after their father had passed—and even a short period of time could make a big difference. Ray picked him up and he buried his nose into Ray’s neck, probably reassuring himself that Ray was okay by smelling him. Ray held him close for a long moment. Not long ago, Glen had been as close to his own child as anybody. Ray had thought he’d raise him until he was able to care for himself, and now...
But he was blocking the doorway and letting in the cold—once upon a time he’d have scolded himself for that. He made himself step inside and heard Josh and Iesu following and closing the door. Anna and Harry were waiting inside, looking eager but unsure. Ray saw his sister’s eyes flicker down his body and had to stop himself from moving Glen so his little body would cover his own middle. It was stupid, he looked normal now, what did he have to hide?
"Can I hug you?" Anna checked, eyes big as pools. She’d thrown herself in his arms the first time he’d visited, belly round but small, and got a scolding from their mother for it.
"Of course," Ray said and soon he was trapped into a group hug that mostly involved his middle and legs even when he hunched over. Josh got a similar treatment a moment later, except by Glen, who stayed glued to Ray’s hip.
"This is Iesu, my mate,” he explained to his siblings when they had calmed down enough to listen.
"But Josh is your mate," Anna objected with a frown. She was only eight and there weren’t that many omegas around with more than one alpha.
"Yes," Josh intervened, "and so is Iesu. A person can have more than one mate."
Ray shot him a grateful look, but that was all he could manage at the moment. It was a bit too much to be back in a place where he’d been happy and free. Where they had been happy and free, because Josh had spent as much time in this house as Ray. Just like Ray had stayed at his. Josh’s father had joked about officially adopting Ray once, and now... Well, now they were in-laws, he supposed. He hadn’t even talked to Josh’s family since the bonding and he’d barely heard Josh speak of them. He made himself promise to ask about it later, about all of their families.
Harry didn’t seem sure about the explanation, but Ray spoke up before he could ask anything else. "Where are Marisa and TJ?"
"Oh, they went shopping. Glen is getting a real bed so mum needed help," his brother explained. "And I’m in charge."
Anna shot their brother an unimpressed look, but she didn�
��t try and argue. Ray was impressed with her restraint. His sister was sweet but a complete rebel without cause—both Ray and his mother had learned early on that she needed to be coaxed, nor ordered. "I see, shouldn’t you be offering us tea, then?” he teased.
Harry’s caught expression made Iesu laugh by his side. But it did the trick and got them all moving towards the living area. Ray curled up with Glen in one of the sofas and Josh sat Anna down at the other end so she could stay close to Ray without appearing clingy.
Harry had insisted on getting the tea himself and managed decently, even if the biscuits were all mixed up and the milk had apparently run out. It’d always been Ray reminding others to buy it, it seemed they still tended to forget if he didn’t.
And then his mother and older siblings had got back. His mum abandoned the shopping on the floor and went straight for Ray, taking him into her arms without even giving him time to let go of her youngest child. With her scent surrounding him and her arms holding him up, Ray felt, for a moment, like he’d let go of the weight he now carried. He managed, maybe because of the little boy heavy at his side, to hold it back. He was first omega of his pack now; he couldn’t burst into tears at the slightest provocation.
"Oh, Ray,” she said, smiling widely and looking him up and down. "You look good."
Ray shrugged, uncomfortably aware that Josh and Iesu could hear every word. He glanced at Glen. "Hey, sweetie, can you be good for me and go sit with Harry for a bit?"
Glen didn’t look like he could, his little hands closed harder on Ray’s clothes and he shook his head. And then a voice spoke from behind them.
"What about me, Glen?" Josh asked. He had a kind, sweet expression on his face that suited him perfectly. It was exactly who Josh was. It was exactly why Ray... "What about I make you fly like a plane?"
Glen paused. "Really high?"
"Of course," Josh agreed. Glen was already laughing hard and high by the time Ray dragged his mum out of the room.
&
"Is everything alright?" she asked the moment they were alone.
Ray frowned. "What? Yes, of course, why..."
"Well, we heard some rumours about some alphas in your territory..."
"Oh." Ray looked away. "Yeah, they came, but... well, they’re gone. It wasn’t a big deal. They wanted to... they wanted to become part of the pack, but I said no. So that’s done."
"And they thought you would agree?" his mum asked indignantly. "With five alphas already! Honestly, alphas are quite clueless... Well, never mind that. Soon you’ll have some betas. I don’t know about the others, but at least your sister is going with you."
"Um, is that okay?" Ray asked timidly. It was the main reason he’d wanted to be alone with her.
His mum seemed baffled. "Is what okay?" she asked, hands reaching for scattered clothes and folding them on the dresser. Ray was pretty sure she didn’t know she was doing it. The house wasn’t any messier than when he’d left, but it was still… busy. You could tell there were a lot of kids around and that the adults weren’t quite keeping up.
"Me taking Marisa away from you."
"You are not taking her, Ray!” His mum paused to shoot him an indignant look. “She volunteered, she wants to go!"
"But don’t you need her?" Ray insisted, glancing about.
His mum didn’t seem to follow his train of thought. "Me?” she asked sounding amused, “Oh, no, I’ll be fine. TJ’s been a lot of help lately, and Harry and Anna are in school all day. It’s mostly Glen, really."
"But it’s just... she’s..."
"No," his mother interrupted, "don’t even think to say that. She is your sister and she wants to help you. I want her to help you. You took care of all of us for a long time, Ray. It’s time you let us help you now."
He hesitated. "You don’t think she’s an omega?"
She shrugged. "I don’t know, and neither do you. But if she is, I know she will be safe with her big brother looking after her,” she added. And was that regret in her tone? She’d tried to be cheerful when his uncle had chosen his mates for him, and even later when he’d been bred by them. She didn’t sound so happy now. He wondered if she was so keen on Marisa going to him because she felt like she hadn’t done enough to help him. But he needed the help too badly to question it, and he wasn’t sure he could tell her she’d done enough without his pulse betraying him. He knew she’d done what she could, but he’d wanted more. And maybe he should have been used to it: there was only one of her and six of them and that meant that even when she did her best, it often wasn’t enough. It didn’t mean she didn’t love him.
"She will," Ray said after a long pause. He didn’t know how to reassure her, not without bringing up his suspicions—and if he was wrong, it’d make her think he thought she was responsible.
She nodded, seemingly satisfied, but then added, “And you will both come for a visit soon, won’t you?”
“Yes, of course, and Marisa can come any time, it’s not far…”
“Ray,” she said in a strained voice and took hold of his hands in hers. “I want to you see you. I understand you needed… time. But we won’t ask a thing. Just come and eat, let me play with my grandchildren. That’s all. Glen misses you dreadfully. We all do.”
Ray stared at their hands. “I didn’t mean—”
“No,” she shushed him. “Of course not. It was a shock. I understand, but… things are going well, aren’t they? You’ve got your colour back and your mates care about you. Anybody can see that much.”
Ray swallowed. He knew they cared about him, that they were trying, each in their own way, to makes things easier for him. They’d kept him from having to accept a terrible deal and they helped with the babies as much as the need for breastfeeding permitted.
He cared for them as well. It was just that not long ago he’d imagined a life with a partner he loved, someone he could grow to love before… before he said yes forever. Knowing he was stuck, how could he know that what he was feeling for them was anything but the natural fondness one developed for anyone who was kind and was always close? He didn’t know how to make the story fit. They hadn’t had a first date—or any dates at all. They hadn’t kissed at first, passionate or sweet, and then made-out for a bit before moving on to the main event, or deciding to stop and take things slow.
It was all backwards. He didn’t remember his first heat clearly, but he knew Gabriel had fucked him before he’d ever kissed him. It'd been the first time he'd done anything with a man. He wasn't sure it mattered that much that he'd always wanted to.
But his mother wasn’t wrong. He was finding his way somehow, with Iesu’s impromptu movie marathons, and Josh curling up with the babies, and Alec always making sure Ray ate enough and obsessively monitoring the babies’ diet. It was the little things, really, that would have added up to more, to companionship, to family… to love.
The same things he’d stopped giving his own family.
“I will come,” he promised his mother. “I will bring them soon; we can have a barbecue.”
She didn’t thank him, but he didn’t need her to say the words.
&
Irina was a looker. She had her cousin’s tanned colouring and dark eyes, but the same long lashed and heavy lidded look that Iesu made look laid-back was full of cynicism on her face.
“You’re the omega,” she said dubiously. Ray realised she could probably tell he found her attractive. His face was burning, but he made himself meet her eyes.
“Yes, and you must be Irina. Iesu said we played you last season.”
She scowled. “You didn’t play me, I was injured. I remember that game, complete mess. Iesuvel…” She sighed and seemed to stop herself from continuing with an effort. “Well, let’s say I hope he’s better with other types of balls.” She shrugged.
Iesu snorted and Josh made a noise like he’d choked on air while Ray simply stared. Iesu’s hand on his arm startled him. He offered Ray a sweet apologetic smile. “Forgot to mention Irina�
��s got a mouth on her, didn’t I?”
“Yes,” Ray agreed, glancing between them.
“Don’t worry,” Irina added, “I know how to keep it PG in front of the kids.”
Ray watched her for a moment. A strong, opinionated woman who could more than hold her own. She was a beta so she’d never lead her pack, but that didn’t mean she couldn’t rise through the ranks. “Do you like kids?”
She nodded. “Yeah, they talk sense, no plotting or hints or anything. They tell it like they see it. And sometimes is complete nonsense, but then at least you know and you can explain or whatever. Or they can explain.”
“Plotting?” Ray asked, confused. His uncle ran a big pack but he hadn’t noticed any undue tensions, nothing beyond the everyday conflicts of people living in close proximity and sharing resources.
“Irina’s a bit of a drama queen, she doesn’t like to attend pack functions and make nice.”
Irina glared at Iesu. “I don’t like to go around to alphas’ houses and show my belly, you mean.”
Iesu shrugged. “All you have to do is smile at their jokes and eat their food, and they’re happy.”
She snorted. “I’m sure that’s why you got out as fast as you did…”
“Well,” Iesu replied smiling, “I didn’t say we weren’t a better deal, just that it’s not that bad here.”
Once upon a time, Ray would have defended his uncle and his pack. But this wasn’t his pack anymore. His uncle’s blood still ran through his veins, but Ray wasn’t so sure that mattered that much to the alpha. He’d said yes to the betas, but only when Ray had asked for them, and—he now realised—he’d never checked on Ray after assigning the alphas to him.
“Okay,” he said and the others must have understood because they stopped chatting and turned to look at him. “Okay,” he repeated, “I would like you to come. If you’re okay with sharing a room for a bit. Gabriel said the new wing…”
Irina waved him off. “Sharing’s fine. I’ll help with the building, too.”